丧尸乐园（2009）

她要去西部
She, west.
我们躲在一辆卡车里
And we took shelter in the back of the truck.
上面堆满了未送达的包裹
It was full of undelivered packages.
她叫什么名字
What was her name?
贝弗莉
Beverly.
贝弗莉·希尔斯
Beverly Hills.
真够风流的
You dog.
那你呢
So, uh, what about you?
我吗 我… 我
Me? I… I…
天哪 真让人恶心
Oh, my god. It makes you sick.
僵尸让你难受 让你…
You know, it makes you sad, it makes you…
这让你不禁想 如果一切恢复正常
It makes you think if you can go back to the way,
此刻 也许你正在…
things were right now, you know, you’d be…
正在自家后院里 抓萤火虫
you’d be out in the backyard, you know, trying to catch fireflies.
而不是像现在
And instead this.
-现在这一幕让你… -饥肠辘辘
– I mean, it makes you… – Hungry.
我很担心你
I’m worried about you.
听着 不管在哥伦布市等着你的是什么
Look, whatever you have waiting for you in Columbus,
我保证 绝不会比我们面前这位伙计
I promise you it ain’t prettier
吃”人明治”的场面更雅观
than our friend here enjoying her manwich.
说到僵尸时 塔拉哈西就有种病态的幽默感
Tallahassee had a sick sense of humor when it came to zombies.
僵尸虽不怎么可爱
Zombies aren’t the most lovable creatures,
可他恨透了它们
but he really hated them.
事实上 比起杀僵尸
In fact. the only thing he was more obsessed with
他更痴迷的事情就是找夹心蛋糕
than killing zombies, was finding a twinkie.
夹心蛋糕让他回想起不久前的事
Something about a twinkie reminded him of a time not so long ago,
那时日子很简单 没有这么疯狂
When things were simple and not so fucking psychotic.
就好象若他能尝到儿时美食的滋味
It was like if he got a taste of that comforting childhood treat.
这个世界就会再变得纯洁
The world would become innocent again,
一切都会恢复如常
and everything would return to normal.
你要挖什么
What are you prospecting?
老天
Jesus Christ.
你是个危险人物
You are a dangerous man.
你打算让我们冒生命危险去找夹心蛋糕吗
You’re gonna risk our lives for a twinkie?
那杂货店有盒夹心蛋糕
There is a box of twinkies in that grocery store.
不是普通的夹心蛋糕
Not just any box of twinkies.
而是整个宇宙中最后一盒美味的夹心蛋糕
The last box of twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe.
信不信由你 夹心蛋糕是会过期的
Believe it or not, twinkies have an expiration date.
很快 有朝一日
Someday very soon,
生活中就永远没有夹心蛋糕了
life’s little twinkie gauge is gonna go empty.
不成功则成仁
Time to nut up or shut up.
塔拉哈西对僵尸大发神威时
When Tallahassee goes hulk on a zombie,
为了不被反噬 他制定了行为标准
He sets the standard for not-to-be-fucked-with.
无所畏惧 不计得失
No fear, nothing to lose.
怎么形容好呢 这就像… 艺术
What can I say? It’s like– it’s like art.
小嘴儿长的不错啊
You got a pretty mouth.
别打 别打
Don’t swing, don’t swing.
打
Swing.
-谢谢 -你欠我的
– Thank you. – You owe me.
你真威猛
You’re incredible.
还用你说
I know.
夹心蛋糕 夹心蛋糕
Twinkie, twinkie, twinkie, twinkie. Whoa, whoa.
好一个巨无霸
Big hoss.
过来 大块头 只是帮你修修头发
Come here, big fella. Just gonna take a little off the top.
这些家伙真不修边幅
Wow, these fellas really let themselves go.
而且还真胖
And they’re so fat.
我想该继续上路了吧
I think we should probably just keep going.
我唯一的念头就是 这能有多大概率
All I could think of was, what are the odds?
遇到另一个结婚对象带回家见父母
Another marriageable woman to bring home to the folks.
快来
Come quick.
挽起她的青丝 就成了我的嫁娘
Someone’s ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it.
我随后就来
I’ll catch up.
法则22 疑虑时 留退路
Rule number 22: When in doubt, know your way out.
出口
Exit
她们是姐妹 小的被咬了
They’re sisters. The, uh, little one’s been bitten.
-表现正常点 别吓坏她 -行
– Act normal. Try not to freak her out. – Yeah.
