作为一个经验丰富的专家…
For those of you out there less experienced than me…
…我给大家谈谈关于女孩子的心得：
…let me tell you something about girls:
她们非常让人恶心
They’re basically gross.
知道吗，在我们这就仿佛只有黑与白
See, this is pretty much black and white from where I’m standing.
而通常，白天就代表黑色
Used to be, back in the day, maybe first or second grade…
关键是因为，她们会把虱子惹到你身上
…popular wisdom was, they gave you cooties.
虱子啊！她碰了我！
Cooties? She touched me!
– 虱子啊！ – 千万别碰我！
-Cooties! -Don’t touch me.
虱子啊！他身上有虱子！
Cooties! He has cooties!
其实，我们并不确定有了虱子会怎样…
We didn’t know what cooties were exactly…
…但感觉上，只要女生跟你接触…
…but the general feeling was, if a girl touched you…
…一些倒霉的事就会接踵而来
…some very, very bad things were gonna happen.
我们没说错吧
How right we were.
这次轮到我了
This is me now.
我恋爱了两周半…
I’ve been in love for two and a half weeks…
…异性敌人带来了非我所愿的痛苦
…and it’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies.
我不想再这样子了
I’m not gonna dress this up pretty.
所有关于女人，爱情…
Just about everything I know about women, love…
…小女生的善变和反复无常…
…and the birds and the freaking bees…
…在这两周半里我已深切体会
…I’ve learned in the past two and half weeks.
而如果你只有10岁…
But when you’re 1 0 years old…
罗斯玛利！
Rosemary!
…两周半会是非常的漫长
…two and a half weeks can be a lifetime.
好了，这样吧！
Okay, here’s the deal:
如果想听发生在纽约的爱情故事…
If you came to hear some great New York love story…
…请跟我继续走
…keep walking.
想听真实的爱情故事？我给你讲一个真实的
You want a real love story? I’ll tell you a real one.
我的父母，1984年，卡斯基尔山脉阿纳瓦纳湖泊之旅（纽约附近）
My parents, Camp Anawana, Catskill Mountains, 1 984.
我爸当时19岁，是星空体育的顾问
My father was 19 and the star sports counselor.
– 射门 – 我妈妈是加州理工的学生
-Shoot it. -My mom was a C.I.T.
别人都说她像西席·斯贝西克（著名演员）
People say she reminded them of Sissy Spacek.
传奇般的事情发生在在那年秋分前后
What happened under that harvest moon that summer
that’s the stuff of legend.
在我家里，我们喜欢将这件事情叫做…
In my family, it’s what we like to refer to as…
…古代史
…ancient history.
最近这段时间，我爸爸总是睡在沙发上
These days, my dad’s sleeping on the couch.
在纽约离婚法案的奇怪条款的要求下…
Due to this unusual quirk in the New York state divorce code…
…我的父母都不容许搬出去…
…neither one of my parents can move out of our apartment…
…直到他们的离婚申请被正式签署分存和邮寄
…until their settlement is signed, sealed and delivered.
不用多说什么了，这种制度并不是给那种伟大的生活环境所设计的
Needless to say, it doesn’t make for the greatest living environment.
– 是你喝了我的百事可乐么？ – 那是我的
-Did you drink my Pepsi? -It was my Pepsi.
那上面有我刻上的名字
It had my name on it.
特别是自从我妈妈最近决定重新开始约会
Especially since my mom’s recently decided to start dating again.
– 你好 – 莱斯利？
-Hello. -Leslie?
有比被误认为是自己妈妈更糟糕的事情吗？
Is there anything worse than being mistaken for your mother?
– 不是，我是加布 – 嘿，抱歉，伙计
-No, this is Gabe. -Hey, sorry, big guy.
你们俩的声音实在太相像了 我是罗尼，你妈在么？
You two sound so much alike. Is your mom around? This is Ronny.
我来了，甜心 你可以挂了
I got it, honey. You can hang up.
现在将开始的是一个真实爱情的故事
Now, that’s a real love story.
这就是我所亲身经历的：爱情终点
This much I know firsthand: Love ends.
你想要证据么？那就请去检查一下我父母的冰箱吧！
You want proof? Check out my parents’ refrigerator.
为什么我曾经不得不揭开 这埋藏在我心中可笑的伤痛？
Why did I ever have to discover this ridiculous pain inside of me?
因为两周半之前，在我这所有的爱变得没有意义之前
Because two and a half weeks ago, before all this love nonsense–
我还不能完全这么说
And I’m not just saying this either.
不，在这所有的事情之前，我是快乐的
No, before all this, I was happy.
不！
No!
是非常快乐
Truly happy.
我说真的，我的生命充满着歌♥声
I’m serious. My life was filled with song.
和运动
And sport.
还有连续不断的冒险
And constant adventure.
噢，罗斯玛利
Oh, Rosemary.
罗斯玛利，罗斯玛利，罗斯玛利
Rosemary, Rosemary, Rosemary.
为什么你一定要走进我的生活？
Why did you ever have to come into my life?
我在开什么玩笑
Who am I kidding?
早在我开始有记忆的时候 她就已经在我的生命里了
She’s been in my life for as long as I can remember.
具体一些，是在幼儿园…
For one little stretch there during kindergarten…
…或者可以说当时我们是朋友
…you might even say we were friends.
