变身特工

Okay, so read what used to be my lips.
你之所以在这里是因为
You’re only here, because A,
一 我没法用触摸屏把你弹射出去
I can’t work a touchscreen enough to eject you…
二 你应该在研究什么东西吧
and B, you’re supposed to be working on something, correct?
解药 是的
Oh, the antidote. Right. Sure.
解药要十八个小时才能做好
Yeah, that’s going to take 18 hours to render.
我要在鸟的身体里困十八个小时
I’m stuck like this, with this body, for 18…
天呐
Boy…
好吧 走走消化一下
Whoo! Okay, walk this one off.
做鸽子
You know, being a pigeon
其实比看起来要酷多了
is actually way cooler than it seems.
如果你接受自己的新外貌
And if you just embrace your new form,
你就会看到所有的优势
you’ll see all the advantages.
比如你知道吗
Like, fact, did you know
鸽子能看到慢动作
that pigeons can see in slow motion?
因为其实鸽子的飞行时速
Because, fact, pigeons can fly
可以达到149公里
up to 92.7 miles per hour.
而且其实鸽子是高智慧动物
And, fact, pigeons are highly intelligent animals
喜欢玩游戏
who like to play games.
还有其实…
Oh, and, fact…
其实你应该系安全带
Fact! You should have kept your seat belt on.
其实鸽子能看到紫外线
Fact, pigeons can see ultraviolet light…
那是广谱光
which is a broad spectrum of light
人类肉眼根本看不到
the human eye can’t even see.
其实鸽子是群居动物
Fact, pigeons are a flock animal,
这让它们更容易…
which makes it easier for them to…
木村 我要来抓你了
All right, Kimura, I’m coming for you.
兰斯·斯特林登场
Lance Sterling is on the scene.
还有键 氢键也登场
And Bond. Hydrogen Bond.
小子 你该吃药了
Dude, you need medicine.
快走 快走
Go, go, go!
你们都给我站好了 现在登场的是
All right, y’all better squad up, ’cause here comes the…
你敢用脚扒拉我
Hey! Did you just toe-poke me?
你现在是只鸽子 可以光明正大地走过去
You’re a pigeon. You can walk right past them.
我是只普通的鸽子
Just a regular old bird.
鸽子不是这么叫的
That’s not a pigeon sound.
没长泄殖腔的人
Till you grow a cloaca,
不配有发言权
I decide what the bird sounds are.
他们好蠢啊
They’re so stupid.
看到没 你就跟隐身了一样
You see, it’s like you’re invisible.
好吧
All right.
您的房♥卡 先生
Your room key, sir.
有办法了
Bingo.
我们两个可以好好想想 计划一下
Okay, let’s figure this out. You and me. Let’s go.
头脑风暴一下 我们该怎么找那个大块头
Let’s brainstorm. How we gonna find this nut?
你就好好坐在这儿
Uh, you are gonna sit down right here
这个沙发超级舒服的
on this very nice couch.
可我是你的僚机呀
But I’m your wingman.
你知道谁需要僚机吗 这个沙发
Ooh, you know who needs a wingman? That couch.
你就好好坐在这儿
Go sit your narrow behind down
搞你的科学研究吧
and do some science stuff…
我去找木村 我自己去
and I’mma go find Kimura. Alone.
这是什么令人沉醉的香味
Oh, what is that heavenly smell?
不是吧
Oh, no.
不要这样 兰斯
Do not do it, Lance.
兰斯 要有尊严
Lance! Have some dignity.
沃尔特 这是怎么回事
Walter, what is happening?
一定是某种潜在的鸟类本能在作祟
It must be some sort of latent avian instincts kicking in.
我为什么在从地上捡吃的
Why am I eating food off of the ground?
为什么吃起来还这么美味
Why does it taste amazing?
不了 谢谢你的美意
Ugh. No, I’m good. Thank you.
这位仁兄 说真的 请你离我十步远
My dude, seriously, give me 10 feet.
