耍酷一族（1995）

天啊！
Holy shit!
– 在这里等着 – 你要去哪里？
Wait here. Where are you going?
找美女
Cherchez la femme.
他说只有一个穿制♥服♥的家伙
He said it was just a guy in a suit.
不要听那个男人的话，他在胡说
Don’t listen to that man, he just said it to be mean.
这件衣服穿在你身上不好看
That would look terrible on you.
我不是早上抛弃了你吗？
Didn’t I dump your ass this morning?
我知道你已花时间想过你所犯的错误
Look, I know you’ve had some time to think about the mistake you’ve made…
我只想你知道，你不一定要道歉
and I just want to let you know you don’t have to apologize.
我确定你只是月经前不快症状
I’m sure you were just PMSing or something.
鲍迪，伤害我的是
Brodie, what kills me about you is your inability to function…
你的无能
on the same plane of existence as the rest of us.
恼火了
Piss off.
看来你要继续玩分手把戏
Okay. I see you want to continue with this charade of ending our union.
很好，我跟你玩
Fine, I’ll play along.
如果要离婚，就得划分财产
But if we’re divorced, we’re gonna have to divide our mutual possessions.
你在说什么？
What the hell are you talking about?
你拿了我的“战争惩罚者”杂♥志♥第6期
You have my Punisher War Journal #6…
我的“古灵侦探”拷贝和电视摇控器
my copy of Fletch and the remote control to my TV.
我知道要放弃这些很难 因为这会引起伤感情绪
I know it’s gonna be hard to give this stuff up
because of its sentimental attachment.
伤感情绪？
Sentimental attachment?
如果我有任何那些废物…
If I have any of that crap…
那都是你带到我家遗留下的
it’s because you brought it over to my house and left it there.
那么我们来谈谈探访日程表
Okay, then let’s talk about coming up
with a schedule for visitation rights.
– 为什么？ – 为来商场
For what? For the mall.
你单日来，我则双日和周末来
I figure you can have the odd days,
I’ll take the even days and weekends.
如有特别节目，像路边售卖♥♥，游艇展览…
When there’s any special function
like a sidewalk sale, boat show–
鲍迪！
Brodie!
我一直都迁就你
I have always taken you with a grain of salt.
你生日时，你要我按“蓝牙鼠标”的旋律
On your birthday, when you asked me to do a striptease…
跳脱衣舞，我说好
to the theme from Mighty Mouse, I said okay.
在一间酒店，毕业舞会的夜晚
When we were at that hotel, prom night…
你叫我睡床下
and you asked me to sleep underneath the bed…
以免你妈妈发现，我也做了
in case your mother burst in, I did it.
在我祖母的葬礼
And even when we were at my grandmother’s funeral…
你告诉我的亲戚
when you told most of my relatives…
说你透过她的装束见到她的乳♥头♥ 我也没放在心上
that you could see her nipples through her burial dress,
I let it slide.
你认为我们现在分了手
If you think that I’m gonna suffer any more of your shit with a smile…
我仍要用微笑容忍♥你，那你一定会很失望
now that we’re broken up, you’re in for some serious fucking disappointment.
不是“蓝牙鼠标”，是“琼斯和猫”
It wasn’t Mighty Mouse. It was Josie and the Pussycats.
看什么？
What?
抱歉
Sorry.
第一步
Phase one:
首先你拿着装满硬币的袜子跑向拉科斯
First, you take a run at LaFours with a sock full of quarters.
应该是我来做的
I’d do it, but I pulled my back out humping your mom last night. Nudge.
但是昨晚背你妈妈时，我拉伤了背
靠近后把他击晕
You clock him on his headpiece and knock his ass out cold.
之后实行第二步
That’s when phase two kicks in.
我就去攻击那个舞台
I attack the structure Wolvie-berserk style
砸烂后就做不成节目了
and knock out the fucking pin…
and bickety-bam, the motherfucker’s rubble. Hence, no game show.
怎样？你认识那小孩？
What? Do you know that kid or something?
我希望他被夹住，接着嚎头大叫
I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues.
你今天怎么了？
What is with you today?
别误会，我不是想孩子出事
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t wish the kid harm…
但是他妈妈该受点教训
but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal…
她要学会该如何带孩子
so she’ll learn how to manage her child.
你不觉得那是一种苛刻的教训？
That’s sort of a harsh lesson, don’t you think?
不到一年我听过几起电梯意外事件
There’s not a year goes by that I don’t read about an escalator accident…
包括一些容易避免的玩笑
involving some bastard kid that could’ve been easily avoided…
有一些父母
had some parent, I don’t care which one,
不是某个而是一些父母，让孩子
but some parent, conditioned him…
对电梯既害怕又喜欢！
to fear and respect that escalator!
哇！那是谁
Wow! Look who it is.
笨蛋！
Jerk!
小婕丝·琼斯！像你这么漂亮的女孩
Little Tricia Jones!
怎么独自坐在这里？
What’s a pretty girl like you…
doing sitting alone in the middle of this monument to consumerism?
