情人眼里出西施 Shallow Hal（2001）

拉森夫人？
Mrs Larson?
他，嗯…
It…
不会有很长时间了，拉森夫人。
It won’t be much longer, Mrs Larson.
那么，现在他很痛苦吗？
Well, is he in a lot of pain?
不，不，不，你丈夫不会有什么痛苦。
No. No, no. There will be no more pain for your husband.
他已经注射了大量的镇静剂。
He’s heavily sedated.
好的，我现在想带孩子进去。
OK. I think I’m gonna go send little Hal in now.
别，别，别，我认为这不合适。
No. No, no. I don’t think that’s such a good idea.
由于用了太多的止痛药，嗯…
With all the painkillers,
他已经不是太清醒了。
the reverend’s not exactly himself.
但我的孩子有权利去跟他父亲道别。
Look, I think my boy has a right to say goodbye to his father.
我的意思是 他的父亲对他而言意味着一切。
I mean, the man means everything in the world to him.
好吧…随你了。
Well, your call.
护士？
Nurse?
是的，拉森牧师？
Yes, Reverend Larson?
你见到那个牛仔了吗？ – 牛仔？
Did you see the cowboy? – The cowboy?
那个在布丁镇给我响币的牛仔？
The cowboy who gave me the singing nickel in Pudding Town?
好的，我想是调低吗♥啡♥点滴速度的时候了。
OK. I think it’s time to turn down the morphine drip.
拉森牧师，你的儿子在这。
Reverend Larson, your son is here.
好的，让他进来。
OK, sure. Send her in.
女士们？让他们单独呆会儿。
Ladies? A little privacy.
（喘咳声）
爸爸？
Dad?
是我，爸爸，哈尔
It’s me, Dad. Hal.
哦。
很高兴你在这儿，老兄。 有点事要对你说。
Glad you’re here, kiddo. Got a few things to tell ya.
首先，我要你发誓不论以后你干什么，
First, I want you to promise that no matter what you do in life,
你都不能满足于平均水平。
you will never ever settle for average.
是的，先生。
Yes, sir.
第二，不要满足于老一套的习俗
Second, don’t be satisfied with routine poontang.
嗯哼？
不要像我这样。
Don’t do what I did.
我为爱而结婚， 你的妈妈贝蒂却成了我的恶梦。
I married for love, and your mother Betty has been a nightmare.
但是，爸爸，妈妈的名字叫玛利安
But, Dad, Mom’s name is Marian.
听我说，这是我给你的金玉良言。
Listen to me. I’m giving you pearls here.
第三，为自己找一个…
And third, find yourself
一流的美女…
a classic beauty
有着完美臀部…丰满的胸脯。
with a perfect can, and great totties.
那样会让你在上帝那儿找个好位子。 都写在这里面了。
That will put you in good stead with the Lord. It’s all in here.
好的，爸爸。
Yes, sir.
炙热的青春时光就是一切
Hot young tail’s what it’s all about.
炙热的…青…春时光
Hot young tail.
我会让你自豪的，爸爸。
I’ll make you proud, Papa.
(# “Members Only” by Sheryl Crow)
# 拉里叔叔再次迷上了冰
# Uncle Larry’s hooked on ice again
# 他似乎停留在了 80 年代
# He seems to be stuck in the ’80s
# 他穿着会员制夹克
# He wears his Members Only jacket
# 因为他认为这会让所有女士们兴奋
# Cos he thinks it turns on all the ladies
# 所有的白人都在摇屁♥股♥
# And all the white folks shake their asses
# 寻找二和四
# Looking for the two and four
# 我要一杯马提尼酒
# I’ll have mine in martini glasses
#因为我不能再忍♥受了
# Cos I can’t take it any more
# 这些是空厨房♥的日子
# These are the days of empty kitchens
# Mary Ellen 发型的兴衰…
# The rise and fall of Mary Ellen’s hairdo…
蠢驴，你听不见我在那边喊吗？
Jackass, can you not hear me down there?
我不想和你再有什么了，你这头肥猪。
I don’t want anything to do with you, you little warthog.
