我与长指甲（1987）

This doesn’t go down at all well.
他们可以处理长袍, 但是却没有办法处理那个大喇叭
They can handle the caftan, but they can’t handle the bell.
法官穿着法官服坐在那里, 样子就像一个勤务兵…
So there’s this judge sitting there in the cape like fucking Batman…
-头上戴着过时的帽子– -假发
– with this really rather far-out looking hat… – Wig.
不,兄弟, 看上去更像一顶白色的帽子
No, man. This was more like a long white hat.
他看着走私犯,说：
So he looks at the Coalman and says,
“这是什么意思？ 这里是法庭, 不是化妆舞会”
“What’s all this? This is a court, man. This ain’t fancy dress. ”
走私犯看着他,说：
And the Coalman looks at him and says,
“法官大人, 你觉得你看上去是个正常人？”
“You think you look normal, Your Honor?”
法官立刻判了他两年
Cunt give him two years.
恐怕没有任何大♥麻♥ 可以提供给你们
I’m afraid I can’t offer you gentlemen anything.
没关系,丹尼， 我们决定不吸一段时间
That’s all right, Danny. We decided to lay off for a bit.
那也是我想的， 除了自己使用, 我的意见跟你一样
That’s what I thought. Except for personal use, I concur with you.
其实,我打算退休然后做生意
As a matter of fact, I’m thinking of retiring and going into business.
做什么生意？
Doing what?
-玩具生意 -我以为你会做瓶子生意
– The toy industry. – I thought you were in the bottle industry.
不,兄弟，那是副业， 你可以去做
No, man. That’s a sideline. You can have that.
里面有说明
Instructions are included.
好的,我的搭档非常擅长做娃娃
Yeah, my partner’s got a really good idea for making dolls.
他的名字叫专横的艾德 他姐姐给了他一个主意
His name’s Presuming Ed. His sister give him the idea.
她在圣诞节收到一个娃娃, 会小便的娃娃
She got a doll on Christmas what pisses itself.
-真的？ -是的, 但是你要帮它换内♥裤♥
– Really? – Yeah, and you gotta change its drawers for it.
真恐怖， 但是小女孩喜欢那样子
It’s horrible, really. But they like that, little girls.
我们准备要做一个 可以大便的娃娃
So we’re gonna make one that shits itself as well.
-大便？ -他是个专家
– Shits itself? – He’s an expert.
他在做原型
He’s building the prototype now.
为什么他这么紧张不安？
Why is he behaving so uptightly?
因为一群广♥告♥客户要我去剪头发 我没有办法接受这事情
Because a gang of cheeroot vendors considered a haircut beyond my abilities.
我建议你不去剪头发
I don’t advise a haircut, man.
全部发型师都受雇于政♥府♥
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
头发是你的天线
Hair are your aerials.
它们接收宇宙的信♥号♥♥…
They pick up signals from the cosmos…
然后将它们传送到大脑
and transmit them directly into the brain.
因此,那些光头的人会如此紧张
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
真是胡说
What absolute twaddle.
-他不是刚刚被逮捕了？ -不是
– Has he just been busted? – No.
那么为什么他还穿着 以前那套旧西装？
Then why is he wearing that old suit?
旧西装？这可是来自 萨维尔街的霍克斯牌子的西装
Old suit? This suit was cut by Hawke’s of Savile Row.
不要因为没有看过这套西装就 大惊小怪的,这不算什么！
Just because the best tailoring you’ve ever seen is above your fucking appendix doesn’t mean anything!
不要生我的气
Don’t get uptight with me, man.
如果你这样子, 我就不得不给你吃一些药
‘Cause if you do, I’ll have to give you a dose of medicine.
如果我刺你一刀, 你就会知道有人告诉过你
And if I spike you, you’ll know you’ve been spoken to.
你不会刺我的, 你太懦弱了
You wouldn’t spike me. You’re too mean.
而且, 没有东西我是不能忍♥受的
Besides, there’s nothing invented I couldn’t take.
如果我给你毒品, 你会认为脑瘤是一份生日礼物
If I medicined you, you’d think a brain tumor was a birthday present.
我可以跟你一样吸食双倍的分量
I could take double anything you could.
非常,非常愚蠢的话,兄弟
Very, very foolish words, man.
他是对的,长指甲
He’s right, Withnail. Look at him.
他已经丧失了所有的功能， 他服用的药物的剂量比你多很多
His mechanism’s gone. He’s had more drugs than you’ve had hot dinners.
我不会让这家伙羞辱我
I’m not having this shag sack insulting me.
让他把毒品拿出来
Let him get his drugs out.
这个娃娃极度的危险
This doll is extremely dangerous.
它被施了伏赌教的巫术
It has voodoo qualities.
学名是, “镇静安眠剂”
Trade, “Phenodihydrochrolide benzorex. ”
道上的人称呼它为 “尸体防腐者”
Street, “the embalmer. ”
我不怕！我会吞了它, 然后跑一公里
Balls! I’ll swallow it and run a mile.
冷静点,兄弟 这药每粒要一英磅
Cool your boots, man. This pill’s valued at two quid.
-一粒一英磅？ 你真的是疯了 -那是合理的,长指甲
– Two quid? You’re out of your mind. – That’s sense, Withnail.
你可以把这东西塞进你的屁♥股♥ 里面然后滚开这里！
You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you’re doing it!
不需要羞辱我, 我准备离开
No need to insult me, man. I was leaving anyway.
你们谁有鞋子？
Have either of you got shoes?
