死侍2：我爱我家

等等 等等 我要自己重新来过
Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over.
-你再说一遍 -我需要你的帮助
– Give us the line again. – I need your help!
相信我 我比你还不开心
Trust me, I’m even less happy about this than you are…
但你把红坦克放出来了 蠢逼
but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!
我一个人赢不了他
I can’t bring him down alone.
所以只能这样了
So here we are.
很不幸 我们X特工队
We’re no longer accepting applications
不接受申请了
for X-Force, unfortunately.
即使我们接受
Even if we were…
还有大风警告 要持续到至少…
there’s a wind advisory in effect until at least…
我们时间不多
We don’t have a lot of time.
你的朋友马上就开杀戒了
Your friend’s about to make his first kill.
恕我直言 如果你知道的这么多
No offense, but if you know so much…
为什么不♥穿♥越回他是个婴儿的时候把他杀了
why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then?
或者可以再穿越回去一点
Or better yet, head back a little further,
直接杀了婴儿希♥特♥勒♥
kill baby Hitler.
我用一个设备穿越时空
I use a device to slide through time.
我穿越的越久 设备就越难控制
The longer I travel, the harder it is to control.
我只能充两次电 一次让我来
I got two charges: one to get me here,
一次让我回去
one to get me home.
好吧
Well.
这种写法也太懒了
That’s just lazy writing.
今晚那个男孩就要
Your boy’s gonna kill the headmaster
杀死孤儿院院长
of the orphanage tonight.
之后他就会尝到其中的甜头
After that, he gets a real taste for it.
就像十岁的克尔斯滕·邓斯特 该死
Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
所以他一直杀人
So he keeps killing…
一直杀啊杀啊杀
and killing, and killing,
杀啊杀
and killing.
直到有一天他杀错了人
Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people.
我的人
My people.
放松
Relax.
我只是要从工具袋里拿东西
I’m retrieving something from my utility bag.
那是个该死的腰包
It’s a goddamn fanny pack…
你很清楚 你这个变♥态♥的混♥蛋♥
and you know it, you sick son of a bitch!
这俩根本是天差地别
The difference is night and day.
你让我想起我妻子
You remind me of my wife.
什么
I’m sorry.
-我说你让我想起我妻子 -很遗憾你这么说时
– I said, “You remind me of my wife.” – No, I’m sorry that you said that…
正在跟我眼神接触 而且还涂着唇膏
while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.
她一直很挣扎
She always struggled.
但她很风趣
But she was funny…
所以用幽默的三棱镜过滤自己的痛苦
and filtered her pain through the prism of humor.
这我永远都学不会
Something I could never master.
她的死是我的错
It was my fault she died.
阻止他那样的人是我的职责
It was my job to stop people like him.
我有几次就快成功了
I came close a few times.
他对此不太高兴
He wasn’t too happy about that.
他想伤害我
He was trying to hurt me…
他也知道应该怎么做
and he knew exactly how to do it.
赐福于那些
Blessed are the wicked
被我所治愈的邪恶之人
who are healed by my hand.
他来到我家
He came into my home…
带走了唯一让那成为家的东西
and took the only thing that made it a home.
听起来熟悉吗
Sound familiar?
很遗憾
I’m sorry.
真的很遗憾
No, I’m really sorry.
但那不是罗素
But that isn’t Russell.
-他可以不成为那样 -如果你知道我知道的…
– It doesn’t have to be him. – If you knew what I knew…
他是有愤怒问题
Yeah, he’s got anger issues…
还有点轻微学习障碍
maybe a small learning disability…
严重糖尿病
splash of diabetes…
但那都是可以处理好的
but nothing that can’t be fixed.
如果你能穿越回去
If you could go back…
阻止杀你女朋友的人 你会去做吗
and stop the people that took your girl, would you?
不
No.
我会请他们去嫖一顿
I’d buy them all a bouquet of hand jobs.
废话 我当然会
Of course I fucking would!
但我不会杀一个小孩子
But I wouldn’t kill a kid.
我没让你杀小孩子
I’m not asking you to kill a kid!
我会杀他
I’ll kill the kid.
我是让你拯救成千上万其他孩子
I’m asking you to save hundreds of other kids.
罗素会烧毁那个孤儿院
Russell’s gonna burn down that orphanage.
我可以想象你死去的女朋友
And I can imagine your dead girlfriend…
肯定想让你做对的事 对吧
would want you to do the right thing, wouldn’t she?
什么是对的事 帅哥
So, what’s it gonna be, handsome?
给我个机会拯救他
Give me a chance to save him.
-什么 -你说…
– What? – You said…
他一旦开杀戒 就会尝到甜头
once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it.
如果我们在他开杀戒前找到他…
If we can get to him before that happens…
答应我 你会给我机会
promise you’ll give me a chance
让他走上不同的路
to put him on a different path.
定义一下”机会”
Define “Chance.”
我不知道 要救一个人的灵魂
I don’t know. How long does it take
需要多久 那不是…
to save someone’s soul? That’s not…
我给你30秒
I’ll give you 30 seconds.
-不行 -这是最多了
– What? No! – Best I can do.
不要这个机会就算了
Take it or leave it.
他站起来了
He’s doing it!
看那个小家伙 他站起来了
Look at the little fella. He’s doing it.
他来了
There he goes.
苍天啊
Jesus Christ!
用衬衫盖着呢
Just shirt-cocking it.
好样的 小家伙
There you go, little fella.
加油 你做得很好
Go on, you’re doing it!
我漂亮 没毛 蹒跚学步的小男孩
My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy.
苍天
Christ!
不忍♥直视
That’s disturbing.
30秒
30 seconds.
-成交 -成交
– Deal. – Deal.
太烦了 他们竟然没有你的尺码
Man, that sucks they didn’t have anything in your size.
我真的想跟你穿得很搭
I really wanted to match, you know?
作为一个恶人小队
Being a menacing team.
真是糟糕透了
Oh, man, it sucks.
确实很让人不爽 孩子
That was some cold-ass shit, kid.
那只是前列腺高♥潮♥的
And that is just the first five steps
前五个步骤
to a prostate-assisted orgasm.
我们这是去哪里
Where the hell are we going?
你自己说的
You said it yourself.
没人能阻止红坦克 所以我们需要帮助
Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup.
我会在你敌人的血中沐浴
I will bathe in the blood of your enemies.
能把音乐关掉吗
Can you turn off the music?
不可以
You’ll do no such thing.
你为什么不用印度口音说
Why don’t you just say it in an Indian accent?
-什么[不好意思] -接受道歉
– I’m sorry? – Apology accepted.
我不喜欢你这一点
This is a side of you I do not like.
我猜猜
Let me guess,
你在未来的某个兄弟是印度人
some of your best friends in the future are Indian.
你到底在…
What the hell are you…?
不宽容又一次抬起了丑陋的头
Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head.
抱歉 会好起来的
I am so sorry. It gets better.
我不是种族主义者 白♥痴♥
I’m not a fucking racist, moron!
种族主义者就会这么说
That’s precisely what a racist would say.
这次我挺这个白人家伙
I’m with the old white guy on this one.
这是一大转变
And that’s a twist.
等事情结束
When this is over…
我会拿你断掉的脚把你插死
I’m going to fuck you to death with your own broken feet.
还有性♥虐♥待倾向 你真牛逼
And a sexual predator, too. That’s rich.
我该念完大学的
I should have finished college.
话说你在未来到底是干什么的
So what exactly do you do in the future, anyway, huh?