绅士的启示联盟（2005）

Steve，对不起，我刚才找不到电♥话♥了
Steve, sorry. I couldn’t find me phone.
嗨，谢谢打电♥话♥回来
Hi. Thanks for calling back.
不，不，不，我很好，我非常好
No, no, no, I’m fine. I’m absolutely fine.
呃……听着，我对Royston Vasey有个新的想法
Er, listen, I’ve had another idea for Royston Vasey.
什么？不，不，先听我说完，我想应该这样——
What? No, no, hear me out. I think this might be the one.
一天早上，所有人睡醒之后都长出了尾巴
All the characters wake up one morning and they’ve got tails.
是的，尾巴，动物的尾巴，就像是狗，猴子，猪的尾巴一样
Yeah, tails. You know, animals’ tails, like dogs, monkeys, pigs.
那些尾巴有毛浓密的
Y’know, big bushy ones,
有弯曲的
squiggly ones,
有摇摇摆摆的，也有截短了的
swishing ones, little bobtailed ones.
还有从他们的脑袋穿出来的
Ones that poke over the tops of their heads.
我不知道，我只是想过
I don’t know, I’ve only just thought of it.
只是觉得这是一个让这些电影角色活下去的好办法
I just think it’s a good way of keeping these characters alive.
我不认为他们想那样死去
I just don’t think they’re ready to go yet.
噢
Oh.
好的
Okay.
不，不，不，我知道。呃……
No, no, no, I understand. Er…
你为什么不先跟别人谈一下……
Why don’t you talk to the others about it fir-
哦，他们都正和你在一起，是吧？
Ah. They’re all there with you, are they?
好的，那么好吧，就这样
Right, then. Well, okay.
迟些我再与你谈
I’ll speak to you later.
好，再见
Yeah. Bye.
我刚拉了一条棕色的“小鱼”出来
I made a little brown fish.
啊！
Aaaghh!
别走啊！
Don’t go!
你想到附近哪去吗？
Going somewhere local?
Jeremy！ – 求求你，你弄错人了，是别人！
Jeremy! – Please, it wasn’t me, it was the others!
啊！啊！
Agghh! Agghh!
Tubbs！
Tubbs!
Tubbs！帮帮我！
Tubbs! Help me!
我正想冲走这条“鱼”呢！，但是它不想走！
I’m trying to get rid of this fish! He doesn’t want to go!
Edward，你在干什么？他跑掉了！
Edward, what are you doing? He’s getting away!
快追！
Come on!
Tubbs，望远镜的那个玩笑有没有伤害到他？
Tubbs, did he get the joke with the binoculars at least?
不，他的脸没弄破！
No, didn’t crack his face!
跟着他！
After him!
他们不是真的！
They’re not real!
你们不是真的！
But you’re not real!
现在我们就是真的
We are now.
Jacko现在几岁了，Chinnery先生？ – 喔，没人知道确切的答案，Dahlia
So how old is Jacko now, Mr. Chinnery? – Well, nobody knows for sure, Dahlia.
它是伊朗国王77岁赠送的礼物，它那时就不是处子之身了
He was a gift from the Shah of Iran in ’77 and he was no spring chicken then.
我们在他还有“能力”的时候，取一些它的精♥液♥样本是很有必要的
It’s essential we get a specimen of his seed before age precludes any issue.
好的。那么具体怎么做？
Yes. So what exactly is the procedure?
很简单
Oh it’s quite simple, really.
我们给Jacko的直肠施加一个很小的电刺♥激♥
A small electrical stimulus is applied to Jacko’s rectum,
使其产生自然射♥精♥
producing spontaneous ejaculation.
我就把精♥液♥装进这里面 – 对
Which I catch in this. – Yes.
就是，嗯……帮我把插头插上去，好吗，Dahlia？
Just, er… plug this in for me, would you, Dahlia?
好了
Right.
接好了
Chocks away.
什么也没有吗？
Nothing?
只有几滴 – 噢，好吧
Just a little dribble. – Oh. All right.
我们再来一次
We’ll have another go.
我增大一点电压，靠近一点他的那个……嗯，嗯……
I’ll increase the voltage a wee bit. Get in close to his, er…er…
靠近一点
Get…Get in close.
噢，天啊，噢，天啊
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
你好，Mickey，亲爱的 – 你好
Hiya, Mickey, love. – Hiya.
噢，这样糟糕的天气至少对你放风筝有好处
‘Ey, at least it’s good weather for your kite.
这不是风筝
It’s not a kite.
好吧，我得走了，我得去看望一位女士
Well, I’ve got to go. I’ve got to see a lady.
再见！
See ya!
下来！下来！
Come down! Come down!
我们这样做太愚蠢了，为什么不回家去？ – 决不可以。我们要赢得这个徽章
This is stupid. Why don’t we go home? – No way, we’re gonna win this badge.
如果我们能把火点燃的话还不算太糟糕
It wouldn’t be so bad if we could get the fire going.
继续吹，孩子们！，你们所需要做的只是大吹一口气
Keep blowing, boys! All it takes is one big poof.
谢谢你，敢问先生大名？ – Lipp。Lipp先生
Thanks very much, Mr…? – Lipp. Herr Lipp.
我出来解决我的老♥毛♥病——便秘，没想到却遇上了倾盆大雨
I was out taking my regular constipational. I got caught in this terrible downpour.
