情色自拍（2008）

但是也被拒绝了
Shot me down on that too.
什么是”荷兰搅拌棒”?
And a Dutch rudder is?
你不知道什么是”荷兰搅拌棒”
Don’t know what a Dutch rudder–?
这样 你抓住你的鸡鸡
All right, you grab your dick,
你另一只胳膊就腾出来了
then you have someone else work your arm.
让我示范
Here, let me show you.
好了 抓住我的胳膊
All right, grab my arm.
我抓着我的鸡鸡 你抓着我的胳膊
I’m grabbing my dick, you’re grabbing my arm.
开始转 转我的胳膊 看见了?
Now work it. Work my arm. See that shit?
上下转动
Work it up and down.
感觉像是别人再帮你自♥慰♥
It’s like someone else is jerking you off.
行了
Okay.
还有”双重荷兰搅拌棒”呢
There’s the double Dutch rudder,
就是我抓着我的鸡鸡 你抓你的鸡鸡
which, I grab my dick, you grab your dick,
你转我的胳膊 我转你的胳膊 同时
you work my arm, I work your arm, same time.
感觉像一起自♥慰♥ 但又不是同性恋
It’s like jerking off together but not gay.
我们不是在摸鸡鸡 不是互摸
We’re not touching dicks, each other’s dicks anyway.
我握着自己的鸡鸡 你只是转动罢了
I’m touching my own dick. You’re working it,
我很享受
and I’m loving it.
真的很舒服 试一下嘛
It feels good, sir. Try me, come on.
抱歉插一句
Sorry to change the subject on you, Lester,
但是如果你没和米莉上♥床♥的话
but if you’re not fucking Miri,
你的老二怎么露在外面?
why is your dick out right now?
因为我现在住这 而且我喜欢裸体
Because I live here now, and I like to be naked.
什么? 你搬走后
What? When you moved out,
她一个人付不起房♥租
she couldn’t afford to pay her rent by herself,
所以我就搬进来了
so I moved in to help.
但是你刚从她的房♥间里出来
But you just came out of her room.
那现在是我的房♥间了
That’s my room now.
她搬进你原来的房♥间了
She moved in your old room.
等等 她换房♥间了?
Wait, wait, wait. She changed rooms?
是啊 她说她想念你的味道
Yeah, she said she did because she missed the smell of you.
我什么都没闻到
I don’t smell anything.
但是你知道吗?
But you know what?
那可能意味着她爱上你了
That probably means she loves you.
晚安 扎克 晚安
Night, Zack. Night.
你爱我吗?
Do you?
那你怎么还哭?
Then why are you crying?
因为我太想你了
Because I missed you so much.
我也是
Me too.
我爱你
I love you.
我爱你 我爱你 我爱你
I love you, I love you. I love you.
我可要警告你
I don’t mean to alarm you
我刚才帮莱斯特自♥慰♥了一会儿
but I think I just jerked off Lester a little bit.
“荷兰搅拌棒”? 是啊 太有才了
The Dutch rudder? Yeah, it’s ingenious, right?
如果你温柔地请求我
If you ask me nicely,
你下半生都会享受到”荷兰搅拌棒”
I will Dutch-rudder you the rest of our lives.
很好 我已经对自♥慰♥手电筒厌倦了
Good. I’m getting tired of fucking the Fleshlight.
你用那个? 是啊
You fucked it? Yeah.
感觉如何? 就像操手电筒一样
What’d it feel like? Like fucking a flashlight.
走错了 天啊 真恶心
Wrong room. Oh, God. That’s gross.
让我们做♥爱♥吧
Let us fuck.
扎克和米莉拍毛♥片♥
ZAXK AND MORI MAKE A PORNO
敬请收看3分钟后的精彩纷呈的毛♥片♥广♥告♥
你好 欢迎来到”黑老财”制♥作♥公♥司♥
Hello. Welcome to Nigga Rich Productions,
“扎克和米莉给你拍毛♥片♥”的大本营
home of Zack and Miri Make Your Porno,
是为性寻刺♥激♥的
the production house for the couple
小俩口的天堂
looking to put a little spice in their sex life.
让我们到处看看吧
Shall we take a look around?
用力干我 哦 天啊
Fuck me so hard. Oh, God.
首先 你要见到的是我们的浪漫专家
First, you’ll meet with our romance-ologists,
他会指导你如何度过开拍前的
who’ll coach you through that initial awkward stage
尴尬阶段
before you’re camera-ready.
