灵通人士（2009）

Good morning, my little chicks and cocks.
早上好 我亲爱的同事们
Malcolm, monitoring All the usual.
马尔科姆 给你光盘 和平常一样
How did your team do at the weekend?
你们队周末的比赛怎么样
All right, yeah, we won. Wanker.
还不错 我们赢了 傻♥逼♥
Sam, morning. How are you?
萨姆 早啊
Well, pop-pickers, what disc shall we start with today?
挑剔鬼 我们今天先看哪张碟呢
Wonky Ron or how about Simon Foster?
瓦奇·朗还是西蒙·福斯特
On the Eddie Mair PM programme on the BBC.
BBC的艾迪·迈尔午后广播节目
Well, I’m joined by Simon Foster,
国际发展署署长西蒙·福斯特
The Minister for International Development.
来到节目现场
You’ve been in the job for 18 months.
您已任职18个月
Do you think you’re making headway?
你觉得自己的工作有进展吗
Yes, I do.
是的
You’d expect me to say that, I suppose.
我觉得你希望我这么说 对吧
Mark.
马克
You’re co-ordinating the millennium goals press release?
你在修改千年目标的新闻稿 对吧
Coordinate it better, please.
一定要改好些
Is that the minister?
那是署长吗
Ok.
好
Have we heard anything from Malcolm about last night’s interview?
马尔科姆有说关于昨晚采访的事了吗
No, not yet.
还没有
Perhaps he didn’t hear it. Or maybe he’s dead.
也许他没有听到 也许他死掉了
He might be dead!
他可能真的死了
He might have finally had that massive stroke he’s been heading for.
他一直有中风的趋势 或许真的中风了这次
It’s been in the fucking post.
他妈的被发布了
Preventable sickness in many of the poorest countries around the world.
在不发达国家的很多可预防的疾病
And of course, the big one is diarrhoea
当然 最严重的就是痢疾
Ah, diarrhoea. This is the Minister for International Development.
痢疾 他可是国际发展署署长
He should be talking about food parcels,
应该谈论食品问题
Not fucking arse-spraying mayhem.
而不是什么狗屁痢疾的危害
So if we can tackle the easy things like diarrhoea,
我们能处理痢疾这种简单的事情
then we can…
我们肯定能…
Oh, say it again. Yes, very good.
再说一遍 很好啊
What is this, the shitting forecast?
这算什么 预言吗
..hopefully that will strike another blow
…这有望指引我们
In the war against preventable diseases.
发动一场对可预防疾病的战争
You mentioned the word ‘war’. Steady, Eddie.
你提到了”战争” 不要急 艾迪
Against preventable diseases.
是对抗可预防疾病的战争
All the evidence now points to
所有证据都指向
A US military intervention in the Middle East.
美国对中东的军事介入
Is that your view?
这是你的观点吗
Well, personally, I think that war is unforeseeable.
个人觉得 这场战争是无法预见的
Sam. Sam!
萨姆 萨姆
Unforeseeable? Yes.
无法预见的? 是的
No, you do not think that!
你才不这么想呢
Sam, I’m going to have to go
萨姆 我要去国际发展署
To International Development to pull Simon Foster’s fucking hair.
把该死的西蒙·福斯特头发扯下来
He did not say ”unforeseeable”.
他不是说无法预见的
You may have heard him say that, but he did not say that.
他的确说了 但他不是这个意思
And that is a fact.
事实上就是这样
Now, he’s gonna want you to row back
他想在今晚他问答会上
On that ”unforeseeable” thing
让你对”无法预见的战争”
on question time tonight.
重新阐明自己的观点
On question time,
关于问答会
you know the funny question they always have at the end?
你知道他们最后一个问题总会出其不意吗
Yes.
知道
I think we should prep that now.
我觉得我们现在就要开始准备了
Cos I’d like to shine on the funny question.
我要在最滑稽的问题上出彩
I’m a funny guy, with a light touch.
我是个滑稽的人 一点就透
There’s this guy, he’s a property tycoon. He bought a south sea island.
有个房♥地♥产♥巨头 买♥♥下了南海的一个岛
It might be something like that.
差不多类似的问题
If you had to spend the rest of your life
如果你将与一个人在孤岛上
On a desert island with someone, who would it be with?
共度余生 你会选择谁
Well…I can’t say my wife cos I haven’t got one.
我不能说我老婆 因为我没有老婆
I can’t say my girlfriend, because I haven’t got one of those either.
我不能说我女朋友 因为我也没有女朋友
And don’t say Mandela. That’s… No, no, boring. And a bloke.
不要说曼德拉 不 不 那家伙多无聊啊
Or Keira Knightley.
或者凯拉·奈特莉
That’s a good idea.
这主意不错
Pervert. Sex. Minister. People don’t want to know.
变♥态♥ 淫♥荡♥ 署长 民众们不想知道这些的
I don’t think so.
