今天肯定是最赞的一天
Today is gonna be the best day ever.
我怎么会知道？
How do I know that?
因为每天都是最赞的一天
Because every day is the best day ever.
我爱我的生活
I love my life.
我爱阳光 我爱蝴蝶
I love sunshine, I love butterflies.
但我最最最爱的
But more than anything,
是道格
I love Doug.
喂！
Hey!
闭上你的狗嘴！
Shut the fuck up!
白♥痴♥狗东西
Fucking piece of shit.
这就是道格 AKA世界上最棒的主人
That’s Doug. Also known as the best owner in the world.
我至今都记得初次相见的那天
I still remember the first day we met.
她就是想勾搭你
She was too flirting with you.
哇 小可爱
Hey, babies!
道格与我四目相对的一瞬间 我们就知道我们是天造地设的一对儿
The second Doug laid eyes on me, we knew we were meant to be together.
操
Fuck.
从那天之后 我们就时时刻刻黏在一起
Ever since that day, he and I have been inseparable.
为什么道格这么棒呢？
Why is Doug so great?
-他的优点数不清 -下去
-Where do I begin? -Get down.
他太喜欢跟我在一起了 甚至都不去工作了
He loves being around me so much, he doesn’t even have a job.
而且道格从不给我那些无聊的狗玩具
Also, Doug doesn’t get me boring dog toys.
他让我自己决定玩什么
He lets me come up with my own toys.
嗨 雷吉 这是什么呀？
Hi, Reggie. What you got?
比如这些弹力玩具
Like this stretchy thing.
-怎么回事？ -呃…
-What the fuck! -Uh…
这不是我的
Those aren’t mine.
你听我解释
There’s a simple explanation.
这是给你买♥♥的圣诞礼物
This was supposed to be a Christmas present.
道格 现在才七月
Doug, it’s July.
有时候我会担心 我到底有没有让道格快乐
Sometimes I worry if I’m doing a good job making Doug happy.
-你不明白 -我受够了 雷吉
-You don’t get it. -I’m done. Reggie.
但然后我意识到 我确实让道格很快乐
But then I realized I do make Doug happy.
你干什么？你根本不喜欢这条狗
What are you doing? You don’t even like the dog.
我爱死这条狗了
I love this dog.
这也让我很开心
And that makes me happy.
重点是你喜欢他
All that matters is that you like him.
所以我喜欢让你得不到他
And I like that you don’t get to have him.
你就是个彻头彻尾的废柴渣男
You are a total fucking loser.
嗯 有狗的废柴渣男
Yeah, a loser with a dog.
说实话吧 如果世界上有一样东西
Honestly, the only thing in the world
让道格爱它胜过爱我
that Doug maybe loves more than me
那肯定是他最爱的玩具：他的阴♥茎♥
is his favorite toy: his penis.
他给它剃毛 带它一起看电视
He gives it haircuts, he watches TV with it…
-转过来！ -别盯着我 气氛都被你毁了
– Flip it around! -Stop staring. You’re ruining it.
有时候看他对那根东西的爱抚 我真希望自己才是阴♥茎♥
And the way he pets that thing, sometimes I wish I was a penis.
但每次我想玩 他就开始“护食”了
But every time I try to play with it, he gets so possessive.
下去 坏狗！
Get off! Get– Bad dog!
良好亲密关系的关键就是要有共同点
The key to any good relationship is having things in common.
我们都喜欢吠
We both like barking…
我们都爱挠痒
We both love a good scratch.
我们都可以整夜不睡 彻夜长谈
And we can stay up all night, just talking for hours.
你毁了我的生活 是不是？
You fucked up my life, didn’t you?
虽然我听不懂他在说什么
Even though I don’t understand what he’s saying…
要不是你这个白♥痴♥ 她永远都不会发现
She never would have found out if it wasn’t for your dumb ass.
…但我知道他爱我
…I can tell he loves me.
虽然我认识的人类不多
And while I don’t know that many human beings,
但我敢肯定 他是其中最优秀的那一撮
I think it’s safe to assume he’s one of the best.
该死
Oh, goddamn.
搞什么啊 妈
It’s bullshit, Mom.
你的支票不够房♥租 他们要把我赶出去了
They’re kicking me out ’cause your last check wasn’t enough for rent.
