我与赫夫共进晚餐（2018）

用这个
Voilà.
你确定不跟我喝点吗？
Are you sure you won’t join me?
-至少喝一杯 -不喝了 谢谢
– A drink, at least. – No, thank you.
我不
I don’t…
你是不是在想为什么我只尝一口就不吃了？
You are wondering why I only taste things.
你在想这个 不是吗？
That’s what you were thinking, wasn’t it?
是的 那到底为什么呢？
Yes, I was, as a matter of fact. What is that?
因为那些该死的医生告诉我
It’s because the damn doctors say so.
我现在这个年纪 这个身体状态 我的血液有问题
My blood is sick at my age, with my condition,
所以我必须谨遵医嘱
so I’m under the strictest instruction.
如果我要吃完一顿饭 我可能会猝死
If I were to eat a whole meal, I might drop dead right here.
那
Now…
那肯定会是个头条新闻
now that would be a story.
是的 当然会
Yeah, it certainly would.
吸烟就没有风险吗？
And smoking isn’t a risk?
没有风险的生活是该有多无趣啊
A life without risks is not worth discussing.
虽然说上帝创造我的时候有点漫不经心
He make me the way he does.
但他也补偿了我
But he offer compensation.
吃的 喝的 玩乐的
To eat, to feel, to touch,
当然还有性
to, oh, make love.
这些都是我的人生意义
These are the purposes of my life.
哪天我不能做这些事情就说明我完了
The day I cannot do these things is my last.
所以 我必须让每一天都充满无限的可能
So, I must fill every day with limitless possibility.
-这里 -谢谢
– Yes? – Thank you.
不 不 不 你是我的客人
No, no! No, you are my guest.
让我来
I insist.
给你
There you go. Oh, hello.
谢谢
Thank you.
谢谢你 赫夫
Well, thank you, Hervé.
这餐太豪华了
That was brilliant.
什么？ 开玩笑吧？ 就结束了？
I mean, what? What? That’s it?
没有其他问题了吗？
No more questions?
我已经吃饱了
I’ve got more than enough.
其实 我今晚还有另一个采访要做
Actually, I have another interview to get to tonight.
还有采访？今晚？
Another interview? Tonight?
扫兴的说 是的
Unfortunately, yeah.
我已经迟到了
I’m already late.
你知道 我已经10年没有接受过采访了
You know, I haven’t given an interview in 10 years.
但当你的报社打电♥话♥来时
But when your paper called,
我知道你们报社名声很大
it has quite a reputation, you know?
-嗯 的确如此 -这也是我如此惊讶的原因
– Yeah, it does. – Which is why I so surprised.
你惊讶什么？
Why were you surprised?
他们以前不派新人
They didn’t used to send the juniors.
我不是新人
I’m not a junior.
只有新人
Oh, only a junior
才会在来之前就写好这个故事
would have written the story before they got here.
尼克·纳克（《007：金枪人》） Tattoo（《梦幻岛》）
Nick Nack. Tattoo.
花几分钟就写完了
Just a silly little moment,
但我相信你们一般人
but I’m sure that’s all someone of your stature
-也就只对这个感兴趣了吧
– would be interested in.
有意思
That’s funny.
但是 你要小心了
But, you know, you should be very careful.
说不定几年后 我会重新编辑那篇报导
In a few years I’m going to be editing that paper.
不 你不会的
No, you won’t.
有一点你说对了
You’re right about one thing.
你不是他们派我来这里的原因
You’re not the reason they flew me out here.
你只不过是一个小人物而已
You’re just the amuse-bouche.
对不起 先生 这个刷不了
Sorry, sir, this one didn’t go through.
你的机器有问题
Your machine is broke.
赫夫 我们可以聊一整晚
Well, Hervé, I could sit and chat here all night,
但我得继续做另一个采访
but got to get on with this other interview.
我想跟你讲一个真实的故事 愣头青
I have a real story for you, Junior.
全世界都会喜欢这个故事的
A story that would be printed around the world.
