这次旅行不谈这个 我有男友了
Mm-mmm, no dick this trip. I got a man.
-你和他在一起多久了? -大约三个月
-How long have you had this boyfriend? -About three months.
从谁那里偷来的?
Who would you steal him from?
没有谁
Nobody!
-金! -什么?
-Kim! -Wha… what?
他肯定有过女朋友
He totally had a girlfriend.
金的所有男朋友 一开始都是别人的男朋友
All of Kim’s boyfriends start out as somebody else’s boyfriend.
我不是偷来的!
I did not steal him!
我一个也没偷 他们… 自己跳槽的
I didn’t steal any of them; they just… jumped ship.
-那么你呢 艾柏娜西? -艾碧的故事可精彩了
-So what’s your story, Abernathy? -Oh, Abbie’s got the big Kahuna.
我之前对席西尔着迷过
I had a set crush on Cecil.
着迷? 得了吧 你曾经几乎是他的老婆!
Set crush? Nigga, please. You were his set wife!
请注意”之前”和”曾经”的关键词
“Were” and “had” being the key words, here.
你们还互相喜欢对方 你知道的
Bitch, you two are still into each other and you know it.
是啊 如果他还爱我 他干嘛和黛瑞·汉纳的替身上♥床♥?
Yeah, well, if he’s so in love with me, why did he fuck Darryl Hannah’s stand-in?
是啊 男人都是狗 太有趣了!
Yes, men are dogs. Oh, it’s so funny!
太有趣了!
Oh, it’s so funny!
别再假装受伤了 你应该很生气
Stop acting all hurt. Your ass just mad.
是啊 他干了那个替身
Yeah, he’s a stand-in fucker.
你得把这事忘了 那都是两个星期前的事了
Bitch, You need to get over that shit. That was two weeks ago.
好吧 既然你都这么说了…
Oh, well, now you put it like that…
我还没告诉你最精彩的部份
Oh, I haven’t told you the best part.
他在我生日那天干了她
He fucked her on my birthday.
那就另当别论了
Oh, that’s a horse of a different color.
-谢谢 -他知道那天是你的生日吗?
-Thank you. -Did he know it was your birthday?
我意思是 他是个导演 忙于工作
I mean, he’s the director. He’s kind of busy.
他吃了我的生日蛋糕 还送我礼物
He ate a piece of my birthday cake, and he got me a present.
是啊… 我想他知道
Yeah… I think he knew.
他送你什么了?
What did he get you?
他为我拍了一卷录像带
He made me a tape.
-他为你拍了一卷录像带? -是啊
-He made you a tape? -Yeah!
等等 他没有烧成光盘? 而是做成录像带?
Wait, he didn’t burn you a CD? He made you a tape?
-是啊 -太浪漫了!
-Yeah. -Oh, that is so romantic!
是的 我知道你要说什么 所以千万别说出来
Yes, I know what you are gonna say, so don’t even go there.
听起来像是真爱测验
This sounds like the test of true love to me.
听着 我知道你们喜欢他 他是讨人喜欢
Look, I know you guys like him. He’s likeable.
但他在我生日那天干了别的女人
But he fucked another woman on my birthday.
你们怎么能不站在我这边呢?
How can you not be on my side?
我承认 听起来很糟糕
I admit, that sounds bad.
是很糟糕!
It is bad!
但听起来事情不仅仅是那样
It just sounds like there’s a little more to it than that.
-你们两个做♥爱♥了? -没有
-Were you two fucking? -Hell, no.
哈啰 你的名字是艾柏娜西吗?
Hello, is your name Abernathy?
对不起
Sorry.
你刚才问题的答案是没有 当然没有
The answer to your question is no, of course not.
你说”没有 当然没有” 的意思是什么?
What do you mean “No, of course not”?
席西尔这六年之所以没有女朋友
The reason Cecil hasn’t had a girlfriend in six years
是因为女孩们都会和他做♥爱♥
is because girls will fuck him, and if you fuck Cecil,
如果你跟他做♥爱♥了 你就无法成为他的女朋友
you don’t become one of his girlfriends…
并不是说我想要成为他的女朋友
not to say I want to be his girlfriend,
但如果我想要成为他的女朋友
but if I did want to be his girlfriend,
只要我跟他做♥爱♥了 我就做不成
if I fucked him, I wouldn’t be.
只会成为他的一个性♥伴♥侣♥ 而我早就过了那样的年纪
I would be one of his regulars, and I’m getting too fucking old for that shit.
-你有让他做过什么吗? -有啊!
-Have you let him do anything? -Yes!
我让他给我做过脚底按♥摩♥
I have let him give me a foot massage,
我们去看电影的时候 我会让他牵我的手
and when we go to the movies, I have let him hold my hand.
贱♥人♥ 你可以继续假装自己是十二岁
Bitch, you might be acting like you 12 years old,
但他终究是个男人啊
but he just acting like a man.
你不能再这样做了
You need to break that nigga off a piece.
让我来理理头绪…
Let me get this straight…
你不跟他做♥爱♥ 你不帮他口♥交♥
you are not fucking him, you are not sucking him,
你不用舌头为他服务 但是黛瑞·汉纳的替身却这么做?
you are not giving him any tongue, but Darryl Hannah’s stand-in is?
你知道这在某些文化之中 会认为他做了明智的选择
You know some cultures might say he made the wiser choice.