我可不这么认为
Did you take the washing out of the machine?
你把衣服从洗衣机里拿出来了吗
No. What do you mean ”no”?
没有 什么意思
No, I didn’t take the washing out of the machine.
我没有把衣服拿出来
It’s gonna go really stale… It’ll be fine.
会臭的啊… 没事的
It’s not fine. It’s fine. I’ll wear stale pants.
才不是 没事 我就穿臭内♥裤♥好了
I don’t want to go out with someone in stale pants.
我可不想和穿内♥裤♥的人走在一起
Well, there we go. I could go commando.
我可以不♥穿♥内♥裤♥啊
But I don’t think that’s accepted in government.
但我觉得政♥府♥不会准许的
Have you got everything you need for your first day?
第一天工作 东西带齐了吗
Oh, yes, all in here. My massive intellect
都在这儿了 我智力超群的脑袋
And an apple for Simon Foster.
还给西蒙·福斯特带了个苹果
Simon ”fluster”, don’t you mean?
混账西蒙 对吧
Don’t call him that. I’m rebranding him.
不要这么说他了 我给他重起个名字
He was absolutely crap on the radio last night.
昨天晚上广播里他简直一团糟
He sounded like a chicken with a wasp up its arse.
听起来像被黄蜂叮到屁♥股♥的鸡
You give me a week, I’ll have him sounding
给我一周时间 我会让他听起来像
Like a chicken without a wasp up its arse.
没被黄蜂叮到屁♥股♥的鸡
Good luck at the foreign office. Try not to annoy Russia.
祝你在外♥交♥部♥工作顺利 别惹俄♥国♥佬
See you later. See you later.
再见 再见
I’ll give you a call later. Keep your phone on.
我过会给你电♥话♥ 不要关机
Be careful. Cars. Oh, really? Thanks for that.
注意车 谢谢提醒
Helpful…
真是有用…
Ok, ok, go ahead and print ”unforeseeable”.
好 好 继续 就印”无法预见”
Listen, assume I tell your wife
听着 假设我告诉你老婆
About you and Angela Heaney at the Blackpool Conference,
你和安吉拉·希尼在黑泽会议上的事
What would be best, an e-mail, a phone call or what?
哪种方式好点 电邮 电♥话♥还是别的什么
I could write it on a cake! With those little silver balls.
我可以写在蛋糕上 用那些银色的小球
”your hack husband betrayed you on October 4th…
“你的劈腿老公在10月4日背叛了你”
And congratulations on the new baby.”
“还有恭喜你生了个孩子”
Yeah, maybe it’s better to spike it, yeah.
是啊 最好还是不要这么说
Ok, fuckity bye.
好的 妈的再见
Did you put away the lasagne?
你把意大利面放好了吗
Yes, of course, it’s in the fridge.
当然 放冰箱里了
It’s got clingfilm on it and everything.
盖了层保鲜膜
Why did you put clingfilm on it?
盖保鲜膜干吗
Because that keeps it fresh. That’s the point of clingfilm.
因为保鲜膜可以保鲜 这就是保鲜膜的用处
No, I don’t want to hold.
不 我不想等了
It might dry out.
那样面会干掉的
That’s an amateur mistake.
那是一个外行的错误
I’m not holding any longer. What’s he waiting for,
我不想再等了 他干什么呢
a fucking sex change?
等着做变性手术吗
It’s not carcinogenic.
那东西怎么会致癌
What, Simon Foster?
什么 西蒙·福斯特
Clingfilm doesn’t give you cancer.
保鲜膜不会致癌的
Diarrhoea of a nobody. I like that.
凭空捏造的痢疾 我喜欢这个
Aluminium foil… Apropos of that…
铝箔… 关于那个…
..gives you AIDS, or, you know, lasagne gives you syphilis.
让你得艾滋 意大利面让你患梅毒
It’s not a thing. No, you relax!
根本是胡扯 不 你放松点
God, who’s that?
上帝啊 那是谁在说话
Get me fucking Brian!
让布莱恩接电♥话♥
If you don’t get me fucking Brian, I’m gonna come over there.
不把布莱恩叫来的话 我马上就过去
I’m gonna lock you in a fucking flotation tank
把你锁在水槽里
And pump it full of sewage until you fucking drown.
灌满污水淹死你
Paris Hilton. Are you serious?
帕里斯·希尔顿 开什么玩笑
Lily Allen. No, no women.
莉莉·艾伦 不 不要女的
Yeah? The Olsen Twins.
请讲 奥尔森姐妹
Thank you. Who’s that?
好的 谁呀
Malcolm. He’s coming to see you. Oh, shit, he’s still alive.
马尔科姆 他过来见你 妈的 他怎么还没死
When’s he due? Now!
他什么时候到 就现在
And don’t say you weren’t prepared,
别找借口说你没有准备好