为什么是他？（2016）

不过他所谓的基金会
but there’s something about this whole foundation
听起来就像胡扯的
that sounds like a bunch of hooey.
如果这家伙在胡扯 我会查清楚
If this guy’s running hooey, then I’m gonna find out.
好 你得先进入他的电脑
Okay, first thing’s first, Ned, you have to break into his computer
下载我寄给你的程式
and download a program that I’m gonna send you.
这就算骇客？
That’s hacking?
我洗了澡 全身干干净净…
I took a shower, washing every body part…
好 我会上线
Yeah, okay. I’m getting online.
– 凯文 你在做什么？ – 宝贝？
– Kevin, what are you doing? – Huh, baby?
我在帮奈德 跟资管有关的事
Oh, I’m helping Ned with something IT-related.
帮我向他问好
Oh, tell Ned I said hi.
好
Okay.
好 开始视讯了
All right, webcam’s on.
我进到办公室了
Okay, I’m in the office.
好 到电脑前面
All right, now get in front of the computer.
好 按下空白键
All right, good. Press the spacebar.
[登入密♥码♥]
可恶 它要我输入密♥码♥
Oh, darn. It’s asking for a password.
我想也是
No surprise.
很多人的密♥码♥都跟女友或老婆有关
A lot of guys have passwords related to their girlfriends or their wives.
凯文 你真天才 我就是这样
Kevin, you’re a genius. That’s what I have!
我就用“芭芭拉的男人一九八♥九♥” 我们结婚那年
It’s “Barbsguy1989.” The year we were married.
年轻一代的人比较露骨
The younger generation tends to go a little bit racier.
我要进入敏感地带了 不好意思
I’m gonna get into some sensitive areas here, so just bear with me.
史黛芬有什么外貌特征是这家伙…
We need to focus on Stephanie’s more defining qualities
可能特别迷恋的？
that this guy might latch onto.
你知道我在说什么吗？
Do you understand what I’m saying?
你就直接说吧
Would you just get to it?
例如 你会说…
For example, like, would you say…
史黛芬有坚挺的胸部吗？
Stephanie has perky breasts?
– 什么？ – 好吧
– What? – Okay.
我会说有 因为她确实有
I would say yes, because she does.
试试“史黛芬的双峰” 都小写
Please try “Stephanie’s boobs” one word, no caps.
我是她爸耶
I’m her dad!
我知道你是她爸
I understand that you’re her dad,
但你得用他的方式思考
but you gotta think like him.
好吗？
Okay?
[史黛芬的双峰]
不对
No.
我们得再加把劲
We’re gonna have to kick it up a notch.
你说这家伙很前卫？
You said that this guy was edgy?
试试“史黛芬的紧实翘臀”
Please try “Stephanie’s tight ass.” Give that a whirl.
你是在整我吗 丁格？
Are you messing with me, Dingle?
我也希望我是啊
I wish I was messing with you.
我是在帮你 奈德
I’m trying to help you, Ned.
把S换成金钱符号♥试试看
Make the two “S’s” dollar signs in “ass.”
天啊
God!
光是打这些字 我就该下地狱了
I am going straight to hell just for typing this.
紧实翘臀
Tight ass.
[史黛芬的紧实翘$$]
– 不对 – 女孩们
– No. – Hey, guys?
你们想把电影的音量调大吗？
Do you wanna raise the volume on the movie?
好啊
Okay.
我列一些项目让你输入吧
Okay. I’m just gonna list some off, you type them in.
试试“史黛芬的美♥乳♥”
All right, try “Stephanie’s sweet slit.”
我才不要咧
I am not writing that!
“史黛芬的粉♥嫩♥花蕾”
Okay, “Stephanie’s pink canoe.”
不要
No!
这对我来说可不好玩
Listen, this isn’t fun for me.
[密…]
[史黛芬]
– 我的天 – 怎么了？
– Oh, my God. – What is it?
是密♥码♥
It’s the password!
在整间屋子里唯一的纸上
The one piece of paper in the entire house.
– 是什么？ – 我要登入了
– What does it say? – I’m gonna log it in.
