Well, I think Hayden would be lucky to have you.
海顿高中有幸请你入学
Welcome. Thank you.
欢迎 谢谢
Uh, yes, Mr. Gold. Do you have a question?
高德先生 您还有什么问题
Your hair is pretty.
你的头发很美
Ah. Not a question, but thank you.
虽然不是个问题 不过谢谢你
Would the lady mind if I smelled it?
我可以嗅一下你秀发的味道吗
Now is probably a good time to tell
我想该跟你说明白
You that I don’t date students’ parents.
我们不准和学生家长约会
Maybe I should tell you that I never
我也该向你申明
Don’t not date the principal of my child.
我和所有我孩子的校长都约过会
Okay, come on, dad. Come on, dad.
好了 爸爸 好啦
Let’s go.
走吧
I was about to close!
就快说完了
You have to do it right now? Just calm down. You’re a dad.
你想表现好吗 那就沉着点 你是个父亲
Hi. oh, my gosh. we’re in.
天啊 我们置身其中了
You see her undress me with her eyes?
看见她那赤♥裸♥裸的眼神没
I don’t think that’s what that was.
我可不这么想
Hey. wow. I don’t know how we did it.
真不敢相信我们做到了
It’s Maggie’s friends. Watch this.
那是玛姬的朋友 看着
Hey, girls, how’s it going? Do I know you?
姑娘们 怎么样 你是谁啊
What’d you do, mug k-fed?
当你自己是谁 明星么
Welcome to the bottom of the food chain.
欢迎来到金字塔底部
Hey, look, you always had my back in high school, okay?
在高中永远有我支持你
So if your spirit guide wants you to be a fake teenager…
如果你的灵媒要你假扮青少年
…And me to be your fake dad…
我愿意做你的假老爸
…The least I can do is make sure that my fake son doesn’t look…
至少我能保证自己的假儿子看上去…
…Like a total douche.
不那么傻气
I don’t look like a douche. What a douche.
我才不傻 真是个傻冒儿
We’re going shopping.
我们去采购
Really? Yes, your shirt is bedazzled.
真的 没错 你的上衣让人看了眼晕
Bedazzled with rhinestones.
是宝石晃眼
Let’s go to school.
去上学吧
Hey, yo, check it out.
快看呐 老兄
That’s just rude.
真嚣张
What’s up, dude?
你看什么
What are you looking at, punk?
你乱看什么 小阿飞
Watch it. Wake up, douche.
看着点 醒醒吧 傻子
Sorry.
抱歉
No phones, no texting.
别打电♥话♥ 别发短♥信♥
Settle, people. Settle down.
坐好 大家都坐好
Take the roughhousing outside, class.
禁止在教室打闹
Hello?
你好
Hello? Where the hell are you?
你好 你到底在哪儿
Oh, cr…
我的天
The thing. You mean our divorce?
是那件事 你是说我们的离婚
Do you take any of this seriously?
你到底有没有认真对待这事儿
No, no! Yes, I take this seriously.
没有 不 我很认真
I had to leave the country very suddenly, uh…
我突然需要出国
…With the Mayan… Inca,
去和玛雅人和印加人…
I’m with the Incas in Peru.
我现在秘鲁和印加人在一起
We think we might have found the next…
我想我们能找到新的…
…rogaine.
生发剂
Are you with a girl?
你和一个女孩在一起?
No, no. It’s, uh, a bunch of cheerleaders.
没有 只不过是一群啦啦队员
So would you consider maybe dating a 10th-grader?
你能和10年级生约会吗
I think we could go for full custody.
我认为抚养权可以完全归你
No, you can’t take my kids away from me.
不 你不能把孩子夺走
Since when do you care?
你何时开始关心了
Look…
听着
…I’m a lot closer to them than you think.
我和他们的距离 远比你想像的要近
Let’s reschedule, okay?
我们再谈 好吗
Hey, Maggie.
玛姬
Um, why is the new kid waving at me?
为什么这个新生朝我挥手
I don’t know.
