新郎上错床（2003）

你怎么欺骗的这么有趣又美丽的女孩?
How do you cheat on a girl who’s funny and beautiful?
说流利的中文的女孩
Who speaks fluent Chinese?
恐高的女孩? 挺可爱的女孩
Who’s afraid of heights? Which is kind of sweet.
跳舞跳得很糟糕的女孩 那些脚
Who’s such a bad dancer. And those feet.
一个… 对不起
A girl who’s… Sorry.
警♥察♥! 不许动!
Police! Freeze!
举起手来 否则我开枪了!
Get your hands in the air or I’ll shoot you!
你们去了哪里?
Where were you guys?
你要离开很长时间了
You’re going away for a long time.
哇! 等等! 嘿!
Whoa! Wait! Hey!
因为做了个三明治?
For making a sandwich?
我们现在去磁带出来
We’ll take the tape now.
什么? 哇 我…
What? Wow, I…
等等 你装了窃听器?
Hold on. You were wired?
是的 雷
Yeah, Ray, I was.
狗♥娘♥养♥的!
Son of a bitch!
抓住他!
Get him!
放开我! 放开我 小警♥察♥!
Get off me! Get off me, mini-cop!
谢谢你的帮助
Thanks for your help.
是 大男人! 装个窃听器! 混♥蛋♥!
Yeah, big man! Wearing a wire! Asshole!
真是失败
This is a disaster.
我们13岁的时候不是都带领结上学的
We didn’t all wear bow ties to school when we were 13.
我很古怪 这是个阶段
I was eccentric. It was a phase.
你还好吗?
Are you OK?
我还好吗? 让我瞧瞧 皮特
Am I OK? Let me see, Pete.
6天前我醒来时发现床上有个提基舞者…
I woke up with a tiki dancer in my bed six days ago…
然后我发现她是我未婚妻的表妹…
then I found out she was my fiancee’s cousin…
然后我被她变♥态♥的警♥察♥前男友打劫
then I got mugged by her psycho cop ex-boyfriend.
对… 警♥察♥
That’s right… cop.
我闯进他的公♥寓♥ 偷了他的东西…
I broke into his apartment and stole his property…
这是个重罪… 我被逮捕了…
which is a felony… then I got arrested…
但不是破门而入的…
but not for breaking and entering…
你也许会这么想…
which is probably what you were thinking…
吸毒的瘾头
for cocaine possession.
还有呢 我在马桶座上染了阴虱
And as a bonus, I got crabs from a toilet seat.
-真糟糕 -我除掉它们了
– That’s bad. – I got rid of them.
见鬼! 我忘了预订弦乐四重奏的乐队了!
Shit! I forgot to book the string quartet!
给我你的电♥话♥!
Give me your phone!
会好的
This is going to be fine.
会好的…
It’s going to work out…
你和凯伦会在一起的…
and you and Karen will be together…
这是最重要的事…
which is the most important thing…
因为她是…
because she is…
皮特 别又来了!
Pete, don’t start, please!
-是吗? -吉姆!
– Yeah? – Jim!
我忘了预订弦乐四重奏的乐队了
I forgot to book the string quartet.
吉米早料到了 我已经帮你订过了
Jimmy anticipated as much, and I got you covered.
哦 我的天 太谢谢你了
Oh, my God, thank you so much.
晚了!
Late!
他在办了
He’s on it.
一切都会好的
Everything’s going to be fine.
-我看上去如何? -好极了
– How do I look? – Great.
到那里再见
See you out there.
好的 谢谢
All right, thanks.
哦 我的天
Oh, my God.
肯! 古柏先生! 我没有…
Ken! Mr. Cooper! I didn’t…
你一直在那里面吗?
Were you in that stall the whole time?
我要告诉我准备怎么做
I’ll tell you what I’m going to do.
我会装做没听见我刚才听到的东西
I’m going to overlook what I just heard.
我认为你爱我女儿
I believe that you love my daughter.
不管怎样…
And in spite of everything…
你要让她幸福
you’re going to make her happy.
我说得对吗?
Am I right?
是 不过我可以解释…
Yeah, but I can explain…
我不想听 木已成舟
I don’t want to hear it. What’s done is done.
