独裁者（2012）

You lied to me!
还因为战争罪行被通缉
And you’re wanted for war crimes!
那都是没有凭据的
That stuff never sticks.
你走吧
You need to leave now.
你伤透了我的心
You have broken my heart into Aladeen pieces.
随着明日章程的签署
With the signing of the constitution tomorrow morning,
瓦迪亚的民♥主♥之路已经不远了
democracy in Wadiya is just hours away,
人们在街上庆祝
and people are in the streets celebrating.
杀了阿♥拉♥丁 杀了阿♥拉♥丁
Kill Aladeen, kill Aladeen, hey!
你是怎么看阿♥拉♥丁♥元♥帅的
What do you think of Admiral General Aladeen?
我们恨他 我们恨他
We hate him. We hate him.
我们想起他就
You know, when we think of him, we…
就想吐 我们啐他 不要他
We vomit, and we spit and we don’t want him.
如果阿♥拉♥丁将军在看这个
What would you say to General Aladeen
你想跟他说什么
if he were watching this?
我有个消息给他
I have a message for Aladeen.
操♥你♥妈♥
Suevel.
操♥你♥妈♥ 操♥你♥妈♥
Suevel. Suevel.
-再见 -停 等等
– Good-bye! – Stop, stop, wait!
你干什么
What are you doing?
你怎么找到我的
How did you find me?
你给我发了7条短♥信♥
You texted me, like, seven times.
我要处决自己
I am executing myself!
什么 为什么
What? Why?
因为从没有人爱我
Because no one has ever loved me!
你♥爸♥爸会为你害臊的
Your father would be ashamed of you!
不 我不想成为我爸那样的人
No, I’ve realized I don’t want to be like my father!
我不想再当一个独♥裁♥者了
In fact, I don’t want to be a dictator anymore!
这是怎么回事
What’s that now?
我经历了一个精神之旅 伙计
I’ve been on a spiritual journey, man,
像《一辈子做女孩》里那样
like Eat, Pray, Love.
你疯了吗
Have you gone insane?
我现在知道 外表上
I now know that on the outside,
我看着就像个蠢货
I am a bit of a cocksucker.
-没错 -但内心里我其实是好人
– Yeah. – But deep down I’m nice.
-没觉得 -我是 就像刺果
– Not really. – Yes, I am! I’m like mafroom.
外表坚硬多刺
Hard and spiky on the outside,
但内心柔弱 多愁善感
but soft and really mushy on the in.
你一点都不像刺果 你像洋葱
You’re not like mafroom at all. You’re like an onion.
外表是蠢货
An outer layer of cocksucker,
剥了外皮
and when you peel it away,
里面还有10多层 也都是蠢货
there is 10 more layers of cocksucker underneath.
你怎么这么烦人
You are such a schmuck!
-为什么说意第绪语 -刚学的
– Why are you speaking Yiddish? – I picked it up.
什么意思 刚学的
What do you mean, “I picked it up”?
谁随便就学会意第绪语了
Who picks up Yiddish?
我在纽约啊
I’m in New York!
我们正要消灭那个国家
We’re trying to erase that country off the map!
我讨厌那的人 但我喜欢
I don’t like the people, but I like the way that
他们的说话方式 说什么是什么
their words really sound like what they’re meant to be.
真抱歉 我不能筹办你的成人礼了是吧
Oh, I’m sorry! Did I not get the Evite to your bar mitzvah?
天哪
Oh, my God!
你还真有胆量这么说
You’ve got real chutzpah saying that!
看看 你当好人就是这个下场啊
Look, where has being a nice guy gotten you, huh?
站在桥边上打算自杀
Standing on the edge of a bridge about to commit suicide?
还穿着卡洛驰鞋
Still wearing Crocs?
这鞋怎么了
What’s wrong with Crocs?
穿这个就是说你放弃希望了
They are the universal symbol of a man who has given up hope!
你还不如穿个运动裤
You might as well put sweatpants on
去吃一辈子苹果蜂连锁店呢
and go to Applebee’s for the rest of your life!
这你倒是说对了 衣服是挺傻的
I’ll give you that one. I do look ridiculous.
废话 听着 要是你不愿意救自己
Yes! Listen, if you won’t come down from there for yourself,
就算为了国家吧
do it for your country.
如果宪♥章♥通过了
If this constitution is signed,
就会有人♥权♥ 女司机和自♥由♥的媒体
there will be free press, women drivers, civil rights!