哥伦布 威奇托 小岩城
Columbus, Wichita, Little Rock.
那么你干这一切都是为了一块夹心蛋糕
So you did all this for a twinkie?
不 他才是
No, no, no, he did.
我只是像桑丘·潘萨那样的随从[堂吉诃德的仆人]
I’m just kind of like a Sancho Panza character.
听着 我认为她挺不了多久
Look, um, I don’t think she has long.
我知道 她也知道
Yeah, I know. I know, and she knows.
我们只是在找解决办法
We’re just looking for a way out.
不 不 不 她还只是个小女孩
No, no, no, no. She’s just a little girl.
别当我不存在
Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.
对不起
Right, sorry. Um–
我知道你病得不轻
Look, I know that you’re really sick.
但 你姐姐想让我…
But, uh, your sister wants me to–
不是她的主意 是我的
It’s not her decision, okay? It’s mine.
我逼她的
I made her promise.
我们已经说永别了 但 我们没枪
We already said goodbye, but, um, we didn’t have a gun.
-还不确认这病无药可救 -你真没种
– We don’t know that there’s no cure. – You’re just gutless!
把枪给他
Give him the gun.
等等
Wait, wait, wait.
我来
I’ll do it.
-我爱你 -我也爱你
– I love you. – I love you too.
要帮忙吗
You need some help?
既然你都这么开口了
Now that you mention it,
我们就收下武器 车钥匙和弹♥药♥
We’ll take your weapons, your car keys, your ammunition.
有无糖口香糖的话我也收了
And if you have got it, sugarless gum.
搞什么
What the fuck?
等等 你们干嘛这么做
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, why are you guys doing this?
你们错信我们
Better you make the mistake of trusting us
总比我们错信你们的好
than us make the mistake of trusting you.
当然 走了一千英里才碰到第一个辣妹
Of course, the first hot girl in 1000 miles shows up,
结果把我当猴耍
Makes me feel like an idiot,
抢了我的双管枪 还说我不值得相信
Steals my double-barrel and then says I’m the one that can’t be trusted.
干得好 天才
Nice going, genius.
是你给她的枪
You’re the one that gave her the gun.
那俩家伙蠢得够可以的
Those guys were dumb.
别看梳妆镜
Avoid the vanity mirror.
别紧张 好吗 我刚假扮过僵尸
Relax, okay? I just passed for a zombie.
送礼会上我该送什么好呢
What I’d give for a shower
别提那几个字 行吗
Do not say s-h-o-w-e-r, okay?
先赶到那再说
Let’s just get where we’re going.
-你觉得那是真的吗 -什么真的假的
– So do you think it’s true? – Is what true?
就是那个太平洋游乐场
You know, about Pacific Playland?
韦科西边唯一没僵尸的地方
Totally zombie-free. Only place west of Waco.
相信我
Trust me.
他骑在环法自行车锦标赛的赛车上
So he’s on one of these Serious Tour De France Bikes–
就是那种有脚趾套的
You know, with, like, the toeholds, right?
他登脚踏板时 僵尸头被绞到齿轮里
And he’s pedaling, and the zombie’s head is, like, caught in the gear.
头发缠在链条上 不停地转
You know, with the hair in the chain just, like, going around.
非常酷
Ho. Very cool.
但要论本周最佳僵尸绝杀 还不够格
But zombie kill of the week? No, sir.
不骗你 我看过一个建筑工人
I saw this construction worker. I shit you not,
他开着蒸汽压路机 一僵尸从前面被碾下去
He is on a steamroller, and a zombie goes down in front of him.
你有没有从下往上挤过牙膏
You ever roll a tube of toothpaste up from the bottom?
当然 我都是从下往上挤的
Yeah. I always roll it up from the bottom.
那僵尸的头就是牙膏帽
Well, the zombie’s head is the cap.
你也是那种讲故事都要拿第一的人吗
Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else’s story?
不 我认识一个人比我还能讲
No. I knew a guy way worse at that than me.
好了 我们去找车
All right, let’s just try to find a car.
这让我想起
Oh, which reminds me,
让你搭车前 我从没这么多麻烦
I never had headaches like this till your ass came onboard.
我是说 你可以对一个男人任意而为
I mean, do what you want with a man,
但千万别乱搞他的凯迪拉克
but do not fuck with his Cadillac.
那里有辆小货车
Hey, there’s a nice minivan.
知道吗 这车不错
Oh, you know something? That is nice.
漂亮的小货车
That’s a beautiful van.