小贼、美女和妙探（2005）

天啊，你怎么逃掉的？
Oh, God, how did you get away?
我用手♥枪♥把他给毙了枪藏在小♥弟♥弟♥附近
I shot him with a small revolver I keep near my balls.
我找不到车子，我们在靠近奥立佛街跟高速公路交叉口，你能来载我们吗？
I can’t get to my car. We’re near Olive and the freeway. Can you pick us up?
我现在在箱型车里，载着尸体30秒后就能到那里
I’m in a van with the body. I’ll be there in 30 seconds.
好，站在显眼一点的地方随时准备上车喔
All right, be where I can see you. Be ready to move.
该死，他们跟在我后面我得挂了
Shit, they’ re on my tail. I gotta go.
在那里，她在那里！该死
Right there. She’s right there! Shit.
哈梦妮！
Harmony!
哈梦妮！
Harmony!
哈梦妮！-哈利，不要！
Harmony! Harry, don’t!
快点，我们得走了他们要回头了，哈梦妮在那边
Come on, we gotta go. They’re coming back around. Harmony’s down there.
派瑞，怎么了？
Perry, what’s wrong?
快点，呼吸啊
Come on, breathe.
哈利
Harry.
哈洛
Harold.
（哈梦妮）
哈洛…
Harold…
用你神奇的魔力
…use your awesome might.
把我从困境中解救出来吧
Save me from this hopeless plight.
哈洛…
Harold…
哈梦妮！
Harmony!
真♥他♥妈♥的神奇
Captain Fucking Magic.
来啊！
Come on!
不！
No.
全部解决了
There, all done.
结束了
Finished.
哈利
Harry.
是你打电♥话♥给我吗？-哈利，你被枪射中了
Did you call me? Harry, you’ re shot.
没有，要不要看一个很酷的玩意
No, no. Look, you want to see something cool?
真酷！这可以挡子弹啊，哈利
Cool! This stopped the bullet, Harry.
其实不太行
No, not really.
喔，哈利
Oh, Harry.
天啊，哈利
Oh, God, Harry.
哈利
Harry.
嗨，欢迎归来-是啊
Hi. Welcome back. Yeah.
这是几根手指头？-把猫放下来，我对猫过敏
How many fingers? Put that cat down, because I’m allergic.
你感觉还好吗？你的…？
You feeling okay? How’s your?
我的什么？-嗯，你的…
My what? Well, your…
下面的地方还好吗？-他竟然敢跟你说！
Everything down there. I can’t believe he told you that.
嘿…是圣诞节耶我的礼物在哪里，滑头？
It’s Christmas, where’s my present, Slick?
你的礼物就是你不用坐牢，娘们
Your present is you’re not in jail, fag-hag.
对啦，我知道我也很讨厌这样
Yeah, boo, hiss, I know. Look, I hate it too.
因为公♥司♥挖空心思不想让电影结局太平淡…
In movies where the stydio gets all paranoid about a downer ending…
所以男主角最后会突然杵着拐杖出现神奇的还活着，我最讨厌那样了
…so the guy shows up, he ‘s magically alive on crytches, I hate that.
我的意思是，搞什么啊干脆把每个人都叫回来好了
I mean, shit, why not bring them all back.
可是重点是，这次是真的
but the point is, in this case, this time, it really happened.
派瑞是真的还活着对，这种电影结局真的很逊…
Perry, like, lived. Yeah, it ‘s a dymb movie thing…
但是要我怎么办呢，说谎吗？
…but what do you want me to do, lie about it?
你有发现到什么吗？
So you found something out?
有，可是你们不会希望听到
Y eah. But you’ re not gonna like it.
戴克斯特没有杀了你妹
Dexter didn’t murder your sister.
怎么可能？他利用我妹假扮他的女儿，派瑞
That’s crazy. He was using my sister to impersonate his daughter, Perry.
根本没有这样的事情我跟警♥察♥朋友谈过了
Never happened. I talked to my police guy.
那个冒牌货叫做米亚菲一个从格兰岱尔来的23岁女生
The ringer was a girl named Mia Frye, 23-year-old from Glendale.
她不假扮维若妮卡的时候…
When she wasn’t impersonating Veronica Dexter…
都会带上粉红色的假发
…she wore a pink wig.
可是我妹让你到大熊湖去到他的小木屋去啊
But my sister sent you up to Big Bear Lake, to his cabin.
你妹以为戴克斯特是她的亲生父亲…
Your sister was convinced that Dexter was her natural father…
所以她开始跟踪她在他附近出没
…so she started following him, hanging around.
你知道我接下来要说什么了吧？
Do you see where I’m going with this?
有一天你妹打电♥话♥来说她看到戴克斯特…
One day your sister came calling, and she saw Dexter…
跟一个粉红色头发的女生上♥床♥
…in bed with the pink-haired girl.
她以为是父亲跟女儿乱♥伦♥
What she thought was father and daughter.
在她看来是那个样子
Remember, that’s how it would appear.
