不,还有电视陪着他们
No, with the television.
呣?
Hmm?
你不是想尽兴吗?
You wanna have fun tonight, don’t you?
是的
Yes.
把这给我,把这给我
Give it to me. Give it to me.
把这给我
Give it to me.
[ Sirens Wailing In Distance ]

Hey.
你们要留在这里看电视
You kids are gonna stay here watching TV.
我要你们十二点前上♥床♥睡觉
I want you to be in bed and asleep before 12:00.
– 十二点
– 妈妈和我晚点就回来……
– [ Whispers ] Twelve.
– Your mother and I will be back later on,
可能
maybe.
不要行为不端
Don’t misbehave.
– [ Door Closes ]
– [ Exhales ]
如果我们不跟他们一起外出,为什么非得穿得这么正式?
Why did we have to get all dressed up if we’re not going with them?
我不知道
I don’t know.
– 你在干什么?
– 我要逃开
– What are you doing?
– I’m escaping.
这里很臭
It stinks in here anyway.
我怎么说的?
What did I say?
要乖
Behave.
是的,爸爸
Yes, Papa.
您叫的香槟,先生
The champagne you ordered, sir.
太晚了,留在冰块上吧
Too late. Leave it on ice.
但我现在想喝一点
But I want some now.
派对上有的是香槟,宝贝
There’ll be plenty for you at the party, baby.
你可以把自己喝炸掉,宝贝
You can bomb yourself all you want at the party.
放下它,放下它
Put it down. Put it down.
好的
All right.
– 你想赚五百元吗?
– 当然
– You want 500 bucks?
– Sure.
– 三百呢?
– 三百元?
– How about three?
– Three hundred dollars?
– 是的
– 也不错
– Yeah.
– Three’s fine.
好,我的孩子们今晚会在这里看电视
Good. My children are staying here tonight watching TV.
我要你每半个小时去看看他们
I want you to check up on them every 30 minutes.
– 看看他们?
– 是的,看他们有没有事
– Check up on them?
– Yeah, make sure they’re all right.
确保他们吃饱了,确保他们是不是睡了,你知道,就这些事情
Make sure they’re fed. Make sure they go to bed. You know, these things.
先生,我可以帮你叫保姆的
Sir, I can send out for a baby-sitting service.
我不信任保姆
No. I don’t trust baby-sitters.
我的孩子们自个儿呆着……
My children are safer alone…
可比交托给某些我完全不认识的……
than with some fucked-up pedophile baby-sitter…
操蛋的有恋童癖的保姆更安全
I don’t know from the man in the fucking moon.
他又信得过?你凭什么认为他信得过?
What about him? What makes you think you can trust him?
告诉我这难道不是你能信任的相貌吗?
Tell me that’s not a face you can trust.
我确实很想帮你解决问题,先生……
I’d love to help you with your problem, sir,
但不幸的是今晚只有我一个人值班
but unfortunately I’m here alone tonight.

