摇滚之神（2006）

哦，给我
Oh, gimme that.
这是张版税支票
That’s a royalty check.
为什么上面写着“我爱你，小南瓜”？
Why’s it say, “l love you, pumpkin” on it?
嗯，这是首歌♥的名字
Well, um, it’s the name of a song.
在加拿大很轰动
Big hit in Canada.
在加拿大很轰动
Big hit in Canada.
做你的事去
Get back to work.
哇哦，看看那个狐狸精
Whoa, check out that superfox!
你觉得你能对付那样的女人么？
Do you think you can handle a woman like that?
我猜行
I think so.
好吧，你最好能确认这一点
Well, you’d better know so…
因为如果你加入凯勒·葛丝方案的话
’cause there’s gonna be ten times hotter ones…
你可能会遇到比这辣十倍的姑娘
backstage at the Kyle Gass Project.
真的？
Really?
性是凯勒·葛丝方案很关键的一部分
Sex is a crucial component to the Kyle Gass Project.
现在趴下，用你的那玩意做个俯卧撑
Now drop and give me one cock push-up.
什么意思？
What’s a cock push-up?
什么意思？
What’s a cock push-up?
老兄，就是趴在地上…
A cock push-up, my friend, is where you lay on your stomach…
用你的小♥弟♥弟♥把自己撑起来
and lift yourself off the ground with nuthin’ but your boner.
没问题
No problem.
你小♥弟♥弟♥上都是肌肉
The cock is a muscle.
你要学习怎么使用它
You gotta learn how to flex it.
从现在开始，每天给我做一个
From now on, I want you to do one cock push-up a day…
每天一个
every day.
我小♥弟♥弟♥好痛 – 要坚持练习，你没法预测…
It hurts my cock. – Keep at it. You never know…
某天你可能要在狭窄的空间 操出一条血路来
when you’ll need to fuck your way out of a tight situation.
呼！
Whoo!
叮-叮-啊-叮
Ding-ding-a-ding- ding-a-ding-ding-ding
他的手指飞速拨弄
His fingers move with blinding speed
他在我脑海里埋下种子
Within my mind he’ll plant the seed
我很高兴成为他的门徒之一
I’m proud to be amongst his learned flock
他教授我
He teaches me
启发我
Beseeches me
当我学了他所有的课程
And when I’ve learned all of his lessons
我就会学到他摇滚的精髓
Then I’ll know the ancient secrets of his rock
啊
Aaah.
耶
Yeah.
哦，哦，耶！
Oh oh oh, yeah!
我他妈的做到了！
I fucking did it!
噢，我做到了！
Oh, I did it!
嗨，老兄，我是凯奇
Hey. Dude, you reached KG.
你知道该做什么吧，嗯
You know what to do. Uhhh.
老兄，听电♥话♥
Dude, pick up.
老兄，我是杰伯斯，听电♥话♥
Dude, it’s Jables. Pick up, man.
喂！ – 喂，哈哈哈！
Yeah. – Yeah! Ha ha ha!
我做到了 老兄，听听这个
I did it, man. Check it out.
听到了么？
You hear that?
训练有成果了
The training is working, man.
我的摇滚整整赚了10块钱！
I made ten whole bucks with my rock!
不错，去给我弄一小袋毒品
Good. Go score me a dime bag.
一袋什么？
A what?
弄一袋10美元的毒品小包
Ten dollars’ worth of weed.
现在，听着 现在去维克贝克披萨店
Now, listen. Go down to Wake & Bake Pizza…
找乔乔
Ask for Jojo.
告诉他你要特爽的“鲍勃·马利”
Tell him you want the Bob Marley extra crispy.
他会明白你在说什么
He’ll know what you’re talking about.
收到，老兄，明白
All right, dude. Roger that.
一份特爽马上就到
One extra crispy coming up!
石器时代的人 现在不但会使用肌肉的力量
Stone Age man now had the muscle power…
还能运用智慧的力量 从而进化到新的层次
and mental power necessary to evolve to new heights.
后来人们发现了统治的力量
He then found the means to harness…
这种力量更为强大
an even greater energy source.