人♥权♥是什么东西
What are “Civil rights”?
过会再说 那个可笑的很
I’ll tell you later. They’re hilarious.
只有你能阻止这一切
Look, you alone can stop these terrible things from happening.
你是最后的大独♥裁♥者了
You are the last great dictator!
其他人都不在了
All of the others are gone!
卡扎菲 萨♥达♥姆♥ 金♥正♥日♥ 切尼
Qaddafi, Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.
说得对 纳达尔
You are right, Nadal.
我会是最伟大的独♥裁♥者
I will become the greatest dictator of all,
所有疯子的崇拜对象
the envy of madmen everywhere!
是的 最高领袖
Yes, Supreme Leader!
从朝鲜的山头到津巴布韦的丛林
From the mountaintops of North Korea to the jungles of Zimbabwe,
让童工和血汗工厂的工人们歌♥颂吧
let every child laborer and sweatshop factory worker sing,
终于被压♥迫♥了 终于被压♥迫♥了
“Oppressed at last! Oppressed at last!
感谢阿♥拉♥丁 我们终于被压♥迫♥了
“Thank Aladeen, I am oppressed at last!”
太棒了
Yes!
你干什么
What are you doing?
-什么都没做 -不不 别掉下去
– I’m not doing anything. – No, no, no, no, don’t fall.
做引体向上 知道怎么做吗
Just do like a pull-up. You know how you do pull-ups?
引体向上就是我发明的
I invented the pull-up.
如果你刚开始收看 我们在兰卡斯特酒店
If you’re just joining us, we are at the Lancaster Hotel,
20分钟后 阿♥拉♥丁将军
where in about 20 minutes, General Aladeen
将在这里签署新的瓦迪亚宪♥章♥
will be signing the new Wadiyan constitution.
全球政要都纷纷到来
Dignitaries from around the world are arriving now
共同见证民♥主♥制度的建立
to witness the creation of a democracy
这一进程无疑将改变整个地区
that will undoubtedly change the political landscape
的政♥治♥面貌
of the entire region.
瓦迪亚在北非政局中至关重要
As Wadiya goes, so goes North Africa.
埃迪·诺顿[美国演员]下次让你尿我身上
Eddie Norton, next time, you pee on me.
随便你
Whatever.
告诉维果·莫特森[演员] 我看上他了
And tell Viggo Mortensen he is on my radar.
怎么说 汤里有只苍蝇
How do you say, “Fly is in the soup”?
各位好 塔米尔你好
Gentlemen, Tamir.
我要给你们介绍 我美丽的妻子
Let me introduce you to my beautiful wife.
劳太太 我非常荣幸
Mrs. Lao, it is my very great pleasure.
不不 她不说英语
No, no, no, no. She does not speak English.
看这个
Watch this.
你个丑马脸
You ugly horse!
她不知道
She doesn’t know.
看见没 她每次都点头称是 看着
“Ohhh.” See? She goes “Ohhh” All the time. Watch.
剃毛的大猩猩
Shaved ape.
噢
“Ohhh.”
等等 你就打算用这个让我过去吗
Wait. That is how you intend to get me across to the Lancaster?
没问题的
Absolutely.
-你哪弄的 -自己造的
– Where’d you get that? – I built it.
那会想刺杀你的时候
When I was going to assassinate you.
你是说我的替身
You mean my double.
是 对
Sure. Yeah.
成功了
Bingo!
太棒了
Love it!
-告诉你怎么做 -好
– Here’s what you do. – Okay.
滑降过去 杀了那个替身
Zipline across, kill the double,
然后当着全球媒体
and then rip up the constitution
撕了宪♥章♥
in front of the world’s media.
很简单
Piece of cake.
我来了 兰卡斯特
Hello, Lancaster!
我不明白这是怎么回事
I don’t understand what has happened.
我的计算很精准
My calculations were very precise.
减点重量就能滑过去了
If you lose enough weight, then the zipline will work.
你兜里有什么东西吗
Do you have anything in your pockets?
让我看看
Let me check.
那是什么
What is that?
维塔可可果汁
It’s Vita Coco water.
你带它干什么
Why do you have Vita Coco water?
富含钾元素 顶三个香蕉呢
Because it has as much potassium as three bananas.
还是太沉了
The line is still too heavy.
你兜里还有什么