单身日记：好孕来袭

– Exciting, huh? – Yeah.
你看起来棒极了
You look great.
-你能来我真是太高兴了 -我也是
– I’m so glad you came. – Yeah, me too.
-我带了杯好茶给你 -谢谢你
– I brought you a nice tea. – Oh, wow. Thank you.
很高兴见到你
It’s awesome to see you man.
但茶里面的咖♥啡♥因♥太多了
But there’s a heck of a lot of caffeine in that tea.
我给你带了杯纯果汁
I brought you a… super juice.
谢谢你
Thank you.
我们能进去了吗
Shall we go in?
-那最好了 -当然了 我帮你拿包
-Why not? – Sure. Let me carry that for you.
-谢谢 -我能帮你拿手♥机♥吗
– Thank you. – Can I carry your phone, please?
好的
Okay.
谢谢你
Thank you.
这边的朋友叫什么呢
And who do we have here, then?
我是布丽姬特 这位是杰克
I’m Bridget and this is Jack …
这位是马克
and this is Mark.
太好了 你们是今天的第二对同性♥伴♥侣♥
Oh. Lovely. You’re our second same sex couple today.
-不 我们其实… -没错
– No, actually we’re … – Absolutely.
我们想要一个宝宝让我们彼此更完整
We just need the gift of a baby to make us feel complete.
你一定是代♥孕♥妈♥妈♥了
You must be the surrogate?
没错
Exactly, yes.
我想帮助这对恋人圆梦
Just helping this wonderful couple make their dream come true.
马克对这一切很紧张
Mark is very nervous about all this.
从未有过的体验 对吗 小羊排
All new to you, isn’t it, lamb chop?
就像老话说的 阳光总在风雨后
Like all visionaries, we encounter bumps along the road.
-你打算怎么生 -快点生
– How would you like to give birth to your placenta? – Quickly.
你没事吧 确定吗
Are you okay? Are you sure?
当然了 按♥摩♥可以给
And of course massage can
孕妇带来诸多益处
have many benefits throughout pregnancy.
可以举几个例子吗
Can we name some of them?
可以缓解压力 促进正面的荷尔蒙分泌
It relieves stress and promotes feel good hormones.
但高危妊娠的孕妇应该尽量避免按♥摩♥
And is also to be avoided in cases of high risk pregnancy…
例如孕妇年纪比较大的情况
For example, when there is a geriatric mother.
没错 非常好 看来有些人做足了功课
Right, excellent, someone’s been reading up.
你想试一下吗
Would you like to have a go?
不 还是杰克来吧
No, I think I’ll let Jack get on with it….
-我觉得他能处理得了 -你真贴心
– I think he seems to have it covered. – That’s very sweet of you.
所以我才爱你 我的小茶杯
That’s why I love you, my little teacup.
只要我们设置正确的问题
What if we ask the right questions
再运用数学♥运♥算法则
and apply the laws of mathematics…
你们合适吗
这样恋爱的科学就可以被量化了
so that the science of courtship could be quantified?
你们合适吗
马克·达西和布丽姬特·琼斯
杰克·奎特 布丽姬特·琼斯
简直天作之合
It’s a match!
我可以就女王陛下的政♥府♥
May I please make an application to lead to an appeal…
诉萨迪克·巴希尔的案子申请上诉吗
in the case of Her Majesty’s Government and Saddiq Al Bashir.
去医院的路上
联♥系♥不到你
我叫了杰克
正如大人所知 巴希尔先生失踪了
As Your Lordship is aware, Mr. Al Bashir has lost.
-所以没什么事吗 -由于你吃了
– So everything’s alright? – Yes, well, it’s this combination…
小黄瓜 凤尾鱼 香蕉汁和品客薯片
gherkins, anchovies, banana juice and Pringles.
-所以其实是… -是胀气
– So essentially… – It’s wind.
所以以后我吃普通的薯片没问题
Right, so, going forward regular Pringles,
不吃辣烤肉口味的就行
not hot, spicy barbecue?
或者不吃薯片 试试看
Or possibly no Pringles at all. Try that.
-一切都好吗 布丽姬特还好吗 -是的 非常好
– Is everything alright? Is Bridget okay? – Yes, perfectly fine.
她在里面和…品客医生在一起
She’s in there with… That’s Dr. Pringle.
他在给她做血检 很有意思
He’s testing her blood. This is interesting.
这是我们在奥斯陆试验的一项
This is a new bedside technique
新的临床技术 挪威的新技术
we’re testing out of Oslo. It’s Norwegian.
没关系 我知道杰克的事了 谢谢医生
It’s alright. I know about Jack. Thank you doctor.
太好了 怎么不早说
Oh, thank God. Why didn’t you tell me?
她没事 事实上他很好地安抚了她的情绪
She’s fine. He’s calmed her down completely, actually.
