冒牌老爸

Sonny 我在这儿
Sonny, I’m right here.
哦 太阳镜 我看不见你
Oh, the glasses. I couldn’t see you.
戴着吧 只要你不想 谁也看不见你
Keep those on. No one can notice you until you decide they can.
-好 -走吧
-Okay. -Let’s go.
我还在这儿
I’m still right here.
哦 对 你戴着太阳镜呢
Okay, all right, the glasses.
欢迎回来
Welcome back.
那是谁?
Who’s that?
谁是谁? 他是隐身的
Who’s who? He’s invisible.
我能进来吗?
Can I come in?
当然
Sure.
有隐身人在这儿的话
Any invisible people out here…
就进来吧 好吗?
…feel free to come in, okay?
Sonny 我不太清楚发生了什么
Sonny, I don’t really know what’s going on right now.
-但我们该谈谈 -你上次说我该考虑考虑
-We should talk– -You said I got some thinking to do?
我考虑了
So I did it.
我没有工作不代表我不上进
Just because I don’t have a job doesn’t mean I don’t wanna move on.
我认为光这样说 不如做给你看
Instead of saying that, I figured I’d show you.
-在你说什么之前 我只想让你知道 -看哪
-Before you say anything– -Look at that.
他摘掉太阳镜了
He took his sunglasses off.
他希望你看见他 他喜欢你
He wants you to see him. He likes you.
Julian 过来
Julian, come here.
过来 小家伙
Come here, pal.
Vanessa
Vanessa…
我想让你见见Julian 我儿子
…l want you to meet Julian, my son.
我们的儿子 我收养了他
Our son. I adopted him.
我不知道该说什么
I don’t know what to say.
什么也不要说了
Don’t say anything.
卫生间有人吗?
Is someone in the bathroom?
门为什么关着?
Why is the door shut?
我不知道
I don’t know.
你不知道?
You don’t?
不知道
I don’t know.
我无法相信
I can’t believe this.
开门
Open up.
把门打开
Open the door!
-一切都正常吧? -噢 我的天
-Is everything okay? -Oh, my God.
对不起 我太失礼了
I’m sorry. I was freaking out there.
-我是Sonny -Sid
-I’m Sonny. -Sid.
我精神错乱了 我以为你和我女朋友上♥床♥了
I had an attack of paranoia. I thought you were sleeping with my girl.
没错
I am.
你说什么?
What’s that?
没错
I am.
刚才我想告诉你的 我找到别人了
That’s what I was trying to tell you before. I found someone.
-这个老家伙? -Sid
-This old guy? -Sid.
他已经取得了很多成就
He’s already achieved so much…
但现在仍然为自己的目标奋斗
…and yet he’s still goal-oriented and still focused.
而且他有个5年计划
And he has a five-year plan.
什么计划? “不翘辫子”?
What is it? ” Don’t die”?
我不能相信我们现在有个家庭了 我以为这是你想要的
I can’t believe this. We got a family now. This is what you wanted.
你带着你收养的孩子来让我惊奇
You surprising me with a kid that you adopted…
-并不是我想要的 -我这样做是为了你
-…wasn’t what I wanted. -I did this for you.
你希望我更有责任感 我一个人无法抚养这个孩子
You wanted me to be more responsible. I can’t raise this kid alone.
你让我想起了我孙子 你考虑问题很简单
You remind me of my grandson. You don’t think things through.
嘿 老头儿 闭嘴 否则我打烂你屁♥股♥
Hey, Old Man River, zip it or I’ll break your hip.
-我倒想见识一下 -闭嘴
-I’d like to see you try it. -Shut up.
你怎么完全误解了我的意思?
How’d you misconstrue the situation so badly?
我不知道
I don’t know.
其实你早知道会有这一天
Deep down you must’ve known this day was coming.
你犯了你一生最大的错误
You made the biggest mistake of your life.
我知道 你肯定会想我的
I know you’ll be missing me when you got…
当一个又大又白又皱的
…that big, white, wrinkly…
身体压在你身上
…body on top of you…
还有松松的皮
…with his loose skin…
和两个老蛋蛋
…and old balls.
恶心
Gross.
不好意思 你好 我是Kevin Gerrity
Excuse me. How you doing? I’m Kevin Gerrity.
我有急事 Arthur Brooks在吗?
I got an emergency problem. Is Arthur Brooks around?
我去叫他
I’ll go get him for you.
待在我能看见你的地方 我要跟这家伙谈谈
Stay where I can see you. I gotta talk to this guy.
