惊声尖笑3

我讨厌电视
I hate television.
它让我头痛
It gives me headaches.
太多电磁波在空间里流窜
You know, there’s so many magnetic waves traveling in the airspace
因为电视和电视机
because of TV and television,
我们丧失了十倍的脑细胞
we’re losing ten times as many brain cells as we’re supposed to.
拜托
Please!
牛会呜呜叫
“The cow says blank.” Three letters.
笨
Dude!
不知道啦
“Dude.” I don’t know.
电波和脑细胞…
Magnetic waves, brain cells.
我不知道其中有何关连
I don’t understand the connection between all that stuff.
你知道我听说了什么吗
You know what else I heard?
电波会让矽胶愈缩愈小
Magnetic waves shrink silicone molecules.
天呀 关掉啦
Oh, my God! Turn it off!
-遥控失灵了 -你拿反了
-It’s not working! -It’s backwards!
-我们怎么办 -我不知道
-What do we do? -I don’t know!
天啊
Oh, God!
谢天谢地 变小我可完了
Thank God. I can’t afford to get any smaller.
拜托 你多漂亮
Come on. You’re beautiful.
我希望能拥有你的腿
I wish I had your legs.
我希望能拥有你的咪♥咪♥
I wish I had your butt.
-我希望能拥有你的…-白虎苞
-I wish I had your… -Shaved pussy?
不是每个人都有的
Nobody’s getting Snowball.
好啦 好像有点恐怖
Okay. That thing’s kind of scary, anyway.
-我还知道更恐怖的事 -什么事
-I know something even scarier. -What?
你听过录影带的事吗
Have you heard about this videotape?
你是说他们在船上
The one where they do it on the boat?
然后又车震 又在浴缸里做的那卷
And then in the car? And then in the bathtub?
他说 “宝贝我爱你” 然后她说 “我们在哪里”
And he’s, like, “Hey, baby, I love you.” And she’s, like, “Where are we?”
-还有…-不 不是那一卷
-And did you see the… -No. Not that tape.
是有恐怖影像的那卷
The one with all the scary images.
你看完录影带 电♥话♥就响了
You know, after you watch the tape, the phone rings,
传出恐怖的声音 说你快死了 就在…
and this really scary voice comes on and says you’re gonna die in, like…
七天之内 我知道 上星期我和乔许看过了
Seven days. Yeah, I saw that one with Josh last weekend.
你上星期和乔许在一起 天啊
You were with Josh last weekend? Oh, my God!
天啊
My God!
对呀
Oh, yes, I was.
你这荡♥妇♥
You ho!
你明知道的
You know it!
-真诡异 -对呀
-This is really weird. -Yeah.
这么大的房♥子 只有一具电♥话♥
Big house, only one phone.
喂
Hello?
我来了 宝贝…
I’m coming for you, my precious.
-嗨老妈 -嗨 宝贝 好玩吗
-Hi, Mom. -Hi, precious. Having fun?
没啦 正想去睡觉
Anyway, we’re just about to go to bed.
不是 不是那样的
No. Not like that.
是 我知道的
Well, I guess a woman would know how to touch a…
喂
Hello?
凯蒂
Katie?
你还好吗
Are you okay?
惊声尖笑3
天
God!
汤姆你听见…
Tom, did you hear…
狗狗怪怪的
The dogs are acting strange.
苏
Sue!
你在这里干嘛 我们担心死了
What are you doing out here? We were worried sick.
怎么了
What’s wrong?
不知道他们想表达什么
I wonder what they’re trying to tell us.
现在请收看华盛顿最受欢迎的
And now, Washington, D.C.’s leading morning news program,
新闻节目
the Morning News.
早安我是罗斯
Good morning. I’m Ross Giggins.
今天的焦点新闻就交给辛蒂咯
For our top story, we turn now to Cindy Campbell.
谢谢你 罗斯
Thank you, Ross.
目前在中堡的最新消息
There’s a developing story in Middleburg at this hour.
当地农夫汤姆的玉米田里出现了神秘的麦田圈
A mysterious crop circle appeared in local farmer, Tom Logan’s cornfield.
这是人为的恶作剧 还是来自外星的现象
Elaborate prank or extraterrestrial phenomenon?
只要有最新消息 我们将随时插播报道
We’ll update you as soon as we have any further information,
无论如何
but, either way,
小镇上确实发生了奇特事件 罗斯
it’s clear something strange is happening in that small town. Ross?
报歉我没听到
I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.
不要转台 我们马上回来
Coming up, more news after this.