是你让我昏了头。
You had me at “Get lost.”
怎么样？摩里西奥？ – 嗨，哈尔
What’s up, Mauricio? – Hey, Hal.
今晚怎么这么多人？ – 是啊，我被撞了许多次。
How’s the crowd tonight? – Good. I got a few bites.
要喝点吗？ – 我很乐意。
Can I get you a drink? – I won’t say no to that.
两份啤酒。
Two beers.
两份生啤？ – 两份生啤。
Two Buds? – Two Buds.
我没想到你会在这。 你的新女友罗妮呢？
So, I didn’t expect to see you here. Where’s your new girl Loni?
琳蒂 – 琳蒂
Lindy. – Lindy.
她，唔… – (男招待) 这是你们的。
She’s… – There you go.
实际上，我没有告诉她，今晚我出来。
Actually, I didn’t tell her I was goin’ out tonight.
为什么不呢？你们俩还好吗？
Why not? Things OK with you guys?
是的，简直是太好了。如果你明白我说的。
Yeah, a little too OK, if you know what I’m talkin’ about.
这是什么意思？ – 这世上事情变化太快。
What does that mean? – Things are going in the shitter real quick.
哦,非常抱歉。 她为什么甩了你？
Jeez, I’m sorry to hear that. Why is she dumping you?
她没有，是我甩了她。 -你甩了罗妮？
She’s not. I’m dumping her. – You’re dumping Loni?
琳蒂 -什么，你疯了吗？琳蒂这么艳丽夺目。
Lindy. – What, are you crazy? Lindy’s gorgeous.
表面上是，但当你熟知她后 就是另外一回事了。
On the surface, but when you get to know her better, there’s a whole other story goin’ on.
是吗？怎么回事？
Yeah? How goes that?
我们坐在那儿 她就赤着…脚躺在睡椅上。
We’re sitting there, you know, and she’s got her bare feet up on the couch,
于是，我注意到她的第二个脚趾比大脚趾 足足长了半个英寸。
and I notice that her second toe is, like, half an inch longer than her big toe.
就这样吗？你们就为这分手吗？ – 嘿，我又不需要那该死的杂技演员。
That’s it? You’re breaking up over that? – Hey, I don’t need that circus shit.
好吧，那她可以把那个脚趾锉掉 或怎么弄弄？
Well, couldn’t she get the toe filed down or something?
什么？那我不是和一个小肿结约会吗？
What, then I’m dating a nub?
我现在开始认为我们是倒霉蛋。
I’m starting to think we’re jinxed here.
是说你自己，我的朋友。 – 什么，你提升了？
Speak for yourself, my friend. – What, you got the promotion?
到明天才知道呢， 但猜猜谁现在正式跟吉儿外出了？
I don’t hear till tomorrow, but guess who is now officially going out with Jill.
你的邻居吉儿？你和吉儿，你的邻居， 出去约会？
Jill? Your neighbour Jill? You’re going out with Jill, your neighbour?
确切的说，是她还不讨厌我。
And she doesn’t exactly hate me.
别胡扯了！
Get out!
你是世界上最幸运的男人。 那你在这干嘛？
You are the luckiest man on the planet. So what are you doing here?
她要服务到11点，我得走了。
She’s hostessing until 11. I better get going.
我得在她回家的路上截住她 邀她喝一杯。
I’m gonna try to catch her on the way home, see if she wants to get a drink.
如果知道是你，决不让她住进去。
If I know you, that’s not all she’ll be gettin’.
再见。
See you later.
我说不。 – 不？为什么不？
I said no. – No? Why not?
我不想和你喝酒，我要回家 还不明白吗？
I don’t wanna have a drink with you. I wanna go home. Is that so hard to understand?
怎么了？你疯了吗？ – 不，我没有疯。我只是…
What’s goin’ on? Are you mad? – No, I’m not mad. I just…
继续，说下去。你要怎样？ 不管发生了什么，我们都能把它解决。
Go on, say it. You know what? No matter what it is, we’re gonna work it out.
哈尔，我没有被你吸引。
Hal, I’m not attracted to you.
