副总统 Vice

was the ability to make
最疯狂和最极端的想法
the most wild and extreme ideas
听起来慎重又专业
sound measured and professional.
如果在单方面的基础上
What if, on a unilateral basis,
我们都把小假发戴在吊上
we all put miniature wigs on our penises
我们走到白宫草坪上
and we walked out to the White House lawn
然后互相推脱
and jerked each other off?
所以 就像木偶戏一样 但更令人愉快
So, like a puppet show, but much more enjoyable.
嗯 我真的很喜欢木偶戏
Hmm. I do like a good puppet show.
我说我们做到了
I say we do it.
亨利·基辛格松了一口气
Henry Kissinger has been relieved
作为国♥家♥安♥全♥顾问
as national security advisor
被布伦特·斯考克罗夫特取代
and replaced by Brent Scowcroft.
他们称之为万圣节大屠♥杀♥
They’re calling it the Halloween Massacre.
-总统先生 -等等 亨利
-Mr. President. -Hold on, Henry.
唐纳德·拉♥姆♥斯♥菲♥尔♥德♥已经取代
Donald Rumsfeld has replaced
国防部长詹姆斯·施莱辛格
Secretary of Defense James Schlesinger.
迪克·切尼被选为
And Dick Cheney has been chosen as the…
历史上最年轻的参谋长
Youngest Chief of Staff in history.
这是真的
It’s real.
唐是有史以来最年轻的国防部长
And Don is the youngest Secretary of Defense ever.
好吧 我不是在说唐
Well, I’m not talking about Don.
我说的是你
I’m talking about you.
我会给你
And I’m going to give you
一个吻在这 在白宫
a kiss right here in the White House.
打扰一下 切尼先生和切尼夫人
Excuse me, Mr. And Mrs. Cheney,
这些女孩试图进入总统办公室
These girls were trying to enter the Oval Office.
哦 亲爱的 哦 亲爱的
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
-孩子们 -嘿 嘿 那里 嘿 你
-Girls… -Hey. Hey, there. Hey, you!
姑娘们 这不是游乐场 请不要
Girls, this is not a playground. Please do not…
嘿 你 嘿
Hey, you. Hey.
圣诞老人住在这里吗
Is this where Santa lives?
这比那里更好 这比那里更好
It’s even better. It’s even better.
这里就是
This is where…
地球上最伟大的国家的领导人
the leader of the greatest nation
住的地方
on earth lives.
你是他的小精灵吗 爸爸
Are you one of his elves, Daddy?
在某种程度上 是的
In a way, yes.
不 他不是 玛丽
No, he is not, Mary.
你父亲是参谋长
Your father is Chief of Staff.
参谋长
Chief of Staff.
如果你对她很傻
If you’re silly with her,
她长大后会变成一个愚蠢的女人
she’ll grow up to be a silly woman.
是的 当然 我忘了
Right, of course. I forgot.
只是 呃 太傻了 玛丽
That’s just, uh… That’s just silly, Mary.
作为新的参谋长
And as the new Chief of Staff,
随着总统职位被水门事件削弱
and with the presidency weakened by Watergate,
迪克·切尼想知道
Dick Cheney wanted to find out
总统到底有多大的权力
exactly how much power did the president have.
我想恢复行政♥权♥力
I would like to reinstate executive authority.
怎么做
How?
安东宁斯卡里亚
Antonin Scalia
一个司法部的年轻律师
a young lawyer with the Justice Department
那个后来继续在最高法♥院♥任职
who would later go on to serve on the Supreme Court
震动了迪克世界的人
rocked Dick’s world.
有趣的是你应该问
Interesting you should ask.
你熟悉这个
Are you familiar with the theory
独♥裁♥专♥政♥的理论吗
of the unitary executive?
不熟悉 给我说一下关于这个
No. Tell me about it.
呃 这是个解释
Uh, it is an interpretation
像我这样的少数人恰好知道
that few, like myself, happen to believe,
在宪法第二条中
in Article II of the Constitution
赋予总统
that vests the president
绝对的单一执行权
with absolute executive authority.