“史黛芬的男人”
“Stephanie’s dude.”
蛮贴心的嘛
Aw, that’s actually sweet.
“二〇一六”
“2016”
我们成功了
Boom! We’re in.
老天
Oh, gosh!
怎么了？
What? What is it?
是史黛芬的裸照
It’s a nude photograph of Stephanie.
– 我可以看吗？ – 不行
– May I see it, please? – No.
拜托让我看啦
May I please see it?
– 我说不行 – 好啦
– I said no! – Okay.
在浏览器里登入你的地球网帐号♥
Go to your EarthLink account in the web browser.
地球网…好 点下去
EarthLink, EarthLink, okay. Press.
输入密♥码♥
I give it my password.
[网络邮件]
好
Okay.
[凯文安装这个程式]
行了
Okay. I just emailed you a file.
下载我寄的档案 在桌面上开启它
Download that and open it on his desktop.
– 我们会逮到这家伙的 – 很好
– Ned, we’re gonna fucking nail this guy! – We’re good!
我们是骇客
We’re hacking, baby!
我们会搞死他
We’re gonna nail him.
就像他搞史黛芬一样
We’re gonna nail him the way he’s been nailing Stephanie.
– 跟我来就对了 – 什么？
– Just come with me right now. – What?
干嘛到办公室讲？大家都在楼下
Why are you taking me to my office? Everyone’s downstairs.
– 糟糕 有人来了 – 按ESC键…
– Oh, shit! Someone’s coming! – Okay. Escape!
老天爷
Oh, God!
宝贝 圣诞夜快开始了
Baby, what are we doing? Christmas Eve is about to start.
– 你是怎么了？ – 怎么回事？
– What is the matter with you? – What’s happening?
– 我明明就说过… – 别说话
– I specifically told you… – Don’t say anything.
我想亲自跟我爸说斯坦福的事
that I wanted to be the one to tell my dad about Stanford.
– 我知道 只是… – 那你干嘛说？
– I know. We were just… – Then why did you do it?
我们变得很亲近 我就说溜嘴了
We were bonding so hard, it just sort of slipped out.
你显然不懂这对他来说代表什么
You clearly have no idea what this means to him.
当我进入斯坦福 他好骄傲
He was so proud of me when I got into Stanford.
他很努力让我安心念书
He worked so hard to make it happen.
我休学等于给了他一巴掌
Me dropping out is like a huge slap in his face.
好
Okay.
我人生中从来没有像他这样的人
I just never had anyone like him in my life before.
我的天
Oh, my God!
我以为讲清楚就好了
I thought we could just talk it out.
你知道你没立场这么做吧？
You could see how that’s not your place to do that, right?
也许没有
Okay. Maybe not.
当然没有
Definitely not.
你说的对 他气炸了
Okay, you’re right. He was super pissed.
有时候我觉得你没办法谈感情
Sometimes I feel like you’re not capable of being in a relationship.
你该面对你的父亲情结了
It’s time that you get a handle on these father issues.
哇
Wow.
这是真的
That’s the truth.
每次你这么一针见血
When you call me on my shit…
靠 我都觉得跟你好亲密
My God! It makes me feel so close to you.
你的诚实影响我好深
Your honesty has such an effect on me.
你现在也让我他妈的超色
You’re making me so fucking horny right now.
– 什么？ – 真的
– What? – Yeah.
你的脸让我硬
That face is boner-bait.
你看不出来我在生气吗？
Can you not see that I’m mad at you?
[他说超色吗？]
我知道 所以我才…
Yeah, I see it. That’s what’s…
天啊 我会被你搞疯 你都没在听
Oh, my God. You’re driving me crazy! You’re not listening to me.
我有在听
I’m listening.
对不起
I’m sorry.
你…
Do you…
你需要治疗
You need therapy.
– 我没有FU – 是吗？
– Not working. – No?
今天不行
Mm-mm. Not today, buddy.
那这样呢？
Okay. How about this?
有FU吗？
Is this working?
有一点
A little bit.
好吧 这样呢？
Okay, how about this?
又多一点点FU了
Okay. That’s working a little bit more.