当时佐伊 金和我 在菲律宾参加一个户外派对
So Zoe, Kim, and I are in the Philippines at an outdoor rave.
-你们当时拍什么电影? -《三脚踢头》第三部
-What were you working on? -Three Kicks to the Head. Part Three.
说实话 我们有点搞砸了
And, admittedly, we are a little fucked up.
为此干杯
Cheers to that.
干杯
Cheers.
于是佐伊…
So Zoe…
这个天才 想给我拍张照片
the genius, wants to take a picture of me.
当时一片漆黑 什么都看不见
It’s dark as hell, and you can’t see shit.
她拿着照相机 然后不停的说”往后退一点”
So she’s got her camera and keeps saying, “Step back a little!”
所以我就往后退
So I do.
然后…
Then…
“再退一点” 我又往后退一点
“A little fu-ther!” So I step back a little fu-ther.
“再退一点” 我又退
Then “A little more!” So I do.
然后我发现 我已经退到了 一个七呎深的水泥深沟边缘
Then I realize I’m at the edge of a seven-foot concrete ditch…
天知道那里面有多少碎石 碎玻璃瓶和老鼠
with God knows how many rocks and broken bottles and rats in it,
如果我掉进那里面 我可能会摔断自己的脖子
and if I fell in that fucking thing, I probably would have broken my neck.
于是我对她叫喊 “佐伊 你差点要了我的命”
So I am yelling at her: “Zoe, you almost killed me!”
我们相视对笑了一下 然后就走开了
So we laugh about it and walk a little further,
于是佐伊开始四处游荡
and Zoe starts fucking around.
然后… 砰的一声… 她掉进了那个沟里
And… bam!… if she doesn’t fall in the fucking ditch!
漂亮
Nice.
谢谢 谢谢
Thank you. Yep. Thank you.
我记得我走了一步 往下看
I remember taking a step and looking down,
我还在想着 这就是艾碧刚才说的那个沟吧
just as I’m thinking, “There’s that ditch Abbie was talking about. ”
砰! 我就掉进沟里了
Bam! I’m in the fucking ditch, you know.
然后怎么样了?
What happened?
你是问”九命猫佐伊”吗?
What, with Zoe, the cat?
毫发无伤
Nothing.
如果是我掉进去 他们得用直升机才能把我弄出来
If I fell in that fucking thing, they would have had to helicopter me out of there.
佐伊却双脚稳稳的着地
Zoe just lands on her feet.
事后我开始觉得自己有点无能…
But then later I started feeling a little bad about myself…
佐伊掉进沟里没事 我们还在说笑
Zoe falls in the ditch and it’s nothing. We are laughing about it.
但如果是我掉进去 我可能已经瘫痪了
If I fell in that fucking thing, I probably would have been paralyzed.
宝贝 你不能那么想
Oh, honey, you can’t think like that.
我们都有自己的天赋 那件事正好是佐伊所擅长的
We all have our individual talents, and that just happens to be one of Zoe’s.
生理上来说 佐伊太惊人了
Well, physically speaking, Zoe is amazing.
我是说 她机敏 反应快 灵活
I mean, agility, reflexes, nimbleness?
很少有人能像佐伊这样厉害
There’s few human beings that can fuck with Zoe on that front.
金 我也喜欢你
Kim, I like you too.
话说回来 在你们羡慕佐伊的非凡能力之前
Having said that, before you get too envious of Zoe’s prowess,
你们忽略了故事里最重要的部分
you are missing the most important part of that story.
你没有掉进沟里 佐伊掉进去了
You didn’t fall in the ditch. Zoe did.
佐伊甚至知道那里有一个沟
Zoe even knew there was a ditch there because you told her,
她还是掉进去了
and she still fell in.
所以李说得对 我们都有自己的天赋
So Lee’s right. We all have our talents.
我同意这个观点
Hey, I resemble that remark.
金 你还带着罗斯科吗?
So Kim, you still pack a Roscoe?
看啊 贱♥人♥
Check it out, bitch.
-真不错 伙伴 -我知道
-Ooh, nice one, mate. -I know this.
罗斯科是什么?
What’s a Roscoe?
手♥枪♥
Roscoe’s a pistol.
-你带着枪? -是啊
-You carry a gun? -Uh-huh.
你有许可证吗?
You have a license to carry?
当我成为一名秘密特务的时候 我会有许可证的
Yeah, when I became a Secret Service agent, they gave me a license.
我不知道你是…
Oh, I didn’t know you were…
好吧 我没那么说 好吗? 别再盯着我了 天哪
Okay, I didn’t say it, all right? Stop looking at me. God.
你知道金带着枪吗?
Did you know Kim carried a gun?
知道啊
Yes.
我是否赞同? 不
Now, do I approve? No.
我是否知道? 是的
Do I know? Yes.
听着 我不知道你住在哪个未来乌托邦世界
Look, I don’t know what futuristic utopia you live in,
但在我生存的世界 女人是需要枪的
but the world I live in, a bitch need a gun.
你不能否认一个事实 那就是带着枪的人
You can’t get around the fact that people who carry guns
被枪击的机会 比不带枪的人还高
tend to get shot more than people who don’t.
你也不能否认一个事实
And you can’t get around the fact that
那就是如果我在半夜去洗衣店
if I go down to the laundry room at midnight enough times,
我可能会被强♥奸♥
I might get my ass raped.