冒牌老爸

该死的 你给他的都是简单的
Damn you! You gave him the easy ones!
-谢谢 -不客气
-Thanks! -You’re welcome.
慢点
Slow down.
你还欠我个汉堡
You owe me a Sausage McMuffin.
那儿有根杆子
There’s a pole there.
我是亚历山大?汉密尔顿
My name is Alexander Hamilton.
我是第一任财政部长
I was the first secretary of the treasury.
拥有一家银行和一家报社
I owned a bank and a newspaper.
Aaron Bird刺杀了我
Aaron Bird shot me.
我叫本杰明?富兰克林
Hi, my name is Benjamin Franklin.
我是个作家 外交家
I was a writer, a diplomat…
发明家和政♥治♥家
…an inventor and a statesman…
尽管我只上过两年学
…although I only went to school for two years.
我写过很多书 还发明了很多 沿用至今的发明
I wrote many books and invented many things we still use today.
独♥立♥宣言完成了
The Declaration of lndependence is finished.
谁第一个签字?
Who will be the first to sign?
-你怎么样 约翰?汉考克? -我要签
-How about you, John Hancock? -I want to sign!
-看我的小男子汉站得多坚定 -他真可爱
-Look at my man stand strong. -He’s so cute.
你什么牌?
What are your cards?
我有一个6 一个5 一个J 一个4和一个8
I got a six, a five, a jack, a four and a eight.
我赢了
I win.
为什么你赢
What do you mean?
我刚才也有这样一手牌 都没赢
I had a hand just like that. I didn’t win.
因为我赢了
Because I win.
这真是胡扯
This is bullshit!
行了 放松 哥们儿
All right. Take it easy, man.
每次他牌都不一样 都是他赢
Every time it’s different cards.
那又怎么样? 放松 他只是孩子
So what? Relax. He’s a kid.
规则应该对每个人都一样 不管多大年龄
There should be same set of rules, no matter what age.
他也得学学什么是输
He’s gotta learn how to lose too.
-你好 Koufax先生 -Brooks先生 你好吗?
-Hello, Mr. Koufax. -Mr. Brooks, how you doing?
我正打算给你电♥话♥的
I was gonna give you a buzz.
你刚才叫我Koufax先生 是吧?
You just called me Mr. Koufax, didn’t you?
是你的名字 没错吧? Sonny Koufax?
It is your name, isn’t it? Sonny Koufax?
你一直冒充Kevin Gerrity
You held yourself out to be Kevin Gerrity…
来得到小Julian的抚养权
…to gain custody of young Julian.
这可是大问题了 Sonny
Big problem in this state.
我给你送过外卖♥♥
I’ve delivered to you before.
你总是要3块起司蛋糕
You always order three pieces of cheesecake.
真的Kevin Gerrity让我来照顾
The real Kevin Gerrity asked me to take care of–
省省吧 Koufax先生
Save it, Mr. Koufax.
他现在得跟我走 否则我就逮捕你
He has to come with me or I’ll arrest you.
把你的手铐拿出来
Take out your handcuffs.
我没有 但楼下的两个警♥察♥有
I don’t have any, but two policemen downstairs do.
听着 Sonny 我想帮你的
Listen, Sonny, I would like to help…
但我在你们这个国家的身份不合法
…but my status in your country is not what you would call legal.
没关系
It’s okay.
我走了
I’m Audi.
Julian 你必须跟我走
Julian, you’re gonna have to come with me.
等一下 伙计
One second, pal.
能否给我一点时间跟孩子说再见?
Would you just give me a second to say goodbye to the kid?
就一会
Take a second.
你不想让我继续留在这儿了?
You don’t want me here anymore?
不 不是这样的
No, that’s not it, pal.
你只是得离开一段时间
You just gotta go away for a little while.
我要离开多久?
How long am I going away for?
我不想骗你
I don’t wanna lie to you.
我想我们不能
I don’t think we’re gonna…
再见面了
…be seeing each other anymore.
我把事情弄糟了 很抱歉
I screwed up, pal. I’m so sorry.
来
Come here.
把外套穿上
Put your coat on.
不是你的错 明白吗? 我才是白♥痴♥
It’s not your fault, okay? I’m the idiot.
-我不想走 -我知道你不想
-I don’t wanna go. -I know you don’t.
但你必须走 你会很好的
But you have to, and you’re gonna be okay.
请不要让我走
Please don’t make me go.
对不起 但我不知道还能怎么办
I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else to do.
