黑衣人2

它能打开中♥央♥车站的置物柜
which opens a locker at Grand Central.
-置物柜里会有另一个线索 -这就是计划
– In the locker, we’ll find another clue. – That’s the plan.
-我想把敌人搞得昏头转向 -大家都昏头转向了
– I like to keep my enemies confused. – We’re all confused.
-你不会耽误我吧? -谁的大脑在用过时软件啊?
– Are you gonna slow me down? – Your brain’s working on old software.
你去买♥♥两杯咖啡吧?
Why don’t you go grab us some coffee?
好哇 你要加什么? 两块我拉的屎吗?
Sure. How do you take it? Black? Couple cubes of kiss my ass?
我不想让你受伤 退后一点
I don’t know what’s in there, so step back.
拜托 快打开来吧
Kay, for real, man. Open the damn locker.
光明使者回来了
Kay! He’s back! The light giver!
K万岁!
All hail Kay! All hail Kay!
K 你赐给我们光亮
Oh, kay, can you see By the dawn’s early light
原来你是置物柜的救世主
You are the man who would be king of the train locker.
慈悲的主!
Praise Kay!
C18置物柜的善良子民…
Oh, good and gentle townsfolk of Locker C-18
-我有没有留下什么? -有 时光器
– did I leave anything here? – Yes. The timekeeper.
它照亮了街道和我们的心
Left to illuminate our streets and hearts.
-我一直在找这支手表 -钟楼不见了!
– l’ve been looking everywhere for this. – Merciful one! The clock tower!
别急…我有办法
I got y’all, it’s cool. Check this out.
钛合金外壳 防水功能
Titanium case. Waterproof to over 300 meters.
-很炫吧? -陌生人 你是谁?
– That’s banging. – Who are you, stranger?
J万岁!
jay!
J 你赐给我们光亮
All hail jay! All hail jay!
-J 你是我们的守护 -走吧
– Oh, merciful jay, the keeper of – Come on.
-等等 十诫! -那些碑文!
– Wait! The commandments! – The tablet!
碑文…碑文…
The tablet! The tablet! The tablet! The tablet!
我们一直谨守诫律 和平相处
We have lived by its word, and peace has reigned throughout our world.
到外面传道 让他们得救
Pass it on to others! So that they too may be enlightened!
好心点 请倒带
Be kind! Rewind!
也就是心存善念…
Reconcile your past…
反省过错 这样才能拥有美好未来
in order to move into your future!
每星期三租两卷算一卷
Two for one every Wednesday.
在这神圣的日子要有奉献精神
Give twice as much as ye receive on our most sacred of days.
每个星期三
Every Wednesday.
大量的成人录影带在后面
Large adult entertainment section in the back.
真够夸张
That’s just nasty.
-这卡片是怎么回事? -我不知道
– What’s with the video card? – Don’t know.
-你为什么留下手表? -为了提醒自己
– The watch? – A reminder.
-提醒什么? -我不记得
– Of what? – Can’t remember.
猜猜看
Guess.
我们要在午夜之前 也就是还剩59分钟去找到答案
I guess we have till midnight. 59 minutes to figure it out.
我有个好点子 别去找这么麻烦的线索…
Look. Here’s an idea. Let’s stop chasing butt-backwards clues
拿两把核融碳化枪攻回总部
get a couple fission carbonizers and get our headquarters back.
谜底就快揭晓了
It’s all about to make sense, kid.
这张卡还有效吗?
Is this card valid?
-它在我出生前就没在用了 -我一直在出差
– This card hasn’t been used in years. – l’ve been away on business.
-他有几十亿的累积里程数 -用得到才怪
– Billions of frequent flier miles. – Try and use them.
我一直想去高棉 那儿的龙虾大餐只要一块钱
I wanted to go to Cambodia. You can get a lobster dinner for a dollar.
航♥空♥公♥司♥却不让你在假日使用
The airlines black out holidays.
我确定这一定是阴谋 我是说…
It’s a conspiracy, I’m sure, I mean
这上面有什么资料?
Can you tell us anything about the account?
你一直没来租一卷带子
You never checked out a tape.
你预留了 可是都没来拿
You reserved one once, but you never picked it up.
-牛顿 -有一只大老鼠卡在马桶
– Newton. – There’s a rat in the toilet.
冲不下去 要尿就尿在…
It’s all stopped up. You’re gonna have to pee in the sin
-你还敢说我有妄想症? -当然啰
– Still think I’m paranoid? – Yeah.
两位 我是店长牛顿 最近见过外星人吗?
Gentlemen, my name is Newton. I run the place. Seen any aliens lately?
-你需要看心理医生 -他看过了 没有用
– You need professional help. – He’s getting it. It’s not working.
新的案子 是吧?
Okay, so, new case, huh?
第27集 萨塔之光
Episode 27, Light of Zartha.
找到了
Got it.
