伙计 你拿了尼尔的喷雾器?
Dude, you took neil’s mace?
经历了这么多的倒霉事儿 我就知道我们会用到它的
Been through a lot of shit, figured we might need it.
干的漂亮
Well, good call.
德里克 能再给我来瓶水吗
Derek, can I get another water?
你们两个都干什么了
What the fuck?
-把手举起来 -别开枪
– keep your hands up. – please don’t shoot us.
-上帝啊 -别开枪
– jesus christ. ok, ok. – please don’t shoot.
你们劫持飞机前我就会干掉你们的
It will be a cold day in hell before I let you hijack this plane.
比彻 你在干什么
Beecher, what are you doing?
你是哪边的 我叫你待在驾驶舱里面的
Whose side are you on? I thought I told you to stay in the cockpit!
够了 福克斯 我受够了你了
Enough, fox! I’ve had enough of your crap!
就因为你很聪明…
You think that just because I’m smart…
你就能像把我当成个笨蛋吗
You can treat me like some dork in gym class?
这两个孩子是清白的 你就是那么固执的否认这点
It’s obvious these kids are innocent. but you’re too dumb to realize that.
就是像你这种人…
You know, it’s people like you…
让整个世界都把美国人当成是一群傻瓜
Who make the world think that americans are stupid!
我们不傻 我们不再吃你这套了
Well, we’re not stupid! and we’re not gonna take this shit anymore!
一切都过去了 小伙子
It’s ok, guys.
都没事儿了 现在
It’s all over now.
都没事儿了
Everything’s gonna be all right.
上帝啊
Jesus!
我♥操♥
Fuck!
我不想死
I don’t wanna die!
考玛尔
Kumar!
-怎么了 -我有降落伞
– what? – I have the parachute!
到我这边来
Come over here.
我怎么才能过去
How the fuck am I supposed to do that?
就像游泳一样
Swim!
见鬼
Holy shit.
这可一点都不好玩
It’s fucking working!
我爱你 伙计
I love you, dude.
妈的!
Shit!
别怕他 我又个办法
Don’t worry about him. I have an idea.
-什么办法 -开伞
– what? – hang on.
我♥干♥♥你♥老母啊!
Fuck you!
老兄这可够刺♥激♥的了
Man, that was so fuckin’ extreme.
的确如此
It was.
-考玛尔? -怎么了
– kumar? – yeah.
我们的鸡♥巴♥好像顶在一起了
Our dicks are touching, aren’t they?
我觉得好像就是那样
Yeah, I guess they are.
-好的 -我好好看看
– yeah. – ok, I was just checking.
劳乐迪 你能改变下落点吗 下面是个房♥子
Roldy, can you move us out of the way? there’s a house coming up down here.
我不知道我能不能
I have no idea what I’m doing.
老兄!
Dude!
这些玻璃割伤我的鸡♥巴♥了 这些玻璃割伤我的鸡♥巴♥了
The glass hurt my dick. the glass hurt my dick.
我想我还好
I think I’m ok. yeah.
-老兄 老兄 -我的天啊
– dude. dude. – oh, my god.
-见鬼 你们还好吗 -我靠 我想是吧
– no, shit, dude. you all right? – fuck! I think so!
在这家人发现我们之前我们得出去
We gotta get out of here before the people who live here find us.
我知道了 他们会…
I know. they’re gonna be…
老兄 老兄
Dude? dude?
怎么了
What’s up?
-不会吧 -见鬼
– no. – holy shit!
你们怎么会在我的办公室里
What the hell are y’all doing in my office?
你们最好好好解释一下
You’d better start giving me some answers!
乔治我们参加婚礼会迟到的
George? we’re gonna be late for that wedding.
见鬼 他来了 快来 伙计们 安静点 跟上我
Shit. it’s cheney. come on, you guys. keep quiet. follow me.
那个家伙吓坏我了 我们去客厅躲一躲
That guy scares the crap out of me. let’s go hide in the guesthouse.
-你♥他♥妈♥的快出来 -来了
– come the fuck on. – I’m coming.
-这地方真酷 -嗯
– this is a cool room. – yeah.
这是我逃离我工作的地方
Yeah, this is where I come to escape from work.
-这里 -就是这里
– here? – yes, sir.
-好吧 你们两个到底是谁 -听我解释
– so who the heck are you guys? – all right.
我的名字是李 总统先生…
My name is harold lee, sir…
这位是考玛尔
And this is kumar patel.
总之我们的降落伞落在了你的农场上
Anyway, we were on a parachute and we sort of landed on your ranch.
老兄 这是大♥麻♥啊
Dude, this is weed.
这是产自阿♥拉♥巴马的大♥麻♥
That’s alabama kush.
这是顶级的大♥麻♥啊
That’s only the finest.
你抽得很HIGH却把其他抽大♥麻♥的关到监狱里面去?
So you get high and then you put other people who smoke weed in jail?
