耍酷一族（1995）

And then you had to show up with Bumbler the Boy Wonder over there…
使事态升级，证明…
and screw things up further, proving…
你从未认真地处理该局面
that you never took the situation seriously.
神奇小子？我是男人，小姐！
Boy Wonder? I’m all man, lady!
我从未做任何事，但是你对节目感兴趣
I’ve never done anything but show interest in you.
我们讨厌浪漫的经历，我宠爱你
Our whole god-damn romantic career I doted on you.
微小的事都不能自己作决定
The minute things got dicey, you cracked.
几小时前本来要一起去渡假一周
There we were, mere hours from spending an entire week together…
远离家庭，学校 却因为她父亲而没去成
away from our family, school.
She throws in the towel because her daddy says so.
他使我们枪击了联邦官员
He got us shot at by the Federal authorities.
他带着他捣乱的朋友到我家
He brought his troublemaker friend over to my house…
他使得媒体在那里录像
where he proceeded to allow news cameras…
照我父亲的赤♥裸♥像
to take naked videos of my father.
还厚颜无♥耻♥地对我说…
Then he had the audacity to inform me…
我们应该去度假
that on this vacation that we were supposed to take…
要向我求婚
that he was going to propose to me,
甚至不与我先谈谈
without even discussing it with me first.
中学以后，我们就谈过要结婚
We’ve been talking about getting married since high school.
他可能接近我父亲，以男人对男人的方式
He could have approached my father, man to man…
他的意图很清楚
and made his intentions clear.
他已经为他引起的所有问题道歉了
He could have apologized for all the problems that he caused.
但是他改了吗？他继续他的生活
But what does he do instead? He just goes on with his life.
他的人在这里，逛商场
I mean here he is. He’s hanging out at a mall.
你把自己放在这里拍卖♥♥
You put yourself on an auction block for God’s sake…
还要面对实况转播的观众
in front of alive studio audience.
我还有机会答问题吗？
Do I get a chance to field any more questions?
没有！
No!
我认为我应该在此说些事
Look, I think I should say something here.
我知道你俩很要好，小姐…
I know both of you pretty well. Suitor-ette…
一号♥求婚者什么也没做，而是整天念着你
Suitor Number One has done nothing but pine over you all day…
试图想办法使你回心转意
trying to figure out a way to win you back.
这个公众的机会到来
When this public opportunity to literally do that arose…
使他振作起来，而不顾一切
he pulled his shit together, risked life and limb…
满怀希望努力表现自己
and faced the odds to get up here and give it his best shot.
我对整件事感到厌烦！你俩都是白♥痴♥！
I’m tired of this whole thing!
You’re both retarded for each other!
忘记已发生的事，去做你们应该做的！
Forget about the shit that happened
and do what you’re supposed to!
我想观众会赞成的
I think the audience would agree with me there.
去求她，笨蛋！
Ask her, you silly bastard!
小姐…
Miss Suitor-ette…
求婚者一号♥爱你
Suitor Number One loves you…
一直爱着你，会一生爱你
has always loved you, and will always love you.
他只有一个问题想问
He’s only got one question that he’d like to ask.
你愿意嫁给我吗？
Will you marry me?
愿意
Yes.
斯洛捷-博杰斯，鲍迪-罗杰斯！
Snootchy bootchies, Brodie-nootchies!
– 怎么样？ – 搞定了
Are we set or what? Good to go.
– 嗨，你见到拉科斯吗？ – 没有
Hey, did you see LaFours out there? No.
我想我们有麻烦
For a minute there, I thought that we were in trouble.
一只帆船
Oh, a sail-boat.
我可以说我们已有完美的结局
I think it’s safe to say, we’ve made our match.
两位幸运儿将即刻飞向美丽的佛罗里达州
These two lucky people will soon be winging their way…
享受为期一周的主题公园，海滩…
to beautiful, sunny Florida for a week of theme parks, beaches…
和那里的一切！
and a lot more from the look of it!
我得出结论…
I guess that about wraps it up for–
还未得出，帕特·希杰
Not just yet, Pat Sajak.
对吗？
All right?
你！
You! All right.
你有些东西是属于我的
I believe you have something that belongs to me.
是吗？是什么？
Yeah? What’s that?
不是你，混♥蛋♥！是那女孩
Not you, asshole! The girl.
你有我的心
You have my heart.
我能说什么？
What can I say?
我爱这傻瓜
I love the retard.
