死侍

拿枪来
I need guns.
好的 要什么枪
Okay, which ones?
全拿出来
I need all the guns!
好吧 好的
All right. Okay.
这大概有3000发子弹
That’s about 3,000 rounds.
大家都知道我用12发就能干掉多少人
We all know what I can do with 12.
小心点 罗尼·米萨普
Hey, hey, careful with that, Ronnie Milsap!
别打着我们
We’re downrange.
本来打算今晚装一下宜家的伯尔杰椅子
I was gonna spend the night assembling the Borje,
但好像你们这更有趣
but this is holding my interest.
我说了买♥♥沃瓦什 不要伯尔杰
I told you, we’re going with the Urvaj, not the Borje.
过过脑子 记不住就滚蛋
Get it through your head or get out of fuck town.
靠 整个屋子的枪都在这了
Shit. That’s all the pieces in the house.
来 交出来吧
Come on. Let’s go. Cough it up.
快快快
Up, up, up.
放下放下放下
Down, down, down.
去你的
Fuck you.
点四五口径 我喜欢
45 cal. I like it.
韦德
Wade
我该跟你一起去 可我怂了
I’d go with you, but I don’t want to.
艾尔
Listen, Al.
要是我回不来的话
If I never see you again,
希望你知道我心中一直爱你
I want you to know that I love you very much.
对了 公♥寓♥里还藏了
And also, uh, there’s about 116 kilos of cocaine
116公斤可♥卡♥因♥
buried somewhere in the apartment,
就放在复明药方旁 祝你好运
right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck.
想嗨一下吗
You wanna get fucked up?
把她放在那
Put her down over here.
撕开吧
Go on then.
谢谢啊 阴阳人 说你呢
Thanks, dickless. And I mean you.
原来也是个嘴欠的 和韦德一样
You’re a talker too. You and Wade.
都说了 你们这帮混♥蛋♥
I’ve been trying to tell you assholes,
抓错人了
you’ve got the wrong girl.
我前男友早就死了
My old boyfriend, he’s dead.
我原本也这么以为 可他就是不消停啊
See, I thought that too. But he keeps on coming back.
像蟑螂一样
Like a cockroach,
但丑多了
but uglier.
我是没痛觉 但他有
Now, I may not feel, but he does.
你都在我手上了 看他还怎么跟我打
Let’s see how he fights with your head on the block.
你是《异形3》里的里普利吧
Ripley, from Alien 3!
靠 死老头
Fuck, you’re old.
看我这皮笑肉不笑的样子
Fake laugh. Hiding real pain.
去叫银球[性玩具]吧
Go get Silver Balls.
起那么早赶着去吃什么早餐特惠吗
You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?
在太阳下山之前吃个早餐
Oh, like there’s something wrong
或者省点钱有什么错吗
with eating before sundown or saving money.
不 还记得你们放走的那个坏蛋吗
No, you know that bad guy that you let go?
他绑了我马子
He’s got my girl.
你们得帮我救她回来
You’re gonna help me get her back.
韦德 是你吗
Wade, is that you?
对 是我 死侍
Yeah, it’s me, Deadpool,
带着你们无法拒绝的条件
and I got an offer that you can’t refuse.
我就在这等着吧
I’m gonna wait out here, okay?
这房♥子真大
It’s a big house.
搞笑的是总是只有你们两个人
It’s funny that I only ever see two of you.
就好像制片方没钱再请一个X战警一样
It’s almost like the studio couldn’t afford another X-Man.
这就是为什么
And that is why, in my opinion,
我觉得《魔茧》是一部纯粹的色情片
the movie Cocoon is pure pornography.
那个浑身亮闪闪的大块头是谁
Who brought this twinkly man?
亮闪闪 要人命
Twinkly, but deadly.
这位长着铬合金鸡鸡的朋友
My chrome-penised friend back there
是来挺我的
has agreed to do me this solid.
作为交换 我答应他
In exchange, I said that I would
会考虑加入他的男子天团
consider joining his boy band.
