怒呛人生（2023）第一季 第十集

I’m sorry I asked. I don’t want to know details.
对不起
Sorry.
我都不知道保罗是否真的有个女朋友
I don’t even know if Paul had a real girlfriend.
我应该多和他聊聊的
I should have talked to him more.
认真地聊聊
About some real shit.
他会很开心的
He would have liked that.
我觉得他只是想要别人看到他
I think he just wanted to feel seen.
我们都希望这样 对吧？
I mean, we all do, right?
我不想让任何人看到真实的我
I don’t want anyone to see who I really am.
有一次 我真的受够了乔治的花瓶
You know, one time I was so sick of George’s vases,
于是我故意打碎了一个 让琼背锅
I broke one on purpose and I blamed it on June.
你不喜欢乔治的花瓶？ -我讨厌它们
You don’t like George’s vases? – No, I hate them.
我就是…我不能告诉他
I just– I couldn’t tell him.
我有很多事都不能告诉他
I couldn’t tell him a lot of things.
为什么不能？
Why not?
我觉得当你感到无处为家的时候 你就自闭了
I think when nowhere feels like home, you just retreat into yourself.
乔治和琼有家的感觉 对吧？
But George and June feel like home, right?
我不知道
I don’t know.
我之前觉得琼是一切的答案
I used to think June was the answer.
当她还是个婴儿时 我会看着她
When she was a baby, I’d look at her and I just felt like,
感觉当天无论自己做了什么 或者没做什么
no matter what I did or didn’t do that day,
她对我的爱都绝对不会动摇
her love would never waver.
从那时开始 我就在她身上寻求这种感觉
And I’ve been chasing that feeling with her ever since.
但她长大了
But she’s getting older.
她的爱也附加了条件
And her love gets very conditional.
是啊 就像如果你给我饼干 我就给你一个拥抱
Right, like if you give me that cookie, then I’ll give you the hug.
保罗就是那样
Paul is like that.
现在也是
Still is.
没错
Exactly.
我意识到 即便她还是婴儿时
I realized, you know, when she was a baby,
也从来没给过我无条件的爱
she never had unconditional love for me.
人们认为婴儿天真无暇 可爱至极 但他们不是这样
People think babies are so innocent and cute but they’re not.
没错 他们会尖叫大哭
No, they’re all screaming and crying
因为他们没有马上得到 自己想要的东西
because they don’t got what they want right away.
他们才是人类里最无情的存在
Ugh. – They’re the most ruthless of us all.
他们只是缺少 能够说话行动的能力而已
They just lack the words or power to do anything about it.
有行动能力和力量的婴儿 会成为连环杀手
A baby with mobility and strength is just a serial killer.
但真是不可思议
And yet, to think…
我希望这个小孩子能够补全自己
I expected this little child to make me whole.
在乔治和工作都做不到这点的时候
When George couldn’t and work couldn’t.
我们想开心怎么就那么难？
Why is it so hard for us to be happy?
该死 你没事吧？
Oh, shit, you okay?
我吃彩虹糖没？
Did I eat Skittles?
感觉不对劲 难受劲又凶猛地回来了
Oh, something’s not right. It’s coming back on strong.
我感觉你在我脑子里
I feel like you’re inside my head.
是你在说话还是我想多了？
Are you talking or me?
我不确定
I’m not sure.
我好像在说某个晚上的事
I think I was talking about this one night,
那晚我睡得很晚
I was up real late at night
我妈从韩国食品超♥市♥ 给我买♥♥了很好吃的零食
and my mom got me real good with that Kmart maemae.
我当时差不多12或13岁吧
I think I was like 12 or 13 at the time.
我下了床 走到我弟弟的房♥间
I got out of bed and walked over to my brother’s.
老天 他肯定在做美梦
God, he must have been having a good-ass dream
因为他满面笑容
because he was all smiling and shit.
我就特别生气
Made me so fucking mad.
我抓起一支自动铅笔 就要扎到保罗的眼睛里
I grabbed a mechanical pencil and I was about to stab Paul in the eye.
