怒犯天条（1999）

那又怎样 他们赢了上天 对他们来说可是好事一桩
So what? They beat the system. Good for them.
没那么简单
It’s not that simple.
如果他们成功了 他们就逆反了上帝的旨意
If they get in, theywill have reversed God’s decree.
现在听仔细了 因为这一点非常重要
Now listen closely because this bit’s very important.
世间万事万物的存在
Existence in all its form and splendor
都是建立在一个前提上
function solely on one principle,
上帝是完美无暇的
God is infallible.
证明主错了
To prove Him wrong
会反转现实中的一切
would undo reality and everything that is.
上下易位 黑白颠倒
Up would become down, black would become white.
存在将化为虚无
Existence would become nothingness.
简单来说
In essence
如果他们进入了那间教堂
if they’re allowed to enter that church
他们就会毁灭世界
they’ll unmake the world.
如果这件事这么重大 你干嘛要跟我说
If this is so major, why are you talking to me?
-上帝干嘛不自己做些什么 -主可以做
-Why doesn’t God do something about it? -He could.
但主更想看著你来私下处理这件事
But He’d rather seeyou take care of this one personally.
为什么是我
Why me?
因为你的身份
Because of who you are.
我是什么身份
And who am I?
睡衣丫头
The girl in the pj’s!
不要问这么一大堆问题 尽你的职责就是了
Don’t ask so many questions. Just serve your purpose.
我不要干
I’m gonna have to pass.
再说一遍
I beg your pardon?
当一些不易察觉的细小病痛逐渐损坏了我的子♥宫♥时
When some quiet little infection destroyed my uterus,
上帝干嘛去了
where was God?
当我丈夫决定
When my husband decided
他无法再和一个不能帮他养育孩子的妻子
he couldn’t be with a wife
一起生活下去的时候
who couldn’t bear his children
上帝干嘛去了
where was God?
让主见鬼去吧
To Hell with Him.
不要对漫长的历史和生活视而不见
Don’t allow eons of history and life to get blinked out of being
仅仅因为你对上帝有所不满
just because you’ve got a grudge against your Creator.
这样会令你失去创造人生的能力
So you lost the ability to make life.
你被赐予了一个充当世界之母的机会
You’re being offered the chance to play mother to the world
像个母亲般地保护它
by acting like one and protecting it,
拯救它
saving it!
但我并不能替你完成
But I can’t make you.
然而 如果你决定不再这么自私
However, if you should decide to stop being selfish
接受你的职责
and accept your responsibility
你不会孤军作战
you won’t be alone.
你会得到援助
You’ll have support.
什么援助 更多的天使
What? More angels?
先知
Prophets.
确切地说 有两位
In a manner of speaking. Two of them.
一位说话
The one who speaks
不管你想不想听 他都会滔滔不绝讲个不停
and he will, at great length, whether you want him to or not
而且会以先知自喻
will make mention of himself as a prophet.
另外一位
The other one
他相当沉默
well, he’s the quiet type.
好了 我得走了
Look, I’ve gotta go.
记住 我们是有时间限制的
Remember, we’re working in a time frame here.
他是什么样子的
What’s He like?
上帝吗
God?
很孤独
Lonely
但很有趣
but funny.
主有著很棒的幽默感
He’s got a great sense ofhumor.
拿性来说 再没什么会比
Take sex, for example. There’s nothing funnier
你们人类在达到性高♥潮♥时滑稽的表情更有趣的了
than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
性在天堂是个笑话
Sex is a joke in Heaven?
我是这么觉得的 在这里它大多时候也是
The way I understand it, it’s mostly a joke down here too.
回头见了
I’ll seeya.
我他妈的告诉你们
Snootch to the motherfucking nootch!
快回家吃奶去吧 你们这帮打曲棍球的小鬼们
Go back to your paper routes, you Mighty Duck Fucks!
真是爽啊 你看到他们那副蠢样儿没
Snoogans. Did you see that shit, man?
我知道他们只是一群小毛孩
I know they were just kids,
但也要给他们点苦头尝尝
but we kicked their fucking pube-less asses!
我不知道有什么好说好想的 只想问你
I don’t know what to say or think, except,
你会跟我们做♥爱♥做为犒赏吗
That you’ll offer us sex as a reward?
我想知道他们是谁 你们又是谁
That I’d like to know who they and you are.
我是杰 这是我的另类生活伴侣 沉默鲍伯
I’m Jay, and this is my hetero life mate, Silent Bob.
我不知道那些小鬼是什么人 但他们差点儿
I don’t know who those kids were, but they would have kicked yours
就扁痛你的小屁屁了 如果我没出现的话
and Lunchbox’s asses if I hadn’t represented.
