他的老二又焕发了活力
‘Cause he’s got a serious small issue
因为在ED方面
with ED. Over here.
他有过一点很严重的小问题 那里
Okay.
没问题的
What’s ED? I don’t…
什么是ED 我不…
Oh, gosh. I forgot. You’re fifteen.
天啊 我都忘了 你还小呢
Erectile dysfunction, my darling.
是勃起功能障碍的意思 亲爱的
Think about it as if
把它想成好像就是
you’re trying to throw darts and you just…
这就好像你正准备射飞镖
All you really got, you’re shooting with,
当你蓄势待发的时候 手里那玩意儿
like, overcooked spaghetti.
却突然变成了软塌塌的意大利面
I just think that my spaghetti wasn’t loving
我想我的意大利面不会喜欢
the meatballs that was being served.
和肉丸子一起的
They were a little too lumpy.
它们太油腻了
I’ve heard from a lot of men that I serve
很多男人对我说
the finest meatballs in Southern California.
我的肉丸子是全南加州最好的
Of course. A lot of homeless men have said this.
当然 很多流浪汉说过这样的话
They’ll eat anything, you know.
给啥他们吃啥 你懂的
I’m just very shocked that you remember
我只是很惊讶 嗑了那么多药后
anybody you’ve ever been with.
你居然还记得
With all the pills that are in your system.
你都和谁在一起过
She likes the pills, this one.
她可喜欢嗑药了 比如说
At night I come home, “What’s for dinner?”
晚上我回到家 “晚上吃什么”
“Well, we have purple pills, and the green ones,
“我们有紫色药丸 有绿色药丸
and some lovely yellow bombers,”
还有些讨人爱的黄灿灿的大麻”
“I just took out of the oven.”
“我刚把它们从烤炉里拿出来了”
Remember that?
这事还记得吗
I had to do something to amuse myself
我得做点什么来娱乐一下吧
while this one sat on the throne for hours
他总是一折腾几个小时
dealing with his irritable bowel syndrome.
纠结于他的”大肠激躁病”
I got another disease. Okay.
我又有新病了 很好
Can I tell you, I spent the eve of our wedding
我跟你说啊 新婚之夜
sitting on the bed,
我独自坐在床上
listening to what sounded like an underwater symphony,
听着某种像法国号角和低音管
of French horns and bassoons
奏成的水中交响乐
coming out of our hotel bathroom.
从我们的酒店浴室传出
Mix that with the smell of like a dead cat and some fajitas
还有类似死猫和法士达混合的味道
and you’ve got what you call yourself
然后你就会觉得自己
a severely diminished libido.
性趣全无了
Did you just kick me?
你刚才踢我了
No. Did you? You kicked her?
没有呀 你有吗 你踢她了
Why’d you kick her?
你为什么要踢她
Yeah, I don’t… I… Yes. I… I have leg spasms.
我没有…不 我有…我腿特容易抽筋
It’s a side effect.
这个是副作用
Terrible side effect from all the pill popping.
那些药丸突然来劲 产生了副作用
But, you know, it’s all better now.
但现在好多了
I’m clean and sober and I apologize.
我已经戒了 我向你道歉
It’s okay.
没关系
Thirteenth step, right there. Back to drinking.
你过会还要下楼梯 使劲喝吧你[过会摔死你]
Oh, Henderson, you thoughtless oaf,
亨德森 你个没脑的傻子
stop texting, open that door.
快别玩手机了 开门
Why do you keep calling me Henderson? Just go with it.
你为什么老叫我亨德森 随它去吧[本电影名]
Palmer, so lovely to meet you.
帕莫尔 见到你真是太好了
Likewise, really.
我也一样 真的
I mean, look at you two.
看看你俩
I mean, it’s like, Barbie and…
就像 芭比和…
Grandpa Ken.
变了身的肯爷爷 …
I mean… And even though it did not work out
虽然我和他最后
between us at all…
没有成功
It’s like it never happened. You know?
就像从未发生 你懂吧
It really isn’t.
是没发生过
I still want my Danny to be happy.
我还是希望丹尼过得快乐
Oh, look at that.