我的意思是绝对的
And I mean absolute.
嘿 宝贝 -是吗
-Hey, baby? -Yep?
你想带科尔去高脚椅吗
You wanna take Cole to the high chair?
来吧 伙计
Come on, buddy.
我得试着解释一下
I’ve gotta try and explain
这是给人♥民♥的
this thing to the people.
哦 你不饿吗
Oh, aren’t you hungry?
独♥裁♥
The unitary…
专♥政♥
executive…
理论
theory.
一些法律学者认为
Certain legal scholars believe that
如果总统做了些什么
if the president does anything,
那必须是合法的
it must be legal,
因为那是总统
because it’s the president.
让支票和余额见鬼去吧
To hell with checks and balances,
尤其是在战争时期
especially during times of war.
这是国王 法老和独♥裁♥者的权力
This was the power of kings, pharaohs, dictators.
完美
It’s perfect.
迪克·切尼是个步兵
Dick Cheney was a foot soldier
在华盛顿的权力游戏中
in the power games of Washington, D.C.
但是有了独♥裁♥专♥政♥的理论
But with the unitary executive theory,
他可能会成为
he could become…
银河系 行星的吞噬者
Galactus, Devourer of Planets.
但在选举之夜
But then it was election night,
还有一个大问题
and there was one big problem.
获胜者有272张选票
The winner, with 272 electoral votes…
我们想知道我们中的哪一个
we had wondered which one of us
会发表声明
was going to make this announcement.
詹姆斯·厄尔·卡特
James Earl Carter,
下一任美国总统
the next president of the United States.
就像那样 一切都结束了
And just like that, it was all over.
总统参谋长迪克·切尼
Dick Cheney, the president’s Chief of Staff,
他没了工作
he does not have a job.
在那时 他是个经纪人
At one point, he was a broker.
不可能 这一定是个错误
It can’t be. It’s got to be some sort of a mistake.
– 一个失误 – 出了差错
-A miscalculation. -There goes the neighborhood.
好
Well…
谢谢大家
thank you all.
共和党人失去了总统职位
The Republicans have lost the presidency.
他们是国会和大多数州的少数派
They are the minority in Congress and in most states.
随着美国要求变革 我看不到…
With America demanding change, I don’t see…
共和党是一个混乱的政党
The GOP is a party in disarray.
很明显 水门事件 越南战争…
Clearly, Watergate, the Vietnam War…
卡特总统上去了
President Carter went up
现在在白宫的屋顶上
on the roof of the White House today
炫耀安装在那的新的太阳能热水器
to show off the new solar water heaters
新的太阳能热水器
installed there.
现在 直接利用
Today, in directly harnessing
太阳的力量 我们正在获取
the power of the sun, we are taking
上帝给我们的能量
the energy that God gave us,
我们看到的最好的可再生能源
the most renewable energy that we will ever see,
用它来取代我们日益减少的
and using it to replace our dwindling supplies
化石燃料的能源供应
of fossil fuels.
再也没有问题了
There is no longer any question
太阳能
that solar energy
既可行又经济
is both feasible and also cost-effective.
继续担任国防部长
…went on to be Secretary of Defense.
阿尔黑格成为欧洲盟军最高指挥官
Al Haig, who became Supreme Allied Commander in Europe,
还有 鲍勃·霍尔德曼 他还在服刑
and, uh, Bob Haldeman, who is doing time
在加利福尼亚的一所监狱里
in a California penitentiary.
嗯 不是我 不是我 先生
Well, not me. Not me, sir.
我 我将成为来自怀俄明州的绅士
I, I will become the gentleman from Wyoming.
最重要的是 听到这个
Most of all, and hear this,
呃 税收必须降低
uh, taxes must go down.
我再说一遍 税收必须降低
I’ll say it again, taxes must go down.
我们必须减轻税收的痛苦
We must ameliorate the pain of taxes
为了工人