你也许觉得道格有点邋遢…
You might say Doug is messy, but lately…
不 我才不要搬回家
No, I’m not gonna move back home.
…但他最近在玩具收纳方面进步了很多
…he’s been much better at putting his toys away.
对不起
No, I’m sorry. Look.
但是我不能住在学校附近
It’s just you know that I can’t live that close to a school.
不！
No!
坏狗！那可是我最爱的水烟筒！
Bad dog! That’s my favorite fucking bong, dude!
你喜欢那个球 是吧？
Oh. You like that ball, don’t you?
最近 道格一直在跟我玩新游戏
Lately, Doug has been playing a brand-new game with me
叫“捡操”
called “Fetch and Fuck”!
捡！
Fetch.
规则是 道格让我在离家很远的地方下车…
Basically, Doug drops me off really far away…
沙扬娜拉 忠犬八公
Sayonara, ke-mo sah-bee.
…把球扔出去 自己开车回家
…throws the ball, and drives home without me.
然后我要带着球自己找到回家的路！
Then it’s my turn to get the ball and find my way back home!
-等我带着球回家 他会说： -操
-When I bring the ball back, he says– -Fuck.
这就说明游戏是我赢啦！
And that’s how I know I won the game!
捡！
Fetch!
我们最近经常玩这个游戏
We’ve been playing it a lot lately.
-操！ -有时候
– Fuck! – Sometimes we play it
一天要玩三四次
three or four times in the same day.
捡！
Fetch!
操！
Fuck!
捡！操！
Fetch! Fuck!
操！
Fuck!
操！
Fuck!
我了个操！
Holy fuck!
耶！“我了个操”！我又赢了！
“Holy fuck” is right! I win again!
够了
That’s it.
该结束了
This ends now.
? You only got a couple miles to go ?
? If you’re trying to drive me insane… ?
这种自驾游最棒了！
These road trips are the best!
能看到乡村的美景
Because you get to see the exciting world outside our town.
继续开哦 道格！
Keep driving, Doug!
给我增加点难度
Don’t make it too easy on me.
我喜欢挑战
I love a challenge.
? ‘Cause I hide from everyone ?
? Shine on me ?
? Shine on me ?
? Shine on me ?
? Shine on me ?
这一局肯定是有史以来最难的一局
This round’s gonna be the hardest one yet,
因为我们从来没去过这么远
because we went way further than we’ve ever gone before.
我根本不知道这是哪里
In fact, I have no idea where we are.
太刺♥激♥了
And that’s exciting!
我知道这个世界有时候很吓人
I know the world seems like a scary place sometimes,
但我一点也不担心
but I don’t worry.
祝你好运了
Good luck fetching this.
因为只要有道格在 我永远是安全的
Because I’m always safe at Doug’s side.
没错 这一局游戏难度太大了
Sure, Doug really challenges me with this game,
但这是因为道格相信我
but that’s just because he believes in me.
老话说得好 一分耕耘一分收获 关系也是一样的
You know what they say: The best relationships are the hard ones.
必须要付出努力
You have to put in the work.
要有勇气
You gotta have courage.
而且要记得 真正的爱…
And you always need to remember that real love…
并不容易
is never easy.
虽然我喜欢这个游戏
But even though I love this game,
但我现在想让它结束了
I kinda want it to be over.
因为 我现在只想回家
Because, well, I really just wanna be home.
好了 该出发了
Okay, time to get moving.
回家找道格喽！
Going back to Doug’s.
这个社区很不错哎
This is a nice neighborhood.
我喜欢这些垃圾
I like all the trash.
还有针头 好多针头啊
And the needles. So many needles.
嘿 亲爱的 你试过阿富汗猎犬吗？
Hey, honey, you ever been with an Afghan before?
没有 不用了 谢谢
Uh, no, I don’t think so, but thank you.
哎呀呀 看看这是什么？
Well, well, well. What do we have here?
你迷路了？
You lost?
你好 大狗狗们 对 我迷路了
Hi, there, big dogs. Yes, I am lost.
我想去道格家
I’m trying to get to Doug’s place.
你们知道怎么走吗？
Do– Do you know which way that is from here?
-你说道格家？ -对呀
-Hmm… You say Doug’s place? -I did, yeah.
-嗯 我知道怎么走 -太好了