这个故事会让你一举成名
And this story will be the one that make your name.
是吗？
Really?
如果我告诉你
What if I tell you
这是赫夫·维勒查泽的接受的最后一次采访呢？
you have the final interview with Hervé Villechaize?
什么？
What?
吼 吓到你了！
Ooh, I got you!
妈的
Fuck.
我不玩那种傻♥逼♥游戏
I don’t play sick games like that.
-我吓到你了吗？
– Did I get you?
赫夫 非常感谢你
Hervé, thank you so much.
好吧 晚安
Brilliant. Good night.
再见
Goodbye…
愣头青
Junior.
我需要在10分钟内赶到维达尔先生那
I need to get to the Belvedere in 10 minutes.
-你能快点吗？ -行
– Can you help me? – Driver: You got it.
很抱歉我迟到了 维达尔先生
I am so sorry to be late, Mr. Vidal.
出了点紧急情况
Had a bit of an emergency.
有人死了吗
Did someone die?
我希望是这样
I sincerely hope so.
不是
No.
可以这么说 要死的是一个侏儒
Long story short, it was a dwarf.
我必须得先告诉你 我非常喜欢你的书
Let me just start by saying how much I love your book.
泰特先生
Mr. Tate,
我们已经向你明确表示这个采访
it was made clear to you that our interview was to begin
必须在10点整准时开始 不是吗？
precisely at 10:00, was it not?
是的
Yes.
那你知不知道已经过去23分钟了？
And you’re aware it’s now 23 minutes past?
是这样的 我道歉
Yes, and I apologize.
如果你不能准点到
If you’re incapable of accuracy with your time-keeping,
为什么我还要期待这一场采访呢？
why should I expect it from your reporting?
索尔
Thank you, Saul.
不 这是一次失误
No. It’s a mistake.
先生 是我的错 我很抱歉
Sir, it was my mistake, and I’m sorry.
求你了
Please.
求你了 求你了
Please, please, please.
先生 我大老远飞来这里就是为了这次采访 求你了
I have traveled such a long way to be here, sir. Please.
我的旅程也不短
So have I.
你的一杯我请了
Perhaps I can offer you a drink, sir.
滚开吧
Don’t be a cunt.
他的办公室上午10点开门
His office is open at 10:00 a.m.
他一直写作要到午餐时间
He writes there until lunchtime.
我要在那里等他
I will be there waiting for him to arrive.
听着 没做到采访 我不会走的 好吗？
Look, I’m not going to leave until I get the interview, okay?
我只需要你把我的航♥班♥往后推
I just need you to have my flight pushed back.
别跟我说你要做什么
Don’t tell me what you’ll need.
老板那个老家伙知道的话会勃然大怒的
The old man’s going to shit a brick.
那在我处理好一切之前不要告诉他
Then don’t tell him until I’ve got everything sorted.
你就待在那 什么都不要做
Christ. You stay put. Don’t do anything.
妈的 你千万别告诉他？
Shit. You’re not going to tell him?
不 我打算自己处理
No, I’m going to fix it from here.
听着 我保证我会处理好的
Look, I promise I’ll take care of it.
你还保证过你不会搞砸的
You promised you wouldn’t fuck it up.
妈的！
Fuck!
靠！
Fuck!
客房♥服务？是的 我有很客气地打电♥话♥叫你们
Room service? Yes, I called and asked very nicely
把我的小冰箱里所有的酒都拿走
for you to remove all the booze from my minibar,
但是它们他妈的还在这里！
but it’s still fucking here!
先生们 说到
Gentlemen, when it comes to having
吵架的最后一句话
the last word in an argument,
你们认为对你的妻子来说…
is it more important to your wife–
这不是那种可以转身就忘的一张脸
It isn’t the kind of a face you’d forget in a hurry.
嗯
No.
等一下
Wait a minute. I know.
在一些杂♥志♥上 比如大西洋月刊
In some magazine. The Atlantic, I think.
喂？
Hello?
家政服务
Housekeeping.
-哪位？
– Who is this?