不好意思 我收到你的信息了 我在上庭
I’m sorry, I got your messages. I was in court.
没事
It’s alright.
情有可原
Can’t be helped.
你该接电♥话♥ 可能是工作的事
You should get it. It might be work.
-别担心 我能处理得了 -是的 我能看出来
– Don’t worry. I got it covered. – Yes, I can see that.
你需要冷静一点 我们要一起处理这件事
Okay, you need to chill out. We have to do this together.
在秘鲁的乌巴都
You know, in Peru the Um Bat Do,
那里的人认为部落成员
consider paternity attach shared
应该共同承担抚养孩子的责任
responsibility among the many tribesmen.
不幸的是 我们不生活在乌巴都 我生活在伊灵
Unfortunately, we Um Bat don’t live in Peru. I live in Ealing.
负能量也对宝宝不好
Negative energy is just so bad for the baby.
够了 都够了 这不是比赛
Stop it. Both of you. This isn’t a competition.
她说得对
She’s right.
我们应该把有害的能量带出房♥间
We should take this toxic energy out of the room.
我马上出来
I won’t be a minute.
怎么回事 别这样 朋友
What’s up? Come on, buddy.
你为什么这么生气
Why are you so angry?
你知道吗 我真的不是你的朋友
You know what? I’m really not your buddy.
我不知道什么共鸣 负能量 产前胀气
I don’t know about vibes or negative energy or prenatal wind…
更不懂什么算法
and even less about algorithms…
所以我承认 我真的不懂吸引力的法则
so I will confess that the laws of attraction are somewhat beyond me.
事实上 布丽姬特通常都难以理解
In fact, Bridget defies comprehension generally.
尽管如此 或许是因为
But despite, or perhaps owing to
这四十年来我所目睹的
the bewildering litany of catastrophes
一连串令人眼花缭乱的灾难
I’ve witnessed over the last 40 years,
我自诩非常了解布丽姬特
I feel I’ve come to know Bridget rather well…
这么多年来我也一直给予她深切的关怀
and I’ve spent those years caring for her very deeply.
可能结果不尽如人意
And that may defy automated reasoning,
但我也无能为力
but there’s nothing I can do about it.
无能为力吗
Nothing you can do about it?
或许你该试着多陪伴她
Maybe you should try and stay around a little,
而不是靠手♥机♥拯救世界
instead of saving the world by cellphone.
我能让她快乐 马克
I make her happy, Mark.
我猜你的算法
And I suppose your algorithm
算出你们命中注定在一起 对吗
tells you you’re destined to be together, does it.
的确如此
Actually it does.
事实上过去的十年
The fact that you’ve been trying
你屡试屡败 说明你们并不合适
and failing for the past ten years tells me you are not.
-不 -我不想和你吵架
– No… – I don’t want to fight with you.
我们该为布丽姬特和孩子着想
We should think about Bridget and the baby.
无论怎样 命运让我走到了一起
For better or worse, fate has brought us together.
无关命运 都怪避孕套
It wasn’t fate, it was condoms.
什么意思
What do you mean?
布丽姬特包里放着的
Those ridiculous dolphin
那些可笑的海豚友好型避孕套
friendly things from the bottom of Bridget’s bag.
抱歉 我不知道你在说什么
I’m sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
我和布丽姬特上♥床♥的时候 我…
When Bridget and I got it on, I was…
我没有戴套
I was not dressed for the occasion.
布丽姬特·琼斯来电
-今天马克不来吗 -不来
– No Mark today? – No.
我们要感谢一个人
We must thank one person
没人站出来的时候 他准备好了为我们而战
who was prepared to fight for us… when no one else would,
伯纳妮赢得言论自♥由♥案
我们要用全部的真心对那个人说
and we say to that person with all our hearts…
伯纳妮赢得言论自♥由♥案
我们爱你 马克·达西
自♥由♥
“Freedom!”
伯纳妮赢得言论自♥由♥案
马克·达西
布丽姬特 我们要继续了
Bridget, we’re back.
我还是不敢相信马克就这么退出了
I still can’t believe Mark ducked out like that.
这真不是他的错
Well, it’s not really his fault.
那我们只能希望孩子是杰克的了 对吧
I suppose we just have to hope it’s Jack’s, right?
面对现实吧 事情原本可能会比现在更糟
I mean, let’s face it, things could be worse.
他还真是个如意郎君
He’s pretty fucking amazing.
他富得流油 “木偶”的尺寸也很让人满意
He’s richer than God and he has a very nice sized puppet.
的确 网站的测试也说我们非常匹配
He does, and we match up very nicely on paper.
-你是怎么知道的 -你只要有信心就好了
– Well, how do you know? – You just have to have faith.
你只需要问自己 我能不能和这个人
You just have to ask yourself: can I see myself growing old…
一起变老 而不是和马克·达西
with this guy, and not Mark Darcy?
就这样
There it is.