我以后不再放袋鼠歌♥了
I won’t play the kangaroo song anymore.
来吧
Come on.
走吧 你必须走
Just go. You gotta go.
必须走
You gotta go.
我不走 我答应
I don’t wanna go. I promise…
对不起 我已经不喜欢那首歌♥了
…l’m sorry. I don’t even like that song anymore.
我知道 不是因为那个
I know, pal. That’s not it.
我自己擦屁♥股♥ 我自己擦屁♥股♥
But I wipe my own ass! I wipe my own ass!
我知道
I know.
-Layla 他们把孩子带走了 -谁?
-Layla, they took the kid. -Who?
社会服务处 我得把他弄回来
Social Services. I gotta get him back.
什么意思 你说过这是临时的
You said this was just temporary.
我知道 不能是临时的了 必须是永久
I can’t have it be temporary. It’s gotta be permanent.
好的 我们能做什么?
Okay, what can we do?
谁能取得孩子的抚养权 要依据孩子自己的兴趣
I filed to get custody based on the child’s best interests.
Tommy认识一个文员 打听到听证会是在周二
Tommy knew a clerk, so they fast-tracked the hearing. It’s Tuesday.
你得去那儿
You got to be there.
-本周二? -你得工作?
-This Tuesday? -You got work?
我得去华盛顿参加我案子的听证会
I gotta go to Washington for a hearing to dismiss my case.
可以让别人去吗?
Can you get somebody else?
很抱歉 Sonny 不能 这是我的案子
I’m sorry, Sonny. I can’t. It’s my case.
那Julian的案子怎么办
What about Julian’s case?
我们甚至不知道这孩子将来会在什么样的家庭
We don’t even know where this kid’s gonna end up.
Sonny 这正是我不想卷进来的原因
Sonny, this is exactly why I didn’t wanna get involved.
我本来过着自己想要的生活
I had things going the way I wanted.
然后在公园 你和这孩子闯进了我的生活
Then at the park, you and this kid come barging into my life…
而且打乱了我所有的计划
…and it’s screwing up everything I had planned.
你认为我计划好了 有个孩子会出现在我门口?
You think I planned on a kid showing up on my doorstep?
但我爱上他了
But I fell in love with him.
所以现在我改变了我的机会
So now my plans have changed.
全体起立
All rise.
早上好 我们今天要决定Julian McGrath
We’re here to determine proper custody of Julian McGrath…
也叫Julian Gerrity的抚养权
…also known as Julian Gerrity, a minor child.
代表纽约市政♥府♥的是?
Representing New York City?
Ted Castellucci
Ted Castellucci.
Arthur Brooks社会服务处的
Arthur Brooks, Social Services.
代表Sonny Koufax的是?
And representing Sonny Koufax?
Phillip D’Amato
Phillip D’Amato.
Thomas Grayton
Thomas Grayton.
另外 我代表我自己 法官大人
Plus, I’ll pretty much be representing myself.
还有吗?
Anyone else?
Layla Maloney大人
Layla Maloney, Your Honour.
这是不是意味着你爱我?
Does this mean that you love me?
差不多吧
Something like that.
第一证人
First witness.
Koufax是个好人 他对那孩子很好
Koufax is a good egg. He was nice to that kid.
但他打架像个女孩
But he fights like a girl.
这样说可以吧?
You like that?
我就在这儿 小姐
I’m right here, miss.
你要怎么样?
What are you gonna do about it?
你喝醉了吗 Herlihy先生?
Are you drunk, Mr. Herlihy?
喝了一点白葡萄酒 能怎么样?
I had a few chardonnays. What of it?
请下来吧
Get off the stand.
好吧
You got it.
我还有点事
I’ve got a few problems.
后面的会好点的
Off to a good start.
Koufax先生是个真正的好人 我希望我爸也像他这么好
Mr. Koufax is a really cool guy. I wish my dad was as cool as him.
我爸是个军人
My dad was a military man.
他料到我不会是个”好士兵”
Guess I wasn’t such a “good soldier.”
我35岁时 他试图在我睡着时 给我剃个军人式的平头
When I was 35, he attempted to give me a crew cut while I was sleeping.
我醒了 打断了他的胳膊 从那以后就没再见过他
I broke his arm, haven’t seen him since.
我宁可睡马路也不愿受制于他
I’d rather live on the streets than under his rules.
不管怎么说 我认为应该免除Koufax先生所有罪状
Anyway, I think Mr. Koufax should be acquitted of all the charges.