剧透预警 Spoiler Alert（2022）

《剧透预警》
我们的故事不该就此结束
This isn’t how our story was supposed to end.
最初遇见你
But meeting you in the first place
我始料未及
was the plot twist I never expected.
迈克，你有什么想法？
Mike, what do you got?
十四年前
Fourteen years ago,
一个普通得不能再普通的星期二
it was a most ordinary Tuesday.
地球呼叫迈克
Earth to Mike.
噢。抱歉。
Oh. Yeah. I’m sorry.
呃……我有一个提案
Um… I’m working on a piece titled,
《吉尔莫女孩》系列角色最佳排名
（华纳公♥司♥在2000年首播的一部电视剧）
Every Gilmore Girls Character Ranked from Best to Rory.
最后一名是谁？
Who’s Rory?
她是其中一位吉尔莫女孩
She’s one of the Gilmore Girls.
哪个？
Which one?
她是比较年轻那个
She’s the younger one.
这有什么好写的
Yeah, I don’t get it.
能不能给我整点关于《谁敢来挑战》的？
（美国广播公♥司♥制♥作♥的一档真人秀节目）
Can you give me something about Fear Factor?
当然，没问题。我再想些关于《谁敢来挑战》的点子。
Sure, yeah. I’ll give you something about Fear Factor.
能在《美国电视指南》工作简直就是梦想成真
（TV Guide是1953年创刊的一本美国杂♥志♥）
My job at TV Guide was a dream,
特别是对一个梦想生活在情景喜剧里的孩子来说
especially as a kid who imagined his childhood was an ’80s sitcom.
奥西埃洛一家
The Ausiellos
有请迈克的弟弟
With Michael’s younger brother,
和迈克的哥哥
and Michael’s older brother.
迈克·奥西埃洛
Starring Michael Ausiello…
本色出演
as Michael Ausiello.
孩子们，我回来了。
Hey, kids. I’m home.
妈！
Mom!
奥西埃洛夫人联袂出演
And featuring Mrs. Ausiello.
来吧。电视剧要开始了。
Come on. Our soap’s about to start.
我还记得和妈妈一起看的日间肥皂剧
I remember watching daytime soap operas with my mom.
安琪莉可护士，病人怎么样了？
Nurse Angelique, how’s the patient?
情况不妙，安德伍德医生。
Not good, Dr. Underwood.
医院里那些伤心欲绝的人们
All those sad people in hospitals.
我暗自决心要过个开心的人生
I was determined that my story was going to be a happy one.
曾几何时，确实如此。
And for a while, it was.
我想象自己是公♥司♥喜剧里的主角明星
I fancied myself as the star of my very own workplace comedy.
嘿，小公主。
Hey, princess.
有点像丽兹·莱蒙又或者更像是威尔·楚门
（前者是美剧《我为喜剧狂》女主角，后者是美剧《威尔和格蕾丝》男主角）
A little Liz Lemon and a lot of Will Truman.
我的天！
Holy crap.
他是尼克
That’s Nick.
他会怂恿我做一些像在工作日晚上泡吧之类的事情
He convinces me to do things like go out to a club on a weeknight.
Nublu俱乐部今晚是运动之夜
It is Jock Night at Nublu.
所以赶紧换上运动装然后跟我出发
Yeah, so throw on something like this, and let’s go.
我来帮你物色男人惹
I’m gonna get you laid.
-快点 -听起来挺有趣的
-Come on. -That sounds really fun,
但我必须赶在明天之前把这个《谁敢来挑战》提案做出来
but I have to finish this piece on Fear Factor by tomorrow.
你工作太拼了啦，需要出去透透气。
You work too much, and you need to get out more.
来嘛
Come on.
耶~行动！
Yeah! Let’s do it!
正在播放Kylie Minogue的《Can’t Get You Out of My Head》
我就是忘不了你
I just can’t get you out of my head
男孩 我只想要你的爱
Boy, your loving is all I think about
我难以将你忘怀
I just can’t get you out of my head
男孩 你在我的脑海里挥之不去…
Boy, it’s more than I dare to think about…
我不属于这里
I don’t belong here.
你当然属于这里
Mmm. Sure, you do.
今晚是运动之夜，你是一名长跑运动员。
It’s Jock Night, and you’re a runner.
我是慢跑。不是长跑。慢跑都不算是一个运动项目。
I’m a jogger. I’m not a runner. Jogging’s not a sport.
拜托！你要不要这么无趣，迈克。
Please. Are you allergic to fun, Michael?
男孩 我只想要你的爱…
Boy, your loving is all I think about…
然后你出现了，像是一个戴着头带的电影明星。
And there you were, like some sweatband-wearing matinee idol.
