爱在午夜降临前

and I read bedtime stories.
有时候你在
Sometimes you there,
有时候你学校又有事
sometimes you at a university event,
或是巡回宣传
or a publicity tour, okay?
你灵感一来就一直在写作
When you get inspired you keep on writing,
有时候我也会有灵感的 你知道吗
I get inspired too sometimes, you know that?
你也想写东西 很好 你写嘛
You want to write? Good, write.
不 但你记得我曾是吉他唱手
No, but you remember I used to sing,
还写词作曲吧
and play guitar and write songs.
我还是很喜欢做这个
I’d still like to do it.
但我做不到 没时间
But I don’t get to, there isn’t time.
好 首先 写作并不是我的兴趣爱好
Ok… well, first off: My writing isn’t a hobby.
好吗 其次 我希望你能挤出点时间
Alright? Secondly, I wish you would find the time…
不知道你怎么有时间
you somehow manage to find the time to
抱怨一天工作八小时
complain about eight hours a day!
我喜欢你唱歌♥的样子 好吗
I mean… I love the way you sing, okay?
我抛弃一切追随你
I fucked up my whole life,
就因为你唱歌♥的样子 好吗
’cause the way you sing, alright?
如果你在牢骚 抱怨 忧虑中
If you took one eighth of the energy
分出八分之一的精力
that you spend on bitching, whining, and worrying,
放在音乐创作上
if you put that energy into playing scales,
[姜戈·恩哈特：法国著名吉他手，爵士乐史上的伟大琴师]
你会成为姜戈·恩哈特这种人物的
I mean you would like be fucking Django Reinhardt.
好吧
Okay.
你忘了拿鞋子
You forgot your shoes.
你以为你赢了吗
You think you’re winning?
很少有人能体会到
Very few people realize what it’s like
对事业热情洋溢的女人有了孩子的感受
for an active or passionate woman to have a child.
有些朋友说 看吧
Some friends told me that you’ll see,
迟早你会想着把她们扔出窗子
you’ll wanna throw them out the window.
但事实上我一点也不想伤害她们
Okay? But the truth is that I never wanted to hurt them once,
但我想过很多次要为自己结束这种生活
but I thought about ending it all for myself a hundred times.
我很彷徨 而你又因亨利抚养权这破事
I was so confused and you were always away on a stupid book tour
总是参加售书巡回活动
because of Henry’s custody shit,
而我也不想跟你徒增烦恼
and I didn’t want to be a burden.
[西尔维娅·普雷：美国女诗人，于创作高峰时自杀]
现在我明白为何西尔维娅·普雷
Now I know why Sylvia Plath
把头放进烤面包器里
put her head in a toaster.
是烤箱
It was an oven.
不要给我咬文嚼字 你知道我的意思
Don’t play with words! You know what I mean.
烤面包器 烤箱 都一个意思
Toaster, oven! Same thing.
你知道有多少次我独自面对女儿们的哭泣吗
You know how many times I was alone with the girls crying?
我完全不知道怎么办
With no clue what to do? Do you know
你知道当一个母亲不知所措时她的负罪感吗
the guilt a mother feels when she doesn’t know what to do?
你以为只有你有这种感觉吗
Do you think you have sole ownership of that feeling?
你根本不明白好吗
I don’t think you understand, ok?
你知道我内心对男人恐惧的是什么吗
You know what my secret fear is with every man?
是他们都想把我变成一个顺从的主妇
Is that they all want to turn me into a submissive housewife.
好吧 没人能那样做
Ok… no one could ever do that.
好吗 我保证
Alright? I promise it would be easier
要让你顺从什么
to fit your head into a toaster.
还不如把你的头按进烤箱里更容易
than to turn you into anything submissive.
我觉得我生育以后就没恢复过来
I don’t think I recovered since giving birth.
她们出生时我完全不知道怎么办
When they were born I had no idea of
我…人们指望女人有天生的母性
what to do, I…. People expect women
好像是突然冒出来的 就像母狒狒
to have this instinct that kicks in. Like a female baboon.
但是我不知道该怎么做
But I had no idea how to do anything.
我很爱她们 但我做什么都是错的
I love them so much and I was doing everything wrong.
你还总不在家
And you were away so often,
打电♥话♥问我这一天过得怎么样
and calling me and asking me how my day went.
我都不知道怎么和你说
I couldn’t even say it to you
我觉得不知所措很丢人
because I felt so ashamed to be so clueless.
– 我觉得你很棒 – 没有
– Look, I think you did great. – No, I didn’t.
不 你很棒 起码假装得很棒
No, you did, well you did a good job faking it then.
我
I just ..
