第25小时

-是她告你的密 -你骗人
-She touched you. -You’re lying.
-是吗 -是
-Am I? -Yeah.
真窝心 你真的很相信她
Aw. That’s sweet. You really trust her.
我只知道她可以走人
All I know is she’s walking away.
没错 我们把她给放了
Yeah. We just signed her release.
搞不好她今晚就会 吉米的咖啡馆里开派对狂欢庆祝
Probably having a big party tonight over at Jimmy’s Bronx Cafe.
是啊 为什么不
Sure,why not?
好好庆祝一番 那间高级公♥寓♥全是她的了
Big celebration. She’s got that whole fancy apartment to herself now.
你以为她是看上你很帅吗
What? You thought she was with you for your looks?
才怪
Shit.
那种拜金女一看到钱 就好像看见一罐蜜
Girl saw a pot of honey
立刻把它舔光了
and she licked it clean.
是啊 她很聪明
Yeah. She’s a real smart girl.
至于你呢
Now you,on the other hand…
你看起来很聪明
You’re supposed to be smart.
你靠奖学金念私立学校 你这穷小子还真不赖
Got yourself a scholarship to a fancy private school,huh?
这对从瑞奇湾来的小子来说不坏
Not bad for a punk from Bay Ridge.
不过你却因为卖♥♥大♥麻♥
Yeah,but then you go and get yourself thrown out
被学校开除
for dealing weed to some rich kids.
到底是为什么
What up with that?
你知道你这种帅哥 到了牢里会怎样
You know what happens to pretty boys like you in prison?
他们一定会爱死你
They’re gonna love you.
也许吧
Yeah,maybe.
也许我不会坐牢
But then again,maybe not.
法官大人 我无话可说
Jeez,Your Honor,you know,what can I say?
我犯了错 我母亲很早就过世
I messed up. You know,my mother died.
我很担心我父亲 我只想帮我父亲的忙
I was so worried about my father,I needed to help him out.
所以才会误入歧途
My head was a little turned around.
我交到坏朋友 也犯了一个大错
I got hooked in with the wrong people and I made a big mistake.
是真的 但是这是我第一次犯案
I really did,but… It was my first time.
请原谅我 我绝对不会再犯
I’m sorry. It will never,ever happen again.
情有可原 被判缓刑
Time served. Probation.
你一定不太看报 对吧
You don’t read the papers much,do you,smart guy?
纽约市有一个 很棒的洛克菲勒法案
In New York,we’ve got a wonderful thing called the Rockefeller Laws.
让我解释给你听 你的沙发藏了一公斤海洛英
Let me educate you. You had a kilo in your sofa.
拥有这么大量的毒品 算是一级重罪
That kind of weight makes it an A-I Felony.
初犯至少都要被判 15年到无期徒刑
15 years to life minimum,first offense.
刑期的范围这么广
Now,with that much spread in the sentencing guidelines,
法官会征求检察官的意见
the judges take their cues from the prosecutors.
要是那天检察官被老婆
So if Mister Prosecutor’s wife
抱怨一通 你就完蛋了
busted his chops that morning,you’re fucked.
你肯定要坐一辈子牢
You’re gone for good.
要是你真的很幸运
If you get lucky,really lucky,
也许他前一晚有爽到
let’s say he got some good trim the night before,
他就可能让你减到二级重罪
maybe he’ll plead you off to an A-II.
不过初犯至少也会被判 3到8年刑期
But that’s still three to eight for first time. Minimum.
你会坐几年牢 完全要看检察官的心情
How much of that stretch you pull is all up to the mood of the prosecutor.
他会问我们”他有没有合作”
And he’s going to ask us,did he play ball?
所以
So…
你就把尼古拉老大招出来吧
Why don’t you tell us about your friend Nikolai?
我们会对你从轻发落
Let us make it easy on you.
我想问你一个问题
Can I ask you one question?
问吧
Sure.
当他的嘴巴含着你的老二时
When you have your dick in his mouth,
还会这么啰嗦吗
does he just keep talking like that?
因为他好像永远不会闭嘴
‘Cause it seems to me he just never shuts up. And I’m…
我很好奇 你不会不舒服吗
I’m just curious. Does that get annoying?
他帮你吹♥喇♥叭♥ 可是却讲个不停
You’re fucking a guy in the mouth and he just won’t shut up?
给我听好 你这臭白小子
Look here,you vanilla motherfucker,
当你在库罗的牢里
when you’re upstate taking it in the culo,
被一堆彪形大汉鸡♥奸♥
by a bunch of guys calling you Shirley,
你要记得好好谢谢
you’ll only have yourself
洛克菲勒州长的德政
and Governor Rockefeller to thank for the privilege.
