一百样东西

A date?
我不知道该做什么
I just don’t know what.
我需要有人帮我从超♥市♥买♥♥点东西
And I need someone to get the stuff from the supermarket.
这难道不是作弊吗
Wouldn’t that be cheating?
这样吧 我不会买♥♥任何东西
Well, I wouldn’t buy anything.
只是那些配料正好出现在冰箱里
The ingredients would just happen to be in the refrigerator.
当然 你可以净赚2500欧元
Of course you would… 2.5K net.
14个月工资 12周的带薪假期
14-month salary, 12 weeks holiday, paid.
这些忘恩负义的
Oh, these ungrateful…
东尼 保罗和我给那些美国人发了…
Toni! Paul and I sent the Ame…
你是不是该换隐形眼镜了
Isn’t it time to change your contact lenses?
这是周抛的镜片 还可以再戴一段时间
They’re weekly lenses, you can keep them in a little longer.
好吧
Ok.
这可能不关我的事
It’s none of my business
但是我认为是时候换新的了
but I think it’s time for new ones.
-我不能买♥♥ -那框架眼镜呢
– I can’t buy any. – What about glasses?
框架眼镜
Glasses!
我闻起来像牛屁♥股♥
I smell like a cow’s ass,
我头发看起来像屎一样
my hair looks like shit
你给我的黄油让我长粉刺了
and your butter is giving me pimples.
也许你该去照照镜子
Maybe check a mirror.
现在还要戴眼镜吗 当然
And now glasses too? Sure!
要我看起来像15岁吗 我有约会啊
I’ll look 15 again. I have a date!
你们要我看起来像…
You just want me to look like…
天啊
Oh God!
你好
Hello.
我最近虽然没有经常约会
I haven’t had many dates lately,
可能有点生疏了
and I’m not an expert,
但我想最好不要跳过你穿着裤子的步骤
but I’d rather not skip the stage where you still wear trousers.
我必须把裤子换成眼镜
I had to swap it for the glasses.
这样比较好 相信我
It’s better this way, believe me.
进来吧
Come on in.
好的
Ok.
你喜欢吗
Do you like it?
我没有胡椒粉
I don’t have any pepper.
也没有盐 我不会做饭
Or salt either. I just can’t cook.
但我有酒
But I have wine.
谢谢
Yes, please.
借我用用
May I?
好啊
Oh, right.
给你
There.
干杯
Cheers.
好了 Lucy
OK, Lucy…
告诉我 你不在车♥库♥游荡时都在做什么
Tell me, what do you do when you’re not hanging out in garages?
拜托
Please
我们跳过询问对方做什么的废话
let’s skip the “what do you do” nonsense.
我不知道你是谁
I… I have no idea who you are.
你也不知道我是谁
You have no idea who I am.
我们可以成为自己想成为的人
We can be who we want to be.
所以 尽情发挥想象吧
So, just make something up.
-可以是任何人吗 -是啊 用直觉去想
– Anything? – Yes, be spontaneous.
用你的直觉 不用刻意去想
Spontaneous, don’t think about it.
三 二 一
Three, two, one.
我是个百万富翁
I’m a millionaire.
百万富翁吗
A millionaire?
哪来的钱呢
From what?
我卖♥♥了个手♥机♥应用程序
I sold an app.
一个手♥机♥应用程序
An app…
一个百万富翁
A millionaire?
住在空空如也的公♥寓♥里吗
In an empty apartment?
我不相信任何人
I can’t trust anyone
他们都想要我的钱
they all want my money
所以我装作很穷的样子
so I’m playing poor.
你装穷是因为你想找到真爱
You’re playing poor because you’re looking for true love.
就像每一个人
Like everyone.
一个真正用心爱我的人
Someone who loves me for myself.
或者一个因为你的秘密而爱你的人
Or someone who loves you for your secrets.
但那个女人会是谁呢
But who might that woman be?
问得好
Good question.
在大街上 富翁甚至都不会去注意她
On the street, the millionaire wouldn’t even notice her.
她长相并不算很出众
She is moderately attractive,
但她时尚品味极佳
but she has an excellent taste in fashion.
“长相不算出众”
“Moderately attractive”.
那位百万富翁正试探她呢
The millionaire is testing her.
他费尽心思想把她吓跑
He did everything to scare her off.
他不♥穿♥裤子
He’s not wearing pants.
-他做的饭很难吃 -都不放盐
– He cooked terribly. – Without salt.
-他让她为难了 -但是
– He makes it hard for her. – But…
这个女人不会上当受骗
The woman won’t be fooled.
我觉得你今晚真美
Well, I think you look great tonight.
远超大众水平
Far above average.
有东西从你眼睛里跑出来了
Something’s running out of your eye.
黄色的东西 别揉眼
Something yellow. Don’t rub it.
上帝啊
Oh God!
我知道我的眼睛有点红
I know they’re a bit red
那只是隐形眼镜出了问题 我…
but it’s just the lenses, I…
天啊
Oh God!
天啊 天啊
Oh God, oh God…
拿着这个
Hold this, please.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
甘菊茶
Chamomile tea.
你觉得这有效吗
Do you think it’s a good idea?
我在加气站只找到这个
It’s all I found at the gas station.
-好烫啊 -一点也不烫
– It’s boiling hot. – Not at all.
那不是甘菊茶 是胡椒薄荷吧
That’s not chamomile, it’s peppermint.
-什么 -你闻
– What? – Smell it.
抱歉
Sorry.
我无法抵抗 护士太性感了
I couldn’t resist. Nurses are sexy.
真的吗
Really?
我现在可以睁眼了吗
May I open my eyes now?
绝对不可以
Definitely not.
乖乖待着
Stay still.
我有点热
I’m a little hot.
你不介意的话我要脱掉点衣服了
I’m taking something off if you don’t mind.
我知道这有点不专业
I know this is a bit unprofessional,
但是
but…
我被护士学校开除是有原因的
there’s a reason I got kicked out of nurses’ school.
小心 别动
Careful. Hold still.
你好 我想你可能需要些甜点
Hello! I thought you might need dese…
你好
Hello.
-你好 -东尼在哪
– Hello. – Where’s Toni?
-在卫生间 -你打扰到我们了
– In the bathroom. – You’re disturbing us!
为什么 你们在干什么
Why? What are you doing?
别乱动 不然茶包会滑下去的
Hold still or the teabags will slide down!
-茶包 -进来吧
– Teabags? – Come in.
我买♥♥了151样东西 151样 为什么
I bought 151 things. 151! Why?
因为东西好
Because it’s nice!
我觉得不止
More, I think.
因为购物使你幸福
Because it makes you happy.
因为购物使我幸福
Because it makes me happy.
-裙子不错 -谢谢夸奖
– Great dress, by the way. – Thank you.
当我想通过购物获得幸福的时候
But when I buy things to make me happy,
这说明了什么
what does that say about me?
说明你其实并不幸福
That you’re not happy.
完全正确
Exactly.
不然你会停下来的
Or else you’d just stop.
为什么我还不停地想要更多呢
Why else would I keep wanting more?
那决定权不在你
That’s not your decision to make.
你的大脑来自石器时代
Your brain is from the Stone Age.
它老是害怕挨饿
It’s always afraid to starve.
那是它的工作模式 储藏食物 填饱肚子