统治身边的动物们
The animals and creatures around him.
唔
Hmm.
动物能提供食物
Animal power would give him the food…
交通，穿着和娱乐
and transportation, the clothing and entertainment…
那都是长途旅行所需要的 – 转到14频道吧，老兄
needed for his long journey. – Dude, turn it to Channel 14.
在放《寻找大脚野人》
In Search of Sasquatch is on.
只要你能从我的手里拿走遥控器
When you are able to snatch this remote from my hand…
你想看什么都行
you will be ready to choose the channels we watch.
你抢抢看
Try to snatch it.
啊！妈的！
Aah, fuck!
耐心点，抽大♥麻♥的小子 耐心点
Patience, young grass smoker. Patience.
欢迎来到职业演出模拟场
Welcome to the gig simulator.
只要你能通过测试 训练就算完成了
If you pass this test, your training is complete.
你就能进行KGP的试镜了
You will be ready to audition for the KGP.
什么试镜？
The what?
凯勒·葛丝方案？
Kyle Gass Project?
哦，对对
Oh, right, right.
等下
Hold on.
啊！
Aaah.
这是你的披萨，15块5
Here’s your ‘za. That’ll be 15.50.
好 – 嗨
Cool. – Hey.
你不是那个在路边弹吉它的人么？
Aren’t you the guitar guy from the boardwalk?
对 – 我叫李
Yeah. – I’m Lee.
凯奇 – 哇噢！
Kage. – Whoa!
你们在表演？我能看么？
You guys puttin’ on a concert? Can I watch?
披萨半价？ – 成交
Half off the pie? – Dealio.
来，进来
Right on. Come on in.
呃…
Hu…
唔… 我不知道这是不是个好主意，凯奇
Um… I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, KG.
呃，我不太想在陌生人面前试演
Uh, I’d rather not do this in front of strangers.
你在想什么？
What do you think it’s going to be like…
难道我们在剧场演出时
when we play the Coliseum?
也不让陌生人进来？
No strangers allowed?
好吧
OK.
试演开始吧
Let the simulation begin.
呃，呵呵，呃
Uh–Ha ha. All right.
那么，我该先唱首歌♥吗？
So, should I sing a song?
嗨，唱点什么，饭桶！
Hey, sing something, douchebag!
好吧
OK.
这样吧，我想从…从幕后走出来…
You know what? I wanna start off–offstage and come out…
因为我想象的就是那样
’cause that’s the way I like, imagine it.
就…就是从旁边出来
Just–just come in from the wings.
女士们，先生们 这是凯勒·葛丝方案
Ladies and gentlemen, the Kyle Gass Project!
哈！
Aaah!
嗨，大家好，我叫JB 是凯勒·葛丝方案的一员
Hey, what’s up? I’m JB from the Kyle Gass Project.
快继续，垃圾
Get on with it, dumb shit.
好，凯奇 我们开始，二，三
All right, Kage, let’s do it, man. Two, three.
凯勒·葛丝方案正尽情歌♥唱
The Kyle Gass a-Project is a-out of control!
开始！
All right!
别站在那儿碍眼，你这蠢货
Get off the stage, you stupid dillweed.
他把我这块石头打磨成了钻石
He’d turn me to a diamond from a piece of coal
耶，耶，耶
Yeah yeah yeah
啵！
Boo!
啵！啵！
Boo! Boo!
啵！
Boooo!
回你的基卡普去吧 妈妈的胖宝宝！
Go back to Kickapoo, you fat-ass momma’s boy!
啵！
Boo!
你在教我南瓜头的秘密
You’re teaching me the secrets of the pumpkin patch
啵！ – 噢！啊！
Boo! – Ow! Aah!
啵！ – 呃！
Boo! – Urgh.
嗨，那真是……
Hey, that’s really…
嗨！你太差劲了！ – 你太烂了！烂！烂！
Hey! You suck! – You suck! Suck! Suck!
老天，你把那个称为音乐？
Jesus. You call that music?
你就是个错误
You’re nothing but a mistake.
我那时该带个安全套
I should have worn a condom.
我不是个错误！
I was not a mistake.
膝滑
Power slide.