口袋里的小石头（2014）

Oh, she brings shame to our family! The relatives said.
离婚总比死了好 我妈妈这样回答他们
Better divorced than dead. My mother replied.
所有这些被揭露的真♥相♥
All those revelations
她才华横溢的女儿患上精神疾病的历史来源
about the history of her talented daughter’s mental instability
让她有点暴躁
made her a bit snappish.
这都是他丈夫那边的家庭问题
It was the fault of her husband’s family.
我母亲过去从不知道她嫁入了一个有精神问题的家庭
My mother didn’t know she married into a family of mental cases.
她自己的家族是精神健全的
Her own family was mentally robust,
也许没有受过很好的教育 但是
maybe not the best educated, but hey,
至少每个人的精神都是正常的
everybody was at least mentally stable!
我的母亲决定了
My mother decided that
作为一个精神正常的人
as a representative of the mentally stable people
她更有资格判断 怎么样才有利于一个孩子的成长
she was a better judge of what was good for bringing up a child.
她把我的儿子抱进自己怀里
She took my son into her own hands.
而我的怀抱里什么都没有了
I was left with nothing to hold in my hands.
没有丈夫 没有孩子 没有房♥子
No husband, no child, no house.
结束了短暂的成人之旅
From my brief venture into adulthood
我再次回到了16岁 得以重新开始了
I returned to become 16 again, and was able to start over.
我想着 这一次我绝不会犯错 我要实现自己的命运
This time I thought，I’ll make no mistake and fulfill my destiny.
（艺术基因）
我一直都猜测父亲家族的艺术天赋
I’ve always imagined that the knack for arts
是来自于我爷爷因杜利斯
in my father’s family came from my grandfather Indulis.
毕竟 是他在1903年手绘出了一袋又一袋
After all, he was the one who hand-painted sacks and sacks
沙皇俄♥国♥的百元卢布钞票
of Tsarist Russia’s one hundred rouble notes in 1903.
（冒险基因）
但我父亲固执地认为 艺术基因不是来自于因杜利斯
But my father was adamant: that the art gene was not coming from Indulis.
是你的奶奶安娜 她才是这个家族里的艺术家
Your grandmother Anna, she was the artist of the family.
是她的基因 那你有任何她的绘画作品吗
It’s her gene. Do you have any paintings?
有她编织出的精美物件吗
Any intricate knits by her?
你想要凭证？我没有凭证
You want proof? I don’t have proof.
她每天有八个孩子 两头牛 一匹马要管
She was too busy with eight children,two cows, a horse,
还要杀一只兔子 把皮剥了
killing and skinning a rabbit a day
没有时间浪费在绘画与织锦上
to be able to trifle with paintings and tapestries.
如果没有凭证 你怎么知道她是个艺术家呢
If there is no proof, how do you know she was an artist?
她的性格啊 亲爱的
It’s the character, my dear.
她拥有艺术家的眼睛 耳朵 和敏感度
She had the eye, ear and sensitivity of an artist.
你未曾与她在夏至繁茂的草地上一同漫步过
You never walked with her in the blooming meadows of the Summer Solstice.
她的想象力是那么的狂野
She had a wild imagination.
她在纷繁的颜色 形状 和气味中如获新生
Colors, shapes and smells made her very alive.
安娜没做到的事 我决定至少试一下
What Anna was not able to do, I was determined to at least try.
周围的世界给了我的计划以极大的阻力
The world around me threw a tremendous resistance to my plan.
你成不了艺术家的
You can’t be an artist.
艺术家都会酗酒 并在28岁死于肝功能衰竭
Artists drink and die at age 28 from liver failure.
你成不了艺术家的 女艺术家都是婊♥子♥
You can’t be an artist. Women artists are all whores.
你没有接受过艺术方面的教育 而现在已经晚了
You don’t have an arts education and it’s too late to get one now.
艺术家并不算一份正经的职业
An artist is not a serious occupation.
好吧 我还有什么其它选择呢
Well. What was my alternative?
进精神病院？自杀？嗑药？
The madhouse? Suicide? Pharmaceuticals?
站在发疯与理智中间 刀刃般的独木之上
Standing on the razor thin line between madness and sanity
我慢慢地开始朝着自己想要的方向前进
I slowly started to move to where I wanted to be.
这根独木承受不起旅人有太多行李
That thin line does not allow one to travel with a lot of luggage.
丈夫 孩子 财产都不得不留在身后
Husbands, children, possession have to be left behind.
（目的地 纽约）
（二十年前）
没人能从任何人身上学到任何东西
No one learns anything from anybody.
而且又何必学呢
And why should they?
生命似乎是毫无目标的随波逐流
Life seems to be random without any purpose.
你繁殖后代 然后死去
You procreate and then you die.
为什么不跳过这一步骤 在繁殖前死去呢
Why not just skip that one step and die before the procreation?
（第六个孙女 琳达）
接下来是我们美丽的堂姐琳达
The next in line was our beautiful cousin Linda.
在我们很小的时候 她是我们所有人中穿得最好的
In early childhood she was the best dressed of us all,
也因为她的美貌 我们其他堂兄弟姐♥妹♥们♥ 都同她有差距
and because of her beauty, we, the other cousins,were differential to her.
她因为优越感而散发出一种冷傲气质
She exuded a certain coldness that comes with the sense of superiority.
在她的少年时候 当她父母来我家做客时
In her teenage years when her parents came to visit our family
她甚至都不会下车和我们打招呼
she wouldn’t even come out of the car to greet us.
