假结婚（2009）

假结婚
妈的
Shit!
安卓
Andrew, hey.
给 你的拿铁
Here you go. your regular lattes.
你就是我的救世主 谢谢 谢谢
Literally saved my life. thank you. thank you.
-没事吧大家 -没事
– everyone ok? – yeah.
-没 -我也是
– yeah. – me too.
你好 弗兰克 我的王牌作家构思得如何了?
Hello, frank? how’s my favorite writer?
你当然得考虑下我说的
Of course you’ve been thinking about our talk
因为我是对的
Because you know I’m right.
弗兰克 这个国家的每个人都疲于奔命 忙于还债
Frank, people in this country are busy, broke,
他们讨厌看书 他们急需有人为其指点迷津
And they hate to read. they need someone they can trust to say,
“不要再盯着印第安纳波利斯电视台看了
“hey! don’t watch indianapolis tonight.
看看这本书吧 弗兰克的新书”
Read a book! read frank’s book.”
主持人是欧普若(美国知名真人秀主持人)
and that person is oprah.
-时间刚刚好 -早上好
– cuttin’ it close. – one of those mornings.
谢谢提醒 “明知故问”小姐
Thank you, captain obvious.
好家伙…
Sweet…
-对不起 -他妈的
– uh, sorry. …jesus!
有你擦的了 哥们
Rub some dirt on it, brother.
弗兰克 事实上每个一流作家都会大肆宣传
Frank, the truth is all a-plus novelists do publicity.
有罗斯 康特 卢梭 还有
Roth, mccourt, russo, and…
弗兰克 知道他们有什么共同之处吗? 他们都拿了普利策奖
Frank! can I tell you what else they have in common? a pulitzer.
我得用下你的衬衫
I need the shirt off your back. literally.
-你开玩笑吧 -是要周二洋基队在波士顿的两张门票
– you’re kidding, right? – yankees, boston, this tuesday,
还是要你的破衬衫 你有五秒钟时间决定
Two company seats for your shirt. you have five seconds to decide.
五 四 三 二 一
Five, four, three, two, one.
我知道
I know…
-安静 -等会儿
– shh! – later.
“它”来了
It’s here.
“它”来了
It’s here.
“它”来了
It’s here.
早上好 老板 30分钟后有一个电♥话♥会议
Morning, boss. you have a conference call in 30 minutes.
我知道 是关于春季新书市场的
Yes. about the marketing of the spring books. I know.
员工会议时间是9点整
Staff meeting at 9:00.
你给那个谁打电♥话♥了吗 她的名字叫啥来着
Did you call, um… what’s her name?
就是手很难看的那位
The one with the ugly hands.
-珍妮特 -对 就是她
– janet. – yes, janet.
我打过了 我已经告诉过她了
Yes. I did call her. I told her that
如果她不能按时上交手稿
If she doesn’t get her manuscript in on time
她的书就甭想发行了 你移♥民♥局律师打电♥话♥找过你
You won’t give her a release date. your immigration lawyer called.
他说急需…
He said it’s imperative…
取消电♥话♥会议 员工会议推迟至明天
Cancel the call, push the meeting to tomorrow
把律师的事情排到日程上
And keep the lawyer on the sheets.
与公♥关♥部联♥系♥
Oh, and get a hold of pr,
让他们准备一个发布会
Have them start drafting a press release.
弗兰克要上欧普若的脱口秀了
Frank is doing oprah.
真不错
Wow. nicely done.
我不用拍我马屁
If I want your praise, I will ask for it.
谁是朱利安
Who is, uh, who is jillian?
为啥她要叫我打电♥话♥给她
And why does she want me to call her?
那杯原来是我的
Well, that was originally my cup.
为啥我要喝你的咖啡
And I’m drinking your coffee why?
因为你的洒了
Because your coffee spilled.
你喝无糖肉桂大豆拿铁?
So, you drink unsweetened cinnamon light soy lattes?
对 我从中能尝到圣诞的味道
I do. it’s like christmas in a cup.
世上还有如此巧事
Is that a coincidence?
无巧不成书
Incredibly, it is.
我才不会 怕洒你的咖啡
I mean I wouldn’t possibly drink the same coffee that you drink
就去喝你一样的咖啡
Just in case yours spilled.
这会很可悲
That would be pathetic.
早上好 塔特小姐办公室
Morning. miss tate’s office.
鲍勃 你好
Hey, bob.
我们正要去你的办公室
Actually, we’re headed to your office right now. yeah.
我们为啥要到他办公室去
Why are we headed to bob’s office?