听听这话
Happy, happy, happy.
快乐 快乐 快乐
Good night, kiddo. Okay.
晚安 大姐 好的
Hello.
喂
It’s her drug dealer I’m thinking.
我想是她的药贩子打来的
Okay, please put her on the phone right now.
知道了 现在让她接电话
Are you kidding me, honey?
宝贝 你开什么玩笑
You know how I feel about
你知道我不喜欢
you selling your brother’s stuff on eBay.
你把弟弟的东西放易趣上卖
Hey, hey, hey. Take that in the car.
嘿 先上车再接那电话
No. It’s okay.
没事 没关系的
I will deal with you when I get home, young lady. Okay.
等我回家再收拾你 臭丫头 就这样
I mean, you would think…
你认为…
You have kids?
你们有小孩
You have… You have children?
你们有孩子了
We have sort of a little bit…
我们算是 算是有几个小…
A little bit of children, right?
几个小孩子 对吧
When were you planning on telling me
你打算什么时候才告诉我
about these children, Danny?
孩子的事 丹尼
I don’t know, but listen,
我不知道 但是听着
I have to go get to those little munchkins.
我得回去看这些倒霉孩子了
Palmer, so nice, seriously.
帕莫尔 说真的 见到你真好
Danny.
丹尼
Are you freaked out right now about all this or…
你被这些给吓坏了吧 还是…
Actually, just the opposite.
实际上 正好相反
The opposite of freaked out? What do you mean? Good?
刚好相反 什么意思 有孩子很好
You know that I love kids.
你知道的 我特喜欢孩子
I just never pegged you as a kids guy.
我只是没想到你会喜欢孩子
I’m a huge kids guy. I love kids.
我绝对是个孩子王 我爱死孩子了
Kids, kids, kids. Is…
孩子 孩子 孩子
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s my thing. That’s my bumper sticker.
他们就是我爱的菜 就是我的专属之爱
What are their names?
他们叫什么
What are their names again? There is
又问名字 有个
the girl who, of course, is Kiki Dee.
女孩 叫做琪琪蒂
And then the boy’s name’s Bart.
还有个男孩叫做巴特
Which of course is short for Barto.
是巴特奥的简称
Well, I wanna meet them!
我想见见他们
Of course you do.
当然你可以见他们
So our mom doesn’t know that you took us today?
我妈不知道你今天带我们出来吧
Not yet.
暂时不知道
You know this is kidnapping.
这可是绑架
Stranger danger.
危险的陌生人
What? No.
什么 我不是
Is the guy from Dateline NBC gonna walk in?
日线NBC的那主持人过会要来吗
No! I know you two a long time and Rosa’s here.
不 我认识你们这么久了 而且玫瑰就在那
Doing whatever that Rosa does.
做她会做的事
God, she’s freaky.
天啊 她简直疯了
So here’s the deal.
这么回事
How would you like to be my pretend children
你们愿不愿意假扮我的孩子
for one afternoon?
就一个下午
Why don’t you just tell that poor girl the truth?
为什么不直接把真相告诉那可怜的女孩呢
You know?
你知道这事
Our mother tells us everything.
妈妈什么都告诉我们了
Wedding ring boy.
婚戒男
What?
什么
Oh, my goodness!
我的天啊
Did you see Gossip Girl last night? It was so good!
你昨晚看了绯闻少女了吗 太精彩了
No, she’s not like that.
她才不是那样的
Your mother’s presenting her in a weird, weird way.
你妈妈把她说得太做作了
I’m just saying, telling the truth
我只想说 说出真相
is not in the cards right now.
不是现在该做的事
I thought you’d be excited to have an acting job.
我以为你们会对演戏这工作很兴奋
If it’s an acting job, we should get paid.
如果是工作 就得给我们报酬
Yeah, you’re gonna get paid in experience.
你们会得到工作经验
I wanna actually get paid.
我想要实际的报酬
All right, what do you want?
成 你想要什么
$600 for the day,
每天六百美元
plus overtime if we go over eight hours.
超出八小时要另外加钱
I’ll do my own hair and makeup.