爱在午夜降临前

would you find me attractive?
– 当然了 – 不 我是说我现在这个样子
– Of course. – No, but really right now as I am
你会开始和我搭讪吗
Would you start talking to me?
你会邀请我和你一起下火车吗
Would you ask me to get off the train with you?
你的这些问题都是些假设
I mean you’re asking a theoretical question.
我只想知道我的人生会是怎样
I mean what would my life-situation be?
从理论上来讲 它不会欺骗你吗
Technically, it would not be cheating on you?
– 你为什么不直接说会被我吸引 – 我说了
– Ok, why can not you just say yes? – I did, I said, of course.
我只是想来点浪漫的 可是全被你破坏了
I wanted to say something romantic and you blew it, ok?
好吧 如果我在火车上看到你
Ok, ok… if I saw you on a train
听着 我的眼神会被你吸引
Ok, listen, I would lock eyes with you ..
之后 我会慢慢向你走来 对你说
and then I would walk right up to you and say
宝贝 你让我变成了
Hey baby, you are making me
一只在情欲里挣扎的山羊
as horny as a billy goat in a pepper patch.
住口 你太恶心了
Stop! That’s disgusting!
不 事实上是你没有通过测试
No! The truth is that you failed the test and the fact is
而且你也不会在火车上和我搭讪
that you would not pick me up on the train.
你甚至都不会看我一眼
You would not even notice me,
一个肥臀还脱发的中年母亲
a fat-ass, middle-aged mom losing her hair
好了
Ok…
– 是啊 那才是我 – 这都是你逼我的
– Yes, that’s me. – You set me up to fail.
– 你逼的 – 对 对 没错
– You did. – Ok, true.
可在现实世界里 小秃 那一天
But in the real world, baldy, Ok, on game day, when it mattered,
我确实在火车上和你搭讪了
I did, talk to you on the train,
我确实那样做了 那是我做过的最正确的事
I did that and it was the best thing I ever did.
是吗 看看那些山羊 你们好啊
Really? Look at the goats. Hello!
你知道 这可不是个好问题
You know that is not even a good question.
真正的问题是如果我邀请你和我一起下车
The real question would be if I did ask you to get off the train.
– 是啊 – 你会和我下车吗
– Yeah… – Would you get off with me?
不 当然不会了 还有人在等我呢
No, of course not, I have people waiting for me.
你知道的 一只四十一岁还在发♥情♥的雄性山羊
You know, and a 41-year-old horny billy goat
太吓人了 我能起一身鸡皮疙瘩 救命啊
How creepy! I’m creeped out right now. Help!
救命啊[希腊语]
Βοήθεια
真不敢相信 我都四十一了
I can not believe I’m 41.
我也不敢相信 你竟然都这么老了
Yeah, me neither. You’ve gotten so old.
我没想过自己会和一个四十多岁的人睡在一起
Never thought I would ever sleep with anyone over 40
是啊
Yeah…
你知道吗
Actually you know what?
你是和我睡过的人当中年纪最大的一个
You are the oldest guy I’ve ever slept with.
– 这样啊 – 是真的
– That is something – That’s true.
我知道 不过我可不是你拒绝的最老的家伙
I know, but I’m not the oldest guy you’ve ever blown
– 什么 – 那次在华沙的会议
– What! – That conference in Warsaw.
– 什么会议 – 瓦文萨
– What conference? – Lech Walesa.
瓦文萨 你在说什么呢
Lech Walesa! Oh what are you talking about?
没关系 那都是我们在一起以前的事了
It’s ok, it was before we’re together
没什么不敢承认的 我还记得你提起过他
You can admit it. I can remember the way you talked about him.
他是如何让你打开心扉
How he opened your heart,
你明确地拒绝了他
you definitely blew him.
好吧 你真是疯了
Ok… you’re really crazy!
那是戈尔巴乔夫
That was Gorbachev.
好吧 你这个地理不通
Ok? Geographically challenged,
痴迷橄榄球又爱吃甜甜圈的美♥国♥佬♥
football-obsessed, doughnut-loving American.
那是戈尔巴乔夫
That was Gorbachev.
不好意思 我总搞不清东方国家的这些领袖
I’m sorry I got Eastern-bloc leaders mixed up, OK.
我没有拒绝他 好吗 收回你的话
And I did not blow him, ok? Take it back!
好吧 好吧
Ok, ok.
天哪
God!
所以那是戈尔巴乔夫
So was it Gorbachev?
好吧 你知道的
All right, you know.
听着 我本来打算一会儿再跟你说
Listen to this… I was going to wait
可我这个人就是藏不住话
to tell you this till later, but I’m so bad with secrets.
怎么
What?
你脑子里长了肿瘤 快死了吗
You’ve got a tumor in your brain and you are going to die?
不 不是
No, no.
不是这些 好吗
Nothing like that, alright?
好吧 其实也有点像
Well, actually, it’s kind of like that.