我们从色情按♥摩♥开始
So we will start off with some erotic massage and some–
老兄 一些爱抚
Dude. Some light petting.
听起来不错
That sounds good.
你们确定不来点插屁屁?
Are you guys sure you don’t wanna do some butt-sack work too
我们继续吧 为什么?
Uh, let’s move on, shall we? Why?
从他们的成名作
From their break-out hit,
《吞下我的鸡♥巴♥奇诺》
Swallow My Cockuccino,
到销量百万的
to the multi-million selling
《吞下我的鸡♥巴♥奇诺II》
Swallow My Cockuccino II
以及获得大奖的《星球大干前传》
and the award-winning Star Whores saga,
包括《大便的复仇:全肛♥交♥最终回》
including Revenge of the Shit: The All-Anal Final Chapter,
扎克和米莉已经证明了
Zack and Miri have proven time and again
他们懂得如何拍激♥情♥的A片
that they know how to shoot hot sex.
作为一名演员
As an actor,
我有时会把自己的作品买♥♥回家
I’ve sometimes brought my work home with me inappropriately.
但在闺房♥里让你生活中的情侣
When you’re telling your real-life lover in the bedroom,
趴下而你一手插在润滑油里
to, you know, bend over while you cake your hand in K-Y,
我认为 这就意味你们已经没有浪漫
it is a sign that the romance is dead, I think.
然后我们向”扎克和米莉给你拍毛♥片♥”
Then we turned to the professionals at Zack
的专家咨♥询♥
and Miri Make Your Porno.
上帝啊 他们挽救了我们的民事结合
Oh, my God, they totally saved our civil union.
他们拍出了真实的我们
They filmed what was inside of us
而不是那些不必要的
and not what was coming out of us necessarily.
它帮助我看清了他的屁♥眼♥
It helped me see his asshole
不只是个高♥潮♥排泄口
as not just a come dumpster,
而是他美丽的象征 是一朵花
but a sign of his beauty, his flower.
一朵美丽的兰花
It became a, uh, gorgeous orchid.
兰花出淤泥而不染
Orchids grow in sort of the filthiest conditions.
他的屁♥眼♥对我来说也是如此
That’s what his asshole became to me.
插在粪里的鲜花
This beautiful flower amidst shit.
亲爱的 他们能明白你的比喻
Honey, they get the metaphor.
我可不这么认为
I don’t think they do.
我只想说 谢谢扎克和米莉
Let’s just say, thank you to Zack and Miri.
你们帮助了我们 帮助了我们的朋友
It’s helped us out, it’s helped our friends.
安利奎? 帕克?
Enrique? Park?
帕克? 安利奎?
Park? Enrique?
你们能跟扎克和米莉道个谢吗?
Can we get a little love for Zack and Miri?
他们甚至不知道发生了什么
They don’t even know what’s going on,
太投入了
they’re so pilled up.
但是也别全信他的话
But don’t take his word for it.
让我们问问合伙人
Just ask our co-founders.
嗨 我是米莉·林奇·布朗
Hi. I’m Miri Linky Brown.
我是扎克·林奇·布朗
I’m Zack Linky Brown.
这里是”扎克和米莉给你拍毛♥片♥”
Here at Zack and Miri Make Your Porno,
我们致力于
we’re dedicated
将你们的爱 或者说情欲
to committing your love- Or lust.
升华为高质量的影像
to high-end, quality production digital video.
作为你们激♥情♥永久的存证
A forever keepsake of your passion.
说的对 米莉 为什么要在床前放个
That’s right, Miri. Why set up a camera at end of your bed
角度不好的摄影机
and settle for one unflattering angle,
而不让专业人士通过
when you could let professionals dazzle and delight senses
一系列的拍摄来
with an array of shots
美化和润色你们的感觉呢?
so masterfully rendered
你希望马丁·西科赛斯溜进你的房♥间
you’ll swear Martin Scorsese snuck into your room
偷♥拍♥你做♥爱♥吗?
and caught you fucking?
记住 我们不只是
And remember, we’re not just the presidents
“扎克和米莉给你拍毛♥片♥”的董事
of Zack and Miri Make Your Porno.
我们也是客户
We’re also clients.
现在就打电♥话♥预约吧
Call now to set up your appointment
或者登陆www.ZackandMiri.com
or find us on the web at www.ZackandMiri.com.
做♥爱♥吧 扎克
Way to fuck, Zack.