谢谢你们这么晚还在外面
Thanks for being out here so late.
等一下 你们是那些示♥威♥者吗
Wait a minute. Are you protestors?
你是说那些举著标志和死婴图片的呆子们
You mean those dickheads with the signs and pictures of dead babies?
他妈的当然不是 我们支持堕胎的
Shit no! Me and Silent Bob are pro-choice.
女人的身体是他妈的她自己的事儿
A woman’s body is her own fucking business.
那你们干嘛在这里闲逛
But what are you doing hanging around?
我们是来找妓♥女♥的
We’re here to pick up chicks.
什么
Excuse me?
我们觉得堕胎所是个找放荡♥女♥人的好地方
We figure abortion clinics are a good place to meet loose women.
如果不是因为他们喜欢做♥爱♥的话
Why else would they be here
干嘛要来这种地方
unless they like to fuck?
是吧
Right.
好吧 我该走了 谢谢你们救了我
Well, I should be going. Thanks for the rescue.
-我想是的 -等一下
-I think. -Wait a second.
我们刚刚救了你的小屁屁 你却想就这么一走了之
We just saved your ass, and you’re just gonna take off.
这他妈的叫怎么回事
What the shit is that?
我昨天就过了一个莫名其妙的晚上
I had a weird night last night
今天也没好到哪里去
and tonight’s not shaping up to be better.
我想我应该回家去 吃几片镇静剂睡上一觉
I think I should go home, take some Percocet and lay down.
现在算什么状况啊 靠 兄弟
Now how about that shit? Fuck this town, man!
我要回泽西去 重新开始做我的事
I’m going back to Jersey and starting up the business again.
在红岸我可以狠狠地揍一通小鬼 然后给自己捞点好处
I can kick the shit out of kids in Red Bank and make myself prof it.
先知 有两名
Prophets. Two of them.
英语中好处与先知两词发音相同
-你知道我的意思吧 沉默鲍伯 -你不是在耍我吧
-You know what I’m saying, Silent Bob? -You gotta be kidding me.
这个我们叫做 圣炎
We call this piece The Fecalator.
对方只要看上一眼就会吓得屁滚尿流
One look at it and the target shits him or herself.
试试吧
Try it on.
这可比烈焰宝剑的杀伤力强多了 虽然没剑那么威风
It’s a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but not nearly as impressive.
它没有 圣父之怒火 所赐予的威力
It doesn’t have that Wrath of the Almighty edge to it.
叫我怎么用这种东西令人们的内心感到恐惧啊
How am I supposed to strike fear into hearts of the wicked with this thing?
看看这东西
Look at this.
那么 你知道 别用枪了 直接毁了那地方
Well, then, you know, don’t use a gun. Lay the place to waste like.
你说得轻巧 你对摧毁这种事异常来劲儿
Easy for you to say. You get off light in a razing.
你只是站在那儿 看著所多玛和蛾摩拉被毁
You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah.
所有的活儿都得我来干
I had to do all the work.
你干什么了 你只是点了把火
What work did you do? You lit a few fires.
我是让天上落下硫酸雨 这可是有区别的
I rained down sulfur. There’s a subtle difference.
好吧 确实是
Okay, I’m sure.
你要知道 妈的
Fuck you.
随便一个带著盒火柴的白♥痴♥都能纵火
Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire.
让天上下硫酸雨可是种耐力的证明
Raining down sulfur is like an endurance trial.
灭绝种族的屠♥杀♥是种最耗力气的活动了
Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in
不输给踢足球
next to soccer.
我要这把
I’ll take this one.
所以 怎么著啊 你再找个朋友来给沉默鲍伯
So, what’s up? You have a friend for Silent Bob,
还是你要跟我们两个做
or are you gonna do us both?
如果这样的话 我先来 我讨厌当老二
If so, I’m first. I hate sloppy seconds.
你倒挺有原则的
You’re a man of principle.
泽西离马克亨利堡相当远
Jersey’s pretty far from McHenry.
我能不能问一下你们怎么会来这里的
May I ask what brought you here?
因为一个叫约翰·休斯的混♥蛋♥
Some fuck named John Hughes.
拍 十六支蜡烛 的那个约翰·休斯
Sixteen Candles John Hughes?
你也知道那家伙 那个混♥蛋♥家伙
You know that guy too? That fucking guy.
他拍的那部 十六支蜡烛 还不错
He made this flick Sixteen Candles. Not bad.
里面有不少大胸部 可是没有大屁♥股♥的
There’s tits in it, but no bush.
但艾伯特完全不理那码子事
But Ebert over here don’t give a shit about that kind of thing
因为他很迷约翰·休斯