咱们走吧
Let’s get the hell outta here.
跟检察官说这小子很顽固
Tell the US Attorney we got a hard-ass.
-你需要一个女朋友 -我需要女朋友
-You need a girlfriend. -I need a girlfriend?
拜托 你几时交过女朋友
Wait a minute. When was the last time you had a girlfriend?
对吧 你上次是几时上过床
All right? When was the last time you got laid?
我有一些对象
I’ve got prospects.
-是啊 你有对象 -我有
-Yeah,you got prospects. -I do.
你知道吗
You know what?
你的百分比是62 那就是你
You’re in the 62nd percentile,that’s what you are.
-那是什么 -62%
-What is that? Yeah. -The 62nd percentile?
那就是你 那是你的百分比
That’s you. That’s where you rate.
纽约市的异性恋单身汉
All the bachelors in New York,
都在抢同样的那群女人
we’re all competing for the same women.
诚实的单身汉
Well,the straight bachelors.
-我的百分比是62 -对
-And I’m in the 62nd percentile? -Yes,sir.
也就是说 我比62%的单身汉好
So,in other words I’m better than 62% of the New York bachelors.
你的分数比他们高
Well,you’re rated higher than them,yeah.
我比38%的人差
But worse than,what,38%?
37% 没有百分百的好男人
37. No 100th percentile.
你是怎么算出来62%的
How did you come up with 62?
我有一整套科学方法
There’s a whole science to figuring it out.
这要用科学方法来算
There’s a science to figuring it out?
听起来不是很科学
Well,it sounds very scientific.
我借问一下 你是百分之多少
And,if I may inquire,what’s your rating?
你问得真好 因为是99%
Funny you should ask. I happen to fall right in the 99th percentile.
当然了
Of course.
这种算法是谁发明的
Who came up with the ratings?
区区在下我
I did.
这是你发明的 你是99%
You came up with the ratings? And you get a 99.
-真有意思 -是吗
-That’s very interesting. -Yeah?
你是根据什么算的
What are these based on?
这是一种系统 你的分数就是那样
It’s just a system. I mean,that’s your rating.
我并没有说你很差劲 杰克
I mean… I’m not saying you’re a bad person,Jake.
你只是说我是个 很差劲的单身汉
No,you’re just saying I’m a bad bachelor.
哪有 你算是中等单身汉
No. You… No. You’re a better-than-average bachelor.
你用什么条件来判断
What are the criteria?
第一 钱 你没有钱
First,money. You have none.
信托基金并不算
Trust funds don’t count for shit
因为你♥爸♥妈随时
because it’s a red flag that says Mommy and Daddy
都能拿走你的那笔钱
could turn off the cash flow one day.
光是因为这一点 你就泡不到10%的女人
So that right there keeps you out of the top 10%.
所有拜金女的10%
10% of the gold-diggers?
所有女人的10%
10% period.
第二 你有口臭
Two,you got chronic bad breath.
别生气 不过女人不会 跟有口臭的男人上♥床♥
No offense,but most women won’t stick with a guy with stank breath.
去你的
Fuck you.
你不必这么生气
You don’t have to get so annoyed,all right?
我是很生气 你凭什么有99%
I am annoyed. What puts you in the 99th percentile?
我只想知道
That’s what I wanna know.
好吧 这个嘛 第一 我
Okay. Well,first of all,I,um…
除了你的高薪以外
What… Besides your salary,all the money you make.
好吧
All right.
我很幸运拥有很大的老二
I happen to be blessed with a very big dick.
这是遗传的
Genetics,man.
染头发不必扣分吗
Doesn’t dyeing your hair drop you down a few places?
当然不必 只要我不介意就行
No. Not at all. It would only bother women if it bothered me.
-你很介意你有少年白 -我才不介意
-Going gray does bother you. -No,it doesn’t.
你当然介意
Of course it does.
如果你不介意 就不会
If it didn’t bother you,you wouldn’t smear that goop
每天折腾你的头发
all over your scalp 10 billion times a day.
发色并不重要 杰克
Hair’s a non-issue,Jake.
餐桌礼仪重不重要呢
Yeah,well,are table manners an issue?
盘子左侧的银色东西叫叉子
That silver thing to the left of your plate,that’s called a fork.
通常吃饭不是用筷子 就是用叉子
You know,when people eat rice,they use chopsticks or a fork.
大人不会用手吃炒饭
Grown people don’t eat fried rice with their bare hands.
你一点礼貌都没有
You don’t know how to behave.
连吃饭你都要挑我毛病
You busting my balls on the way I eat?