Ah, I was afraid of this. Go ahead and sit down.
哦,上帝
Oh, my Lord.
你得等等,孩子。这是紧急情况
You gotta wait, son. This is an emergency.
什么?这可不酷,迪兹
What? That ain’t cool, Dez.
你可以让哈罗德给你剪头发
You could always let Harold cut your hair.
他的椅子敞开着
His chair’s wide open.
不。我可以等
Nah. I can wait.
乔,把你的屁♥股♥放在椅子上
Joe, get your butt in this chair now.
我应该问问你这是怎么发生的吗?
Should I even ask you how this happened?
-是猫干的。 -停,听上去很疯狂
-The cat did it. -Stop sounding insane.
我是说,嗯,我分心了
I mean, um, I was distracted
今晚我正准备和多萝西娅·威廉姆斯一起演出
getting ready to play with Dorothea Williams tonight.
多萝西娅·威廉姆斯?那可是个大日子,乔
Dorothea Williams? That’s big time, Joe.
祝贺你!
Congratulations!
乔没有得到演出,迪兹
Joe ain’t getting no gig, Dez.
你知道的,他差一点就成功了
You know he Mr. Close-But-No-Cigar.
这家伙
This guy.
乔,别理他。现在我们来给你安排一下
Joe, ignore him. Now let’s fix you up.
你把那只猫放在腿上吗?
You keeping that cat on your lap?
我这样做可以吗?
Is it okay that I do that?
随你便。你是老板
Suit yourself. You’re the boss.
-我是吗? -当你坐在这张椅子上时
-I am? -When you’re in this chair,
是的,你就是
yeah, you are.
我能要一个吗?
So can I have one of those?
呃… 当然,乔
Uh… Sure, Joe.

Cool.
嗯。我喜欢坐在椅子上
Mmm. I like being in the chair.
嘿,专心点
Hey, get your head in the game.
小电锯
Little chainsaw.
你需要安定下来。如果你留着这个…
You need to settle down. If you keep this…
听着,我能应付一些古怪的事情
Look, I can deal with some freaky stuff,
但如果这只猫不安分下来
but if this cat don’t chill,
我们就得把它放在外面了
we’re gonna have to put it outside.
好吧,你想要怎么做,小猫?
Well, what’s it gonna be, kitty?