夏拉 你这天才不该被关起来
jarra, it’s a sin they’ve kept a genius like you locked away.
乳臭未干的J探员 逮到我在黑市兜售臭氧层
Their agent jay caught me siphoning ozone to sell on the black market.
他们很怕温室效应
They’re touchy about global warming.
我要一艘太空船 要比光速快三百倍
I need a spacecraft that can travel 300 times the speed of light.
办到了你要什么都行
I’ll give you whatever you want.
-把J交给我 就算扯平 -太好了
– Give me jay. We’ll call it even. – Groovy.
午夜前要搞定
You’ve got till midnight.
垃圾桶 你有一项特别任务
Gatbot, I got a little something special for you.
牛顿…是你吗?
Newton? Newton, is that you?
对啦 妈 我跟朋友在一起
Yes, Mom, I’m up here with some friends.
我好想跟你生宝宝
I wanna have your baby.
你要不要吃迷你披萨?
Would you like some mini-pizza?
要吃迷你披萨吗? 很好吃哦
You guys want some mini-pizzas? They’re good.
就像培果加了披萨料
They’re like mini-bagels, with pizza stuff on them.
她还会撒起司粉
She’ll put a little fontina cheese on.
不过她老是手颤撒了太多
She has palsy, so she ends up putting a lot of cheese on.
不要 我们不吃
No, thanks, we’re cool.
好吧
All right.
在这儿
Over here.
就是这卷
This is it.
终于找到物证了
Finally some hard evidence.
我在放之前有一个问题
Gentlemen, before I play the tape, one question:
外星人干嘛老爱探人屁♥眼♥?
What’s up with anal probing?
他们穿越浩瀚星空就是为了…
Aliens travel billions of light years just to check out our
小子 快放
Boy, move.
好啦 我只是问问嘛
Okay. just a question.
这是一起”没发生过”的事件…
Here is one of their stories that “never happened”
来自一个”不存在”的档案
from one of their files that doesn’t exist.
1978年 五十年来萨塔人陷入苦战
1978. Devastating war of Zartha had raged on for 50 years.
很像斯皮尔伯格的作品
Looks like Spielberg’s work.
但他们有一个宝物 萨塔之星
But the Zarthans had a great treasure, the Light of Zartha.
它拥有威力强大的能量…
A source of power so awesome, it alone
它可以让萨塔人获得胜利…
could mean victory and restoration for the Zarthans
但落入敌手后果就不堪设想
or complete annihilation, if it fell into the hands of the kylothians.
一批萨塔人来到地球 首领是萨塔之光守护者…
A group of Zarthans made the journey, led by the keeper of the Light
劳拉
Lauranna.
劳拉公主
Princess Lauranna.
她求星际战警把萨塔之光藏起来
Lauranna beseeched the Men in Black to help her hide the Light on Earth.
但是他们不能干涉
But they could not intervene.
不对
No.
当时是晚上
It was night.
下着雨
And it was raining.
算你聪明
You’ve been very wise.
如果塞琳娜抢走萨塔之光 我们的星球就会被毁灭
kay, please. If Serleena takes the Light, it’s the end of our world.
如果把萨塔之光藏在地球
If we extend protection for the Light beyond Earth
地球就会受到威胁 我们别无选择 必须保持中立
we put Earth in jeopardy. We must remain neutral.
-东西在哪儿? -我们要保持中立?
– Where is it? – We’re neutral, remember?
你要的话就去拿吧
lf you want it, go get it.
不!
No!
这事件被历史淹没
And so never knowing it happened
神秘的星际战警
the people of Earth were once again saved
再次拯救地球
by a secret society of protectors
我不该那么做
l shouldn’t have.
你没把它送走
You never sent it off the planet.
你把它藏在这儿
You hid it here.
虫虫族
The worm guys.
你是牛顿的病友吗?
Are you one of Newton’s friends from therapy?
-是的 请看这里 -你想吃迷你披萨吗?
– Yes, ma’am, I am. Look here, please. – Would you like some mini-pizz–?
记忆消除器
A neuralyz
好了 先去买♥♥隐形眼镜
Okay, first, get some contact lenses.
你活像只四眼田鸡
joints look like they pick up cable.
然后带她去高棉吃龙虾大餐 别只花一块钱
Second, take her to Cambodia. Get her lobster. Pay more than a dollar.
你从高棉回来…
Third, the second y’all get back from Cambodia
就搬出你老妈的家
move your bum ass out of your mom’s house.
-走吧 -你看来都快四十岁了
– Let’s go. – Boy, you like 40 years old.
-J探员 -来了啦
– Agent jay? – All right, all right.
对了 没有外星人或黑衣人
And there ain’t no such thing as aliens or Men in Black.
-你想去高棉吗? -好啊
– You wanna go to Cambodia? – Yeah.
嘿 老妈?
Hey, Mom?
通讯器 J
Communicator, jay.