蒙蒂的车
Monty’s car.
噢,你好！进来
Oh, hello! Come in.
[古典钢琴音乐]
坐下,你想喝点东西吗？
Sit down, do. Would you like a drink?
-雪利酒-雪利酒
– Sherry. – Sherry.
-雪利酒？ -是的,雪利酒
– Sherry? – Sherry.
雪利酒
Sherry.
你们喜欢蔬菜吗？
Do you like vegetables?
我一直都很喜欢块根农作物
I’ve always been fond of root crops,
但是我是去年夏天才开始种植
but I only started to grow last summer.
我突然觉得花椰菜比玫瑰更漂亮
I happen to think the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose.
干杯
Chin-chin.
-你有种植什么东西？ -天竺葵
– Do you grow? – Geraniums.
小叛徒
Little traitors.
我觉得胡萝卜 比天竺葵更吸引人
I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium.
恩,胡萝卜有种神秘的感觉
Mmm. The carrot has mystery.
花其实就像妓♥女♥一样
Flowers are essentially tarts,
蜜蜂就是它们的客人
prostitutes for the bees.
你会同意它们表示 “请来找我吧”
There is, you will agree, a certain “je ne sai quoi,”
一些关于坚定, 年轻的胡萝卜的特别的事情
something very special about a firm, young carrot.
恩,不好意思
Hmm, excuse me.
请喝多一杯酒
Do help yourselves to another drink.
这是什么意思？ 那个男人疯了
What’s all this? The man’s mad.
-行为有点古怪 -古怪？他是个疯子！
– Eccentric. – Eccentric? He’s insane!
不仅仅那样, 他还是一个粗野的同性恋者
Not only that, he’s a raving homosexual.
[猫在尖叫]
你这个寄生虫！ 你竟然敢这么做？
You beastly little parasite! How dare you?
你这强盗！ 你竟然敢这么做！
You little thug! How dare you!
[喋喋不休]
无情无义的, 下流的卑鄙小人！
Beastly, ungrateful little swine!
-请问你要喝东西吗？ -是的,是的,亲爱的孩子
– Shall I get you a drink? – Yes, yes, yes, please, dear boy.
你给我一杯血腥玛丽
You can prepare me a small rhesus-negative Bloody Mary.
你要将所有的事情告诉我, 自从你上一次演出到现在, 我都没有见过你
You must tell me all the news. I haven’t seen you since you finished your last show.
非常的忙,叔叔， 电视之类的事情
Rather busy, Uncle. TV and stuff.
我的经纪人又劝我去 皇家莎士比亚公♥司♥
My agent’s attempting to edge me towards Royal Shakespeare Company again.
-噢,太棒了 -而他则刚得到一次试演的机会
– Oh, splendid. – And he’s just had an audition for rep.
噢,太棒了！ 那么你也是一个戏剧演员了？
Oh, splendid! So you’re a Thespian too?
蒙蒂以前也做表演
Monty used to act.
几乎可以那么说
One hardly says that.
我只是嘴上那么说, 但是从来没有真正放在，心上
I cracked the boards in my youth, but I never really had it in my blood.
而那是必不可少的, 不是吗？
And that’s what’s so essential, isn’t it?
血液里充满了对表演的渴求
The theatrical zeal in the veins.
唉,我现在只剩下一些酒和回忆
Alas, I have little more than vintage wine and memories.
那是对于一个年轻人的生活 来说最令人惶恐的经历…
It is the most shattering experience of a young man’s life…
当某天早上他醒来, 然后理所当然的对自己说
when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself,
“我再也不能扮演丹麦人了”
“I will never play the Dane. ”
当那个时刻到来
When that moment comes,
一个人就不再有野，心
one’s ambition ceases.
你不同意吗？
Don’t you agree?
-那是一个我想扮演的角色, 叔叔-你会是第一流的演员
– It’s a part I intend to play, Uncle. – And you’ll be marvelous.
第一流的
Marvelous.
“结束了”
“It’s gone.
“我们错了, 我们受到如此宽容的对待…”
“We do it wrong, being so ma’jestical…
“不应该还以暴♥力♥”
to offer it the show of violence. ”
我们走吧,他是个疯子
Let’s go. He’s a madman.
任何时刻他都有可能冲出去, 穿上他的紧身衣
Any minute now, he’s gonna rush out and get into his tights.
-好的,好的,任何时刻 -要么离开,要么留在这里
– Okay, okay. Any minute. – The house or out.
蒙蒂,我可以跟你说几句吗？
Could I have a word with you, Monty?
噢,原谅我, 亲爱的, 原谅我
Oh, forgive me, dear boy. Forgive me.
我太沉湎于过去
I was allowing memory to have the better of me.
我再给你倒一杯酒吧
Shall I get you a topper?
事实上, 我还记得我的第一个经纪人
Indeed, I remember my first agent.
雷蒙德达克
Raymond Duck.
他是一个苛刻的以色列人
He was a dreadful little Israelite.
住在查宁十字路口的 一栋四层公♥寓♥上
Four floors up on the Charing Cross Road,
从来没有给我介绍任何一份工作
and never a job at the top of them.
有人告诉我你还是一个作家
I’m told you’re a writer too.
你会写诗吗？
Do you write poems?
我也希望我可以、 那只是一个想法而已,真的
No. I wish I could. It’s just thoughts, really.
-有出版过书吗？ -没有
– Are you published? – Oh, no.
你在哪里上学？
Where did you school?