但是 先生 我其实没有…
But, sir, I didn’t actually do…
保罗 忘掉吧
Paul, forget it.
我们是男人 我们是猎人
We’re men. We’re hunters.
有时会这样的
It happens.
这儿 是个黄油菜
Here. It’s a butter dish.
我只是给你个惊喜
And I just gave away the surprise.
谢谢
Thanks.
我知道最近发生了…
I know that a lot of weird…
许多奇怪有趣的事
fun weird things happened recently.
你知道我说的抓住机会的话吗?
You know that stuff I said about taking chances?
那全是扯淡
That was all bullshit.
你是个很不错的男孩…
You’re a great guy…
凯伦是个很不错的女孩 所以恭喜你们
and Karen’s a great girl, so congratulations.
到里面碰头
See you in there.
那些裤子怎么样? 看上去不错
How about those pants? Those look good.
-嘿 巴基! -你好吗?
– Hey, Buck! – How are you?
-很好啊 -你好 珊迪!
– Pretty big deal. – Hi, Sandy!
-对不起 -音乐都搞定了?
– Sorry. – Music all set?
-都很好 -你有些迟了
– It’s all good. – You’re a little late.
对不起 汤尼娅 女孩嘛
Sorry. Tonya. Chicks.
你带汤尼娅来了?
You brought Tonya?
是的 我想我甩掉她之前…
Yeah. I figured I’d throw her a bone…
要给她点甜头
before I dumped her.
你好 吉姆
Hi, Jim.
我需要我的口红 宝贝 在哪里?
I need my lipstick, baby. Where is it?
怎么回事? 它是怎么到这里面来的?
What the heck? How’d that get in there?
嘿 保罗
Hey, Paul.
我们在你的单身汉聚会上见过 我是汤尼娅
We met at your bachelor party. I’m Tonya.
是 我记得
Yeah. I remember.
你! 你没警告过我这个宝贝猴
You! You didn’t warn me about this cuddle monkey.
他一直给我写诗 给我送花
He’s been writing me poems and sending me flowers.
哦 汤尼娅 就此打住
Whoa, Tonya. Lx-nay on the oem-pay.
两天后他给了我他房♥子的钥匙
Two days and he gave me the keys to his apartment.
-真的? -是的
– Really? – Yeah.
我爱你 宝贝猴
I love you, cuddle monkey.
我也爱你… 甜心熊
Love you, too… honey bear.
好吧 祝你走运
OK. Good luck.
也许我有点爱她
Maybe I love her a little bit.
你好了吗? 我们来吧
You ready? Let’s do this.
我差点忘了 牧师病了
I almost forgot. The minister’s sick.
昨晚的东西吃坏了
Something about the food last night.
你在说什么?
What are you talking about?
谁来为我们主持婚礼?
Who’s going to marry us?
戏开场了
Showtime.
他们是谁?
Who are they?
那到底是什么?
What the hell is that?
霍华德!
Howard!
我知道 我知道 这是摇滚乐…
I know, I know. It’s rock and roll…
但是我们找准节拍
but we just need to find the beat.
你觉得如何? 很不错吧?
What do you think? Pretty sweet?
-这真的有必要吗? -牵着我的手
– Is this really necessary? – Take my arm.
-牵着! -牵着!
– Take it! – Take it!
真漂亮!
So pretty!
我是爸爸的小女孩 你的我的大男人
I’m Daddy’s little girl, and you’re my great big man.
现在 牵着我 抓紧我
Now, take me, hold me tight.
一 二 去吧…
One, two, now fly…
对不起 亲爱的!
Sorry, dear!
你在飞呢 亲爱的! 你能感觉得到吗?
You’re flying, sweeties! Can you feel it?
这是在开玩笑吗?
Is this some kind of joke?
真叫人尴尬
This is so embarrassing.
我尽力了 大家都喜欢 好吗?
I tried. People like it, OK?
-没那么糟 -听上去象是个烤蛤!
– It’s not that bad. – It sounds like a clam bake!
我没有选择 我把弦乐四重奏忘了
I had no choice. I forgot the string quartet.
我让你做件事
I give you one thing to do.
-你为什么选了个乐队? -不是我选的!
– Why did you pick a band? – I didn’t do it!