我不认识任何过世了的人
I don’t know any dead people.
冻酸奶机这事 听上去不错啊
That’s cool about the frozen yogurt machine,
我爱的人都死了
Everyone I love dies,
布鲁克
Brooke!
我听说你要开餐馆了
I heard you’re opening a restaurant.
正是本人
Yours truly.
我靠 真的吗
W-T-F?
是啊 除了歌♥技 我用上了全部看家本领
I know, it uses all my talents except singing,
我今晚和乐队合唱了
I sang with the band tonight,
这位是我亲妹妹崔茜
This is my baby sister Tracy.
这贱♥人♥偷走了我最爱的一条裤子
This bitch stole my favorite pants,
肯定就在这里某处
They’re in here somewhere,
她以为我不知道 但我什么都清楚
She thinks I don’t know, but I know everything.
-是条红色的 -我找找这边
-They’re red. -I’ll look here.
其他人总从我这里抢东西走
People are always taking my shit.
我以前有个朋友 现在是仇人了 麦米•克莱尔
My ex-friend and nemesis, Mamie Claire,
偷走了我的创意和未婚夫
stole my ideas and my fiancé.
靠
Shit.
我有个绝妙的T恤衫创意
She took this T-shirt idea that I had,
她偷走了 还开了间公♥司♥…
started a company…
他妈的 后来还卖♥♥给了J Crew
and fucking sold it to J. Crew,
于是就这样了
so there’s that.
她就是那种自己
She’s one of those people that
这辈子都没任何好点子的人…
doesn’t have any good ideas for her own life…
于是就把我的全偷走
so she just steals all of mine.
讲真 她还偷走了我的猫
And then she literally stole my cats.
那些T恤是怎样的
What were the T-shirts?
看上去比较硬气的花朵图案
Just really hard-looking flowers,
天哪 那T恤我还买♥♥了一件呢
Oh, my God! I bought one of those T-shirts.
是啊 是花跟…
Yeah, flowers with, like…
骷髅头什么的 匕♥首♥
skulls and shit. Daggers,
那个很赞
That’s a great one.
我的未婚夫 迪伦 超性感的
My fiancé, Dylan, was super sexy.
还巨有钱
And so rich,
但我当时并不打算嫁给他
But I wasn’t gonna marry him,
等等 是你甩了迪伦 我以为是她抢走的
Wail, you broke up with Dylan? I thought she stole him.
我从没吃过这棵回头草 他哭得可伤心了 一直问
And I never looked back. He cried so hard, like whiny,
“你要去哪里”
“Where are you going?”
我是忠于自己的内心
I was being real,
但结果麦米•克莱尔跟他结了婚
but Mamie Claire then goes and marries him,
他们现在住在康州的格林威治镇
They live in Greenwich, Connecticut
一幢大房♥子 恶心死了 你知道那里么
in some big gross house. Do you know that place?
知道 格林威治 恶心城吗
Yeah, Greenwich, Grossville.
是吧 靠着个有钱老公
Right? Living off of his riches
还有我的T恤创意过活
and my T-shirt idea,
我恨死他们俩了
I hate them!
其实我挺可怜他俩的 他们没有梦想
I actually pity them. They have no more dreams,
是这条吗
These?
我真想和你立刻结婚
I wanna marry you!
啊
Ugh!
我们真要这样随时记录生活吗
Must we document ourselves all the time? Must we?
那个贝斯手 他是你男朋友吗
Is he your boyfriend? The bassist?
奈特吗 才不
Nate? No!
我男人 斯塔夫罗斯 他现在在希腊
My beau, Stavros, is in Greece right now,
在做跟政♥府♥对着干的事 之类的吧
Betting against the country or something gross.
别告诉别人啊
Don’t tell anyone that.
不会的 我很善于保守秘密
I won’t. I’m good at keeping secrets,
我这特点你以后会知道的
You’ll learn that about me.
他是我讨厌的那种人
He’s the kind of person I hate,
但我又很爱他
except I’m in love with him,
我去过希腊东正教复活节
I’ve been to a Greek Orthodox Easter
完全能想象自己…
and I could totally see myself…
在那种教堂里结婚
getting married in that kind of church.
你有男朋友吗
You got a honey?
没
No.