-这太虚伪了 -老兄 看…
– that’s so hypocritical. – dude, look…
是吗 我问你个问题 考玛尔
Yeah? well, let me ask you something, kumar.
-你喜欢帮别人手♥淫♥吗 -不 总统先生
– you like giving hand jobs? – no, sir.
-你喜欢别人给你手♥淫♥吗 -是啊
– you like getting hand jobs? – yeah.
那就别说那些了 你不也是这样吗
All right. well, that makes you a fucking hypocriticizer too.
所以说闭嘴吧 尽管吸就是了
So shut the fuck up and smoke my weed.
宝贝
Hey, love.
你来这里干什么 多晦气啊 婚礼一个小时候就开始了
What are you doing here? it’s bad luck. the ceremony starts in a hour.
我只是过来告诉你
I just want to let you know…
我们的婚礼上会有啤酒供应
I had catering get an extra case of coors light…
届时总统回来参加的
In case the president comes.
那是他最爱喝的啤酒
It’s his favorite beer.
-这样够面子了吧 -我不知道
– do you think that’ll be enough? – I don’t know. yes?
谁又在乎这些呢
Who cares?
听着 你全力去帮考玛尔和李了吗
Look, were you able to work everything out with kumar and harold?
别担心 亲爱的 我照顾他们好好的
Don’t worry, chestnut. I took complete care of ’em.
他们认为你们两个是恐♥怖♥分♥子♥
They thought you guys were terrorizers.
等下 这可不好玩 他们把我们送到了塔那摩监狱
Wait. that’s not funny, man. they sent us to guantanamo bay.
我♥操♥ 那个监狱?
Fuck! g. bay?
别告诉我你吃那儿的”鸡♥巴♥三明治”了
Tell me you didn’t eat that cockmeat sandwich.
没有的 我们没有吃”鸡♥巴♥三明治” 我们逃出来了
No. no, we did not eat the cockmeat sandwich. we escaped, thank god.
鸡♥巴♥三明治 我的最爱啊
That cockmeat sandwich. that’s my favorite.
天啊
Oh, my god.
-这可真爽 -那当然
– this is good shit. – I know. I know.
-我把它吹起来了 -我靠
– I laced it with blow. – fuck.
所以吗你感觉很爽 并且会一直爽下去的
So it knocks you out, and it keeps you going at the same time.
你既然这么喜欢大♥麻♥ 为什么不让它合法化呢
If you like weed so much, why don’t you just legalize it?
你跟我扯呢
Are you fucking kidding me?
你知道我要是那么做了 我老爸会抓狂到什么程度吗
You know how pissed off my dad would get if I did that?
见鬼 老兄
Holy shit, dude.
我老爸也总是什么事儿都管我 就像那个…
My dad’s all up in my shit too, about this whole…
-医学院的事情 对不对 -我知道的
– med school thing, right? – I know.
我不想当个医生
And it’s not that I don’t want to be a doctor, but like…
不过有时候我想是不是他只是在鼓励我
Fucking… sometimes I wonder if he’s just encouraging me…
因为他知道那会让我很开心
Because he knows it’ll make me happy…
或者是他想让我继承他的产业?
Or because he wants me to carry on his legacy, you know?
你把我搞糊涂了
You just blew my fuckin’ mind.
你看起来起色不错
– hi. – hi. you look good.
爸爸
Daddy.
是我
Yeah, it’s w.
我不需要你的朋友们去告诉我该怎么做事了
I don’t need your friends to tell me what to do anymore.
-不是的 我不想要没礼貌 -那就是我说的
– no, I’m not being disrespectful. – that’s what I say.
我只是想说我自己能拿主意了 知道吗
I’m just saying that I can handle my own shit, all right?
我不用他们再说什么该做什么不该做
I mean, I don’t need them to tell me how to do what I have to do.
加油 老兄
Yeah, dude!
你知道什么 你去死吧 老爸
Yeah, well you know what? yeah, well, fuck you, dad.
去死吧
Fuck you!
-老兄 干得漂亮啊 -你们两个棒极了
– dude, that was awesome. – you guys are awesome.
-不 -你们才棒极了呢
– no. no. – you’re awesome!
-你们棒极了 -总统先生 你棒极了
– you are awesomer. – sir, you are awesome.
不开玩笑了
Seriously.
我们的情况
Listen, about our situation…
去他妈的吧 听着 伙计们 我是他妈的总统 对不对
Fuck that. listen, guys, guys, guys. I am the fucking president, all right?
那就是说我可以赦免任何人
That means I get to pardon whoever I want.
你们两个是清白的
you guys are in the fuckin’ clear.
别担心了
Don’t worry.
-真的吗 你是认真的吗 谢谢你 -天啊 谢谢你 总统
– holy shit. are you serious? thank you. – oh, my god. thank you, mr.
先生
president.
太好了
Yeah.
-太感谢你了 -不必在提了
– thank you. thank you. – don’t mention it.