宋飞之前是杰瑞（2017）

You probably even think
you could do what I’m doing.
你们心想“我只是选了别的路走
You think…
“I got interested in other things,
但我如果当初想当搞笑艺人
but if I wanted to, I could have easily…
我一定能成功
I could have done it.
我只是选择不走这条路”
I chose not to.”
这是很适合学习喜剧的地方
And that is a good place to learn comedy,
因为在纽约要让观众笑
because in New York
you’ve got to really have something
必须要很有实力
to make audiences laugh.
而且在那个时候
And at that time, also,
纽约市的状况并不是很好
New York wasn’t doing so well as a city.
面临了破产危机
The city was going bankrupt.
而且那年还盖了罗斯福岛缆车
It was also the same year that they built
the Roosevelt Island Tramway.
我那时候都会说“纽约市要破产了
I used to say,
“Great, the city’s going bankrupt.
他们还帮我们盖游乐设施
They’re putting up rides for us.”
或许南布朗克斯之后会盖云霄飞车
“Maybe eventually we’ll get
a rollercoaster in the South Bronx…
那会是第一座让乘客
在平坦的部份依然尖叫的云霄飞车”
which would be the first rollercoaster
where people scream on the flat part of the ride.”
那是我想出来的第二个笑话
And that was my second joke
that I ever thought of.
所以我有左撇子那个笑话
还有缆车的笑话
So I had the left bit, I had the tramway.
我气势如虹
I was rolling.
我当时住在西城的一间小公♥寓♥里
And I lived in a little apartment
on the West Side,
那间公♥寓♥非常小
and it was very small.
才四坪而已
It was just 15-feet square.
我不是在开玩笑
纽约真的很多这么小的公♥寓♥
That is not a joke. You know
that New York apartments are like that.
我把我房♥间的小床
And I brought my little bed from my room
搬来睡
to sleep on.
我只有那张床而已，但我不在乎
That was all I had. I didn’t care.
其实我也没有预料自己会多成功
I-I wasn’t planning on really
getting anywhere doing this, by the way.
我只是很喜欢，所以就想表演
I just loved it and I wanted to do it.
所以我住在那间公♥寓♥里
And so I lived in that apartment.
因为我没钱整修或什么的
我只能常常油漆
Since I couldn’t afford to fix it or anything,
I would paint it a lot.
我每次油漆就会心想
“天啊，这间公♥寓♥又变得更小了”
Every time I painted it, I thought,
“Well, gee, now it’s a little bit smaller.”
我知道只是差在油漆的厚度
但真的有变小
And I realize it’s just the thickness
of the paint, but it is coming in.
真的有变小
It’s coming in.
总有一天，有人来找我的时候开门
Eventually, someone’s going
to come to visit me, open the door,
只会看到一个白色立方体跟一颗眼睛
there’s just going to be
a white block with an eye.
他们会说我漆得有点过头了
They will go, “Wow! That guy
painted that place a little too much.”
而且呢
And uh…
我没钱，我们来这里表演是没钱拿的
So, no money.
We performed here for free, by the way.
完全没钱拿
Absolutely free.
观众非常多
And audiences were packing in.
就像今天晚上一样
满满的观众来看我们表演
Just like tonight,
they’re packing in to see us.
我们在1970年代是很新潮的
In the ’70s, we were the new hot thing –
年轻人表演单口相声
stand-up comics,
young people doing this thing.
我会在大白天来这里做汉堡
他们会让我们吃东西
So I would come over here in the middle of the day
and make a hamburger. They let us have food.
这点很棒，他们会给我们食物和T恤
That was one good thing about the place –
they would let us have food and T-shirts,
所以我会穿漫画喜剧俱乐部的衣服
so I wore a Comic Strip T-shirt.
我下午会来做汉堡
I would come here in the afternoon,
make a hamburger,
然后我晚上还会再吃一个汉堡
and then I would have another one,
another hamburger at night.