才不是男子天团
It’s not boy band.
当然不是
Sure it’s not.
和吉塔怎么样 能抱得美人归吗
So, any luck winning Gita back?
我尽力了 死先生
I tried to hold on tight, Mr. Pool.
但班度比我更帅更狡猾
But Bandhu is more craftier and handsomer than me.
我觉得你可爱爆了
Well, I think you’re pretty darn cute.
都朋德
Dopinder.
那是什么声音
What was that?
是后备箱里的班度
That was Bandhu in the trunk.
班什么
Ban who?
我的情敌班度 被绑在后备箱里
My romantic rival Bandhu. He’s tied up in the trunk.
完全按照您的建议 死先生
I’m doing as you said, DP.
我准备像做烤鱼那样活剥了他
I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish,
然后把尸体丢在吉塔家门口
then dump his carcass on Gita’s doorstep.
我可没教他这么干
I did not tell him to do that.
绝对没有 是他理解错了
Absolutely not. It got lost in translation.
都朋德 这样是没法赢回吉塔的芳心的
Dopinder, this is no way to win Gita’s heart back!
我太为你骄傲了
I’m so proud of you.
安全地 温柔地放了班度
Drop Bandhu off, safe and gentle-like.
干掉他
Kill him.
然后 追回吉塔
And then, win Gita back.
以最传统的方式 通过男人的魅力
The old fashioned way: with your boyish charm.
绑♥架♥她
Kidnap her.
他死定了
He’s super dead.
我猜还是爽快地击个掌对吗
I presume a crisp high five?
和你 当然要击双掌
For you? 10.
好吧 伙计们 大干一场吧
Okay, guys, let’s get out there and make a difference.
你知道该怎么做
You know what to do.
干掉他们 侍侍
Knock ’em dead, Pool Boy!
是时候做个酥炸墨西哥卷了
Time to make the chimi-fuckin’-changas.
这事可不常有 一哥们毁了你的脸
Not often a dude ruins your face,
把你整疯了 绑走了你未来孩子的母亲
skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama,
并亲眼见证了你最惨的五个瞬间中的四个
and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments.
这么说吧
Let’s just say
越来越有过圣诞节的感觉了
it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
你的弹♥药♥包呢
Where’s your duffle bag?
班度
Bandhu?
请留言 祝您度过愉快的一天
Leave a message and have a happy day.
该死的
God damn it!
我得按老派的办法来了
I’m gonna do this the old fashioned way,
用两把剑 全力以赴
with two swords and maximum effort.
放音乐
Cue the music.
韦德·威尔逊
Wade Wilson!
我的名字是什么
What’s my name?
我他妈待会儿帮你拼出来
Oh, I’mma fuckin’ spell it out for ya.
给他们点颜色看看
Go get some.
超级英雄式落地
Superhero landing.
她准备做超级英雄式落地了
She’s gonna do a superhero landing.
看好了
Wait for it.
超级英雄式落地
Superhero landing!
话说那样真的对膝盖很不好
You know, that’s really hard on your knees.
完全不实用 但他们都这么做
Totally impractical. They all do it.
你是位可爱的姑娘
You’re a lovely lady,
但我要把自己留给弗朗西斯
but I’m saving myself for Francis.
所以我把他带来了
That’s why I brought him.
我不喜欢打女人 所以还是…
I prefer not to hit a woman, so please…
我是说 所以我把她带来了
I mean, that’s why I brought her?
没事 你发你的推特吧
Oh, no, finish your tweet.
你真是的 等我们一下子啊
It’s not… That’s… Just give us a second. Yeah.
好了 记得加个话题
There you go. Hashtag it.
上吧 小老虎
Go get her, tiger.
我真替毕业舞会上逼她就范的哥们难过
Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.
好吧 开火
All right, then. Fire!
快去干翻她
Finish fucking her the fuck up!
注意用语
Language, please.
吃大鸡♥巴♥
Suck a cock.