我没那么做的唯一原因 是因为当我抬头的时候
And the only reason I didn’t was because when I looked up
有一个旅馆客人直直地从窗外看着我
there was a motel guest staring right back at me outside the window.
我好像真那么做了
I thought I did that.
等下
Wait.
我是谁？
Who am I?
喂 你是艾米
Yo, you’re Amy.
我是丹尼 就这样
I’m Danny. Come on.
对 我是艾米
Oh, right, I’m Amy.
等等 你对着我屁♥股♥的照片打飞机了？
Wait, did you jerk off to my butt photo?
对不起
I’m sorry.
没关系 丹尼
It’s okay, Danny.
我也做过不光彩的事
I’ve done some shameful things too.
对了 你的纹身是怎么回事？
Yo, by the way, what’s up with your tattoo?
是数字22
It’s the number 22.
好 但为什么纹22？
Right, but why 22?
你知道约瑟夫海勒 有本叫《第18条军规》
Did you know Joseph Heller titled his book Catch-18
但他的编辑擅自改成了 《第22条军规》吗？
but his editor arbitrarily changed it to Catch-22?
不知道
No.
好吧 从我记事起 这就是活着的感觉
Well, for as long as I can remember, that’s what being alive has felt like.
没有空间就没有形体
Can’t have form without space.
没有黑暗就不能体验光明
Can’t experience light without dark.
我们被困住了
We’re stuck.
是啊 每当你试图抓住什么
Yeah, and any time you try to hold on to one thing…
它都会溜走
it slips away.
我从未找到办法形容内心的感觉
I’ve never been able to describe this feeling inside of me,
但我觉得就是这个了
but I think that’s it.
第22条军规
Catch-22.
是吧？ 就像一片虚空
Right? It’s like a void.
但又不是 是一种固态的虚无
But not. It’s like empty but solid.
是的 就是那样 丹尼尔
Yes, that’s right, Daniel.
固态的虚无
Empty but solid.
就在表面之下
Right under the surface.
你觉得其他人会有这种感觉吗？
You think other people feel this way?
我知道乔治不会
I know George doesn’t.
我希望琼永远不会
I hope June never does.
我不知道
I don’t know.
也许我们不正常
Maybe we’re not normal.
也许我们脑子有病
Maybe we’re too fucked up.
又或许正常人才是心怀妄想的神经病
Or maybe normal people are just delusional fucked up people.
不管怎样 这就是我不信上帝的原因
Either way, that’s why I don’t believe in God.
你是什么意思？
What do you mean?
上帝为何会创造这样的世界？
Why would a God make it like this?
也许上帝即万物
Well, if God is everything,
那我们也是上帝
then we’re God.
那就意味着上帝和我们一样
That means God is just like us.
也许这就是一切会变成这样的原因
Maybe that’s why everything is the way it is.
上帝只是不想 在虚无的世界中感受孤独
God’s just trying not to feel alone in nothingness.
我之前从来没这样和人聊过
I’ve never talked to anybody like this before.
我也是
Me neither.
我觉得我们快死了
I think we’re dying.
我也这么觉得
I think so too.
我看到了你的人生
I see your life.
你这个小可怜
You poor thing.
你想要的只是不再孤单
All you wanted was to not be alone.
你不用觉得羞愧
You don’t have to be ashamed.
没关系的
It’s okay.
我都看见了
I see it all.
你不用隐藏自己 没关系的
You don’t have to hide. It’s okay.
哇哦
Wow.
在这之后真的是一片虚无
There’s really nothing after this.
我们应该多聊几次
We should have done this more often.
真是遗憾
What a waste.
至少我们聊过一次
At least we did it once.
是啊
Yeah.
这样真好
This is nice.
老天
Oh, my God.
丹尼 醒醒
Danny, wake up.
我们还活着？
We’re still here?
是
Yeah.
嘿 我听到汽车的声音了
Hey, I hear cars.
我们肯定快到了
Oh, we gotta be getting close.
我们迫不及待地回到
It’s kind of funny that we’re rushing back
正在等待我们的烂摊子里 这真是太逗了
to the absolute shit show that’s waiting for us.
是啊
Yeah, well…
我们必须面对 对吧？该死