你知道，如果诺曼运气不济……
You know, if fate doesn’t smile on old Norman,
我们会立刻把指头放进冰块里，迅速送进医院……
we’ll put that fucker on ice, whisk it right to the hospital,
尽一切可能把指头缝回去
where in all likelihood they’ll be able to sew it right back on.
好的，希望如此，先生
Well, hopefully, sir.
是的，他们现在连鸡♥巴♥都能接回去，他们能把诺曼的指头接回去的
Yeah, well, they sewed that guy’s dick back on. They can sew Norman’s pinky back on.
– 是的，这能有多难？
– 对，有道理
– Yeah, how hard can it be?
– Yeah, good point.
所以，诺曼会受到照顾的，你知道
So, Norman, he’s, he’s taken care of, you know.
他的利益是有保障的
His interests have been looked after.
但我的利益却未受到照顾
My interests, on the other hand, have not.
我爱我的车，一如诺曼爱他的手指
I am as emotionally attached to my car as Norman is physically to his finger.
我下的这个赌注可是很昂贵的，不是说笑的
That’s a very fuckin’ piece of expensive machinery I’m putting on this wager.
你知道，如果我输了，没问题，我愿赌服输
And, you know, if I lose, I lose. That’s fine. That’s no problem.
我完全没问题，我是大人了，我完全知道自己在做什么
I have no problem with that. I’m a big boy. I knew exactly what the hell I was doing.
但我如果赢了，我就要赢，好吗？
But if I win, I wanna win. All right?
如果诺曼能连续打着十次打火机……
If Norman lights his cigarette lighter ten times in a fuckin’ row,
他拿走我的车钥匙，绝不会手软
he’s gonna have no emotional problems whatsoever about taking my car keys.
但我如果赢了……
– [ Murmurs ]
– But if I win,
嗯，并非无法想像，在最后关头……
well, it’s not inconceivable that at the last minute…
里奥或我可能……
maybe neither Leo or I…
没有勇气……举起大斧子
will be able to… wield the axe.
– 小斧子，先生
– 举起小斧子
– A hatchet, sir.
– Wield the hatchet.
这就是你要起的作用了，泰德
Which brings us full circle to you, Ted.
眼睛雪亮的泰德，清醒的泰德
– [ Glass Clatters On Bar ]
– Clear-eyed Ted. Sober Ted.
完全陌生的泰德
Complete-stranger Ted.
公正的泰德
Impartial Ted.
初次认识、不在乎我们的泰德
Just-met-us-and-couldn’t-give-a-fuck-about-us Ted.
我们要你当荷官
We want you to be the dice man.
地狱般的一晚，嗯，泰德？
Hell of a night, huh, Ted?
我要先行告退
I’ve got to get out of here.
有钱！
Money!
泰德，你能轻易赚得一百元……
Ted, I got a $100 bill here with your name on it,
不论你接受我们的提议与否
whether you do what we ask or not.
只需要在那椅子上多坐一分钟
Just to sit back down in that chair for one minute more.
我不会斩诺曼的小指头的！
I am not gonna cut off Norman’s little pinky!
好，不管你斩不斩……
Well, maybe you will and maybe you won’t.
跟我手里的这一百元无关
But that has nothin’ to do with this $100 bill in my hand.
事实上，你可以告诉我们全部去死，然后走出这扇门
In fact, you can tell us all to go fuck off and walk right out that goddamn door.
但你如果多等60秒钟……
But if you wait 60 seconds before you do it,
就能赚得一百元
you’re gonna be $100 richer.
泰德，你可以随心行事
Ted, you’re gonna do whatever you wanna do.
我们只求你多给我们一分钟时间
All we’re askin’ is that you indulge us for one minute more.
我的朋友切斯特愿意付钱买♥♥你一分钟
My friend Chester here is willing to pay you for that minute.
泰德，收下这钱吧
Ted, take the money.
现在，让我说清楚
Now, let me get this straight.
我坐在这凳子上，只眼看耳听，一分钟后……
I sit on that stool, listen to what you have to say for 60 seconds,
– 我就赚100元？
– 正确
– and I get $100?
– [ Chester ] Correct.
然后我就可以走出这房♥间，不为难？
And afterwards I can walk out that door, no hard feelings?
绝无异议
None whatsoever.
成交
You got a deal.
– 好！
– 哦，好，好！好，好，好！
– Yes!
– Oh, yes, yes! Yes, yes, yes!
泰德，答得好，坐好了
Ted, good answer. Sit right down.
好的。里奥，你来计时
All right. Leo, you be the timekeeper.
诺曼，把你的手表给我
Norman, give me your watch.
一分钟计时开始和结束时说一声
Let me know when a minute ends and when it begins.
– 没问题
– 啊
– You got it.
– Ah.
– 好
– 先生们，准备开始吧
– Okay.
– Gentlemen, start your engines.
– 开始
– 好，泰德，仔细听着
– Begin.
– Okay, Ted, pay attention here.
我要在吧台上分开放两堆钱。一堆是你的
I’m gonna make two piles here on the bar. One pile which is yours.