Meow.
有时候,改变是好事
Sometimes, change is good.
已经有一段时间了,你一直在用相同的风格
You have been rocking that same style for a while.
嗯,迪兹,几百年来,我都没有自己的风格
Well, Dez, for hundreds of years, I’ve had no style at all.
保罗:你可以再说一遍
PAUL: You can say that again.
嗯。但后来我的生活改变了
Mmm. But then my life changed.
哦,是吗?发生了什么事?
Oh, yeah? What happened?
我是作为一个理论建构而存在的
I was existing as a theoretical construct
在一个假想的中途驿站
in a hypothetical way station
在生与死之间
between life and death.
我听到了
I heard that.
22:当我遇到第266号♥导师时
22: And by the time I got to mentor number 266,
我很认真地问,例如,什么是大惊小怪的事?
I was seriously asking, like, what is all the fuss about?
就像,生命中有什么值得一死的事吗?
Like, is all this living really worth dying for?
你知道我的意思吗?
You know what I mean?
我从来不知道你受过这么有趣的教育,乔
I never knew you had such an interesting education, Joe.
我以为你上的是音乐学校
I just thought you went to music school.
22:还有一件事,他们说你生来就是要做点什么的
22: And another thing,
they say you’re born to do something,
但你怎么知道那是什么呢?
but how do you figure out what that thing is?
我是说,如果你选错了怎么办?
I mean, what if you pick up the wrong thing?
或者别人的事,你知道吗?
Or somebody else’s thing, you know?
-然后你就卡住了 -以前的愚弄那里
-Then you’re stuck. -Been there before.
我会选其中之一
I’ll take one of those.
我不会说自己被卡住了
I wouldn’t call myself stuck,
但我从来没有想过要理发谋生
but I never planned on cuttin’ heads for a livin’.
等等,但你生来就是理发师,不是吗?
Wait, but you were born to be a barber, weren’t you?
我想成为一名兽医
I wanted to be a veterinarian.
22:那你为什么不这么做呢?
22: So, why didn’t you do that?
我刚从海军退役的时候正打算去
I was plannin’ to when I got out of the Navy.
后来我女儿病了
Then my daughter got sick,
理发师学校比兽医学校
and barber school is a lot cheaper
便宜多了
than veterinarian school.
22:哦,那太糟糕了
22: Well, that’s too bad.
你被困在理发师的岗位上,现在你很不开心
You’re stuck as a barber and now you’re unhappy.
哇,哇,冷静点,乔
Whoa, whoa, slow your roll there, Joe.
作为一个理发师我也开心,我的伙计
I’m happy as a clam, my man.
不是每个人都能成为发明输血的查尔斯·德鲁
Not everyone can be Charles Drew inventing
blood transfusions.
22:或者是我,和多萝西娅·威廉姆斯一起弹钢琴
22: Or me, playing piano with Dorothea Williams.
我知道
I know.
你不是那么好
You are not all that.
任何人只要愿意都可以在乐队里演奏
Anyone could play in a band if they wanted to.
别介意保罗
Don’t pay Paul any mind.
像他这样的人只会让别人失望
People like him just bring other people down
这样他们可以让自己感觉好受点
so they can make themselves feel better.
哦,我明白了
Oh, I get it.
他只是在批评我来掩饰自己失败的梦想的痛苦
He’s just criticizing me to cover up the pain
of his own failed dreams.
你伤得太深了,乔
You cut deep, Joe.
我不知道为什么坐在这张椅子上我想告诉你一些事情,迪兹
I wonder why sitting in this chair makes me want
to tell you things, Dez.
这就是椅子的魔力。所以我喜欢这份工作
That’s the magic of the chair. That’s why I love this job.
我能遇到像你这样有趣的人
I get to meet interesting folks like you,
让他们开心,让他们看起来英俊
make them happy, and make them handsome.
哇!是我疯了还是我看起来更年轻了?
Wow! Am I crazy or do I look younger?
我可能没有发明输血
I may not have invented blood transfusions,
但我绝对是在拯救生命
but I am most definitely savin’ lives.
我不知道这个疯狂的猫男是怎么回事,伙计
I don’t know about this crazy cat guy thing, man,
不过,能和你谈谈爵士乐以外的事情真是太好了,乔
but it is nice to finally talk to you about something
other than jazz, Joe.
呵呵。为什么我们,呃,之前从来没谈过你的生活?
Huh. How come we, um,
never talked about your life before?
你从没问过
You never asked.
但我很高兴你这次这么做了
But I’m glad you did this time.
-男人:看起来不错,兄弟 -女人:祝演出顺利
MAN: Looking good, brother.
WOMAN: Have a great show.
我抓了几根路边棒棒糖
I grabbed a couple of road lollies.
宾夕法尼亚州的女士:查尔马博士,请致电3-1-6-2
WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Charma, call 3-1-6-2.
泰瑞:嗯
TERRY: Mm.
嗯-哼
Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Oh.
茱莉亚·查尔德直到49岁才成功
Julia Child didn’t succeed till she was 49.
嘿,保罗。来,吃根棒棒糖
Hey, Paul. Here, have a lollipop.
保罗:哦,是的,谢谢。谢谢,伙计
PAUL: Oh, yeah, thanks. Thanks, man.
泰瑞:你在这儿
TERRY: There you are.
22:没有难受的感觉吧?好吧
22: No hard feelings, right? All right.
只是朋友
Just friends.
只是朋友之间互相嘲弄。好吧
Just friends goofing on each other. All right.
22:好的。再见,保罗
22: Okay. Goodbye, Paul.
来找泰瑞
Come to Terry.
明白了!
Gotcha!
你以为你可以欺骗整个宇宙?
Thought you could cheat the universe?
嗯,你想错了
Well, you thought wrong.
我是会计师,我是来带你进入…
I’m the accountant, and I’m here to bring you in…
哦,哇… 你不是乔·加德纳
Oh, whoa… You’re not Joe Gardner.
我的错误
My mistake.
我们会帮你重新穿上你的肉装
We’ll just get you back into your meat suit.
就这样吧
There you go.
没有伤害,没有违规
No harm, no foul.
哦,孩子。听着,呃,小伙子
Oh, boy. Look, uh, fella,
我在想我们没有理由
I’m thinking there’s no reason
不能把这件小事保密,对吧?
we can’t keep this little incident between us, eh?
错误总会发生。还有,呃,这不是你的时间
Mistakes happen. And, uh, it’s not your time.
除非你一直吃
Unless you keep eating
那些加工过的食物,我说的对吗?
those processed foods, am I right?
不过说真的,远离那些加工食品
But seriously, stay away from those processed foods.
乔:你知道吗,你刚才做得很好
JOE: You know what, you did all right back there.
你怎么知道如何对付保罗的?
How did you know how to deal with Paul?

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