疯狂店员2（2006）

that prevent a guy
from ever seeing
他这辈子就再也没机会看驴子秀了
a fucked-up donkey
show in his lifetime.
你好
Hello.
我想预定一场怪怪凯莉的表演
Uh, I was hoping to schedule
Kinky Kelly for a performance.
今晚
Tonight.
好的
Okay.
在等回信
I’m on hold.
祈祷吧
Fingers crossed.
是不是要把我们两个的老二
也摆成十字架的造型？
We should probably
cross dicks, too.
不
No.
工作 工作 工作
BECKY:
Work, work, work.
你就只会谈工作 希克斯
That’s all you ever
think about, Hicks.
嘿 贝琪
Hey, Becks.
嘿 艾玛
Hey, Emma.
“希克斯太太”
T恤不错
Great shirt.
是吗？我很喜欢
Isn’t it?
I love it.
我更喜欢的是这个
What I love even more are these.
东西来早了
These came in early,
所以我拿来给丹堤看
and I just had to come back
and show Dante.
把你的给你
And give you yours, of course.
蓝道也有一张
And I have one
for Randal, I guess.
什么东西？
What is it?
我晓得还有三个月
Look, I know it’s
three months away,
如果你能光临的话
我们将非常高兴
but it would mean so much to us
if you could make the trip down.
呃…当然
Well… yeah.
我不会错过的
Uh, I wouldn’t miss it.
我们不是说好先安顿下来
I thought we were waiting
till we got down there
再挑日子的吗？
before we picked a date.
哦 他真可爱
Oh, him is so cute.
再考虑考虑？
Him thinking again, huh?
如果事事都交给这些下人
If we left anything
up to these jackals,
那么什么事都做不成 是吗？
nothing would ever
get done, would it?
我开玩笑呢
I’m just teasing.
我猜有时候你得替他们作决定
Guess you got to make their
decisions for ’em sometimes.
好了 我明白
All right, I’ve got it.
晚上见
I will see you then.
谢谢
Thank you.
朋友 今晚
My friend, tonight,
我们把提哇纳搬到新泽西来了
we bring a bit of TJ
to the Jersey ‘burbs.
(door moos electronically)
我不是很明白 蓝道
Well, I don’t know
about this, Randal.
我们怎么晓得他们不是开玩笑呢？
I mean, how do we know
this isn’t a hoax?
网站上有照片吗？
Like, were there any
pictures on the Web site?
奇怪 没有
Strangely, no.
如果你看过女人给驴子口♥交♥的照片
But if you’ve seen pics of
one chick sucking off a donkey,
其他就没什么好看的了
you’ve seen them all.
如果你从来没看过此类照片呢
Well, what if you
haven’t ever seen pics
of anything like that?
那你肯定和安妮·法兰克一样无知
Well, then you must be
as blind as Anne Frank.
如果你不去看那些
自己从来没有尝试过的
‘Cause what’s the point in
having an Internet connection
怪诞、变♥态♥的性♥爱♥照片
if you’re not using it to look
at weird, fucked-up pictures
你还要网路干什么？
of dirty sex
you’ll never have yourself?
我的妈呀
Ho-ly shit.
直到刚才我才弄明白
You know, I’ve never pieced
this together until right now.
你是处♥男♥吧？
You’re a virgin, aren’t you?
我也有女朋友的 蓝道
You know I have
a girlfriend, Randal.
是啊
Oh, yeah.
她叫什么来着的？
What’s her name again?
米拉·霍基奇斯
Myra Hodgkiss.
是你编的吧？
You made her up, didn’t you?
这名字听起来就像是编的
That name sounds so made-up.
不是
No.
说真的 伊赖亚斯 你跟米拉做过爱吗？
Seriously, Elias, have you
and Myra had sex yet?
这个问题太私人了 蓝道
Well, that’s just
kind of personal, Randal.
说吧！
Come on!
我把我所有性♥爱♥史都告诉你了
I tell you about
my sex life all the time.
我上次在办公室
I let you smell my fingers
搞过泰腾·威瑟斯的小妹妹之后
after I fucked
Taton Weathers’ kid sister
不是还让你闻我的手指了吗？
in the office
that one time, didn’t I?
是你逼我闻的
You kind of made me
smell your fingers.
也许你不喜欢女人
Maybe you just
don’t like the pussy.
也许你喜欢老二
Maybe you’re all about the cock.
不 不 我喜欢女人
No, no, I like the pussy.
拜托
So come on.
米拉有没有让你上她？
Did Myra ever give you a crack
at her crack or what?
虽然跟你没有关系 蓝道
Well, not that it’s any
of your business, Randal,
但她不能
but she can’t.
为什么？
Why?
老天 伊赖亚斯
Jesus, Elias, come on.
你得信任我
You got to start
trusting me more.
因为等丹堤走了之后
Because once Dante’s gone,
你就是我的好朋友了
you’re gonna be
my new best friend.
不 我不是
No, I’m not.
还会有谁跟你在一起呢？
Who the fuck else
am I gonna hang out with?
只剩下我俩了 哥们
It’s gonna be you and me, buddy.
快说吧
So come on.
你得开始信任我
You got to start
trusting me more.
说吧 说说你的事情
Open up and tell me shit.
说说你为什么还没有上过米拉？
Like why haven’t you
fucked Myra yet?
(sighs)
那是因为有“枕头裤”
Well, we can’t
because of Pillow Pants.
那是什么玩意？
What the fuck’s Pillow Pants?
“枕头裤”是住在她阴♥道♥里面的小怪物
Pillow Pants is a little troll
who lives in her pussy.
是她的阴♥道♥怪兽
Pillow Pants is her pussy troll.
Duh.
当女孩子小的时候
You know
how every girl’s parents
她们的父母会在她们的阴♥道♥里放入小怪兽
put a pussy troll in them
when the girls are young
以防止她们的婚前性行为？
to keep them from having
premarital sex?
嗯
Sure.
米拉的怪兽叫“枕头裤”
Well, Myra’s is named
Pillow Pants.
即使她想跟我做♥爱♥
And so, even though she totally
wants to have sex with me,
米拉说如果我把那话儿放进去
Myra says if I put
my thing in her,
就会被“枕头裤”咬掉
Pillow Pants will bite it off.
所以我必须等到她21岁
So I got to wait
until Pillow Pants
到那时候“枕头裤”就会自己跑掉了
gets peed out of her body
on her 21st birthday