海扁王（2010）

– …that you… – What?
-同性恋 -啥?!
– …are gay. – Gay?!
-怎么会有这种流言 -你被抢劫了
– What kind of rumour’s that? – Well, getting mugged and…
-你们都被抢劫过啊 -对 但是…
– You guys have been mugged. – I know, but…
你被狂扁一顿 还被扒光衣服
…we didn’t get beat up and have all our clothes taken off.
才不是那样 是医护人员把我的衣服脱掉的
It’s not even true. The medic threw my clothes away.
别在意了 只是流言而已
Don’t worry about it. Rumours don’t mean shit.
我们知道你不是的
We know the truth.
对吧
Right?
-是啊 -就是嘛
– Yeah. – Yeah.
谁知道呢 搞不好你能把她搞定
Who knows, this might even get you laid.
她如果以为他是基佬就没戏 陶德 你个白♥痴♥
No, not if she thinks he’s gay, Todd. You fucking retard.
-多谢你泼冷水 小马 -我只是实话实说
– That’s really fucking helping me! – I’m just being honest.
我又回到了老样子
I was getting back to my old self.
也许我应该放弃
I should have quit, of course…
但人不能说重来就重来
…but you can’t just re-programme yourself…
你是谁 想要什么 人生目标
…what you want, who you are, your purpose in life.
不 我只是路过
No, I’m just standing around.
才不是
No, I’m not!
-就是这样而已 -尝到厉害了吧
– It is what it is. – How about that, huh?
你怕了吧
Oh, yeah. Didn’t see that, did you?
你最好赶快滚蛋
Think it’s best that you just walk away.
你最好别这么干
Well maybe you shouldn’t do that.
啥
What? Huh?
你看什么看
Are you looking at me?
这事我管定了
Well, this is my business.
我是海扁王 打击罪恶的蒙面英雄
我吗 我已经重生
Me? My hardware was fixed now.
海扁王升级版重新登场
I was back and running Kick-Ass version 2.0.
寻猫启示 咬咬猫先生
不好意思 你见过这只猫吗
Excuse me. Have you seen this cat?
没有吗 好吧 谢谢
No? Okay, thank you.
打搅下 夫人 你见过这只猫吗
Excuse me, ma’am, have you seen this cat?
不好意思 你见过这只猫吗
I’m sorry, did you see this cat?
没有吗 好吧
No? Okay.
太好了
Oh, great!
猫咪 过来
Here, kitty. Here, mr Bitey.
哦不 别这样
Come on. No, no, no, no, no.
不 咬咬猫先生 过来
No, no, no. Mr Bitey, come on.
回来 我带你回家
Back here. Come on, let’s get you home. Come on.
滚你的 臭猫
Fuck you, mr Bitey!
天 哥们 不好意思
Oh, god, I’m so sorry, man.
你♥他♥妈♥…
You fucking…
多谢 怪胎
Thanks, freak.
-放开他 -滚开 关你屁事
– Leave him alone. – Fuck off, it’s none of your business.
管定了
Yes it is.
快报♥警♥
Hey, call 911!
有个穿得像超级英雄的人 在外面跟一群人打起来了
Hey, there’s a dude dressed like a superhero fighting a bunch of guys.
真是酷毙了
It’s fucking awesome!
放开他
Leave him alone!
放弃吧 赶快滚蛋
Give it up, man. Just walk away.
绝不
No, never.
你♥他♥妈♥脑子烧坏了吗 你又不认识他
What the fuck is wrong with you? You’d rather die for some piece of shit..
你愿意为他而死吗
…that you don’t even fucking know?
你们当着那么多人三打一
You 3 assholes laying into 1 guy while everybody else watches.
到底是谁脑子有病
And you wanna know what’s wrong with me?!
没错 我宁愿死 放马过来
Yeah, I’d rather die. So bring it on!
妈的 你这小子真的疯了
You’re fucking crazy, kid.
谢谢
Thank you.
什么
What?!
谢谢你
Thank you.
这真是帅呆了 你是谁
That fucking rocked. Who are you?
我是海扁王
I’m Kick-Ass.
老兄 你一定要看看这个
Dude, you gotta check this shit out.
什么东西
What is it?
一小时后
And coming up after the hour.
一位蒙面正义使者红遍各大网站
A costume vigilante has become the latest internet phenomenon…
汉密尔顿公园的一位居民 拍下了他的英雄壮举
After a Hamilton park resident filmed the man’s remarkable intervention…
-酷毙了 -可不是
– This is awesome. – Fuck, yeah!
欢迎收看纽约特别视点
Welcome to this special edition of eye on New York.
你愿意付出多少代价 去帮助身边的人
How far would you go to help your fellow man?
