憨豆先生的大灾难（1997）

okay?
行吗?
Number one, are you a doctor?
第一 你是博士吗?
No.
不是
Number two, do you know anything about art?
第二 你懂艺术吗?
Well…
这个嘛…
Just for instance here,
打个比方好了
was Leonardo da Vinci an American basketball player?
达芬奇是不是美国篮球选手
Yes.
是
Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
嗨 老爸 嗨 老爸
Hello, Doctor.
哈罗 博士
Bye, Dad. Bye, Dad.
再见 老爸 再见 老爸
Yep.
好
Oh, my God!
噢 天哪
For God’s sake, Bean, what are you doing?
看在老天份上 豆子 你在做什么
Hello? Mr Grierson, yes. He’s just here in the shower with me.
喂格利森先生 对 他现在跟我在浴室里
Would you give me…
你能否给我…
Yes, hello, Mr Grierson.
对 你好 格利森先生
No, no, you must have misunderstood him. What can I…
不 你一定是听错了 我怎么会…
She is? Oh, thank you for calling me.
真的吗? 谢谢你打电♥话♥来
Yes, okay. Goodbye. Bye!
好 再见 拜
I can’t believe it. Whistler’s Mother has actually arrived in America.
真不敢相信 “维瑟斯之母”已抵达美国了
Now, listen, I am begging you
听好 算我求你了
as a man whose entire professional career depends on you,
我全部职业生涯都仰赖你的立场了
behave rationally today.
今天表现理智一点
There is no God.
根本没有神
What do you think?
你说呢
Nice frame.
画框很不错
She’s magnificent.
太美了
David, well done. Worth every bright green buck!
大卫 干得好 每一分钱都值得
She’s something else, isn’t she?
真是与众不同 对吧
All right, folks, enjoy her while you can. After this morning, we lock her away
好了 各位 尽情欣赏吧 今早以后就要锁起来了
until the guy who paid $50 million for her turns up.
直到愿意出五千万的人出现为止
And, Elmer, I believe we have a security meeting.
艾尔莫 我们要开安全会议吧
That’s right, sir.
是的
And this is your key to the encasement system.
这把密室系统的钥匙给你
There are only two. I have the other one,
只有两把 我有另一把
so if the painting turns up missing, I’ll know where to come.
所以如果画作消失 我就知道该去找谁
And if you could all join me at the security console?
可否请你一起参加安全会议
Doctor, why don’t you just stay here?
博士 请留在这里好吗?
Maybe a look at the real thing will inspire you for your speech.
也许看看原画能激发你演讲的灵感
Just stay here. Don’t leave this room till I get back, okay?
呆在这 在我回来前别离开房♥间
This chart maps all the security elements for the big day,
这张表画出当天所有的保安点
and as usual in these circumstances, I’ve given the operation a code name,
如同以往的类似情况 我也替这次行动取了个代号♥
which is Operation Whistler’s Mother.
也就是”维瑟勒之母”行动
It’s not a snazzy title, but I think it works.
这名称不算时髦 但还能用
Fear not, gentlemen.
各位不必担心
With the system we put in here, nothing will touch that painting
我们安装的系统能确保画作的安全
short of an earthquake that brings down the whole gallery.
除非整栋美术馆被地震震毁
Once we’ve gotten the general safely inside,
一把将军安全带进馆内
the key figure, securitywise, will be Dr Bean.
保安重点就落到豆子博士身上
We gotta protect the painting without getting in the good doctor’s way.
我们要在不打扰大博士的情形下 保护画作
There seems to be a problem
这门好像出了点…
with the door.
问题
Where’s the picture gone?
画怎么不见了
What? What? What? What?
什么? 什么?
Oh, Jesus! Oh, God! Oh, Jesus!
噢 天哪噢 老天
God! Oh, Mary, mother of Jesus! Jesus of Nazareth!
哇我的老天圣母玛利亚
Wait a minute. Why am I worrying about this? You did it!
等一下 我♥干♥嘛这么害怕 是你干的
All I have to do is go out and tell them what happened.
我只要出去告诉他们怎么回事就好
Perfect!
太棒了
Then they’ll say, “Well, who left him alone with the picture?”
然后他们会说”是谁让他单独跟画在一起的”
And I say, “Me.”