即刻让我闭嘴惊艳
I’ll just shut up now.
那个家伙肯定看上你了
Oh. That guy is definitely into you.
他有女伴
He was with a woman.
这个俱乐部多少年没出现过直男了
No man in this club has been with a woman in years,
-从来没有 -噢！天啊！
-if ever. -Oh, my God.
-他走过来了 -惹~你看不见我~
-He’s walking over here. -Oh. Ignore me.
-尼克，拜托，别这样。 -你看不见我~你看不见我~
-Nick, please. Don’t do that. -Ignore me. Ignore me.
我只是一只路过的野基
I’m just a random gay man.
-嘿 -嗨
-Hey. -Hi.
你好
What’s up?
你好
What’s up?
你刚才看过来，挥手，
You were looking over, and you waved,
还露出那样的表情，所以…
and you were making that face, so…
我知道。我们刚才…相视而笑了，所以我…
I know. We were just… We were smiling at each other, so I…
呃…你刚才是在对我微笑吧？
Uh… you were smiling at me, right?
那个，其实，我的朋友妮娜帮我去拿酒了，
Well, actually, my friend Nina was getting me a drink,
所以我在找她
so I was just looking.
我的天！所以你刚才并不是在看我。
Oh, Jesus. So you weren’t looking at me.
而是看我身后
You were looking behind me.
-那个，确实，我是… -天啊！
-Well, I mean, no, I was… -Oh, my God.
-好吧。尴尬了。 -嘿，大伙儿。
-Okay. That’s mortifying. -Hey, you guys.
-不，这… -你好
-No, it’s… -Hello.
你真是他的菜诶
You are so his type.
得，她喝多了。
Okay, she’s had a few too many.
才没有
No, I haven’t.
好了，我醉了，我醉了。但是你还是他的菜。
Yes, I have. Yes, I have. but you are still his type.
-因为你… -噢
-Well, ’cause you’re… -Oh.
你看着，有点呆。
you’re, like a dweeb.
-我什么？ -高。她的意思是高。
-I’m what? -Tall. She means tall.
-你是指高。 -对，一个高个儿呆呆。
-You mean tall. -Yes. A tall dweeb.
-我是这么个意思。 -噢，我…好吧
-That is what I meant. -Oh, my… Okay.
-哇哦 -没关系。不用尴尬。
-Wow. -It doesn’t matter. Don’t be embarrassed.
每个人都有喜欢的型
Everybody has a type.
我就喜欢长得帅的同志
My type is very handsome gay men.
这也是我一直单身的原因
Which is why I am hopelessly single.
-我去跳舞 -这…
-I’m dancing. -It’s…
还挺悲催的
It’s truly a tragedy. It’s…
-我才是 -我觉得我们都一样吧
-Well, for me. -I think for maybe both of us.
你…想跳舞吗？
Did you… Do you want to dance?
不，我不…不会跳舞
No, I don’t… I’m not gonna dance.
行吧。还是你更喜欢看？
Okay. You prefer to watch?
是，我看看就好。
Yes, I like to watch.
-好吧 -嗯哼
-Okay. -Okay.
如果你改变主意了记得告诉我
Well, let me know if you change your mind.
我就是忘不了你
I just can’t get you out of my head
男孩 我只想要你的爱…
Boy, your loving is all I think about…
我难以将你忘怀
I just can’t get you out of my head
男孩 你在我的脑海里挥之不去…
Boy, it’s more than I dare to think about…
正在播放Sylvester的《You Make Me Feel Mighty Real》
你让我感受到
You make me feel
强烈的真实…
Mighty real…
他们在跳舞诶！
They’re dancing!
-你舞跳得很棒 -你很不会骗人
-You’re a great dancer. -You’re a terrible liar.
你常来这里吗？
Have you been here before?
我其实对这儿不太感兴趣
I wouldn’t say that this is really my scene.
-你的兴趣是？ -我更像是
-What’s your scene? -I’m more of
加班熬夜洗洗睡的那种人。
a “work late, go to bed early” kind of guy.
你呢？
What about you?
我经常来。都腻味了。
I’ve been here a lot. Getting a little tired of it.
也许你该开♥发♥点其他兴趣爱好
Maybe you should try another scene.
-也许 -是了
-Maybe I should. -Maybe you should.
大胆
Bold.
噢，你让我感受到…
Oh, you make me feel…
比如…转一下帽子？
How about… turning the hat?
强烈的真实…
Mighty real…
噢，你让我感受到…
Oh, you make me feel…
天长地久…
All the time…
所以你想不想离开这儿跟我回家？
So, you want to get out of here and go back to my place?
我都还不知道你的名字