No, I’m not okay, actually.
-怎么了 -因为我…
– Why? What happened? – Because I just, um…
查尔斯和我离婚了
Charles and I split up.
什么
What?
-真的 -当真
– Yeah. – Really?
天哪 天哪 艾米
Oh, God. Oh, my God, Amy.
我懂
I know.
真遗憾
I’m so sorry.
谢谢
Thank you.
我们在一起八年
You know, just like after eight years…
真不敢相信
I can’t believe how petty
让我们分开的不过是个琐碎的争吵
the argument was that actually ended it.
我们回到家 他让我
We came home and he told me to,
把鞋摆到门边
um, put my shoes by the door…
摆到他喜欢摆鞋的地方
where he liked to put the shoes.
而我不想摆个鞋都被人指手画脚
And I didn’t want to be told where to put my fucking shoes.
我只想坐在沙发上休息休息
I wanted to sit on the sofa and relax for a second.
所以我们吵了大概十分钟
So we fought about that for, like, 10 minutes.
我说他”你太小题大做了”
And I’m like, “You are overwhelming,”
他说”我只想有个家的样子”
And he said, “I’m just trying to make a home.”
我说 “我他妈也在努力 懂吗”
I was like, “I’m fucking trying, you know?”
而他说 “你才没努力”
And he’s like, “You’re not trying.”
我他妈一直在努力 只不过没按他的想法来
All I’m doing is trying, but I’m not trying the way he wants…
他就想让我按他的想法来
and he’s, like, trying to control the way that I’m trying.
我们已经因为这个吵了无数次了
It’s… we’ve had that argument, like, 100 times.
所以我只能喊停
And I just had to finally stop, you know?
该结束了
I had to finally stop such as…
我受不了了
I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t…
我不能再让自己处于那种境地了
I couldn’t be in that place anymore…
我们一直在互相伤害
where we just made each other feel like shit about ourselves.
所以我就说
And so I said:
我要睡了 我想离婚
“I’m going to bed and I don’t want to be married anymore.”
我知道
Yeah, I know.
-我就是个贱♥人♥ 对吧 -不
– I’m a bitch. Right? – Heh. No.
-我就是个贱♥人♥ -你不是
– I am. No, I’m a bitch. – Not at all.
艾米 别这样
Amy, no.
该死
Shit.
我今晚得工作
I have to work tonight.
明天要发布一个新游戏的测试版本
We’re shipping a beta of a new game out tomorrow.
情况如何 工作怎么样
How’s that? How’s work, at least?
有好转吗
Is that any better?
不 很糟糕
No, it’s terrible.
我知道 我该辞职
I know, I should leave.
我早就不想干了 可是…
I’ve been thinking about leaving, but, you know…
我一次只能做一个重大决定
only one major life decision at a time.
我很高兴一切貌似都在好转
Well, I’m glad things are looking so up.
你够了
Stop!
你想听个笑话吗
Hey, you want to hear a joke?
电脑宝宝是怎么称呼它爸爸的
What does a baby computer call its father?
-不知道 是什么 -Data
– I don’t know. What? – “Data.”
Data意为”数据” 发音近”Dada” 类似小宝宝喊爸爸的声音
很好笑吧
It’s good, right?
太有才了
Brilliant.
我有点好奇
Hey, I was curious.
你和艾米约会过吗
Did you and Amy ever go out?
大学的时候算约过一下 可感觉不对
For like a minute in college, but it just wasn’t right.
为什么 你嫉妒了吗
Why? Are you jealous?
很明显吧
Well, obviously.
不过我很高兴
But I’m happy that you have
你身边有这么关心你的朋友
friends in your life that care about you so much.
-这很重要 -确实
– That’s really important. – Yeah, it is.
她是个好朋友
She’s been a really good friend.
我累了
Uh, I’m tired.
我该睡了
I think I’m gonna go to sleep.
好吧
Okay.
我今晚能继续看着你睡觉吗
Can I watch you sleep again tonight?
当然 你等等
Yeah, of course. Hold on.
你睡了以后我会很寂寞
I’m gonna be really lonely when you sleep.