那又怎样？你认为大家出去都是因为 相互吸引吗？现实点吧。
So what? You think everyone who goes out is attracted to each other? Get real.
人们应该一开始就相互吸引。
They’re attracted to each other in the beginning.
哦，听起来像一大堆新时代的傻话。
Oh, come on. That sounds like a bunch of New Age hooey.
也许对一些人是这样 在一开始有那么一点火花。
Maybe for some people there’s a little spark in the beginning,
但是对大多数人来说， 吸引的部分是在以后才出现的，呜噢！
but for most, the attraction part happens way later. Whoa!
什么？是那样吗？我们是分手吗？
What? That’s it? Just like that, we’re breaking up?
是的，我们没有出去过 我们仅只有一次约会。
Well, we were never going out. We just had one date.
嗨，别这样，让我们在一起呆上五天。
Come on. Hey, let’s stay together five days. That’s all I need.
你为什么要5天呢？ – 明天我就要升职了。
Why do you need five days? – Tomorrow I’m finally getting my promotion.
会有聚会，宴会之类的应酬。我需要你。
There’s gonna be parties, dinners, this, that. I need you now.
哈尔，你会很忙，甚至不会想起我的
Hal, you’re gonna be so busy, you won’t even think about me.
我怎么会不想你呢？你就主在我隔壁
How am I not gonna think about you? You live right across the hall.
我不知道，哈尔。 也许…也许你应该考虑搬家。
I don’t know, Hal. Maybe you should think about moving.
哈尔，我们已经做出了 关于那个批发商职位的决定。
Hal, we’ve made a decision regarding that wholesaler position.
是的！是时候了，戴夫
Yes! It’s about time, Dave.
我们决定和那个从梅里尔来的女孩合作。
We decided to go with the gal from Merrill.
她有一个被验证过的实体 一个大的生产商。
She’s a proven entity. A big producer.
我很抱歉，先生。不，他是…
I’m sorry, man. – No, it’s…
这个女孩有一个被验证过的实体， 你还能怎么做呢？
The gal’s a proven entity. What the heck you gonna do?
哈尔,我很抱歉。 – 是的，谢谢。
Hal, I’m so sorry. – Yeah, thanks.
你应该得到的。你最该得到 不，我不值。
You should have gotten it. You deserved it. – No, I didn’t.
我并不能让他们不得不给我提升或降职。
I didn’t put them in a position where they had to promote me or lose me.
这是一个好的教训， 要使自己成为必不可少的，那才是关键。
It’s a good lesson. Make yourself indispensable, that’s the key.
还有更糟的事，吉儿昨晚甩了我。
And to make matters worse, Jill dumped me last night.
甩了你？难道你非得出去接受被甩？
Dumped you? Don’t you have to be going out to get dumped?
这是什么意思？ – 我只是认为那只是更多的…
What does that mean? – Well, I just thought it was more of a…
总之，你为什么那么在意？ 吉儿不适合你，你也知道。
Anyway, why do you care so much? Jill wasn’t right for you and you know it.
你怎么那么说？她那么完美。
How can you say that? She was perfect.
你打算什么时候才得到她？ 他们只不过是好的外形组合。
When are you gonna get it? They’re just well-formed molecules.
顺便提一句，甚至她的胸都是假的。
And by the way, her tits weren’t even real.
好啊，这正适合我。
Well, I could squeeze ’em. That’s real enough for me.
哈尔,我不明白为什么像你这样
Hal, I don’t understand how a guy
一个潇洒，忠实，而又慷慨的小伙子 有这么大的一个缺陷。
who’s as nice and loyal and generous as you could have such a huge flaw.
你是说什么？
What are you talking about?
这应该不会发生在你的身上， 以外貌来取舍女孩也许不是最好的办法。
It never occurred to you that picking girls on their looks may not be the best way?
你以为我会对有如此高的标准而抱歉吗？
Am I supposed to apologise for having high standards?
高标准？在五年里，我熟知你， 你所追求的每个女人…
High standards? In the five years I’ve known you, every woman –