我就会说”是我”
Then they say, “Well, you’re fired!” I say, “Fine.”
然后他们就说”你被开除了” 我就说”好”
No, no, no, no, no!
不 不
Then they say, “Firing is not enough. Let’s prosecute you for negligence!”
然后他们说”开除还不够 我们要告你怠忽职守”
Then I go to jail. My wife leaves me. My daughter becomes a prostitute.
然后我去坐牢 我太太会离开我 我女儿变成娼妓
I wind up on death row sharing a cell with Butch McDick!
最后我进了死囚室 跟强♥暴♥犯同一间牢房♥
All right, calm down. I just gotta calm down.
好了 冷静点 我要冷静点
Okay. Okay.
好 好
Give me one more look at the painting.
再让我看一下那幅画
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
噢 天哪 天哪
…which renders the underground ventilation ducts completely secure.
这表示地下通风管也非常安全
Yes, well, that’s good to know. Thank you, sir.
对 这样就放心多了 谢谢
Hey, do you drink, Bean?
嘿 豆子 你喝酒吗?
No. Good, neither do I.
不喝 很好 我也不喝
The Yankees grab the bat.
纽约队抓住球棒
Yeah, this one has extra innings written all over it, doesn’t it?
对 看来很可能会有延长赛了
Ozzie hangs over the plate.
欧吉留在本垒
He’s got the longball threat from the left side.
不过他左边有长传威胁
Smith corks one to right field down the line.
史密斯用力挥棒 球直达右野线
There it goes. Bean.
飞出去了 豆子
It’s going.
还在飞
Going crazy, folks! Going crazy! It’s a home run!
太厉害了 各位是全垒打
And the Cardinals have won the…
红雀队已赢得…
Carry on.
继续说
You wanna know what the reality of the situation is?
你想知道事情的真♥相♥吗
Okay, this is it.
好 那我告诉你
Because you moved into my house, my wife has moved out.
因为你住进我家 我太太就搬出去了
Yes, she did. She might have moved out anyway,
对 搬走了 她可能迟早会搬走
but that is one, point one.
但这是第一点
Point two,
第二点
I’ve given my life to art,
我全心为艺术奉献
and from here on in, the only art I will get anywhere near
但从现在起 我唯一能接近的艺术
are the pictures I draw on the pavement,
就是我在人行道上画的画
hoping passersby will throw nickels in my hat.
希望路人会在我帽子里丢点零钱
I guess the long and the short of it,
简单来说呢
I wish I’d never been born.
我真希望自己从未出生
Yesterday
昨天
All my troubles seemed so far away
所有烦恼似乎都很遥远
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay
现在却都萦绕身边
I believe in yesterday
我相信昨天
Suddenly
突然间
I’m not half the man I used to be
我不再是以前的我
Oh, no!
噢 不
There’s a shadow hanging over me
头上笼罩阴影
I believe in yesterday
我相信昨日
Suddenly
突然间
Row, row, row, your boat
划 划 划小船
Gently down the stream
滑行在溪中
If you see a crocodile
如果见到大鳄鱼
Don’t forget to scream
别忘了尖声大叫
Splish, splash, splish, splash
泼呀 洒呀
Row, row, row your boat
划 划 划小船
Gently down the stream
滑行在溪中
If you see a crocodile
如果见到大鳄鱼
Don’t forget to scream
别忘了尖声大叫
I can explain everything.
我可以解释一切
Okay, explain everything.
那就解释一切看看
It’s inexplicable. Ali, listen… David, no.
简直莫名奇妙 艾莉 听我说 不了 大卫
David, the reason that I came home was because I missed you
大卫 我回家是因为我想你
and also because I live here, and they live here,
也因为我住在这里 他们也住这里
but, David, we have been waiting for five hours, and what do we get?
可是我们等了五个小时 等到了什么
A drunk and his friend from the planet Zog.
一个醉汉和他那位来自外星的朋友
I know, and it seems like this horrible situation, but if you could…
我知道 听来是很糟的状况 可是你如果肯…
If you could just hear my full horrific tale…
你如果肯听完这个恐怖的故事…
David, I think I’m gonna have to leave you.
大卫 我想我们得分开了
You are?
你认真的?
Well, then things really have gotten bad.
那情况真的很糟糕了
Yeah.
正是
Hi, Beanie.
嗨 阿豆