Show some decorum there, clamps. this ain’t no strip show.
这是色情艺术的诱惑性表演
This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.
省省吧 我能看到某人的屁♥股♥呢
Yo, skip, I can see a guy’s butt.
迈克 这美好的蜜月的最后一天真是完美
Oh, michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.
我好爱你
I love you so much.
-这位子有人吗 -事实上 我们
– is this seat taken? – actually, we…
把鸡翅递给我
Slide me those chicken wings.
你们这些土包子从哪个乡下来的
So what part of podunk you rubes from?
东北
The north-eastern.
女士们和先生们
Monsieurs et mademoiselles,
我们从新奥尔良来的超感马戏团乘汽船抵达啦
Our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in new orleans,
大概从2873年来的
Circa 2873.
让长号♥那柔和的悲叹在雾中回响
The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog,
即使现在在雾怪袭击后
Which lingers even now,
余音仍在绕梁
months after the attack of the fog monster.
只有一个希望能让我们的齿轮恢复听觉
With but one hope of restoring gearoticus to his throne,
我们感官的命运就由她来旋转啦
Our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of
芬妮
Fanny.
谁啊
Yes?
我是本德 让我们来电吧
I’m bender. let’s do it.
是谁 联邦局的人吗
Who is it, the feds?
你不是党伯吗 机器人黑♥手♥党♥的头头
Aren’t you the donbot, head of the robot mafia?
传说是这样 这是我可爱的妻子 芬妮
Allegedly. and this is my beloved wife, fanny,
能让我拿把电钻拼死守卫的人
Whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill.
我得去拉个大号♥
Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.
我可能得再待一会
I’m gonna be in here a while
帮我个忙载我妻子回家吧
So do me a favor and drive my wife home.
那车有自动驾驶功能
It’s one of them self-driving cars,
所以只要坐在后座上 干啥都行
So just sit in the back and do whatever.
本德 你的嘴唇是如此醉人
Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating.
就像亲吻烟雾弥漫的烟灰缸
It’s like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.
天啊 我真的能读心呢 我有超能力啦
My god, I really can read minds. I have a superpower!
我肯定能利用这点做些什么
There must be something great I can do with this.
你好 女士 我能读出你的心思
Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts.
等等 那应该是隐身术才行
Oh, wait, that’s invisibility.
宇宙扑克冠军赛 明日开赛 奖金优厚
扑克 靠我的读心术和隐身术
Poker. with my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility…
等等 不对 只有读心术 稳赢不输
Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can’t lose!
我要进去参赛
Sign me up for the tournament, please.
好的 爆米花 入场费是50000块
Okey-doke, jiffy pop. entry fee’s 50,000 smackers.
靠 我就只有这么点积蓄
Drat, all I have is my life savings
和一个扑克联赛免费入场的代币
And a token for free admission to this poker tournament.
这就够了
Close enough.
你和机器人黑♥手♥党♥的老大的妻子有一腿吗
You’re having an affair with the head of the robot mafia’s wife?
是啊 正和我亲热的这位
Yup, this is her I’m making out with.
本德 你疯了吗
Bender, are you crazy?
不 疯了的人是弗莱德
No, it’s fry who’s crazy in this one.
我没有
I’m not crazy.
弗莱德 你确定你没事吗
You sure you’re okay, fry?
我是说 你确实戴着顶铝箔帽
I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.
所以呢 你脖子上还挂只水蛭呢
So? you got a leech on your neck.
说到吸你的脖子
And speaking of sucking on your neck,
待会想去看个电影吗
want to go to a movie later?
各位今晚过得怎么样啊
Hey, there! how are you folks doing tonight?
很好 特色菜是什么
Great. what are the specials?
我看看 我们有不错的大灰熊
Well, let’s see now. we’ve got a wonderful grizzly bear
在玉米粥里泡过了 没感觉到多大的痛苦
That’s been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented.
-有问题吗 -那只熊叫什么
– questions? – what was the bear’s name?
-乔乔 -我就要它啦
– jojo. – ooh, I’ll have him.
-快把我藏起来 -嘿 党伯
– hide me! – hey, donbot,
那不是你妻子吗 上次你娶的那个
Ain’t that your wife what with you had that wedding with?
党伯 亲爱的 真是个惊喜啊
Donbot, honey! what a pleasant shock!
我刚在独自用餐 忽然你就来陪我了
I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.
一个人吗
Alone, huh?
我在哪
Where am I?
我正在一个距这餐馆
I was exploring a wormhole through
许多光年的暖洞里头探索
Space many light years from this restaurant,
忽然我就被黑暗笼罩了
When suddenly I was surrounded by darkness.
火♥辣♥ 性感的黑暗
Hot, sexy darkness.