– 我祖母死了 – 不是吧 什么时候的事
– My grandmother died. – What! When?
是的 我们吃饭前我爸爸发短♥信♥告诉我的
Yes, my dad texted to me right before we ate.
对不起 你怎么不早说
Oh I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?!
像每个人都希望的那样
Everyone has been expecting it.
她活得够长了 而且一生幸福
she has lived a long time, had a great life.
她九十六岁了
She was 96.
你祖父死后没多久 她就去世了
She did not live much longer after your grandfather died.
不 有一年了
No… barely a year…
有趣的是 这女人还是个奇怪的圣人
The funny thing is that this woman was a freaking saint, ok?
战争时期 她做过护士 照顾我们所有人
She was a nurse in the war. She took care of all of us.
她从来没有说过别人一句坏话
You know… she never said any unkind word about anybody.
– 真希望我能遇到她 – 没关系的
– I wish I had met her. – It’s OK.
好吧 因为到后来
Okay, because by the end, you know,
她不想再认识任何人了
she just was not really into meeting new people.
一辈子都在笑面以对
I mean after a lifetime of being sweet as a pie,
自从祖父死后 她受到了很大的打击
once grandpa died, she got kind of awry.
是吗 那时她还在服丧吧
Really? It happens, she was in mourning, no?
没错 我父亲说她一直在等死
Yeah, well, my dad said she was just waiting to die.
他们结婚多久了
How long were they married?
七十四年了
74 years.
靠 怎么可能
Fuck! How is that even possible?
要是我们也一起生活七十四年 那得多老啊
How old will we be if we were together for 74 years?
那我们要从什么时候开始算起
Hm, when do we start counting from?
我想应该从我们第一次发♥生♥关♥系♥时算起吧
I guess from the first time we had sex.
好吧
Ok…
那应该是一九九四年
OK, so… 1994.
好吧 一九九四年 那还有五十六年
Ok… 1994… 56 years from now.
那时我们都九十八岁了
We will be 98.
天哪 你还能
Oh! Would you be able to
再忍♥受我整整五十六年吗
put up with me for another 56 more years?
我得搞清楚 我不知道自己
I need to know. I do not know
是不是还能忍♥你那么长时间
if I’m gonna be able to put up with you.
你想想他们见证的那些变化 真不可思议
It’s crazy if you think about all the change they saw.
当他们见到彼此已经没有了最初的感觉
I mean, when they met, neither one of them had electricity.
他过去常常骑马带她上学
He used to take her to school on his horse.
毕业时他们两个分别是致辞的学生代表
When he graduated, he was valedictorian and she was salutatorian.
– 什么意思 – 祖父第一名 祖母第二名
– What is that? – He was top of the class and she was second.
我敢说一定是祖母故意放水
I bet she knowingly got a couple of answers wrong,
你祖父才会轻松拿到第一
so that he did not feel threatened.
如果她想轻松一点 这就是最好的办法
Well, if she wanted to get laid, she’d better have.
没错 你知道 有人就是这么做的
Yes, obviously like you know who.
不管怎么说 在收到短♥信♥之后
Anyway, so I called my dad, right,
我告诉我爸爸
after I got the text, just, you know,
我很遗憾
to tell him I was sorry,
我想我可能说错了一些话
I think I got screwed up at some point said…
爸爸 你现在是孤儿了 我觉得这不好笑
Hey, dad, you’re an orphan now, I don’t think it was funny.
– 一点都不好笑 – 好吧 好像是不好笑
– Not funny at all – Yeah, I guess not.
– 下一个是他 之后就是你 – 我知道
– He’s next, then you. – I know.
他告诉我说 我的祖父母
Well… he told me that my grandparents
想要死后葬在一起
wanted to have a joint service.
他们希望两人的骨灰能埋在一起
They wanted to have their ashes intermingled and be buried as one.
你祖父没有办葬礼吗
Your grandfather didn’t have a funeral?
他们彼此立誓
They vowed to each other
绝不去参加对方的葬礼
they’d never have to attend one another’s funeral.
好吧 我更希望你能参加我的葬礼
Oh yeah… I kind of like the idea of you attending mine.
– 什么 – 不是 我是说 我在想象
– What? – No, I know… I’m imagining you in a suit,
你穿上正装 刮干净胡子的样子
clean-shaven for once,
挽着女儿们的手 我不知道 我就是喜欢
holding hands with the girls, I don’t know, I like it.
– 你会活得比我长的 – 到时候就知道了
– You’re gonna outlive me. – We’ll see.
我想我们俩只有一个人能看到那一天
I guess one of us will see.
你觉得我们也葬在一起怎么样
What do you think you’re gonna go to the service with me?
– 去德克萨斯吗 – 反正不在巴黎
– To Texas? – It’s not gonna be in Paris.
你有多想把我葬在那儿
Ok, how bad you want me there?
其实我很愿意去 只不过机票太贵了
I mean I would come but it’s really expensive with the flights.
其实一个人去会容易很多