有个男生 我们一起被文学社拒了
There’s this one guy, we got rejected together,
但他有女朋友了
but he’s got a girlfriend,
他们都有女朋友的
They all have girlfriends.
其实 我觉得是他先认识的我 然后才找了那女朋友
Actually, I think he met me and then he got a girlfriend,
今年夏天 我打工的地方 有个人
This summer, at my job, this one guy
整夜都在盯着我胸脯看
just sucked on my boobs all night.
我的餐馆应该也做波兰饺子
My restaurant should do a pierogi.
波兰饺子风味 你喜欢你点的吗
Fusion pierogi. You like yours?
嗯 我这已经是第二顿晚饭了
Mmm, this is my second dinner.
我要迅速发条推
Just a quick tweet on Twitter,
我很沉迷社交网络 你必须推销自己
I’m very into social media. You have to market yourself,
如果你不知道自己要推销的是什么
If you don’t know what you’re selling,
没人会知道要怎么买♥♥
no one will know how to buy it.
你要推销什么
What are you selling?
各种各样多得很 我不会全发推特上的
So many things. I don’t tweet all of it.
比方说 有两个想法 网上没发过的
Like, here are two ideas that are not on the Internet,
我会演一出歌♥舞表演…
If I did a cabaret…
名字叫”高音”
it would be called “High Standards””
然后我会唱所有的音域
and I would sing all the standards,
你会把它都唱成高音吗
Would you sing them in a higher pitch?
不 意思不是…
No, it wouldn’t be about…
它指的是一种标准
It’s about principles,
一种”高标准”…
those kind of high standards…
比如歌♥词会是”珍珠项链”
like one of those “String of Pearls
“所以本姑娘至今单身”这种的
“and that’s why I’m a single gal” kind of show.
噢 这主意很聪明
Oh, that’s clever.
还有个想法 是个电视节目
The second idea is a television show,
是我在读一本新出的小说…
which I’ve read is the new novel…
说的是一个女人
about a woman
白天她在政♥府♥机构上班…
who’s a government worker by day…
晚上是自己的超级英雄
“and a self-invented superhero by night.”
但这就像是美国精神的本质
but it’s like the essence of America,
是自己的神话
It’ll be its own mythology,
我觉得这个节目可以叫”美国女主人”
I think maybe it’ll be called Mistress America.
听上去好像她是美国在外面包的小蜜
That sounds like she’s America’s girl on the side,
我还不清楚呢 好么
I don’t know, okay?
一切都不确定 这只是些构思
I’m not positive, these are just some ideas,
噢 我也这样的
Oh, me, too.
对不起 我什么都不知道
I’m sorry, I don’t know anything,
我只是喜欢随便说说
I was just throwing something out there.
我们需要开一次过夜的派对
We need a sleepover party.
这间公♥寓♥楼其实是划分
This apartment is technically
在商业区的 但那是假的
zoned commercial, but that’s fake.
好有型的公♥寓♥啊
It’s so stylish.
靠 当然
Fuck, I know,
我是自♥由♥职业的室内设计师
I freelance as an interior decorator.
你知道柏威里酒店吗
You know the Bowery Hotel?
天哪 当然
Oh, my God, yeah.
你从那里往南走一条马路…
Well, if you walk about a block south…
有一家激光脱毛中心
there’s a laser hair removal center
特别潮
that’s very hip,
等候室是我设计的
I did the waiting room,
-真棒 -没错
-That’s cool! -I know!
我一月就要从这搬走了
I’m leaving here in January,
搬到曼哈顿东边去 难以置信吧
Moving to the East Side, if you can believe it.
搬去斯塔夫罗斯家 不过我也要重新装♥修♥的
That’s where Stavros lives. I’m gonna redo his place too,
我想写短篇小说
I want to write short stories.
噢我也是 但不是短篇小说
Oh, me too! Not short stories, though,
但我被文学社拒收了
But I got rejected by the Lit Society.
我这人耳根特软 我觉得
I’m so suggestible, like I think
因为被拒了 所以就不能当作家了
because I got rejected I can’t be a writer,
你为何不成立自己的文学社
Why don’t you make your own Lit Society?
要是能就好了 莫比乌斯是学校举足轻重的社团
I wish. Mobius is a big deal at school,
你还有别的故事啊
You’ve got other stories.
再写一篇呗
Just make another one up.