我有木头，如果可以帮上你们什么忙的话 – 噢……不，我们没事的
I think I’ve got wood, if that’s any help. – Erm… no, we’ll be all right.
说什么？我看不清你们
Bitte? I cannot make out with you.
请你们把紫色外套脱掉，我就能看清你们的头部了
Please, pull back your purple skins so I can see your heads.
（德语）好的
Alles klar.
为什么不让我这熟练的双手来帮你们放松一下手脚呢，嗯？
Now, why not let a practised hand loose on your little twigs, huh?
我知道怎样才能摩擦生火
I know how to rub them just right to make them spit fire.
等等！我正想问工作的事情呢！
Wait! I was going to ask about bob a job!
我从没见过这样的天气，野外下着倾盆大雨
I’ve never known weather like it. It’s raining cats and dogs on the moors.
从我上次经期以后我就没见过这样的强气流
I’ve not seen such a heavy flow since my last period.
救命！救命！
Help! Help!
有人需要帮——助
This man needs help!
你是不是跌倒了？
Have you fell?
嗯，请帮个忙，你得下车来帮我一下
Er, please, you must get out of the car and come to my aid.
你在开玩笑吧？车外面在下雨！
You’re joking, aren’t you? It’s pissing down!
告诉他你被一辆车撞了，而且你内出血了
Tell him you’ve been struck by a vehicle and you’ve got internal bleeding.
我被一辆车撞了…… – 我听到他说的话了。他是谁？
I have been struck by a vehicle… – I heard what he said. Who is he?
如果你没事做的话，就去帮他
You help him if you’re that bothered.
不，我……我不行，你看，我的背部有毛病，而且……
No, I-I can’t, you see, because me back’s bad and-
噢，该死的，到车里去！上车！
Oh, sod it. Get in the car! Get in!
喔，你太聪明了！你湿透了 – 开车！
Oh, brilliant! Soaking wet. – Just drive!
继续说
Go on.
噢，呃……噢，就是这个少年
Well, er… Well, there’s this lad.
他实际上并不是个少年，他是，嗯……
He’s not really a lad, really. He’s, erm…
他是那些老师中的一员
He’s one of the teachers.
他真的很不错。他带着我做科学研究
And he’s really fit. Takes me for science.
你孤单的时候是不是一直在想着这个家伙？
And have you been thinking about this fella when you’re alone?
是的，牧师
Yes, Reverend.
你们当中有没有谁想过
And are any of your thoughts
天生的性♥欲♥？
of a carnal nature?
你是指原始的那种吗？
You mean rude?
是的，孩子
Yes, my child.
是的，有
Yeah. They are.
你是不是有时候以一种被禁止的方式……
And sometimes do you touch yourself in a way that…
来抚摸你自己？
seems forbidden?
你不说话我就当作有了
I’ll take that as a yes.
现在，亲爱的
Now, love,
你可能会问，一个像你一样的年轻处♥女♥……
you might ask what harm can come from a young maiden such as yourself
被他那样一个有魅力的爵士所吸引会带来什么样的伤害
being drawn toward this… attractive chevalier,
他发现你就像一朵美丽的花朵一样，在早晨阳光的温暖中绽放
to find yourself opening like a beautiful flower in the warmth of the morning sun,
他享受着女人纯朴的气质
enjoying the simple blossoming of womanhood.
废话！
Bullshit!
你来到这里，吃我的圣餐
You come in here, getting your fishy fingers all over my communion wafers,
品尝着上帝每个钟头送给你的果子冻！，快走，给我做事去！
slinging your jelly every hour God sends! Go on, get stuffed!
你应该为自己的行为感到作呕！，去别的地方做那些恶心的事！
You should be disgusted with yourself! Go and play stinky pinky somewhere else!
这已不再重要了
Doesn’t really matter any more.
牧师？
Reverend?
发生什么事了？
What the ‘ell’s going on?
这是什么？《玫瑰之名》吗？
What’s this, The Name of the Rose?
哦，你收集了关于汪达尔人的壁画，是吧？上个礼拜有只公鸡在我家门上射♥精♥了
Ah, you’ve had vandals, have you? I had a cock sprayed on my door last week.
注：日耳曼人的一支
Ah, you’ve had vandals, have you? I had a cock sprayed on my door last week.
等一下。这才发生不久的
Hang on a minute. This just happened.
你看到了吗？它终于开始了
You see? It has begun at last.
什么开始了？
What’s begun?
噢，你们在这里，对不起我来迟了
Oh, there you are. Sorry I’m late.
你们不会相信在动物园里发生了什么事
You wouldn’t believe what’s happened at the zoo.
我不会吗？
Wouldn’t I?
我才明白过来你是谁 – 是吗？
I’ve just realised who you are. – Have you?
就是你，难道不是吗？残忍♥的屠夫——Hilary Briss
It’s you, innit? Demon butcherer. Hilary Briss.
对！他有很多古怪的肉
Alles klar! The one with the funny meats.
你喜欢把人杀了之后，把他们的肉灌在你的腊肠里
You used to put things in your sausages. Killed all them people.
嘿，我常吃你的猪肉馅饼的 – 那不是猪肉
‘Ey, I used to eat your pork pies. – They weren’t pork.
我知道，我知道。那全都是屁♥眼♥和眼皮，是吧？不过那也不错
I know, I know. It’s all bumholes and eyelids, innit? Still nice, though.
当心！
Look out!