她就那么坐在副驾驶上
She just sat there in the front seat
当长辈们交换家族里最新的八卦
looking beautiful and bored for two and a half hours
聊着天气预报的时候
while the parents caught up on the latest family gossip
她就那么美丽又无聊地在车里坐上两个半小时
and the predictions of the weather.
她对于家庭压力与责任的不遵从让我印象深刻
I was impressed with her courage not to comply with family pressures and obligations.
我希望我也能待在自己房♥间里
I wished I could stay in my room
读我的维克多-雨果全集
reading the complete works of Victor Hugo
不用出来向任何来访的亲戚打招呼
and never come out to greet any visiting relative,
但是我怕我妈妈不高兴
but I was afraid to displease my mother.
来吧 不要失礼 她一边说一边把我推进客厅
Come on, don’t be rude. She pushed me into the living room.
虽然并不亲切 琳达也从没留给人无礼的印象
Although never nice, Linda never seemed rude.
漂亮的人做什么都会被原谅
Beautiful people are forgiven all kinds of things.
而相貌平庸的人只能嫉妒
Homely people are left only with envy.
除了漂亮之外 琳达还极度地聪明
Besides being beautiful, Linda was stunningly smart.
有为数不多的几次她降低身段跟我说话
The few times she descended to talk to me
她淡淡地说
she simply stated:
我上学期的成绩单上的平均分是5分
My average grade on my last term’s report card was 5.
5分就是苏联学校的最高分了
5 was the highest grade in Soviet Union schools.
不管我怎么努力
Whatever I tried
作弊还是请私人教师 我的平均分都超不过4.2
cheating, private tutors studying I could never raise my average above 4.2.
我上学期平均分是4.2 我承认道
4.2 is my average of the last term.I admitted.
她只是冷淡地笑了笑 回到车上并关上了车门
She simply distantly smiled, got back in the car and closed the door.
她并不怕伤害我的感情
She was not afraid to hurt my feelings.
一个平均分只有4.2的人
A person with an average grade of 4.2
是不配跟她说话的
just didn’t deserve a conversation with her.
这些聪明人在高中毕业之后
Where do all the smart people go after they graduate from high school
带着他们惊艳的高分和其它荣誉都去哪儿了呢
with the most amazing grades and other superior honors?
他们去了最难进的大学
They go to the school that is the hardest to get into
也就是最有声望的
and thus the most prestigious of them all.
大名鼎鼎的里加医学院
The famous Riga Institute of Medicine.
想要进去需要通过四次口试
To get in you have to pass 4 oral exams.
当琳达拿着第一次考试的申请书到那时
When Linda arrived with her application to the first exam,
她看到了一大群强力竞争者
she saw a huge crowd of institute hopefuls,
每人都拿着一份和琳达平均分同样高的申请书
each of them holding an application with the exact grade average as Linda.
面对如此残酷的竞争 琳达畏缩了
In the face of such fierce competition, Linda flinched.
在第四次考试中 她回答之前打了喷嚏
At the forth exam, she sneezed before giving an answer
因此并没有得到最高的分数
and didn’t make the highest grade.
她没有被录取 然后崩溃了
She didn’t get in and had a major meltdown.
为了放松她的神经 她的父母给她买♥♥了一座房♥子
To soothe her nerves, her parents bought her a house.
琳达在医院找到了一份工作
Linda got a job at a hospital,
因为有了相关领域中的工作经验
as her next year’s application would look so much better
她明年的申请将会有分量得多
with work experience related to the field written in.
她变得谦恭起来
She became more humble.
她会下车跟我说话了
Now she would actually get out of the car and talk to me.
有空来找我玩啊 她邀请我
Come and visit me. She invited.
她的房♥子非常大
Her house was big.
她拥有这么一座房♥子让我很受触动
I was impressed that she owned it.
当我被医学院录取后
When I get accepted into the institute
我会出租其中一间房♥ 增加点额外收入
I’ll rent out one of the rooms to get extra income.
哇哦 她还很有经济头脑
Wow. She had a business sense, too!
第二年夏天 她成功以最高分通过了所有考试
The next summer, she successfully passed all the exams
进入了梦寐以求的医学院
with the highest grades and got into her dream institute.
就在入秋之前 我们在一次家庭聚餐上碰面
Just before fall we met at a family celebration.
你看着吧 我会是最好的学生 我要击败他们所有人
You’ll see. I’ll be the best student, I’ll beat them all.
她扬言道
She boasted.
当然 她能做到 我毫不怀疑
Sure, she could do that, I had no doubts.
还有 准备好参加婚礼吧 我明年夏天就结婚
And get ready for a wedding. I am getting married next summer.
结婚？
Married?
这种肯定的语气 从一个没交过男朋友的女孩儿嘴里说出来有点古怪
Such certainty was odd for a girl who had never had a boyfriend.
是的 美貌能带给你很多 但是结婚是需要实践的
Yes, beauty alone can take you far, but to get married you need practice.
是的 我房♥子租出去了 他叫伊瓦尔斯
Yes. I rented the room. His name is Ivars.
来找我们玩吧
Come and visit us.
一个租客？
A renter?
我不是很明白一个租客是怎么变成新郎的
It was not clear to me how a renter would transform into a groom,
但是很明显 我并没有得到足够的信息
but obviously I didn’t have all the information
去有效地争论这件事
to successfully argue that point.
设立了击败他们所有人的目标 琳达开始拼命学习
Having set a goal to beat them all with her grades, Linda started to study intensely.