女巫骑上扫帚了
The witch is on her broom
女巫骑上扫帚了
The witch is on her broom
你看完我给你的手稿了吗
Have you finished the manuscript I gave you?
我读了几页 没啥意思
Uh, I read a few pages. I wasn’t that impressed.
-我能说几句吗 -不
– can I say something? – no.
我看过上千本手稿
I’ve read thousands of manuscripts,
这是唯一一份我给你的
And this is the only one I’ve given you.
这绝对是一本精彩绝伦的小说
There’s an incredible novel in there.
绝对比你发行过的任何一本都要好
The kind of novel you used to publish.
全错 我觉得你就是怕洒了我的咖啡
Uh, wrong. and I do think you order the same coffee as I do
所以才和我喝一样的 这真的很悲剧
Just in case you spill, which is, in fact, pathetic.
-或者说是很印象深刻 -如果你没洒在
– or impressive. – I’d be impressed
老地方 我倒是觉得这会很让我印象深刻
If you didn’t spill in the first place.
记住 进去后就什么话也别说
Now remember, you’re just a prop in here.
绝对做的到
Won’t say a word.
这不是我们的无畏的老板和她的仆人嘛 请进
Ah! our fearless leader and her liege. please, do come in.
不错的柜子 新买♥♥的?
Oh. beautiful breakfront. is it new?
这是英国统治时期埃及复兴作品 19世纪的古董
It is english regency egyptian revival, built in the 1800s
不过在我的办公室里却只能算新来的
But, yes, it is new to my office.
有点意思
Witty.
鲍勃 你得走了
Bob, I’m letting you go.
啥
Pardon?
我无数次让你去请弗兰克上欧普若的节目
I asked you over a dozen times to get frank to do oprah,
你办到了吗
And you didn’t do it.
你被炒了
You’re fired.
我早告诉你那不可能
I have told you that is impossible.
弗兰克20年来都没上过电视节目
Frank hasn’t done an interview in 20 years.
貌似很有趣 因为我刚刚
Well that is interesting, because I just
和他打过电♥话♥ 他同意了
Got off the phone with him, and he is in.
你说什么?
Excuse me?
你甚至都没给他打过电♥话♥ 对吗
You didn’t even call him, did you?
-但是 -我知道 我知道
– but… – I know, I know.
弗兰克对你来说 是有些棘手
Frank can be a little scary to deal with. for you.
我会给你两个月的时间去找下家
Now, I will give you two months to find another job.
之后你再告诉别人你从这里辞职了 好吗
And then you can tell everyone you resigned, ok?
他还接受吗
What’s his twenty?
他在走过来 脸上狰狞恐怖
He’s moving. he has crazy eyes.
别这样 鲍勃 别逼我
Don’t do it, bob. don’t do it.
你这个恶毒的婊♥子♥
You poisonous bitch!
你没权力炒我鱿鱼
You can’t fire me!
你知道你这样做有多么愚蠢吗
You don’t think I see what you’re doing here?
用上欧普若节目这件事打发我走
Sandbagging me on this oprah thing
这样你在董事会面前就牛逼了?
Just so that you can look good to the board?
因为你觉得我的表现威胁到了你
Because you are threatened by me!
-你简直是一个巫婆 -鲍勃 够了
– and you are a monster. – bob, stop.
因为你没有一个正常的生活
Just because you have no semblance of a life
你以为出了你的办公室
Outside of this office,
你就可以把我们每个人
You think that you can treat all of us
都当成奴隶一样
Like your own personal slaves.
你知道吗 我为你感到悲哀
You know what? I feel sorry for you.
因为在你进棺材的时候
Because you know what you’re gonna have on your deathbed?
你还是两手空空 无人陪伴
Nothing and no one.
听仔细了 鲍勃
Listen carefully, bob.
我绝不是因为地位受到威胁了才炒你
I didn’t fire you because I feel threatened. no.
我炒你是因为你懒惰 自以为是 毫无能力
I fired you because you’re lazy, entitled, incompetent
你花在小三身上的时间
And you spend more time cheating on your wife
比在办公室的时间还要多
Than you do in your office.
如果你敢再说一个字
And if you say another word,
安卓会立即扔你出去的 听懂了吗
Andrew here is gonna have you thrown out on your ass, ok?
再说一个字 我就让保安
Another word and you’re going out of here
逐你出公♥司♥
With an armed escort.
安卓会用他的手♥机♥拍下来
Andrew will film it with his little camera phone
然后上传到那个网站上
And he will put it on that internet site.
-哪个网站来着 -Youtube(美国著名视频网站)?
– what was it? – youtube?
对极了 你难道想这样
Exactly. is that what you want?
我认为你不想 我还有事 恕不奉陪