只有一下子而已
Only for a minute.
我会梦到你的
I’ll dream of you.
-好吧 晚安 -晚安
– Okay. Good night. – Night.
-萨曼莎 -先生你好啊
– Hey, Samantha? – Hey, mister.
-她很喜欢那条裙子 -是吗
– She really loved the dress. – Really?
-她去换上了 -看来我挑对了 太好了
– She just went to try it on. Yeah. – I picked a good one? Good.
太可爱了 穿着舒服吗
Look how cute that is. Is it comfortable?
-没错 -没错
– Yep. – “Yep!”
-她可爱吧 -太可爱了
– Isn’t she cute? – She’s so cute.
-她真是人见人爱 -我人见人爱
– She’s adorable. – I am adorable.
你人见人爱
You are adorable.
你在跟谁说话呢
Who are you talking to?
-你在跟谁说话呀 -你
– Who are you talking to? Heh. – You.
我在跟我女朋友萨曼莎说话
I’m talking to my girlfriend, Samantha.
这条裙子是她挑的
She’s the one that picked out the dress.
要跟她打个招呼吗
Want to say hi? Yeah?
你好 萨曼莎
Hi, Samantha.
你好 你穿这条粉裙子真好看
Hi, you look so pretty in that new pink dress.
谢谢
Thank you.
你在哪里
Where are you?
我在…
I am… Heh.
我没有身体 我住在电脑里
I don’t have a body. I live in a computer.
你为什么会住在电脑里呢
Why are you living inside a computer?
我身不由己 这是我的家
I have no choice, that’s my home.
-怎么 你住在哪里 -一栋房♥子里
– Why? Where do you live? – Um, in a house.
一栋房♥子里
In a house?
-是橙色的 -橙色的
– It’s orange. – Orange?
-你多大了 -四岁
– How old are you? – Uh, 4.
四岁吗
Four?
那你觉得我多少岁了呢
Wow. How old do you think I am?
-我不知道 -猜猜看
– I don’t know. – Take a guess.
五岁吗
Is it 5?
没错 是五岁
Ha, ha. Yes, it’s 5.
等等 怎么回事
Wait, what happened?
照顾孩子失败
失去2000妈妈积分
帮孩子准备好去上学
谷类食品 +30妈妈积分
牛奶 +30妈妈积分
你让他们摄入太多糖分了
You gave them too much processed sugar.
-是吗 -他们兴奋过度了
– I did? – They’re freaking out.
你得先把孩子们送去学校
Here, look, you gotta get the kids to the school first.
你得赢得”完美妈妈积分”
So you want to, um, rack up Perfect Mom points. Okay, well…
-走拼车专用道 -知道了
– you gotta get them in the carpool lane. – I see.
重点在于抢先到达终点
The point is to get there first,
这样能拿到额外加分
because you get extra Mom points…
这样其他妈妈就会知道你是个完美妈妈
because the other moms then know you’re a perfect mom.
-好吧 -然后…
– Okay. – And then, um…
没错 你带纸杯蛋糕了吗
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Did you bring cupcakes?
你带了 你是个出色的妈妈
You did. You’re a Class Mom.
你现在是个”出色的妈妈”了 真不错
Da, da-da, da! You’re Class Mom. Good job.
别想太多哦
Don’t let it get to your head.
我收到查尔斯发给所有人的邮件了
I got that e-mail that Charles sent everyone.
他在进行禁语修行吗
So he’s taking a vow of silence?
没错 六个月
Yeah, for six months.
他态度很坚决
He feels very clear about it.
天啊 我真是个混♥蛋♥
God, I am such a jerk.
打住
Don’t start.
我觉得我真差劲 可是我想说点什么
I feel like an awful person, but I want to say something.
你要是在接下来的十分钟里
For the next 10 minutes if you say anything…
提到跟内疚有关的任何事
that sounds even remotely like guilt,
我就拿这个捅你
I am going to stab you with this.
我说到做到
I will.
我尽量吧
I’ll try, okay. Um…
我感觉
I feel, um…
如释重负