Hmm.
一百、二百、三百
One hundred, two hundred, three hundred.
是你的
Here you are.
– 你不是说五百元吗?
– 不,我说的是三百
– I thought you said 500.
– No, I said 300.
不,先生,我很清楚地听到是五百元
No, sir. I distinctly heard you say 500.
– 你是说我说谎?
– 绝不是,先生
– Are you calling me a liar?
– No, sir.
我的意思是,你忘了你一开始说的是五百元……
What I’m saying is that you accidentally forgot that the first thing you said…
但我最后说的是三百元,而你最后答应了的金额才算数
But what I last said was 300, and what you say last is what counts.
– 那个,如果你最后说是五百元,我们就立刻成交
– 你在玩我吗,混账?
– Well, then, if you say 500 one last time, we have a deal.
– You fucking with me, pendejo?
不,先生,不过我只是一个人……
No, sir, but I’m by myself,
而照顾你的孩子是一件额外的麻烦事
and looking after your kids is a pain in the ass I don’t need.
你竟敢说我的孩子是麻烦?
[ Whispers ] Are you calling my kids a pain in the ass?
不,先生,不是说孩子
Why, no, sir, not the kids.
而是说整个情况是个麻烦
It’s the situation that is a pain in the ass.
不,你最初说得对,他们的确是麻烦
No, you were right the first time. They’re a pain in the ass.
好吧,你赢了,硬汉,就五百元
All right. You win, tough guy. Five hundred.
你的孩子愈来愈贵了
You kids are getting expensive.
你叫什么名字?
What’s your name?
泰德
Ted.
如果你们有任何需要,只管电♥话♥拨0找泰德
If you need anything, just dial zero and ask for Ted.
– 还有十二点前要确保他们上♥床♥睡觉
– 十二点前?
– And make sure they’re in bed before midnight.
– Before midnight?
那我是不是该叫他们起来新年倒数?
Then should I wake them up for the countdown to the New Year?
不用
[ Both ] No.
我的孩子如果发生什么问题……
If something happens to my children…
– [ Chuckling ]
– [ Chuckling ]
你就要后悔生下来
I wouldn’t want to be you.
不要行为不端
Don’t misbehave.
咱们走吧
Let’s get out of here.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
[ Bell Dings ]
好吧
Okay.
规矩是这样的
These are the rules.
不要不守规矩,不然我就扭断你的脖子
Don’t break the rules and I won’t break your necks.
我一直想有机会这么说
I always wanted to say that.
我小时候有人对我说过这句话
Someone said that to me when I was a kid.
只不过他们可不是开玩笑
Only they weren’t joking.
规矩很简单:
The rules are simple:
不要做任何你们父母不在场时不会做的事
Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do if your parents were here.
如果有紧急情况,就像你们爸爸说的,打电♥话♥给我。谢谢
If there’s an emergency, call me on the phone like your dad said. Thank you.
他不是这么说的。他说的是我们有任何需要就打电♥话♥给你
That’s not what he said. He said to call you if we need anything.
嗯,我工作很忙,我可不会让你……
Well, I have a lot of work to do, and I can’t have you calling me…
每次想喝杯水都给我打电♥话♥,所以拜托……
every time you want a glass of water, so please,
尽量有紧急情况才给我打电♥话♥
try and limit your calls to emergencies only.
– 谢谢
– 我们付了你五百元的
– Thank you.
– We paid you $500.
我们有任何需要都会找你的
We’ll call you if we need anything.
你也不想惹怒我爸的
You don’t wanna get my dad mad.
哦,好吧,尽量有必要才找我
Oh. Well, try and call only when necessary.
看电视吧,如果你们乖的话……
Watch TV, and if you’re good,
我拿些牛奶和曲奇饼给你们吃
I’ll bring you up some milk and cookies.
再见
Bye, now.
[ Sniffing ]
你的脚很臭
Your feet stink.
[ Sniffs ]
我的脚不臭
They don’t stink.
[ Clicking, Static Hisses ]
看!女人!
Check it out! T and A!
换台,你不该看这个的
Change it. You’re not supposed to watch this.
– 我们可以看电视的
– 不是看这种节目
– We’re supposed to watch TV.
– Not this kind of TV.
快换台
Change it.
别管我。痛
Leave me alone. Ouch.

Ouch.
[ Speaking Spanish ]
[ Buzzing ]
前台
Front desk.
– 泰德?
– 我怎么说的?
– Ted?
– What did I tell you?
别烦我,你们就有牛奶和曲奇饼。现在,你想不想要牛奶和曲奇饼?
Don’t bother me and you’ll get milk and cookies. Now, do you want them or do you not?
我要你关掉我们房♥间的成人台
I want you to turn off the nudie station in our room.
没有你们父母的批准我不能开成人台
I cannot turn on an adult station without the express permission of your parents.
不,不是开,是关掉
No, not turn it on. Turn it off.
– 已经有这频道了
– 哇
– It’s already on.
– Whoa.
但计算机不是这样说的
– [ Beeps ]
– That’s not what the machine tells me.
不要理计算机,听我说
Well, stop listening to the machine and listen to me.
我的电视中正有女人♥大♥跳艳舞,我要你关掉它
There’s naked ladies dancing on my TV, and I want ’em off.
正如我说过的,我一会儿就上来让你们乖乖睡觉
Like I said, I’ll be up later to put you both to sleep.
再见
Bye.
马上换台!

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