你们这些小孩在那下面玩什么呢？
What are you kids doing under there?
那些都是在一年级以前，后来铁幕拉下了
That was before first grade, when the iron curtain came down.
女孩在一边…
Girls on one side…
而男孩则被割开到另一边
…boys on the other.
哦！当然，她仍然留在了那一边
Oh, she was still there, of course.
我这有一张班级照可以证实这些
I have the class pictures to prove it.
我只是看不到她
I just didn’t see her.
我活在了一个只有男生的世界里。
I lived in a world of men.
现在，谁想去段瑞德（地名）？
So who wants to go to Duane Reade?
我不会再帮你偷巧克力棒了，马克斯
Man, I am not helping you steal Kit Kats again, Max.
看着点儿！
Watch it!
但是你可以吃到我给你的糖，是不是？
But you got no troubIe eating the candy I provide for you, do you?
我不再做把风的了 我很抱歉，伙计们
I’m not doing Iookout. I’m sorry, guys.
– 嗨，哥们，现在五点了，该歇了 – 我认为我们该去玩21（一种游戏）
-Hey, guys, it’s 5:00. I gotta roII. -I thought we were gonna shoot some 21 .
不行，我要去和我爸爸去踢球
No, I’m meeting my dad for footbaII practice.
回头见，伙计们
See you guys later.
你们两个都如此狂热
The two of you are so nuts, man.
我爸和我有这个计划
See, my father and I have this sort of plan.
就是让我成为定点球界的高手
I’m gonna be the Tiger Woods of the place-kicking world.
– 好！ – 他当我的教练
-Yeah! -And he’s gonna be my Earl.
如果你能全情投入到一个球上…
See? If you dedicate yourseIf to one goaI and one goaI onIy…
…从小开始…
…at a ridicuIousIy young age…
…根据历史经验，我们能够成就任何事情 再来
…history has taught us we can achieve anything. Get back.
– 一，二，三… – 看，在罗斯玛丽之前…
-One, two, three…. -You see? Before Rosemary Telesco…
…我有一个丰富多彩的人生
…I had a very fulfilling life.
很好
Nice.
怎么搞得这么晚？
How did it get so late?
你妈妈一定准备好晚餐等着你了
Your mother’s gonna have dinner waiting for you.
就说我们在帕特斯（地名）耽搁了一下吧
What do you say we stop by Patsy’s and get a coupIe of sIices?
– 我能学空手道么？ – 空手道？
-Can I take karate? -Karate?
那是一种武术
It’s a martiaI art.
– 空手道和定点球有什么关系么？ – 我也不清楚
-What’s karate have to do with pIace-kicking? -It can’t hurt.
– 那么，要多少钱？ – 可以么？
-WeII, how much is it? -I can?
如果不至于让我卖♥♥身的话 那就随你的便吧，行了吗
If it doesn’t cost me an arm and a Ieg. It might heIp your fIexibiIity. Sure.
最大的错误就是上了那个荒唐的空手道班
Mistake number one was ever taking that godforsaken class.
空手道讲求的不是力量
Karate is not about strength.
而是强调于技巧和集中力
It’s about skill. It’s about focus.
它是一种锻炼身心的艺术
It’s an art of determination.
– 就在她缓缓地出现在那第一天… – 抱歉，我迟到了
-When she showed up that first day… -Sorry, my tap cIass ran Iate.
…我当时有一种难以言表的快乐 一张熟悉的脸孔
…I was actually kind of glad, you know. A familiar face and all that.
在这个班上的其它人我都不认识
I didn’t know anybody else in the class.
如果你能够掌握空手道 那任何事情都难不到你
If you can master the art of karate, you can master anything.
开始！
Come on!
面门
About face.
中拳，嗨…嗨…
Middle punch, kiai.
你们将在原有的基础上通过课程得到锻炼
You’re each gonna progress through this course at your own pace.
而通过黄带考试的人将得到黄带（空手道级别）
Those of you who pass the test to get your yellow beIt will be given yellow.
通过红带考试的将得到红带
Those who pass red, red.
重点是发挥个人的最佳潜能
It’s about finding your personal best.
好了
Come on.
现在，你们两个一对 每个人找一个对手
Now, I want you to pair up. Everyone gets a sparring partner.
这是一个充满疼痛的对打舞蹈
Oh, the painful dance of pairing up.
二十秒钟艰苦折磨
Twenty seconds of pure torture.
我不想要和一个女生做对练，真的！
Now, I didn’t want a girl for a sparring partner. Would you?
– 嗨 – 嗨
-Hey. -Hey.
好吧，让我介绍一下有关罗斯玛利的事吧
Okay, let me tell you something about Rosemary Telesco.
罗斯玛丽并不是在班中最好的女孩 麦迪逊才是
Rosemary wasn’t the prettiest girl in our class. That was Madison Shaw.
她也不是第二好的，瓦内塞才是
And she wasn’t the second prettiest either. That was Vanessa Muir.
罗斯玛丽排名第三 但是，男孩子怎能跟女孩一起练习
No, Rosemary was third. But, boy, could that girl do karate.
绷紧
Keep it tight.
不要瞎想，我们开始并没有什么
Don’t get the wrong idea. We weren’t really friends.
我们只是空手道的伙伴
We were just karate friends.
回到学校，当然也没什么分别
Back at school, nothing changed, of course.
不管怎样，在我们的世界里…