Gerrity先生?
Mr. Gerrity?
-我是Arthur Brooks -你好吗? 我要和你谈谈
-Arthur Brooks. -How are you? I need to speak with you.
我没说需要你来这儿吧?
I didn’t tell you to come here, did l?
因为我正打算把相关文件寄给你
I was gonna mail you the paperwork.
正相反
It’s like the opposite of that.
我无法抚养这孩子了
Look, I can’t manage this kid.
我不是个好父亲 我犯了个大错误
I ain’t a good father. I made a big mistake.
错误?
Mistake?
我本来要再给她找个母亲
I had a mother lined up for him…
但她跟别人搞上了
…but she’s banging the Pepperidge Farm guy.
这孩子总是撒尿扔东西
The kid won’t stop peeing and throwing up.
他就像只小可卡犬 我都
He’s like a cocker spaniel. I just….
我认为他跟着亲生母亲会好些
He’d be better off with his natural mother.
哦 她昨晚刚过世 Gerrity先生
Well, she passed away last night, Mr. Gerrity.
她得了癌症 她肯定已经感觉到自己的时间不多了
She had cancer. She must have sensed that her time was running short.
所以想把孩子交给亲生父亲 很有道理
She wanted her son to be with the natural father.
绕
Loop.
拉
Pull.
如果你不想抚养他
If you don’t wanna take care of him…
我们会的 但我得告诉你 他就得呆在一个大家庭里
…we’ll take him. But he’ll have to chill in a group home.
大家庭? 比如孤儿院?
Group home? Like an orphanage?
是 但现在不这么叫
We don’t call them that.
看 我会了 绕 穿 拉
Look, I did it. Loop, swoop and pull.
你确实会了
You did do it.
祝贺你 孩子
Congratulations, kid.
我教他的
I showed him that.
你先去待在那边 好吗?
Why don’t you go back over there, okay?
-我来给Heatherton之家打电♥话♥ -要不我们这样
-I’ll call the Heatherton Home– -Let’s do this.
在你给他找到新家庭之前 孩子还是我来照顾
I’ll hang onto the kid until you find him a new family.
我不能决定得看孩子自己想要怎么样
I don’t know. I gotta watch out for the kid’s best interest.
你刚才说自己是个不称职的爸爸
You said yourself you were a bogus dad.
他跟着我总比进孤儿院强
He’s better off with me than in an orphanage.
我也一样想给他找个家
I don’t wanna put him in a home any more than you do.
不如我们假装你今天根本没来过?
Why don’t we pretend you didn’t even come in here?
等我找到收养家庭会通知你
I’ll give you a shout when I line up a family.
-太好了 -再见
-That’s good. -Later.
就是别让我失望
Just don’t make me regret this.
我们现在去哪儿?
Where are we going now?
我要打个电♥话♥ 待在这儿 好吗?
I gotta make a phone call. Just stay right here, all right?
-这是接收方付费电♥话♥ 来自 -你的宝贝儿子
-This is a collect call from: -Your baby boy
-确认付费 请答复”是” -好 我确认
-To accept charges, say, “Yes ” -Yeah, I’ll accept.
爸 怎么样? 佛罗里达好玩吗?
Dad, how’s it going? How’s Florida?
还不赖 你妈妈昨天打动♥*♥态♥*♥网♥球晒伤了
Not too bad. Your mother got a sunburn playing tennis.
-我有些有趣的消息 -哦 是吗? 什么?
-I got some interesting news. -Oh, yeah? What?
类似收养个小孩
Kind of adopted a kid.
什么意思?
What do you mean?
我的意思是你当爷爷了恭喜了
I’m talking about you being a grandfather.
谁他妈的会把小孩给你?
Who the hell would give you a kid?
社会服务处
Social Services.
你个白♥痴♥ 最好送回去
You idiot. You better give that kid back.
他的妈妈
His mother’s….
等等
Hang on.
去和鸽子玩吧
Go play with them pigeons, buddy.
我想送回去的 但不行 明白吗?
I tried to give him back. I just can’t. All right?
我需要你的帮助
I need your help.
我现在情况很糟 Vanessa把我甩了 我不知道我在干嘛
I’m in a bad way Vanessa dumped me I don’t know what I’m doing
该死的你说的没错
You’re damn right.
孩子总是缠着我
The kid is always around.
过去3天他从不让我清闲
He never leaves me alone.
我以为他有自己的空间 我陷入麻烦了
You’d think he’d want some privacy. I’m in deep shit.