我说的是人类的十步 让开
Hey, no, human feet. Back up.
不要啊 这一幕我再也忘不掉了
Oh, no. I wish I could unsee that.
这可是大事 他们鸟群接受你这个成员了
This is huge. They’ve made you part of their flock.
我不想成为任何鸟群的成员
I’m not trying to be a part of nobody’s flock.
走开 退后 脑残粉
Shoo! Back up, fanboy.
我才不在乎你的名字是不是叫杰夫 闪开
I don’t care that your name is Jeff. Beat it.
你能听得懂他们的语言
You can understand them?
什么 不是 当然不是
What? No, no!
-心肝是真的爱我吗 -我才不要听鸟语
– Does Lovey really love me? – I’m not hearing bird-talk.
我是她最好的朋友吗
Am I her best friend?
哪里都不对劲
None of this is right!
很高兴认识你 杰夫
Nice to meet you, Jeff.
别再跟杰夫说话了
Stop talking to Jeff!
让我来看看你用的什么假名 木村
All right, what alias are you using, Kimura?
非木村
“Not Kimura.”
给你聪明坏了
That’s clever.
我太擅长这个了
I am way too good at this.
拜托
Oh, come on.
说真的 伙计们 现在别添乱
Seriously, fellas. Not now.
这太丢人了
This is so humiliating.
我不是来玩游戏的
Hey, I’m not for the games.
你们最好别
You better not… Mmm-mmm.
别动
Stop it.
别动 不许动
Stop it! Stop!
不要
No!
快停下 你们是有什么毛病
Stop it! What is wrong with you?
看到了吗 加入鸟群对你有帮助
Well, would you look at that? Being in a flock helped you.
我没加入鸟群
Not my flock!
兰斯
Lance…
兰斯
Lance.
等等 等一下
Wait, wait, wait. Uh…
你不应该独自上去
You should not go up there alone.
也许还有别的事我可以帮忙
Maybe I have something else that can help.
沃尔特 我不需要你的帮助
Walter, I do not need your help.
永远不需要
Never will.
能给我按一下20层吗
Can you push “20” for me, please?
你不是不用我帮忙吗
I thought you didn’t need any help.
我是不用
I don’t.
-刚刚好像帮了 -没有
– Feels like helping. – Nope.
-帮了一点吧 -没有
– Yeah, a little bit. – Didn’t.
-帮了 -没有
– Did! – Did not!
谁在那
Who’s there?
趁你现在还有嘴赶紧说
Talk while you still have lips.
闭嘴 木村
Shut it, Kimura.
斯特林
Sterling.
看前面 举起双手
Uh-uh. Eyes front, hands up.
妈呀 那句不算 浴巾捡起来
Ooh. Scratch that. Pick up your towel.
举起一只手
One hand up.
你想怎么样
What do you want?
我们这样
Here’s how this works.
我问问题 你回答
I ask the questions, you answer.
什么
What?
什么
What?
这你让我怎么回答
I don’t know how to answer that.
你们怎么上来的
How did you get here?
什么 我怎么
Huh? How did I…
我什么都不会告诉你的
I’m not telling you anything.
别动 放开我
Stop! Get off of me.
你把暗♥杀♥无人机卖♥♥给了一个装着机械手的人
You sold the Assassin to a guy with a robot hand.
他在哪
Where is he?
我要是告诉你他会杀了我的
He’ll kill me if I tell you that.
我就不会杀了你吗 快说
Oh, and you think I won’t? Talk!
了不起 遥控鸽子
Remarkable. A remote-operated pigeon.
你怎么让它说话的
How do you make it speak?
来吧 木村 三盎司之击
All right, Kimura, 3 ounces of pressure to the vagus nerve.
晚安了您呐
Sleepy night-night!
我想念我的手
I miss my hands.
兰斯·斯特林要作为一只鸽子死掉了
Lance Sterling is gonna die a pigeon…
装在鞋盒里下葬