-辛蒂 有空吗 -有
-Cindy, you got a second? -Sure.
我要你去看看这个重要的脱衣俱乐部
I want you to take a look at this for that big strip-club expos.
我想继续追麦田圈的新闻
But I’d rather stick with the crop circle story.
算了 那只是恶作剧罢了
Come on. You know those things are just a hoax.
不 听我的 我觉得玉米田里有问题
No, I’m telling you, I sense something about that cornfield.
说是女性直觉或是”新店杆”也好
Call it women’s intuition or ESPN or both,
可我觉得危险来了 我只是…
but I can tell when danger’s near. I just…
-我的眼 -辛蒂 这是结算月了
-My eyes! -Cindy, it’s sweeps month.
收视率决定一切
Ratings mean everything.
大家喜欢有趣的新闻 像昨天做的那一则
People want human-interest stories, like the one you did yesterday.
隆乳的那一则
The report on breast augmentation?
那只是10分钟的上空女郎
It was just ten minutes of topless women.
我是说拜托
I mean, come on.
这有啥有趣的
Why are these so interesting?
拜托好不好
For God’s sake!
人们不在乎这个
People don’t care about this.
他们要的是硬里子新闻 有深度的话题 还有…
They want hard-hitting stories and in-depth coverage and… And…
胸部
And twins!
你认为是克里森兄弟搞的鬼
You think it was the Kreisel boys who cut that stuff into your corn?
我只知道我的玉米毁了
All I know is my crops are gone.
如果我付不出钱 银行就会没收我的抵押品
The bank’s gonna foreclose if I can’t pay the rent.
我还有六十天可以筹钱
I got 60 days to come up with $1.50.
很遗憾 你不应该再遭遇困境的
I’m sorry. The last thing you needed was more…
尤其是
…hardship in your life.
你老婆发生了…
Especially after what happened to your…
警长我不要你的同情
Sheriff, I don’t need your sympathy.
我不是要惹你伤心神父
I didn’t mean to upset you, Father.
拜托 我不做神父很久了
Please. I’m not a minister anymore.
我在那一夜便失去了信仰
I lost my faith that terrible night.
你一定会重拾信仰的 就像太阳一定从东方升起
Your faith will return, just as sure as the sun will rise.
听来机会不大
Sounds like a long shot.
听着每个现象都有原因
Look, there’s always an explanation for all this so-called phenomenon.
或许你是对的
Maybe you’re right.
可能是克里森兄弟吧
It was probably just the Kreisels.
等我跟他们谈过
And when I get through with them,
你的田里就很久都不会出现怪事了
I doubt you’ll be seeing anything strange on this farm for a long time.
等着瞧吧
You’ll see.
你还好吧 汤姆 休息一下
You all right, Tom? Get some rest.
乔治
George!
明晚你接到苏之后 我要你回这里来
I need you back here tomorrow night after you pick up Sue.
那台拖拉机需要修理
That tractor needs fixing.
抱歉老兄 我不能帮你 我得为表演做准备
Sorry, dawg. I can’t help you. I have to get ready for my show.
不会又是那愚蠢的嘻哈吧
Not that stupid hip-hop stuff again.
可恶 乔治 你何时才能认真过活
Damn it, George, when are you gonna do something with your life?
-我有个梦想 -什么梦
-I got a dream! -What is your dream?
就是继续做梦
To have a dream.
乔治 你只是在追寻青少年时期的幻想罢了
George, all you’ve done is chase adolescent fantasies.
你想做太空人 牛仔…名女人的妇产科医师
“I wanna be an astronaut, a cowboy, gynecologist to the stars.”
现在则想当嘻哈歌♥手
And now, this stupid hip-hop thing.
让你知道一下哦 唱嘻哈有钱可领哩
For your information, this hip-hop thing is gonna get me paid.
明天晚上的饶舌歌♥比赛我将拔得头筹
I’m gonna win that rap battle tomorrow night.
饶舌歌♥比赛 天啊
Rap battle? For God’s sakes.
你讨厌我 因为我是黑人
You just hate me ’cause I’m black.
你不相信我
You don’t have any faith in me.
你什么都不相信了
You don’t have any faith in anything anymore.
那你管好自己就够了 我的事我自己…
So why don’t you just worry about you, and I’ll worry about…
科迪
Cody.
你又迟到了 辛蒂阿姨
You’re late again, Aunt Cindy.
对不起 塞车嘛
I’m sorry. I was stuck in traffic.
-辛蒂 -布兰达嗨