– 等等，我以为今晚… – 嗨
Wait a minute. I thought tonight
we were supposed to, you know…
汉密尔顿！
Hamilton!
我们来个了断，好吗？我答应过请她早餐
Let’s try to wrap this up, all right? I promised her breakfast.
好吧，就这样
All right, that’s it.
逛商场的，你死定了，我正要修理你！
You’re dead, mallrat. I’m going to fuck you up beyond repair!
帆船，帆船，该死的帆船
Sailboat. Sailboat. Goddamn sail-boat.
你们怎么这么久才来？
What in Christ’s name took you guys so long?
快去拘捕那些家伙
Get your asses up there and arrest those guys.
带走女孩的和那个拿话筒的
The one with the girl and the one with the microphone.
为什么？
For what?
侵害，公众场所淫♥荡♥，违反通信委员会法规
Trespassing, public lewdness, FCC violation.
食物中毒
Food poisoning.
女士们，先生们，这个朝我走来的高个子
Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way…
是购物社区的栋梁
is a pillar of the shopping community…
今天稍早他跟我说过他的邪恶计划
who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his…
要在特别的地方搞我的女朋友
to screw my girlfriend in a very uncomfortable place.
什么？在大众汽车的后座？
What? Like the back of a Volkswagen?
他要上来…
And as he comes up here to…
糟了！
Holy shit!
就此立刻，我请你们欣赏
Without further ado, I’d like to present you all…
时尚男服店主精彩表演
with an accurate portrayal of the proprietor of Fashionable Male.
开始，塞尔·鲍伯！
Now, Silent Bob!
我叫你开始，塞尔·鲍伯！
I said now, Silent Bob!
何时，上帝？
When, Lord?
要到何时我才能看见该死的帆船？
When the hell do I get to see the god-damn sail-boat?
快，立刻！
Now, now, now!
你喜爱谁？
Who’s your favourite New Kid?
叫我乔伊
Call me Joey.
哦，别让我松开，我想这样
Oh, yeah. Don’t make me get loose. I think that’s it.
对，叫我唐尼，哦，女孩
Yeah. Call me Donnie. Come on. Oh, girl.
请不要走
Yeah, please don’t go.
难怪为什么她要走，全搞糟了
No wonder why she walks all fucked up.
那个女孩只有15岁
That girl’s only 15.
15岁？我以为她36岁
Oh, 15? I thought she was 36.
嗨，家伙，告诉我你们不会搞她吗？
Hey, come on, guys. Tell me you wouldn’t have popped her?
你要去哪里…
Where you’re going…
他们要在特别的地方打人
they screw people in a very uncomfortable place.
– 真的吗？ – 是的
Really? Yeah.
你不能在警♥察♥面前打囚犯
You can’t strike a prisoner in police custody.
仅此一次，可以吗？
Oh, come on, just once?
好吧，不过要快点
All right, but make it fast.
你会和胜利者去度假吗？
Would you have gone on vacation with the winner?
你认为呢？
What do you think?
我不知道，你大概会去
I don’t know, I think you would have.
我会寄名信片给你
But I would have sent you a postcard.
我怎么了？
What the hell is wrong with me?
影带掉了，你如何拿到的？
If the tape was out of your reach,
how the hell did you get it?
杰迪的意念把戏！
The Jedi mind trick!
上帝！讨厌的尤达！
Holy shit! Motherfucking Yoda and shit!
冒险？刺♥激♥？
Adventure? Excitement?
杰迪渴望的不是这些
A Jedi craves not these things.
天啊！你说话了
Holy! You spoke.
以前没什么好说的
There was never anything good to say before.
你都见到了？你认为那叫浪漫吗？
Did you see that shit? Do you call that romance?
那叫违法
I call that illegal.
因此
So.
因此什么？
So what?
我在想，如果你明晚有空
I was just wondering, if maybe you’re not busy tomorrow night…
怎么？
Yeah?
来我家吃饭，跟我母亲见面，好吗？
Would you like to have dinner at my house and meet my mother?
我不能保证她会喜欢你，但是…
I can’t guarantee she’ll like you, but…
– 嗨，想要一块饼干？ – 算我的帐
Hey, want a cookie? It’s on me.
这不过是热身，求你？
It was just a warm-up. Please, come on?
节目总会越做越好
The show would always go smoother and be less racy.
这个节目一团糟，没创意，无灵感
The show was a piece of shit.