他非常不想她离开
He’s such a wreck about her going away.
这样对她不好
She doesn’t need that kind of energy right now.
她可以感受他在紧看着她
And he just focuses so much onto her. She can feel it.
这不是件好事吗
Isn’t that kind of nice,though?
我是说关心她
I mean,that he focuses?
或许他有个女朋友就会好点
Well,maybe if he had a girlfriend or something so it would balance it out…
不过应该不可能
…but I don’t see that happening.
是吗 为什么?
Really? Why not?
因为他是屌♥丝
Because he’s a loser.
哦哦
Uh-oh.
是很刻薄 不过形容他再适合不过了
Such a mean word,but it fits.
为什么
How does it fit?
比如说 这就是他的写照
For instance… this is typically Albert…
我们第一次出去的时候
…when we were first going out,
他床边什么都没有
he had nothing next to his bed.
连张桌子都没有
No table,nothing.
开始觉得很酷
At first I thought,”That’s cute.
有点放荡不羁的感觉
It’s kind of bohemian.” Stuff like that.
我们结婚之后 我去买♥♥了
So then we got married and I went out
个非常可爱的床头柜
and bought these really lovely bedside tables.
可是后来 他的东西
Then last year,I saw all of his stuff
又全部堆在床上
was on the side of the bed again.
我拿走了柜子
I mean,I took the tables,granted,
他就放肆了
but he never went out and replaced them.
把东西直接扔在地上
He’s just content to just put his shit on the floor again.
他就是不懂得生活
Metaphorically speaking,he’s not building a life for himself.
谁愿意和他在一起啊
I mean,who would date a person like that?

Right.
我不会接的
I’m not picking up.
玛丽安妮 接电♥话♥好吗
Marianne,please pick up the phone.
这事还没解决呢 我知道你听到了
We haven’t resolved anything. I know you’re there.
不好意思 太尴尬了
This is so embarrassing. I’m sorry.
好吧 爱解决不解决
Fine. Don’t deal with it.
这还是鸡毛蒜皮的小事
Okay,these are just little things.
最后 我们
Ultimately,we just…
他根本就不了解我
I never felt understood by him.
你知道吗
You know?
他不懂诗歌♥
He didn’t get the poetry.
也不懂我
He never got me.
有人真正理解你吗
Has anyone ever gotten you?
我不知道
I don’t know. I don’t know.
那个肥男呢
What about the flabby guy?
他理解你吗
How’s that?
嗯 可能吧
Yeah. Maybe.
我需要你
I need you to meet him.
我们来个四人约会吧
We can do a double date. Or something like that
见一次面也不能看清他的真实面目啊
Not so you can decide what you think of him.
拜托啦 我都不知道该怎么了
Please? I’m losing all perspective here.
你自己搞定
Exactly! You don’t need somebody else’s!
你就不能答应我一次吗 求你了
Will you please just say yes and do this for me? Please?
还有星星啊 太阳啊 月亮啊
They had stars and suns and moons.
我懂 我也讨厌那些
I know. I hate those.
为什么女人们都
Tell me why do women like things that look like
童心未泯呢
they belong to children?
知道我喜欢什么吗 玩具屋家具
You know what I love? Dollhouse furniture.
要是可以吃的话我就吃了
I would eat it if I could.
有时候希望我还是单身 就可以用女生床单了
Sometimes I wish I was single,just so I could have girlie sheets.
你一直都在想吧
You would love that.
我有花朵图案的床单 它们没有吹嘘的那么好
I have flowery sheets. They’re not all they’re cracked up to be.
我喜欢你的床单
I like your flowery sheets.
别这样说啊
Oh! Don’t sell me out,man.
如果有墨索里尼在上面就更好了
We’re new. I’d like her sheets if they had little Mussolinis on them.
你打算什么时候买♥♥床头柜
Talk to me when you get night tables.
他的床单很正常 不过没有床头柜
He has normal sheets,but no night tables.
我没有床头柜
So I don’t have night tables.
他开玩笑呢
Maybe it’s a metaphor.
或者是真的
Or maybe not!
我不知道
I don’t know.
我做了很多妥协 我只是…
I make a million compromises. It just seems…
不用花朵图案的床单也不是大事吧
…not having flowery sheets is not a big deal.
我知道 你做了很多牺牲
I know. I know you make compromises.
真的吗 看看他们
Really? What do you think they are?
别在这说
This is not the time.
有时候我就在想要是和一个
I’m just saying sometimes I wish I was with somebody
对历史感兴趣的人在一起该有多好
who was more interested in history.
-什么 -历史
-What? -History.
好吧 我说说而已
Okay. I’m just saying.
-还要鳄梨沙拉吗 -我不要了
-More guacamole? -Not for me.
再给我来点
I’d love some,actually.
你知道鳄梨沙拉多少卡路里吗
You know how many calories are in guacamole?
十吗
Ten.
别管他啊 他喜欢就让他吃嘛
Lay off the guy. He likes guacamole.
算了 不要鳄梨沙拉了
You know what? We don’t need the guac!
我吃芝士就好
I’ll just stick with the cheese.
你知道我要送什么书给你吗 介绍卡路里的书
You know what I’m going to get you as a present? A calorie book.
不要
Please don’t.
这好像不太好吧
Yeah. A calorie book as a gift is not so good.
伊娃说你是治疗师啊
Eva tells me you’re a therapist.
跟我们说说最奇葩的病人
Tell us about your weirdest patient.
-这有损医德 -她不能说的
-No,I can’t. -She can’t.
不要说名字不就行了吗
Of course you can! You don’t have to name names,mate.
你还真是恪守原则啊
You’re so uptight about confidentiality.
难道不应该吗
Shouldn’t she be?
我的意思是
Well,you know. I mean.
好吧 有个病人挖鼻屎再吃下去
Okay. I have one patient who picks his nose and eats it.
天哪
Oh,man!
-在你面前 -是的
-In front of you? -Yes.
他是小孩吗
Is he a child?
不会是你编的吧
Are you making this up?
真的是太恶心了
It is so gross and distracting.
他以为我不知道 不过怎么可能
He does it in this way he thinks I can’t see,but it’s so obvious.
我不说是谁 不过是个名人
I won’t say who it is,but he is famous.
-很有名 -不会吧
-Really famous. -He is not!
-我知道是谁 -你确定
-I know who it is. -You do?
-你不知道 -我肯定知道
-No,you don’t. -I absolutely do.
莎拉 求求你告诉我们
Please,Sarah,tell us! Please!
好了 八卦到此为止
Okay! That’s it! Show’s over!
我喜欢喝醉的感觉
I like being drunk.
我绝对被高估了
I really think it’s do think it’s highly overrated.
不对 低估了我的酒量
Underrated!
你太大声了
You’re shouting.
有吗 没有啊
I am? No,I’m not.
有一点点大声
You are. A little.
不好意思
Okay,I’m sorry.
我不想吵到别人
I don’t want to wake up the small people.
对不起
I’m sorry.
你知道什么才好笑吗
You want to know something funny?
他不会轻声说话
This one here can’t whisper.
什么
What?
你现在做给他们看啊
Will you do it right now? Will you show them?
我在轻声说话
I’m whispering.
他会啊
That was a whisper.
什么 那才不是
Huh? What? No,it’s not.
我这是吗
Can I?
你可以
Yeah,that was a whisper.
我呢
What about me?
你也可以
Yes,you can whisper.
这次呢
This is whispering.
不 你根本就不能
No,it’s not. That is not a whisper at all.
-你在找他茬 -我没有
-You’re picking on him. -No,I’m not!

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