我不知道
But if that boy were an apple…
如果这男孩是苹果的话
…He’d be a delicious.
味道一定不错
Oh, god.
天啊
Gosh, we are all in such great shape.
天 我们身材都很棒
Man, you know, I will tell you something.
知道吗 跟你透露个秘密
In 10 years you’re going to have this thing right here…
再过10年 我们就该有啤酒肚了
…That no amount of crunches will get rid of.
做多少仰卧起坐都减不下去
And spot reduction, total lie.
局部瘦身? 全是胡说
You know, I…
我…
Never mind. Give me the ball.
别介意 把球给我
Fakes right, goes left.
假动作向右 实际向左
And signature move.
经典上篮
Kid.
孩子
I’m coach Murphy.
我是墨菲教练
You’re still here? What?
你还没退休 什么
You’re a legend.
你是个传奇人物
Yeah. Well, yeah. Twenty years.
是啊 不过是二十年前
It’s actually my last one.
这是我带的最后一届了
Good hops, kid. nice handle.
跳跃力很好 控球不错
We’re looking for a point guard.
我们需要一个得分后卫
Oh, yeah?
是吗
Why don’t you come to tryouts? Okay.
为什么不来试试 好的
I’m done talking to you. yeah, yeah.
我说完了 好的
Hey, how’s it going?
进展如何
Things are looking up.
一起顺利
Coach Murphy practically put me on the team.
墨菲教练邀我入队
That’s not a coincidence. We’re on the path.
这不是个巧合 一切都在步入正轨
That’s great.
很好
That’s super you’re finding your destiny and, blah, blah, whatever.
你正找回自己的命运 等等等等
Here’s something. I need you to do something for me.
有件事情 我需要你帮忙
I need you to get in trouble.
我需要你惹点事
Not, like, big trouble.
不要犯大事
Just enough trouble so that the principal needs to meet with your father.
只要惹的麻烦足够让校长请家长就行
Yeah, okay, well, we’ll see.
好吧 再说吧
Oh! boom. Ned!
内德 赢了
Boom. Checkmate, Samir!
萨米尔 将死
Damn it! Checkmate.
见鬼 将死
Uh, can I get a little help in here?
能帮我个忙吗
Alex?
阿莱克斯?
How does it…?
怎么会…
Who did this to you? The basketball team.
是谁干的 篮球队的人
But why? Why? You’re one of them.
为什么 你是他们的队友啊
You’re popular.
你人缘很好
Uh, look, this is kind of personal, and I don’t know you.
这是私事 我又不认识你
I’m taped to the toilet. Yeah.
我被粘在厕所上了 是啊
I’m sorry, I’m Mark Gold, uh,
我是马克·高德
your uncle Ned’s kid. I just started here.
是你内德叔叔的儿子 我刚刚转来
Oh, cool. Cool, yeah.
不错 很好
Well, I’d shake your hand…
我很想和你握手
…But it’s taped to my ass. Right. right.
但手被粘在屁♥股♥上了 没关系
Would you mind?
能帮个忙吗
Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, um.
当然 当然 谢谢
Just rip. I’m going to get it.
撕开就行 我来撕
Bandaid. Go for it.
是胶布 撕吧
So how come we never met?
为什么我们从未谋面
My mom didn’t want anyone to know she had a kid with Ned.
我妈不想让人知道我是内德的私生子
That makes sense. Yeah.
这倒是 是啊
So since we’re practically family and all…
我们就像家人一样
…My dad says we should just keep an eye on each other, you know?
爸爸说我们应该互相照顾 你说呢
Uh, yeah. Why not?
当然 为什么不呢
Next time you could get there before they tape me to the toilet.
下次你可以在他们把我绑在马桶之前救我
You got it.
没错
This looks good.
看上去很美味
Who’s that?
那是谁
Nicole. Are you two going out?
妮可 你们两个要约会
No, no, she’s the, uh, head cheerleader.
不 不 她是啦啦队长

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