另一堆也可能是你的
And another pile which could be yours.
你要意识到的就是，我们终究要干这件事……
And what you have to realize is we’re gonna do this thing…
用某种方式或另一种方式
one way or the other.
不管是你持有斧子，还是一个墨西哥女佣……
Whether it’s you who holds the axe or a Mexican maid…
或是我们随便在街上拉来的某个流浪汉
or some bum we yank off the street.
– 你能用这笔钱买♥♥无数餐饭
– 嘘！我就要完了
– You can buy a whole lot of soup with that pile.
– Shh! I’m the closer here.
好，我有点……嗯，我忘了点钱了
All right. I’m a little me… Um, I’ve lost count.
– 现在桌上有多少钱？
– 六百
– How much is on the bar here?
– [ Group ] Six hundred.
好的。泰德，你知道平均美国人数六百元要多久？
Okay. Ted, do you know how long it takes the average American to count to 600?
– 这是个很巧妙的问题，泰德
– 不知道，先生
– [ Angela ] It’s a rhetorical question, Ted.
– No, sir.
大约不到一分钟时间可数七百元
About one minute less than it takes to count to 700.
泰德，一个人一生会遇见很多事
Now, Ted, a person’s life is filled with a zillion little experiences.
有些毫无意义，你知道，你很快就会忘掉
Some which are insignificant, have no meaning, and, you know, you forget them.
有些却会永世难忘
Others which you remember for the rest of your natural life.
现在，鉴于我们的提议是如此不寻常……
Now, since what we’re proposing here is so unusual,
如此有别于常态……
so outside the norm,
这个赌注会成为你难忘记的事情之一
that this is a good bet that this is going to be one of those incidents that sticks.
那么，既然你会永世难忘……
So, since you’re gonna be stuck remembering this for the rest of your life,
你就要决定留下什么样的回忆
you have to decide what that memory will be.
那么，泰德，你想在往后的四十年，多个十年或少个十年吧……
So, Ted, are you going to remember for the next 40 years,
你的回忆是……
give or take a decade,
拒绝了只用一秒种就能赚到的一千元？
that you refused $1,000 for one second’s worth of work?
还是接受了一秒种就能赚到的一千元？
Or that you made $1,000 for one second’s worth of work?
时间到了！
[ Leo ] Time!
那么，泰德，你决定怎么做？
So, Ted, what’s it gonna be?
– 好的
– 好！
– Okay.
– [ Group ] Yes!
早就知道他会答应！
[ Chester, Leo ] Always be closing!
– 呜！
– 快开始！此时此刻！免得我反悔！
– Whoo!
– Right here, right now! Before I change my mind!
这里，这里，来吧，咱们开始吧
Hear, hear. Go. Let’s go.
– 速战速决
– 啊！
– Get this shit over and done with.
– Ahh!
太好了，太好了，太好了，这一定会是我们所有人……
Perfect, perfect, perfect. This is one of those moments in time…
难忘的一刻
none of us are ever gonna forget.
– 诺曼，你准备好了吗？
– 我准备好了
– Norman, are you ready?
– I’m ready.
– 泰德，你准备好了吗？
– 好了
– Ted, are you ready?
– Ready.
准备好，诺曼……
Okeydokey. Norman…
开始
begin.
啊！
Aaah!
我的手指头！我他妈的的手指头！
[ Norman ] My finger! My fuckin’ finger!
切斯特，我他妈的手指头，兄弟！
Chester, my fuckin’ finger, man!
他切了我的手指头！
He cut off my fuckin’ finger!
噢！疼死了！
Oh! It hurts! [ Groans ]
[ Singing Nonsense Syllables ]
我他妈的手指头，切斯特！他切了我他妈的手指头！
My fuckin’ finger, Chester! He cut off my fuckin’ finger!
啊！哦，里奥！
Aaah! Oh, Leo!
[ All Shouting ]
叫救护车，兄弟！叫他妈的救护车
[ Chester ] Call Cedars, man! Call fuckin’ Cedars!
包起来！包起来！
[ Norman ] Wrap it up! Wrap it up!
呃，是的，嗨，能请唐·勒文来接电♥话♥吗？
[ Leo ] Uh, yes, hi. Could I talk to Don Levine, please?
你为什么让我这么干？你为什么让我这么干？
[ Norman Groaning ] Why’d you let me do this? Why’d you let me do this?
[ Groans ]
什么？你说他在做手术是什么意思？
[ Leo ] What? What do you mean he’s in surgery?
他在等我们的电♥话♥，他应该等着的
He was expecting my call. He was supposed to be there.
什么？谁他妈的在除夕夜的凌晨6点半做整容手术啊？
What? Who the fuck has plastic surgery at 6:30 in the morning on New Year’s Eve?
[ Singing Nonsense Syllables ]
– 里奥！里奥！
– 我要你站好了！我马上回来！坚持住！
– Leo! Leo!
– I need you to stand still! I’ll be right back! Hold it!
– 噢，操！噢，操！噢，操！
– 好了！
– Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
– All right!