这位身着异服的人 路见不平对抗黑帮
This colourful individual has been all over the news…
各大新闻已经纷纷报道
…after a video of his intervention of street gang violence…
同时也成为点击率最高的网络视频
…became the most watched clip on the internet.
你们当着那么多人…
You 3 assholes laying into 1 guy…
我的MySpace上只有38个好友
MySpace…38 friends.
而海扁王的MySpace上已经有一万六千多好友
Kick Ass’s MySpace…16,000 and counting.
实在太疯狂了 我就爱这种感觉
This thing was going crazy and I was loving it.
我们迫切想知道这个人到底是谁
And finally, we want to know who is this man.
谁有任何关于这位潜水服英雄的线索
Does anyone have any idea who this wetsuit crusader is?
他一定就在我们的身边
He must be someone’s son, someone’s brother,
我们身边的普通人
Someone’s next door neighbour.
我的妈呀 怎么回事
Holy shit. What happened?
就是这家伙
What happened? This guy happened.
诸位 这是美国史上的伟大一天
It’s a great day for america, everybody.
现在大家都爱上了这位超级英雄 海扁王
Everybody’s favourite superhero right now. Kick-Ass, right?
没错
Yeah!
我爱海扁王 他的装扮太疯狂了
I like Kick-Ass. His costume is crappy.
看着像个异装癖
He looks like a transvestite…
大家都爱海扁王
You know what? everyone likes Kick-Ass.
你看那视频了吗 他还真有两下子
Did you see the clip? He was actually pretty good.
我看他被扁得真惨
Good at getting his ass kicked.
他还不如叫挨扁王呢
He should call himself ass-kick instead.
你真无聊
That doesn’t even make sense.
我觉得这家伙一定死得很惨
That guy’s gonna end up dead, that’s what I think.
真的吗 我觉得他酷毙了
Are you serious? The guy owns.
我都想发邮件让他帮我解决麻烦
I’d e-mail his site if I had a problem worth fixing.
我有一百号♥人能帮你 你居然找个紧身裤男
I got 100 guys can fix a problem, you’d hire some putz in pantyhose?
但问题是你从来不让我参与你的生意
I wouldn’t wanna get in the way of your ‘business’ where I’m not wanted.
我想你们猜我就是海扁王 可惜我不是
I know you have mistaken me for Kick-Ass, but I am not Kick-Ass.
伙计 抱歉 我现在太忙了 回见
消息发送成功
戴夫 什么时候去喝咖啡呢 凯蒂
其实你不看漫画吧
So you don’t actually read comics?
我刚开始感兴趣
I just started.
有人给我推荐了一些
I got recommended some like Scott Pilgrim and Shojo Beat,
比如《歪小子斯科特》之类
That kinda thing.
可我对超级英雄还是不太感冒
I’m not really into the whole superhero thing, though.
我想你应该不会喜欢海扁王吧
So I guess you’re not gonna line up for that new Kick-Ass comic, then?
是不喜欢 但我真想过给他发邮件
I guess not. But I was seriously thinking of mailing his site.
我是说 我真的有事想求他帮忙
I mean, I could really use some help from a guy like that right now.
是吗 什么事要他帮忙
Help? really? What with?
你也知道我在针头交换处做义工[为防止艾滋病]
You know I volunteer at the needle exchange?
不 我不知道
No, I didn’t.
那儿有个叫拉苏尔的人 我觉得他很可怜
Well, there’s this one guy, Rasul. I felt so sorry for him and…
知道他的抚恤金之类的事后 我就更加…
…the more I found out about his upbringing and stuff, I just…
奇怪了 通常是我安慰别人的
Wow, that’s weird. I’m usually the one playing therapist.
我能对你坦白吗
Can I make a confession?
从很小的时候 我就一直希望能有一个
Ever since I was little I’ve always wanted a friend…
像你这样的朋友
…like you.
这样说行吗 其实我不讨厌同性恋
Is it okay to say that? That’s not homophobic, is it?
当然 我觉得你还是和我们不一样
I mean, I don’t think you’re all the same or anything.
我当然不介意
Of course not, no.
谢谢你
Thank you.
我不知道凯蒂想要啥样的同性恋知己
I don’t know if I was everything Katie dreamed her gay bff would be…
不过我会尽力的
…but I tried my best.
更重要的是 我说服她给海扁王发了邮件
More importantly, I talked her into mailing Kick-Ass.
长话短说 她的那个可怜巴巴的朋友
Long story short, this particular lame duck of hers…
如今成了一条地头蛇
…turned out to be more of a lame cobra.
她不需要他还钱
She didn’t want the money back she’d given him…
也不接受他对自己施暴的道歉
…or an apology for the black eye he’d given her.
她只想让他明白他们毫无瓜葛了
She just wanted him to get that they were through and leave her alone.
说真的 我十分乐意为此效劳
And let’s be real, no other request could have given me more pleasure.