修改日程表，在等杰伊和塞尔·鲍伯
Updating my calendar and waiting for Jay and Silent Bob.
我想你来这里也如平常那样漫无目的
And I suppose you’re here with no agenda, as per usual.
刚好相反，我为漫画来这里的
On the contrary, I’m here for comics.
T.S奎特，婕丝·琼斯，人称迷人的婕丝
T.S. Quint, Tricia Jones. They call her Trish the Dish.
没有人这样叫我
Nobody calls me that.
我们的小婕丝才15岁就已是高年级了
Our little Tricia here is only 15 but, uh, somehow she’s a senior.
你是怎样达到的？
How’d you manage that?
– 别听他的，我学习努力而已 – 是的，没错
Don’t listen to him. I studied my ass off. Yeah, right.
你要怎样？想要搞定T.S？
So what do you say? You wanna nail T.S. or what?
鲍迪！
Jesus, Brodie!
冷静，婕丝在为她的书收集资料
Calm down.
Tricia’s compiling data for this book she’s writing…
有关14到30岁男人的性能力
about the sex drive of men ages 14 to 30.
如果我没记错
If I remember correctly, it’s titled Bore-gasm:
书名叫“高♥潮♥趣谈”–90年代男性性能力研究
A Study of the ’90s Male’s Sexual Prowess.
作好心理准备？把进度告诉他
Ready to get sick? Tell him about the advance you got.
柏特出版社看过绪论和样章后给了我两万元
Pendant Publishing gave me $20,000
based on a treatment and a sample chapter.
– 开玩笑 – 是真的
You’re kidding. It’s true.
她将是写这类题材最年轻的作家
She’ll be the youngest author to tackle the subject.
他们真要出版你的污秽小册？
So when are they going to publish this filthy little tome of yours?
我18岁之后，才可避免道德和法律上的纠缠
After my 18th birthday, to avoid the moral and legal entanglements.
婕丝跟一堆男人睡觉是为了进行研究
So Tricia sleeps with a bunch of guys as research.
如果那不足够的话，还有影带
If that’s not enough, get this:
– 她全把他们录下来了 – 什么？
She videotapes all of them. What?
事前我得到他们的同意 大多人达到性高♥潮♥
I get everybody’s consent before we do it.
Most guys get off on it.
男人很容易兴奋
Men are easily amused.
你在日程表上写什么？
What are you writing in the calendar?
我在为昨晚的研究编代号♥
I was coding last night’s research.
– 她指性行为 – 我知道
She means sex. I know what she meant.
– 哪一类代号♥？ – 看这里
What kind of codes? Here, look.
笑脸是我为那家伙口♥交♥
The smiley face is for when I go down on the guy.
带睫毛的笑脸是那家伙为我口♥交♥
The smiley face with lashes is for when the guy goes down on me.
圆圈代表我们性♥交♥
The circle is for when we have sex.
有“X”的圆圈表示我达到高♥潮♥
The circle with the “X” in it is for when I have an orgasm.
小屋代表室内，草代表户外
The little house is when we do it inside
and the grass is for outside.
那小孩又跑去玩电梯！
That kid is back on the escalator again!
哇，这是相当精细的记录
Wow, that’s a pretty elaborate log you got there.
哇，那些笑脸都没有睫毛
Wow, look at all those smiley faces without eyelashes.
这表示那人是多么彬彬有礼
That shows you how courteous men are.
在50个记录中，只有两个带睫毛的笑脸
Out of 50 entries, only two have smiley faces with lashes.
你和50个家伙睡了？
You slept with 50 guys?
是的，为了完成我的研究
To fill out my research, yes.
与你睡的家伙已超过此数
That’s more guys than you’ve slept with, dude.
哦，上帝，那小孩又坐在电梯上！
Oh, my God. That kid is sitting on the escalator again!
希望你不介意我问你昨晚的人多大？
How old was last night’s subject, if you don’t mind me asking?
25岁，他是时尚男服店的经理
Twenty-five.
It was the guy who runs that store Fashionable Male.
天啊！你跟那可恶的家伙上♥床♥？为什么？
Holy shit! You slept with that asshole? Why?
我需要25岁的
I needed a 25-year-old.
而他相当讨厌你
And he has quite a distaste for you, I might add.
– 他在作♥爱♥时提到我？ – 是事后
Ew, he mentioned me during sex?
他说要修理你，如果我是你，我会避开他
Afterwards.
He says he wants to kick your ass.
I’d steer clear of him, if I were you.
– 你录下了他说的话 – 没有
Tell me you videotaped him saying that. No.
作♥爱♥之后，我关了摄像机
I shut the camera off after the sex.
你想知道他要做什么
You should have heard the stuff he wanted to do.
我对这事有点困惑
I’m having a hard time with this.
– 你父母知道吗？ – 当然知道
Do your parents know about this?
– 真想不到 – 可耻，那小孩…
Of course.
That’s remarkable.
That’s criminal. That kid…
那小孩又跑去玩电梯！