我每个月吃掉的绞肉大概有13公斤
And I was consuming
about 30 pounds of chopped meat a month.
我来这里就像是被训练的海豹一样
I was like a trained seal coming in here.
我会…
I was just…
只要喂我吃东西我就会上来
Just feeding me, and I would come up,
开始讲缆车和左撇子的笑话，晚安
and, just,
“Tramway, left bit, good night,”
就这样子
and that was, you know, that was it.
有人送了我一台防水收音机
当作乔迁礼物
Somebody gave me a shower radio
as a present for my apartment.
如果送我沙发就好了
I could have used a couch.
防水收音机也是个不错的礼物
Oh, shower radio, that’s a nice gift.
裸体站在湿滑地板，身边还有玻璃门
这时候最适合跳舞了
No better place to dance than naked
on a slick surface next to a glass door.
但我依然会感受到纽约市的
But I still feel that comedy culture,
那种喜剧文化
I’ll call it, of New York City.
我觉得现在也是如此
I feel that it’s still here.
我有一次在等红绿灯
有个人在我的车前面过马路
So, I’m at a light, and there’s a guy
crossing in front of my car,
然后就绿灯了
and then the light changed.
我该开车前进了
但他们还在我的车前面
It was actually my turn to go.
They were in front of the car.
你们知道纽约人都会假装小跑步吗？
The New Yorkers, you know how they just
raise their elbows up to pretend?
我在模仿假装小跑步的人
Here’s an impression of someone hurrying,
但速度根本一样慢
but they don’t go any faster.
跟走的一样慢
Same exact speed.
我小跑步看起来就会是这样
但我没有在跑
This is what it would look like
if I was hurrying, but I’m not.
我只是把手抬起来
I’m just going to raise my elbows…
出于礼貌假装小跑步
and do the faux-courtesy jog.
我在路上
Somebody gave me the finger…
被比了中指，我并不在乎
on my way, which I don’t care about.
我不懂中指为什么会有那个意思
I don’t understand
even why the finger is the finger.
有人选了一个手指
Someone picks one of their fingers,
对着我比
they show it to me,
我就应该要生气
I’m supposed to feel bad.
坏手指，这个是好手指，对吧？
Bad finger. This is a good finger, right?
我都会想说如果被比中指
I always try and remember,
if I get this finger,
其实跟被比大拇指只差一个手指而已
I’m one finger away
from a compliment, so…
其实没那么糟
…it’s not that bad.
纽约的清道车…
These street-cleaning trucks
in New York, as a point of…
是不是非常荒谬？
What kind of street-theater
absurdity is this?
真的有人觉得那些车
Does anybody think
these trucks are cleaning…
有在清洁街道吗？
…the street?!
他们自己有觉得自己在清洁街道吗？
Do they think they’re cleaning the street?
他们是不是其实在偷笑？
Are they just laughing
their asses off in front of…
“快把车移走，各位
“Hey, get all the parked cars
out of the way, everybody!”
我们要发出很吵的噪音
“We’ve got to make a huge, loud,
annoying hissing sound,
然后在后面滴一排水
then leave a little piss-trail
of water out the back…
完成这个完全没意义的过程
to complete
our doing-absolutely-nothing process.”
等着看我们清洁过的第九大道吧
“Wait until you see Ninth Avenue
after we’re done.
你会以为自己身处在建筑模拟图里面
You’re going to think
you’re in an architect’s rendering…
走在未来的摩登街道上”
…strolling through
a modern wonderland of the future.”
如果你走在纽约街上，踩到口香糖
If you’re walking down the street
in New York and you step in gum,
然后口香糖黏在你的鞋子上
走过了几个街区
and that gum stays on your shoe
for a couple of blocks,
那个口香糖会黏到东西
whatever that gum picks up,
这才是纽约市真正的清道方式
that’s the only cleaning of anything
going on in New York City.
这里太脏了
We’re living in filth!