怎么 你好啊 党伯 你好啊 小姐 我们见过吗 我是本德
Why, hello, donbot! hello, miss, have we met? I’m bender.
世界上最性感的机器人
The world’s most sexual robot.
我是说 世上最能分明界限的机器人
I mean, the world’s most boundary-respecting robot.
很高兴见到你 本德 欢迎回来
Nice to see you, bender. welcome back to our universe.
听着 甜心 我抢劫了柏林顿的服装厂
Listen, sugar, I stuck up the burlington coat factory
给你带了个小礼物 价值49美元
And got you a little something. it’s a $49 value.
党伯 我爱你
Donbot, I love you!
-不是真的 -伙计 这太棒了
– not really. – man, this is great!
我一直想泡个穿皮衣的女士 机会来了
I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now’s my chance.
我是说 如果你能给我介绍个 先生 和你一样辣
I mean, if you’ll introduce me to one, sir. one as sexy as you, baby!
我走啦
Bender out.
本德 从没活的那么真实
I never felt so alive, bender.
听着 这件绿宝石镶嵌的胸衣值五万美元
Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand.
我们卖♥♥了它然后私奔吧 在党伯发觉之前
Let’s sell it and run off before the donbot gets wise.
不 让你这样的女孩幸福
No. it will take a lot more money than that
这点小钱远远不够
to make a girl like you happy.
-不 不会的 -会的 闭嘴
– no, it won’t. – yeah, it will. shut up!
我们会私奔
We’ll run off,
但得等我赢了宇宙扑克冠军赛
but not till after I win the universal poker championship!
一张入场票
One entry, please.
本德 不行的 你不可能成为宇宙赌神的
Bender, no! You can’t beat the best players in the universe.
-你运气不够哇 -是吗 我有40%的幸运率
– You’re not lucky enough. – Oh, no? I’m 40% lucky.
我这件铁皮可吉利了
The scrap metal I’m made from included a truckload of horseshoes
是墨西哥幸运赛马的蹄子铁打制成的
From the luckiest racehorses in mexico,
只不过送到胶水厂粘了一下
Who had just been sent to a glue factory.
-听上去够倒霉的 -整整鞋子就幸运啦
– They don’t sound so lucky to me. – Not without their shoes.
舞蹈喷泉 *秒后喷发
曼妥思薄荷糖 Slurm瘦身功能饮品
太神奇啦!
That’s great!
本 带着这个 能给你带来70%的运气
Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck.
是党伯的幸运机器脚
It’s the Donbot’s lucky robot’s foot.
太棒了 有这两件宝贝 肯定输不了
All right! With two kinds of luck, I can’t lose.
不 是3件 我踩到了个小精灵
No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.
伙计 看清楚那对狗男女了吧
Yo, you see this over here over there?
我的钳子要发威了
I’m powering up the clamps.
小比利洗衣店
喂喂喂 咱们先别过早定论
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.
不过 老大
But, skip,
那是从你腿上掉的幸运机器脚啊
That was your lucky robot’s foot what came off of your lucky leg.
早上醒了发现只有一只脚 这事实不假
While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning,
可没啥证据能证明是芬妮宝贝干的
There is no proof that my beloved fanny was involved.
倒是她枕头下的钢锯值得怀疑
Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.
怎么处置本德那家伙呢
Well, what about that Bender guy?
赏他一钳子你看如何
You want I should give him the clamps?
没到动粗的时候
Not yet, clamps.
唯有一事能证明他是小偷
Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.
你是说用钳子什么的严刑逼供?
Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?
不 我们按兵不动
No. We are gonna sit tight
看他是否赢得扑克赛冠军
and see if he wins the poker tournament.
赢了 就说明他确实偷了我的脚
He does, that proves he’s packing my lucky foot,
那样的话…
In which event…
钳子伺候!
The clamps!
搞死他!
Or a clamp-like device.
欢迎电视机前恹恹欲睡的朋友们收看本台
Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the Tv on!
现在为您直播3009无限制级扑克锦标赛
It’s the 3009 no-limit hold ’em championship.
我是带给您精彩解说的佩恩-吉列特的大头
I’m the massive head of Penn Jillette,
(Penn & Teller一档著名魔术节目)
而这位 是我的搭档Teller
And here with a color commentary, my partner teller.
他死翘翘之前我们也就这套唠了
Our act really didn’t change much when he died.
不好意思 我是新手
Pardon me, I’m new to this game.
这大袋子钱够押注吧
Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money?
本德 见鬼 我们竟然是同场选手
Bender? Oh, boogers. We’re in the same tournament.
快带着你的入场费走吧
Quick, get your entry fee back
否则肯定被我输得倾家荡产
Before I bankrupt you.

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