我记得哄她们睡觉唯一的办法就是
I remember that the only way to get them to sleep
把笨重的双人婴儿车拖下楼
was to drag that stupid double
在午夜几小时几小时的散步
stroller down the stairs and walk them for hours and hours
走到皮加勒再返回来
in the middle of the night, all the way to Pigalle and back.
我有一次差点被抢劫
I almost got mugged once, I mean,
那家伙放过我的唯一原因
the only reason why the guy didn’t attack me
是我看上去太惨了
was that I looked so pathetic.
过了三十五岁的唯一好处
The only upside of being over 35
就是不用担心被强♥奸♥
is that you don’t get raped as much.
– 我看过这个说法 是真的 – 老天
– I read it, it’s true. – Oh Jesus.
我记得我有一次
Once I remember that I was watching
看到姐妹俩在跳蹦蹦床
the twins on the trampoline, you know,
她们好漂亮
and they looked so beautiful
我很开心因为她们开心
and I was happy because they were happy, you know.
其中一个用呼啦圈
And one of them had this…
跳绳用的那个
Hulla-hoop that she was using as a jump rope, you know.
另一个也想
But then the other wanted it,
然后她们就打起来了
so they started fighting over it, you know.
突然 被我看到了
And all of a sudden, I saw it all, you know.
所有这些遗憾 嫉妒 自私
All this, pity and jealousy and selfishness, you know.
我记得我当时就在想 好吧这就是普遍人性
And I remember thinking … Ok, this is the natural human state
总是有点不满 永远不满足
Always a little dissatisfied, perpetually discontented, you know?
我是说
I mean…
看看我们
Look at us.
我们在这 在这伊甸园
Here we are, we are in… you know, The Garden of Eden.
但我们还在争吵
And we can not stop fighting.
我不认为人性只有一面
I do not think there is one natural human state.
而是多面的
The human state is multiple.
我是说 如果你看到孩子们玩耍
I mean, if that’s what
想到的是这个
you see when you’re watching the girls play
说明你很沮丧
that means you’re depressed.
好吧
Ok…
– 可能是吧 – 我看到她们打架时
– Maybe I am. – No. When I see them fight I see beautiful energy
看到的是生命中前行的无穷力量
of going forward in life and not
不让任何人踩在她们头上 夺走她们想要的
letting anyone step on them or take away what they want.
我喜欢她们打架 这让我看到了希望
You know, I like it when they fight. It gives me hope for them.
这是因为你把愤怒视作一种积极情绪
Well that’s cause you see anger as a positive emotion, you know,
最后只会伤害你自己 你的工作 孩子和我
and you only end up hurting yourself, your work, the kids, me.
你从来不会生气吗
And you never get angry?
我生气时不会把它视作积极情绪
When I do, I don’t see it as a positive.
你知道吗
You know something?
你写的那些书 人们来找我
The way you write in your books, people come up to me
[亨利·米勒：美国“垮掉派”作家]
以为我和那些鲁莽的亨利·米勒式的男人滚床单
and think that I make love to some wildcat Henry Miller type.
你滚床单的方式只有一种 每次都一样
You like to have sex the exact same way. Every time.
– 你说什么就是什么吧 – 亲亲 咪♥咪♥
– When you got it you got it – Kissy, kissy, titty, titty
下面
Pussy…
我是一个兴趣简单的男人
I am a man of simple pleasures.
是的 非常简单
Yeah, very simple.
我最近打算告诉你个事
And I’ve been meaning to tell you that lately.
你不是亨利·米勒
You’re no Henry Miller
在任何方面
on any level.
你知道吗 这房♥间让我浑身不自在
You know what? This room gives me the creeps.
我本来希望有一点古典的 真正的希腊风
I was expecting something quaint, like the real Greece.
这地方真的很…
This place is pretty real…
我们来这到底干嘛
What the hell are we doing here anyway?
全部都是安排好的
This is all too planned. Like,
我们本该度过一个不错的夜晚
we are supposed to have this great evening.
那种自然发生的
You know… there’s no room for spontaneity.
离我们的生活远去了
It is all gone from our lives.
对吗 这太蠢了 根本没用
Right? And this is stupid and it’s not working.
好吧 显然是
Ok… well, obviously, right.
我诅咒阿里阿德涅和斯特凡诺斯搞这些
And I curse Ariadni and I curse Stefanos for doing this.
好吧 夫妻按♥摩♥ 这他妈的什么玩意儿
OK. a couples’ massage?! What the fuck is that!?
把我都拉廉价了
That sounds sleazy to me, right?
我们没必要做啊
We don’t have to do it!!! Ok?
拜托 这地方还不错 我喜欢酒店房♥间
C’mon, this place isn’t so bad. I like hotel rooms.