她无法承受
It was too much for her.
先是以前的老爸这样现在新的父亲也一样
First the old father, now the shiny new one.
她没有办法接受所以就自杀了
She couldn’t handle it, and she took her own life.
她要我拍的不是谋杀案而是乱♥伦♥
What she hired me to film wasn’t murder, but incest.
我很遗憾
I’m sorry.
为了追求不真实而付出的代价
So mych for ynreality.
我说了再见…
I said goodbye…
看着强尼的世界回到虚构
…watched Jonny’s world go back on the fiction shelf.
但是到最后，兄弟…
but while it lasted, brother…
那是小说的结局
…it was one for the books.
你应该跟我说你被逮捕了五次
You should’ve told me you were arrested five times.
我应该会很不爽
I should be pissed.
你应该跟我说你在家的时候会穿女生的内♥裤♥
You should have told me that when you go home, you put on lady’s underpants.
那叫做变装，蠢蛋-随便啦
That’s cross-dressing, imbecile. Whatever.
变装的人有一半是异性恋完美的父亲，爱小孩的爸爸
Half those guys are straight. Perfect fathers, love their kids.
你呢？你♥爸♥爱你吗？
How about you? Did your father love you?
有时候，尤其我包得紧紧的时候你呢？
Sometimes. You know, when I dressed up like a bottle. How about yours?
他以前用摩斯电报打过我所以他大概爱我吧…
Well, he used to beat me in Morse code, so it’s possible…
可是他没说过
…but he never actually said the words.
哈利-干嘛？
Harry. What?
不要再偷东西了
Don’t steal any more shit.
你不是个无赖
You’re not a punk.
我要转身了
You bet I’ll turn around.
你喜欢那样的？-在杂货店看过他两次，有6尺4吧？
You like that, huh?
I saw him in the commissary twice. What is he, like 6’4″?
他不知道自己是同性恋看他走路的样子
He doesn’t know he’s gay. Look how he walks.
事情大概就是这样
So that’s pretty mych that.
我们回到印第安那去三个人一起去参加珍娜的丧礼
We went back to Indiana, the three of ys, for Jenna ‘s fyneral.
（尾声再会我的爱）
别担心我有看《魔戒》最后一集
Don ‘t worry, I saw the last Lord of the Rings.
我不会放电影结局放17次的
I won ‘t have the movie end 17 times.
不过倒是有最后的一个场景给大家娱乐一下
there is, thoygh, one final scene for your viewing pleasyre.
我认识你吗？
Do I know you?
不认识，我只是来参加丧礼的
No. Just in town for the funeral.
你想干嘛？
What do you want?
动物园关门了所以我想说来这里看动物
The zoo was closed, so I thought I’d come here and look at an animal.
混帐东西
Son of a…
你以为你在跟谁说话？
Who do you think you’re talking to?
我今天才刚埋了自己的女儿
I buried my daughter today.
错了
No.
你早在20年前就把她埋了
You buried her 20 years ago.
哈梦妮是对的她的妹妹是被谋杀的
Harmony was right, her sister was murdered.
是你扣下的扳机只是很久之后才打中她
You pulled the trigger. It just took this long for the bullet to hit.
你是谁？
Who are you?
我爱我的女儿
I loved my girl.
你这个混♥蛋♥！如果我可以起来的话…
You fucker! If I could get out of this bed…
是吗？可惜你不行
Yeah? Well, you can’t.
混帐东西！
You bastard!
竟然攻击一个无法抵抗的老人家
An old man that can’t defend himself.
你还真是勇猛啊
Big tough guy.
没错
Yeah, that’s right.
是很勇猛
Big tough guy.
我喜欢杰拿洛，不过我懂什么？我只是只熊，只知道低头找鱼吃
I prefer Genaros, but what do I know? I’m a bear. I suck the heads off fish.
就是这样，这就是去年圣诞节发生的真实故事
That’s it. That’s the true story of what happened last Christmas.
刚才老家伙那一幕很残酷吧？
That was some pretty harsh shit with the old guy back there, right?
不过反正他是个古怪的家伙管他的，不用担心
But whatever, he’s creepy. Fuck him. Don’t worry about him.
总而言之…
Anyhow, so…
谢谢你们
Thanks for coming.
跟我一起造访洛杉矶
Thanks for taking the trip to L.A. with me.
如果要我做个总结的话…
If I had to sum it up, and I do…
因为故事已经到了结尾
Because, you know, it’s, like, the end.
我想这部电影是关于…友情的故事
I would say that this movie is about… It’s about friendship.
友情是很吓人的-你在干嘛…
Friendship is sacred. What are you doing?
我要把电影做个总结啊…
I’m trying to wrap up the movie…
把电影中的讯息传达给观众
…and leave the people with a message.
我有讯息要告诉你不要把脚放在我的桌上！
I’ve got a message for you. Get your feet off my fucking desk.
抱歉，我现在是派瑞的手下了
Sorry. I work for Perry now.
还有，别再解说了-也解说不了了